THE  LIBRARY 

OF 

THE  UNIVERSITY 
OF  CALIFORNIA 

LOS  ANGELES 


Ex  Libris 
J.  GREGG  LAYNE 


BORDER 


REMINISCENCES. 


BY 


RANDOLPH    B.  MARCY, 

U.  S.  Army  ; 

AUTHOR  OF  "  THE  PRAIRIE  TRAVELLER,"  "  THIRTY  YEARS  OF  ARMY 
LIFE  ON  THE  BORDER,"   ETC. 


NEW   YORK: 

HARPER    &    BROTHERS,    PUBLISHERS, 

FRANKLIN     SQUARE. 
1872. 


BY  GENERAL   R.  B.  MARCY. 


ARMY  LIFE  ON  THE  BORDER.  Thirty  Years 
of  Army  Life  on  the  Border.  Comprising  Descriptions  of  the 
Indian  Nomads  of  the  Plains ;  Explorations  of  New  Territory ; 
a  Trip  across  the  Rocky  Mountains  in  the  Winter ;  Descrip- 
tions of  the  Habits  of  Different  Animals  found  in  the  West,  and 
the  Methods  of  Hunting  them ;  with  Incidents  in  the  Life  of 
different  Frontier  Men,  &c.,  &c.  By  Brevet  Maj.-General  R. 
B.  MARCY,  U.S.A.  8vo,  Cloth,  Beveled  Edges,  $3  oo. 

THE  PRAIRIE  TRA  VELLER.     A  Hand-Book  for 

Overland  Emigrants.  With  Maps,  Illustrations,  and  Itineraries 
of  the  Principal  Routes  between  the  Mississippi  and  the  Pacific. 
By  Brevet  Maj.-General  R.  B.  MARCY,  U.S.A.  Published  by 
Authority  of  the  War  Department.  i6mo,  Cloth,  $i  oo. 


PUBLISHED  BY  HARPER  &  BROTHERS,  NEW  YORK. 

'  Sent  by  mail,  postage  prepaid,  to  any  part  of  the  United  States,  on  re- 
ceipt of  the  price. 


Entered  according  to  Act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  1871,  by 

HARPER  &  BROTHERS, 
In  the  Office  of  the  Librarian  of  Congress,  at  Washington. 


£ 
181 


PREFACE. 


ALTHOUGH  not  in  exact  accord  with  my  own  incli- 
nation, I  have  been  induced,  by  the  solicitations  of 
friends  in  the  army  and  in  civil  life,  to  permit  the 
publication  of  the  following  pages. 

The  very  kind  and  nattering  reception  given  to 
my  other  books  by  the  public  and  the  press  encour- 
ages me  to  hope  that  an  equally  indulgent  greeting 
may  be  extended  to  this  volume,  which  is  a  miscel- 
lany of  fugitive  recollections — a  compilation  of  ran- 
dom sketches  written  in  leisure  hours  during  a  per- 
iod of  several  years,  and  which  will  be  found  some- 
what desultory  and  disconnected;  yet,  as  they,  for 
the  most  part,  are  records  of  the  results  of  long  per- 
sonal experience  in  a  sphere  of  life  that  has  hitherto 
found  but  few  chroniclers,  they  may  hereafter  pos- 
sess some  historic  significance.  However  this  may 
be,  if  they  have  no  other  value,  they  can  be  relied 
upon  as  truthful  memoirs  of  persons  with  whom  the 
writer  has  been  thrown  in  contact  during  a  protract- 
ed military  career  in  the  Far  West,  and  as  faithful 

953685- 


vi  PREFACE. 

delineations  of  incidents  and  adventures  without  the 
coloring  of  romance,  excepting  in  the  few  instances 
where  the  fact  is  expressly  stated. 

Should  any  of  the  individual  specimens  of  fron- 
tiersmen, the  traits  of  whose  characters  I  have  en- 
deavored to  depict  in  bold  relief,  seem  unnatural  or 
overdrawn,  I  beg  the  reader  to  remember  that  the 
life,  habits,  and  associations  of  the  borderer  are  nec- 
essarily of  such  a  peculiar  nature  as  to  produce 
strange  types  of  character  and  remarkable  develop- 
ments of  humanity.  The  fact  should  also  be  borne 
in  mind  that  my  illustrations  have  been  drawn  from 
the  most  anomalous  and  salient  specimens  of  those 
types. 

In  preparing  the  manuscript  for  publication,  I 
have  endeavored  to  collate  and  arrange  the  different 
parts  in  as  connected,  homogeneous,  and  attractive  a 
form  as  possible,  and  if  the  book  serves  to  while 
away  pleasantly  the  ennui  of  a  dull  hour,  my  chief 
object  will  have  been  accomplished,  and  I  shall  be 
content. 


CONTENTS. 


CHAPTER  I. 

A  Major  of  the  Old  Regime. — Quadroon  Ball. — High  Game  of  Faro. 
— Lafitte  the  Pirate. — Whaling  Voyage. — Absence  without  leave. 
— Post-fund  Controversy. — Novel  Shaving  Machine. — Extraordi- 
nary Shot. — Musk-rat  Hunting. — American  Sovereignty.. Page  13 

CHAPTER  II. 

Education  in  the  Army. — Any  Thing  in  Reason. — Toledo  Blade. — 
The  Mess-table. — Hard  Fare. — The  handsomest  Man. — The  ugli- 
est Man. — Old  Beeswax.  —Captain  Forbes  Britton. — His  Patriot- 
ism illustrated.— Tally-ho  !— Colonel  T*****.— Perfect  Police.— 
Colonel  Morgan. — Bad  Wine. — Short  Pants. — Review  and  Inspec- 
tion.— Colonel  Ben.  Bell. — Long  Time  between  Drinks. — Come  to 
stay 47 

CHAPTER  III. 

Lieutenant  Derby. — General  Up-to-snuff. — Reciprocating  Hospitali- 
ties.— Ball  at  Detroit. — Mess-banquet  at  London. — An  English 
Officer's  Opinion  of  the  American  Army. — Martial  Wooing. — An- 
tidote for  Inebriation 94 

CHAPTER  IV. 

Enlisted  Men. — Captain  M'Cabe.— Private  Orr  as  a  Witness. — Any 
thing  the  Cap'n  plaizes. — A  veteran  Drummer. — Improvised  Dis- 
tillery. —  Novel  Writ  of  Ejectment.  —  Cold  Weather.  —  Colonel 
T*****. — How  to  make  good  Bread. — Napton,  the  Teamster ;  his 
Visit  to  the  Moon ;  what  he  saw  there. — Song  of  the  old  Quarter- 
master's Mule. — Colonel  S*********.— Diving  for  Oysters.— Tak- 
ing Satisfaction.— Correcting  the  Parson 127 


viii  CONTENTS. 


CHAPTER  V. 

Volunteers.  —  Rapidity  of  Organization  and  Discipline.  —  Arkansas 
Volunteers. — "Let  umbile  ahead!" — Postage-stamp. — One  Hun- 
dred and  Second  Rhode  Island. — Rifle-pit. — Cut  out  of  a  Ride. — 
Monterey. — Candidate  for  the  Presidency Page  156 

CHAPTER  VI. 

PIONEERS    OF   THE    WEST. 

Ole  Man  Sykes. — Bound  for  Bannock. — Monsieur  Maron. — How's 
your  Wife? — New  religious  Creed. — Black-Hawk  War. — A  Sur- 
render.—  Stampede. — A  legal  Entanglement. — Visit  to  Chica- 
go.— Winter  in  New  England. — Stirrup-cup. — Indian  Perform- 
ance   189 

CHAPTER  VII. 

PIONEERS    OF    THE    WEST. 

A  wettin'  Beverage. — General  Sam  Houston. — Duel  in  Tennessee. 
— Courting  by  Proxy. — Houston  bothered. — Disciplining  Volun- 
teers.— Mrs.  L 's  Capture  and  Escape 248 

CHAPTER  VIII. 

West  Point  Military  Academy. — Cadet  Brown's  Eccentricities. — 
Decapitating  Professor  Z K . — A  Conflagration. — Court- 
martial.  —  Cadet  K .  —  Excused  from  Duty.  —  Shirt  Collars 

down. — Reporting  to  the  Superintendent. — Wearing  the  Uniform. 
— "Touch  off  Thompson" 293 

CHAPTER  IX. 

PRAIRIE     INDIANS. 

Indians  as  Prisoners. — Winnebago  Dandy. — Push-met-te-haw. — 
Treatment  of  Prisoners.  —  Indian  Diplomacy.  —  A  Comanche's 
Opinion  of  the  Pale  Faces. — A  civilized  Indian's  Opinion  of  the 
Government. — Black  Beaver. — A  facetious  Indian. — Aboriginal 
Precocity. — Aborigines  as  they  are 324 


CONTENTS.  ix 

CHAPTER  X. 

Rapid  Settlement  of  the  Northwest. — Enterprise  of  the  English  and 
American  People  contrasted. — Benefits  of  Co-operation. — The 
Sterile  Region. — Texas  Pacific  Railroad. — Route  of  the  Thirty- 
fifth  Parallel. — North  Pacific  Railroad. — Union  and  Central  Pa- 
cific Railroad :  —  Page  358 

A2 


ILLUSTRATIONS. 


THE  STEAM  SHAVING  MACHINE Frontispiece. 

"  SILENCE  IN  THE  RANKS  !" 80 

A  LONG  TIME  BETWEEN  DRINKS 90 

NO  INTENDE,  SENOR 92 

GENERAL  UP-TO-SNUFF 100 

WOULD  TE  LIKE  FUR  TO  JINE  THE  ARMT,  MISS  H ? 122 

"HALT  THAR!" 168 

NO  TER  DON'T 183 

HOW'S  TOUR  WIFE  ? 197 

DISMOUNTED  CAVALRY 209 

A  DEMORALIZED  NEGRO 214 

' '  LOOK-A-TERE,  MISTER  ! " 218 

A  SCENE  IN  COURT 225 

"l  DON'T  CARE  IF  I  DO  TAKE  A  DRINK" 230 

"  EXCELLENT  COFFEE  !" 238 

"  'LIGHT,  STRAANGER" 252 

HOUSTON  BOTHERED 263 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES. 


CHAPTER  I. 

A  Major  of  the  Old  Regime. — Quadroon  Ball. — High  Game  of  Faro. 
— Lafitte  the  Pirate. — Whaling  Voyage. — Absence  without  leave. 
— Post-fund  Controversy. — Novel  Shaving -Machine. — Extraordi- 
nary Shot. — Musk-rat  Hunting. — American  Sovereignty. 

A  MAJOR  OF  THE  OLD  REGIME. 

DOUBTLESS  every  one  who  has  read  Marryatt's 
works  will  remember  Captain  Kearney,  who  is  in- 
troduced as  a  prominent  actor  in  that  entertaining 
romance, "  Peter  Simple,"  and  whose  propensity  for 
dealing  in  hyperbole  was  so  irrepressible  that  even 
on  his  death-bed,  with  the  rattle  in  his  throat,  and 
when  he  was  almost  speechless,  he  said  to  the  hero 
of  the  story,  who  was  leaning  over  him  to  catch  the 
last  sentences  that  with  great  effort  gargled  from 
his  lips, "  Peter,  I'm  going  now — not  that  the  rat- 
tle— in  my  throat — is  a  sign  of  death — for  I  once 
knew  a  man — to  live  with — the  rattle  in  his  throat 
— for  six  weeks,"  when  he  fell  back  and  died. 

Whether  this  character  was  exclusively  ideal,  be- 


14  BOKDEK   REMINISCENCES. 

gotten  and  conceived  solely  in  the  author's  imagina- 
tion, or  whether  he  was  designed  to  represent  an  in- 
dividual, or  a  class  of  British  naval  officers,  is  left  for 
the  reader  to  determine.  However  this  may  have 
been,  many  of  the  traits  in  this  man's  character,  so 
vividly  delineated  by  the  writer,  afforded  so  striking 
a  concurrence  with  those  of  a  real,  veritable  old  army 
officer  whom  I  once  encountered,  that  immediately 
after  reading  the  book  I  sat  down  and  wrote  the  fol- 
lowing. Before  proceeding  with  my  narrative,  how- 
ever, I  take  occasion  to  remark,  as  an  act  of  justice 
to  the  service,  that  I  am  proud  in  giving  my  attesta- 
tion to  the  fact  that  the  Munchausen  genus-homo 
has  hitherto  found  but  a  meagre  representation  in 
the  army.  Nevertheless,  it  must  be  admitted  that  a 
lone  specimen  has  now  and  then,  at  wide  intervals, 
made  his  appearance,  as  the  individual  I  am  about 
introducing  to  the  reader,  and  whose  dominant  pro- 
pensity was  proverbial  among  his  contemporaries, 
clearly  shows. 

Many  years  since  I  was  stationed  at  a  frontier  post 
with  an  officer  by  the  name  of  C***s,  who,  during 
the  War  of  1812,  enlisted  in  the  regular  army  as  a 
private  soldier,  and  who,  for  gallant  conduct  in  ac- 
tion, was  rewarded  with  an  ensign's  commission. 

This  officer  served  under  General  Jackson  in  the 


BOEDER  REMINISCENCES.  15 

Creek  Indian  Campaign,  and  at  New  Orleans,  besides 
having  performed  meritorious  service  elsewhere. 

When  I  first  met  him  he  had  been  advanced  to  the 
grade  of  major,  and  was  then  verging  upon  the  ma- 
ture age  of  "  threescore  and  ten,"  yet  he  still  pre- 
served an  exceedingly  social  disposition,  and  never 
seemed  more  happy  than  when  fighting  his  battles 
over  again,  and  recounting  the  prominent  incidents 
in  his  life  to  an  appreciative  audience  by  the  fire- 
side or  at  the  mess-table. 

I  verily  believe  he  would  not,  for  his  right  hand, 
have  perpetrated  a  deliberate  misrepresentation  of 
facts  or  circumstances  which  would  in  the  slightest 
degree  have  tended  to  injure  any  person,  for  the 
milk  of  human  kindness  predominated  largely  in  his 
nature.  At  the  same  time,  his  conceptive  faculties 
were  eminently  fertile  and  vivid,  while  his  memory 
was  far  from  being  reliable.  Moreover,  the  marvel- 
ous held  such  absolute  sway  over  every  other  attri- 
bute in  his  composition,  that  it  often  impelled  him 
to  "  draw  a  prodigiously  long  bow,"  and,  by  a  most 
astonishing  coincidence,  he  was  himself  invariably 
the  hero  of  his  wonderful  adventures,  which  seemed 
to  be  stereotyped  upon  the  tablets  of  his  imagination, 
ready  for  rehearsal  to  every  one  who  felt  inclined  to 
listen  to  them. 


16  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

As  may  be  conjectured,  these  legends  lost  none  of 
their  romance  by  repetition ;  on  the  contrary,  it  was 
quietly  whispered  about  among  the  officers  that  they 
had  become  so  much  changed  and  exaggerated  by 
time  and  reiteration  that  but  little,  if  any  thing,  of 
the  original  plots  remained. 

He  always  maintained  a  most  grave  and  dignified 
cast  of  countenance  when  speaking  of  his  exploits, 
and,  as  he  was  eminently  pugnacious,  it  was  seldom 
that  any  one  in  his  presence,  with  the  exception  of 
his  "  better  half,"  ever  presumed  to  throw  the  slight- 
est shadow  of  incredulity  upon  the  truth  of  the  nar- 
rations. His  wife,  however,  often  assumed  the  priv- 
ilege of  expressing  her  opinions  in  the  rather  abrupt 
form  of  "Now,  6r***s,  you  know  you  lie?  The 
old  man  was  one  of  those  imperturbable  persons  who 
never  manifested  surprise  at  the  narration  of  the 
most  startling  facts  by  others,  and  invariably  had  at 
his  tongue's  end  an  apposite  incident,  purporting  to 
be  connected  with  his  own  experience,  that  may  not 
in  all  cases  have  been  original,  but  which  threw  all 
others  far  into  the  background. 

In  order  to  render  the  memoir  of  this  remarkable 
romancer  more  complete,  I  have  ventured  to  em- 
body in  the  following  sketch  a  few  striking  inci- 
dents in  his  memorable  career. 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  17 


QUADROON  BALL. 

The  major  seemed  to  derive  especial  satisfaction 
from  relating  the  circumstances  connected  with  his 
personal  adventures  in  New  Orleans,  and,  among  oth- 
ers, he  informed  me  that,  shortly  after  his  arrival  in 
that  city,  having  a  desire  to  gain  as  much  informa- 
tion as  possible  concerning  the  peculiar  habits  of  the 
people,  he  paid  a  visit  to  a  quadroon  ball,  where  he 
encountered  a  large  concourse  of  persons  of  all  class- 
es, and  among  them  were  quite  a  number  of  Spanish 
Creole  young  men,  who  evinced  rather  an  unfriend- 
ly disposition  toward  army  officers  generally,  and 
were  particularly  pointed  in  their  deportment  toward 
him.  He  endeavored  to  avoid  them  for  some  time, 
but  they  seemed  determined  to  draw  him  into  a  quar- 
rel, and  at  length  their  insults  became  so  personal 
that,  to  repeat  his  own  language, "  I  was  compelled 
to  smash  three  or  four  chairs  over  their  heads;  but 
this  did  not  settle  the  difficulty,  and  I  drew  from  my 
vest  pockets  a  pair  of '  Derringers'  that  I  carried,  and 
fired  them  into  the  crowd ;  but  this  did  not  prove 
sufficient,  and  I  was  obliged  to  draw  from  my  coat 
pockets  a  pair  of  holster-pistols  which  I  happened  to 
have,  and  discharged  them  also." 

At  this  stage  of  the  narrative   some  inquisitive 


18  BOEDER  REMINISCENCES. 

individual  inquired  if  the  police  did  not  interfere  to 
quell  the  disorderly  proceedings.  He  said  no ;  that 
in  the  mMee  which  ensued  the  lights  were  extin- 
guished, and  this  gave  him  an  opportunity  to  make 
his  escape  to  his  quarters.  Then,  leaning  toward  us, 
and  at  the  same  time  placing  his  hand  around  his 
mouth  so  as  to  prevent  the  disclosure  from  escaping 
in  any  other  direction,  he  added,  in  a  low  tone  of 
voice, "  I  say  nothing  about  the  sequel  of  this  affair, 
gentlemen,  excepting  I  was  informed  that  dead  Span- 
iards were  found  in  the  ball-room  on  the  following 
morning." 

VISITING  A  FARO-BANK. 

During  the  period  that  the  major  remained  in 
New  Orleans,  the  pay  of  the  army  was  so  small,  and 
the  paymaster  so  seldom  in  funds,  that  the  officers 
for  the  most  part  were  obliged  to  depend  for  a  sub- 
sistence upon  the  slender  fare  derived  from  the  com- 
missary's store.  They  rarely  had  an  opportunity  of 
indulging  in  the  expensive  luxuries  that  the  market 
afforded,  unless,  perchance  (which  did  not  often  oc- 
cur), they  received  an  invitation  to  dine  out  with 
some  friend  who  was  so  fortunate  as  to  possess  means 
aside  from  his  pay.  According  to  his  own  account, 
an  invitation  was  upon  a  certain  occasion  extended 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  19 

to  himself  and  his   room-mate,  a  brother   officer 

named  Tom ,  to  join  a  party  of  officers  who 

were  to  dine  with  Colonel  Croghan.  They  gladly 
accepted  the  invitation,  and  went  to  the  dinner,  dur- 
ing which  the  wine  circulated  briskly,  and  every  one 
seemed  to  enjoy  the  sumptuous  fare  which  the  col- 
onel's long  purse  enabled  him  to  spread  before  his 
guests. 

At  a  late  hour,  when  all  were  competent  to  give 
direct  evidence  as  to  the  superior  quality  of  the  wine 
that  had  been  so  bountifully  supplied  by  their  hos- 
pitable host,  and  at  a  time  when  some  of  the  guests 
appeared  about  taking  their  departure,  a  bottle  of 
Champagne  was  placed  at  each  plate,  and  an  intima- 
tion given  by  the  colonel  that  he  expected  every  one 
to  finish  his  bottle  before  leaving  the  table.  The 
major  said  he  regarded  this  as  a  peremptory  man- 
date, drank  off  his  quota  at  once,  and  retired,  with 
the  intention  of  hurrying  to  his  quarters  and  going 
to  bed  before  he  became  seriously  affected  by  it.  On 
his  way,  however,  he  was  passing  the  door  of  a  gam- 
bling saloon,  and,  having  a  dollar  in  his  pocket,  he 
resolved  to  try  his  fortune  with  it.  Accordingly  he 
entered,  and  placed  his  money  upon  a  card  which 
won  for  him  several  times,  and  he  in  a  short  time  ac- 
cumulated quite  a  "  pile  of  chips,"  and  he  continued 


20  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

betting,  until  at  length  the  room  began  to  revolve  as 
upon  an  axis,  the  cards  and  counters  multiplied  into 
many  times  their  original  numbers,  and  every  thing 
in  the  establishment  seemed  to  wax  dim  and  misty, 
and  finally  he  lost  all  recollection  of  events,  until  late 
on  the  following  morning  he  was  awakened  by  his 

messmate  Tom ,  when,  to  his  astonishment,  he 

found  himself  in  his  own  room,  and  suffering  from  a 
most  excruciating  headache.  After  rubbing  his  eyes 
and  collecting  his  wandering  senses,  he  was  informed 
by  his  friend  that  their  larder  was  completely  ex- 
hausted, and  if  they  were  to  have  any  dinner  it  would 
be  necessary  to  replenish  it,  but  as  for  himself,  he 
had  no  money.  The  major  replied  that  it  was  likely 
his  finances  were  in  the  same  condition  of  depletion, 
as  he  had  paid  a  visit  to  the  faro-bank,  and  was  some- 
what oblivious  as  to  the  result ;  but,  if  there  was  any 
thing,  he  presumed  it  would  be  found  in  his  pockets ; 
whereupon  his  clothes  were  examined,  and,  to  their 
utter  amazement  and  delight,  every  pocket  of  coat, 
vest,  and  trowsers  was  crammed  full  of  doubloons 
and  bank-notes,  amounting  in  the  aggregate  to  some- 
thing like  ten  thousand  dollars. 

"  Now,  Tom,  my  boy,"  said  the  major, "  as  we  have 
been  roughing  it  for  a  good  while  on  commissary 
tack,  I  propose  that  you  go  to  market  and  lay  in  a 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  21 

good  stock  of  luxuries,  and  from  this  time  out  we'll 
live  like  gentlemen."  "Whereupon  his  friend  took 
money  and  went  in  quest  of  the  supplies. 

Now  Tom,  be  it  known,  was  himself  very  fond  of 
his  grog,  and  would  at  any  time  sooner  have  dis- 
pensed with  his  dinner  than  his  liquor.  After  he 
had  been  absent  for  a  while,  the  major  heard  a  heavy 
rumbling  noise  like  the  rolling  of  logs  across  the  hall, 
and,  on  going  to  the  door,  found  his  friend  engaged 
in  superintending  the  unloading  of  barrels  from  a 
huge  wagon.  He  was  in  the  most  exuberant  spirits, 
and,  rubbing  his  hands  together,  informed  the  major, 
with  a  most  gratified  expression  of  countenance,  that 
he  had  secured  a  magnificent  lot  of  supplies. 

In  reply  to  the  inquiry  as  to  the  character  of  the 
articles  purchased,  he  said  there  were  thirteen  bar- 
rels of  whisky,  two  hams,  and  a  loaf  of  bread.  He 
said  he  would  have  purchased  a  little  coffee  and  sug- 
ar, but  he  thought  they  did  not  care  about  such  flum- 
mery so  long  as  they  had  a  good  stock  of  the  sub- 
stantials  of  life. 

LAFITTE  THE  PIRATE. 

I  once  inquired  of  the  major  if,  while  he  was  with 
the  army  at  New  Orleans,  he  ever  chanced  to  meet 
the  renowned  pirate  whose  name  heads  this  sketch. 


22  BOEDER   REMINISCENCES. 

He  said  he  had  seen  him  often,  and  knew  him  inti- 
mately ;  indeed,  that  General  Jackson  had  once  sent 
him  for  the  express  purpose  of  capturing  the  outlaw. 
It  appeared  some  one  had  reported  that  the  redoubt- 
able buccaneer,  with  but  three  or  four  followers,  was 
then  lying  concealed  among  the  islands  in  the  vicin- 
ity of  Fort  Livingston,  and  the  major,  with  a  detach- 
ment of  twenty  men,  was  directed  to  search  out  his 
hiding-place,  and,  if  possible,  secure  him.  Accord- 
ingly, with  his  party  in  two  barges,  he  proceeded 
down  the  river  to  the  Balize,  thence  turned  west, 
and  skirted  along  the  numerous  bayous  for  a  long 
distance  without  seeing  any  trace  of  the  pirates,  and 
was  upon  the  point  of  abandoning  the  search,  when 
suddenly,  as  he  rounded  a  high  projecting  point,  he 
came  directly  into  immediate  proximity  with  a  fleet 
of  seven  raking,  suspicious-looking  vessels  lying  qui- 
etly at  anchor. 

Being  then  too  close  to  retreat  with  safety,  he 
adopted  the  only  alternative  that  occurred  to  him. 
Putting  on  a  bold  face,  he  rowed  directly  up  to  the 
gangway  of  the  flag-ship,  and  inquired  for  the  com- 
manding officer,  who  soon  made  his  appearance  in 
the  person  of  the  veritable  Lafitte  himself,  and  who 
very  courteously  saluted  him,  calling  him  by  name, 
and  invited  him  on  board  his  vessel.  He  accepted  the 


BOEDER  REMINISCENCES.  23 

invitation,  and  took  an  early  occasion  to  observe  that, 
having  learned  the  fleet  was  in  that  vicinity,  it  oc- 
curred to  him  that  he  would  come  and  pay  his  re- 
spects to  the  renowned  commander.  He  was  cor- 
dially received,  invited  into  the  luxurious  cabin,  and 
treated  with  the  most  distinguished  consideration 
and  hospitality.  A  sumptuous  dinner  was  served 
upon  the  most  costly  plate,  accompanied  by  the  best 
wines  and  liquors,  of  which  he  partook  freely.  Aft- 
erward he  smoked  the  most  recherche  segars  while 
indulging  a  luxurious  siesta  in  a  gorgeous  hammock 
suspended  in  the  coolest  part  of  the  deck,  and  every 
thing  was  done  by  the  courteous  pirate  to  render  his 
visit  agreeable. 

When  the  time  arrived  for  him  to  take  his  depart- 
ure, he  found  his  boats  stocked  with  baskets  of  Cham- 
pagne, jars  of  rare  sweetmeats,  and  other  delicacies 
in  the  greatest  profusion. 

As  he  was  about  leaving  the  ship,  Lafitte  informed 
him  that  he  was  perfectly  well  aware  of  the  object 
of  his  visit,  and  suggested  that  when  he  next  started 
out  for  the  purpose  of  capturing  the  commander  of  a 
fleet  of  seven  vessels  completely  armed  and  manned, 
he  should  take  a  greater  force  than  twenty  men.  He 
thought  the  advice  good,  and  resolved  to  profit  by 
it ;  then,  bidding  adjeu  to  the  buccaneer,  whom  he 


24  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

pronounced  a  most  generous  fellow,  he  returned  to 
New  Orleans. 


WHALING  VOYAGE. 

The  major,  I  was  aware,  had  at  one  time  been  sta- 
tioned at  Portsmouth,  New  Hampshire ;  and  as  I 
had  been  told  that  a  whale  was  once  killed  in  that 
vicinity,  I  incidentally  asked  him  if  he  ever  heard  of 
the  circumstance.  "  Why,  my  dear  fellow,"  said  he, 
"  I  was  the  very  man  that  killed  him." 

I  was  not  a  little  surprised  at  this,  and  requested 
him  to  give  me  an  account  of  the  affair,  which  he 
did  in  the  following  words : 

"  It  was  reported  to  me  one  day  that  a  large  sperm 
whale  had  been  seen  spouting  about  two  miles  below 
Portsmouth,  and  there  was  every  indication  to  induce 
the  belief  that  he  was  coming  up  to  the  town ;  where- 
upon I  called  out  my  boat's  crew,  manned  my  barge, 
and,  seizing  a  harpoon  that  I  happened  to  have,  set 
off  in  pursuit,  and  soon  came  alongside  him,  and  I 
fortunately  succeeded,  at  the  very  first  cast,  in  fast- 
ening the  harpoon  into  him. 

"  The  monster  made  some  terrific  struggles  to  ex- 
tricate himself,  but  not  succeeding,  set  off  furiously 
up  the  river  with  the  barge  in  tow.  At  length,  how- 
ever, he  turned  down  stream  for  a  few  miles,  then, 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  25 

coming  about  again,  he  went  up  the  river,  and  in 
this  manner  he  continued  carrying  us  up  and  down 
stream  for  three  successive  days  and  nights,  during 
all  of  which  time  I  stood  at  the  bow  of  the  boat,  axe 
in  hand,  ready  to  cut  the  harpoon-rope  in  case  he 
should  take  us  out  to  sea.  This  contingency  did  not 
occur,  however,  and,  at  the  expiration  of  the  time 
specified,  the  whale  became  so*  much  exhausted  that 
he  was  easily  killed  and  landed,  and  he  afforded  an 
enormous  amount  of  oil." 

I  inquired  of  the  major  if  he  did  not  suffer  from 
hunger  during  all  those  three  days  and  nights.  He 
replied, "  No ;  our  friends  threw  provisions  into  the 
boat  as  we  swiftly  passed  back  and  forth  under  the 
bridge  at  Portsmouth." 

A  DATS  DUCK-SHOOTING. 

As  I  remarked  before,  the  memory  of  the  major 
was  sometimes  at  fault. 

One  evening  I  came  in  from  a  duck-shooting  ex- 
cursion, when  I  had  been  successful  in  bagging  an 
unusually  large  number  of  birds.  I  reported-  my  re- 
turn to  the  major,  and  gave  him  an  account  of  the 
most  interesting  incidents  of  the  hunt,  and,  among 
other  things,  mentioned  that  I  had  killed  nine  ducks 
at  a  single  shot. 

B 


26  BORDER  REMINISCENCES. 

"  Why,  my  dear  fellow,"  said  he, "  when  I  was  with 
Old  Hickory  at  New  Orleans,  I  took  a  day's  duck- 
shooting  on  Lake  Pontchartrain,  and  I  pledge  you 
my  word,  sir,  that  two  of  us  bagged  six  hundred  and 
ninety-one  duck  and  mallard.  I  myself,  with  my 
large-bored  'Joe  Manton,'  that  Pakingham  present- 
ed me,  at  a  single  shot  brought  down  seventy-seven 
ducks,  which  we  picked  up,  besides  wounding  many 
others  that  got  away." 

One  of  the  officers  present  gave  a  prolonged  low 
whistle  of  incredulity  at  this  marvelous  statement, 
when  the  major  turned  upon  him,  and,  with  a  most 
indignant  air,  asked  if  he  presumed  to  doubt  the  cor- 
rectness of  what  he  had  asserted.  "  By  no  means," 
answered  the  young  man.  "  Certainly  not.  I  haven't 
the  slightest  doubt  upon  the  subject." 

The  major  continued :  "  You  may  rest  perfectly 
assured,  sir,  that  every  word  I  have  advanced  is  abso- 
lutely and  literally  true,  and,  as  I  said  before,  we 
bagged  eight  hundred  and  ninety-three  duck  and 
mallard,  and  I  myself  killed  eighty-seven  of  them  at 
a  single  shot  with  my  '  Purdy,'  which  Andrew  Jack- 
son insisted  upon  my  accepting  as  a  Christmas  pres- 
ent. Moreover,  let  me  tell  you,  sir,  that  it  was  an 
infernally  bad  day  for  duck-shooting  too." 


BOEDER   REMINISCENCES.  27 


ABSENCE  WITHOUT  LEA  VE. 

While  commanding  a  post  in  Louisiana,  the  major 
upon  a  certain  occasion  gave  permission  for  one  of 
his  officers  to  visit  New  Orleans,  and  the  young  man, 
finding  the  city  very  attractive,  overstaid  his  leave, 
and  expected  to  be  called  to  account  for  it. 

Immediately  after  his  return  he  called  at  the 
quarters  of  the  commanding  officer  to  report  his  ar- 
rival, and,  not  finding  him  in  at  the  moment,  he  en- 
deavored to  place  himself  on  as  favorable  a  footing 
as  possible  with  the  lady  of  the  house.  He  described 
to  her  the  latest  fashions,  related  the  most  recent  gos- 
sip circulating  among  the  "haut-ton"  of  the  city,  and 
was  ingratiating  himself  rapidly  into  favor  with  her, 
when  the  major  entered,  and  in  a  very  dignified 
manner  asked  him  the  news  from  New  Orleans. 

Now  the  major  possessed  no  penchant  for  literary 
pursuits.  He  seldom  read  books  of  any  description, 
but  poetry  was  his  abhorrence — he  could  not  endure 
it.  He  had,  however,  accomplished  the  task  of  wad- 
ing entirely  through  the  four  ponderous  volumes  of 
Emmons's  epic, "  The  Fredoniad,"  in  the  vain  effort 
of  finding  his  own  name  mentioned  in  connection 
with  the  events  of  the  campaign  of  1812-14.  In- 
stead of  appreciating  the  merits  of  the  work,  he  seem- 


28  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

ed  most  essentially  disgusted  with  it,  and  even  went 
so  far  as  to  pronounce  the  author  "  a  humbug." 

The  lieutenant,  aware  of  this  unjust  prejudice 
against  the  writer  of  the  historical  effusion,  replied 
to  the  question  as  follows : 

"  Indeed,  major,  there  is  but  little  news  in  the  city, 
excepting  I  heard  that  Mr.  Emmons  had  issued  a  new 
edition  of  his  poem." 

"  He  has,  has  he  ?"  said  the  major.     "  Well,  Mr. 

,  I'll  tell  you  what  it  is,  sir,  that  man  Em- 
mons I  take  to  be  a  consummate  ass,  sir." 

"  Why,  major,"  said  the  lieutenant,  "  do  you  know 
he  has  introduced  you  into  this  edition  ?" 

"  The  devil  he  has !  What,  I  should  like  to  know, 
has  he  got  to  say  about  me  ?" 

"  Well,  sir,  he  says, 

"  'And  there  was  Major  C***s  in  a  blaze  of  fire, 
He  caused  the  British  for  to  retire.'  " 

The  major's  face  lighted  up  with  a  most  gratified 
expression  immediately,  and  he  observed  that,  upon 
reflection,  he  believed  "  Emmons  was  a  d — d  sight 
more  of  a  knave  than  fool." 

The  adroit  lieutenant  escaped  without  arrest,  or 
even  a  reprimand. 


BOEDER   REMINISCENCES.  29 


POST-FUND  CONTROVERSY. 

Upon  another  occasion,  when  the  major  was  sta- 
tioned at  a  military  post  in  the  Northwest,  he  en- 
countered a  good  deal  of  perplexity  and  annoyance 
in  getting  his  accounts  of  the  post  fund  adjusted  to 
the  satisfaction  of  the  authorities  at  Washington, 
and  a  protracted  correspondence  between  himself 
and  the  adjutant  general  ensued,  in  which  a  wide 
discrepancy  of  opinion  was  exhibited  regarding  the 
proper  manner  of  disbursing  and  accounting  for  the 
money. 

The  major  conceived  that  he  had  not  in  this  dis- 
cussion been  treated  with  that  amenity  and  respect 
which  was  due  to  his  rank  and  services,  and  that  the 
adjutant  general  had  given  expression  to  his  views  in 
an  arbitrary  and  dictatorial 'manner  altogether  un- 
justifiable under  the  circumstances.  This  for  a  time 
seemed  to  give  him  considerable  uneasiness,  as  he 
prided  himself  specially  upon  his  reasoning  powers. 
He  talked  about  the  matter  constantly,  and  threat- 
ened to  give  the  adjutant  general  a  severe  epistolary 
castigation  for  his  want  of  courtesy.  In  his  own 
words,  he  "  intended  to  apply  the  argumentum  ad 
hominum  to  him."  That  something  very  severe  was 
intended  by  the  use  of  this  expression  is  quite  cer- 


30  BOKDEK  REMINISCENCES. 

tain,  yet  no  one  for  a  moment  supposed  he  had  the 
remotest  idea  of  its  signification. 

After  a  few  days  had  elapsed,  the  major  asserted 
that  he  had  written  and  forwarded  such  a  caustic 
letter  as  would  probably  end  the  discussion,  and  for- 
ever afterward  prevent  the  Washington  officials  from 
giving  him  any  farther  trouble. 

About  this  time  an  inspector  general  visited  the 
post,  and  was  solicited  by  the  major  to  examine  the 
correspondence,  and  give  his  views  upon  the  vexed 
and  unsettled  question  at  issue.  He  assented,  read 
over  the  letters  carefully,  and  gave  it  as  his  candid 
judgment  that  the  adjutant  general  had  decidedly 
the  best  of  the  argument. 

The  major  was  disappointed  at  this  unexpected 
decision,  but  soon  rallied,  and  exultingly  said, "  You 
may  think  so  now,  but  you  have  not  yet  seen  my  last 
letter  to  the  adjutant  general;  read  that,  if  you 
please,  sir,  and  then  tell  me  what  your  opinion  is." 
He  then  handed  him  another  letter,  officially  headed, 
briefed,  and  signed,  in  strict  conformity  with  the  re- 
quirements of  the  regulations,  which  proved  to  be  a 
tissue  of  acrimonious  comments  and  harsh  reflections 
upon  the  course  pursued  by  the  adjutant  general,  be- 
sides being  highly  indecorous  and  disrespectful  not 
only  to  the  officer  to  whom  it  was  addressed,  but  to 
the  general  commanding  the  army. 


BOEDEB   REMINISCENCES.  31 

After  the  inspector  general  had  read  it  over  atten- 
tively, the  major  asked  him  what  he  thought  of  it,  to 
which  the  inspector  replied,  "  The  thing  which  aston- 
ishes me  most  in  this  matter  is  that  you  were  not  or- 
dered in  arrest  the  moment  this  document  was  re- 
ceived at  the  head-quarters  of  the  army,  for  it  is 
throughout  eminently  defiant  and  disrespectful  to- 
ward your  superior  officers." 

The  major  at  once  perceived  that  he  had  commit- 
ted himself  a  little  too  far,  as  the  inspector  might 
think  it  his  duty  to  make  a  note  of  the  case  and  in- 
vestigate it  on  his  return  to  Washington,  which  would 
be  likely  to  prove  seriously  embarrassing  to  him. 

In  view  of  this,  he  smilingly  replied :  "  Now,  my 
dear  general,  you  certainly  will  allow  us  to  have  our 
little  amusements  and  jokes  at  such  a  remote  fron- 
tier station  as  this.  It  is  very  true  I  wrote  that  let- 
ter, but  I  never  intended  to  send  it  to  the  "War  De- 
partment, and  no  such  communication  ever  was  sent; 
for  you  may  be  assured  I  have  always  entertained  the 
most  profound  respect  not  only  for  the  general-in- 
chief,  but  for  the  adjutant  general." 

PATENT  SHA  VING  MACHINE. 

At  another  time,  while  the  major  was  stationed  at 
New  Orleans,  he  said  he  was  ordered  by  General 


32  BORDEK   REMINISCENCES. 

Jackson  to  proceed  to  Havana  for  the  purpose  of 
transacting  important  business  with  the  Spanish  au- 
thorities. According  to  his  own  statement,  he  made 
the  voyage  in  a  war  vessel,  arrived  safe  in  the  har- 
bor, and,  on  going  ashore,  to  his  surprise,  found 
awaiting  his  coming  the  governor  general,  who  at 
once  ordered  his  luggage  to  the  palace,  and  insisted 
upon  his  making  that  his  home  during  his  sojourn  in 
the  city.  He  would  have  preferred  taking  his  quar- 
ters at  a  hotel,  but  it  seemed  the  invitation  was  so 
pressing  as  to  leave  him  no  discretion ;  he  was  forced, 
nolens  volens,  to  accept. 

After  having  been  ushered  into  a  gorgeous  suite 
of  apartments,  where  numerous  servants  were  placed 
at  his  command,  he  was  informed  that  dinner  would 
be  served  as  soon  as  he  had  completed  his  toilet.  As 
he  had  had  no  opportunity  of  shaving  while  at  sea, 
and  as  his  beard  required  trimming,  he  inquired  of 
the  major  domo  if  there  was  a  barber's  shop  near 
where  he  could  be  shaved  expeditiously.  He  was 
informed  that  there  was  an  establishment  within  the 
court  of  the  palace  where  his  beard  could  be  taken 
off  in  something  like  two  seconds,  and  was  immedi- 
ately conducted  to  a  spacious  apartment,  where,  to 
his  astonishment,  he  found  a  steam  shaving  machine, 
to  which  was  attached  an  enormous  razor  about  four 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  33 

feet  in  length,  with  other  dimensions  corresponding. 
The  first  glance  at  this  formidable  instrument,  he  ac- 
knowledged, caused  him  to  feel  a  little  perturbation ; 
but,  after  the  engineer  had  explained  to  him  the 
manner  in  which  it  operated,  he  willingly  consented 
to  try  the  novel  invention,  and  seated  himself  in  a 
huge  arm-chair  directly  under  the  razor,  when  the 
operator  let  on  the  steam,  the  piston  moved,  and  the 
ponderous  instrument  made  two  revolutions,  each 
one  of  which  took  the  beard  from  a  side  of  his  face 
as  clean  as  if  he  had  been  a  woman,  and  the  opera- 
tion was  completed. 

One  of  the  officers  asked  if  the  process  was  attend- 
ed with  any  pain  or  pulling  of  the  beard.  He  replied, 
"  Not  the  slightest ;  on  the  contrary,  I  assure  you, 
gentlemen,  that  it  was  the  most  comfortable  shave  I 
ever  had  in  my  life.  And  I  really  think  it  would 
conduce  to  the  interest  of  the  service  if  it  was  adopt- 
ed into  the  army,  as  a  regiment  might  be  marched  up 
after  the  reveille,  and  every  man  be  shaved  before 
breakfast." 

Another  inquisitive  individual  remarked  that  he 
would  imagine  but  few  persons  could  resist  the  im- 
pulse of  dodging  when  the  huge  razor  came  whirl- 
ing around  in  close  contact  with  their  faces,  and  that 
they  might  thereby  incur  the  risk  of  having  their 
B  2 


34:  BORDEK   REMINISCENCES. 

heads  instead  of  their  beards  taken  off.  This  unex- 
pected query  seemed  to  puzzle  the  old  man  a  little, 
but  his  ready  resources  soon  supplied  him  with  an 
extrication  from  the  dilemma  in  these  words :  "JHoio 
in  h — I  would  a  man  dodge,  Pd  like  to  know,  when 
his  head  was  screwed  into  a  vice  f" 

A  CAPITAL  SHOT. 

Of  all  the  events  in  the  history  of  this  irrepressi- 
ble devotee  of  fiction,  none  seemed  to  be  preserved 
by  him  with  more  vivid  and  pleasant  remembrances 
than  his  hunting  adventures. 

Although  his  contemporaries  never  knew  him  to 
fire  a  shot,  yet  he  professed  to  have  been  in  his 
younger  days  an  ardent  disciple  of  Nimrod ;  and  he 
possessed  an  inexhaustible  fund  of  sporting  incident, 
from  which  illustrations  of  his  marvelous  achieve- 
ments in  that  line  were  continually  drawn. 

The  theatre  of  his  exploits  was  often  located  in 
Florida,  and,  according  to  his  own  statement,  the  cat- 
alogue of  his  performances  in  that  country  embraced 
a  vast  aggregate  of  small  game  of  all  descriptions, 
besides  a  large  number  of  bears  and  panthers,  which 
had  been  slaughtered  by  him  under  every  conceiva- 
ble aspect  of  danger  and  excitement. 

He  was  at  one  time  asked  if  hunting  such  for- 


13  o  it  D  E  K   REMINISCENCES.  35 

niidable  animals  as  bears  and  panthers  was  not  very 
exciting  sport,  to  which  he  replied  that  he  had  found 
the  sport  rather  interesting,  except  now  and  then  the 
animals  had  taken  it  into  their  heads  to  hunt  him, 
when  the  excitement  became  rather  too  intense  to  be 
agreeable. 

In  this  connection  he  observed  that  a  most  re- 
markable circumstance  once  happened  in  his  experi- 
ence while  hunting  in  East  Florida. 

Upon  the  occasion  alluded  to,  it  appeared  that  he 
had  gone  out  to  a  large  hammock  a  short  distance 
from  camp  for  the  purpose  of  woodcock  shooting, 
and,  as  bears  were  known  to  frequent  that  particular 
locality,  he  took  the  precaution,  before  entering  the 
jungle,  to  load  the  right  barrel  of  his  fowling-piece 
with  a  ball,  while  the  left  barrel  was  charged  with 
the  smallest  sized  woodcock  shot.  Thus  prepared, 
he  sent  his  dogs  into  the  hammock  and  followed 
closely  behind.  They  beat  the  cover  thoroughly  for 
some  time  without  finding  game ;  at  length,  how- 
ever, one  of  the  dogs  made  a  stanch  point,  and  was 
soon  backed  up  by  the  others.  He  advanced  cau- 
tiously with  both  barrels  cocked  and  ready  for  use, 
but  nothing  moved  until  he  "  hied  on"  the  dogs,  and 
they  rushed  forward,  flushing  the  game  suddenly 
upon  both  sides,  and,  under  the  impulse  of  nervous 


36  BORDEK  REMINISCENCES. 

excitement,  he  made  snap  shots  to  the  right  and  left 
in  quick  succession.  In  reference  to  the  results,  he 
said, "  I  was  confident  I  saw  the  game  fall  to  the 
ground  simultaneously  with  the  discharge  of  the 
gun,  but  was  ignorant  of  what  I  had  achieved  until 
I  recharged  my  fowling-piece  and  went  to  bag  the 
game,  when  on  the  right  hand  I  found  a  woodcock, 
and,  to  my  surprise,  on  the  left  a  huge  bear  was 
lying  gasping  in  the  agonies  of  death ;  but  imagine 
my  utter  astonishment,  gentlemen,  when,  upon  exam- 
ination, I  discovered  that  I  had  killed  the  woodcock 
with  the  two-ounce  bullet,  and  the  bear  with  the 
woodcock  shot!" 

One  of  his  auditors  remarked  that  he  was  unable 
to  comprehend  how  it  was  possible  for  a  mustard- 
seed  shot  to  go  through  the  tough  hide  of  a  large 
bear,  and  penetrate  to  the  vitals. 

The  old  man  was  considerably  exercised  at  this 
manifestation  of  incredulity,  and,  with  a  good  deal 
of  acerbity,  responded :  "  Your  remark  would  seem 
to  imply  that  you  doubt  the  truth  of  my  statement, 
sir.  I'll  have  you  to  know  that  I  am  not  in  the  habit 
of  exaggerating,  sir ;  and  I  can  inform  you  further- 
more that  the  bear  was  not  only  killed  with  the  small- 
est-sized bird-shot,  but  I  took  occasion  to  pace  the 
distance  at  which  I  stood  from  the  animal  when  I 
fired,  and  found  it  to  be  just  ninety-seven  yards." 


BOKDEK    REMINISCENCES.  37 

The  inquisitive  individual  said  that,  in  making  his 
queries,  he  disclaimed  any  intention  of  doubting  the 
major's  word,  but  that  he  was  animated  solely  by  a 
desire  to  obtain  correct  information;  and  added, 
"  How  could  you  see  the  bear  at  the  distance  you 
have  named  in  a  thicket  so  dense  as  to  render  it  im- 
possible to  discern  a  man  only  twenty  yards  off  ?" 

The  major  said  he  was  ready  to  admit  that  neither 
a  bear  nor  any  other  animal  could  be  seen  at  the 
distance  mentioned  by  looking  directly  through  the 
tangled  jungle  of  a  Florida  hammock,  but,  said  he, 
"  I'll  explain  to  you  how  it  was :  I  took  him,  as  it 
were,  upon  the  wing,  while  he  exposed  his  body  in 
the  act  of  leaping  over  a  palmetto-tree." 

MUSK-RAT  HUSTISO. 

One  winter,  when  the  major  was  stationed  at  a 
military  post  in  a  high  northern  latitude,  he  was  or- 
dered out  with  a  detachment  of  soldiers  in  pursuit 
of  a  party  of  hostile  Indians  who  had  committed 
depredations  upon  the  border  settlements.  In  com- 
pliance with  his  instructions,  he  took  the  trail,  and 
followed  it  rapidly  for  a  long  distance,  expecting  ev- 
ery day  to  overtake  the  marauders.  This  led  them 
so  far  away  from  the  fort  into  the  wilderness  that 
all  their  provisions  were  consumed  long  before  they 


38  BORDER  REMINISCENCES. 

got  back,  and  the  party  was  forced  to  resort  to  every 
available  expedient  in  order  to  obtain  sustenance. 

One  evening,  after  they  had  killed  and  eaten  their 
last  pack  animal,  and  devoured  every  thing  else  they 
could  find  that  afforded  the  least  nutriment,  they  biv- 
ouacked upon  the  border  of  a  lake  which  was  frozen' 
over,  and  above  the  ice  appeared  a  large  number  of 
musk-rat  houses. 

It  is  a  fact  in  natural  history,  familiar  almost  to 
every  one,  that  the  musk-rat  selects  his  tenement  in 
shallow  water,  covering  a  soft  morass  difficult  of  ac- 
cess in  the  summer  season.  The  structure  is  then 
erected,  and  projects  in  a  semi-spherical  form  several 
feet  above  the  water,  with  an  entrance  opening  at 
the  bottom,  which  enables  the  animals  to  enter  un- 
seen, and  reach  the  part  of  their  habitation  that  is 
above  the  surface ;  and  here  they  pass  the  cold 
months  of  winter. 

The  Indians,  understanding  this  fact  perfectly,  are 
in  the  habit  of  crawling  up  to  the  houses  upon  the  ice, 
and  suddenly  driving  a  long,  slender  lance  through 
them,  which  not  unfrequently  impales  three  or  four 
animals.  The  grassy  superstructure  is  then  torn  off, 
and  the  rats  taken  from  the  lance. 

The  major  was  cognizant  of  these  facts,  and  when 
he  saw  the  houses  upon  the  lake  near  his  bivouac, 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  39 

resolved  to  make  an  effort  to  replenish  his  larder 
therefrom.  Accordingly,  with  a  knife  and  pole,  he 
soon  improvised  a  lance,  and  cautiously  upon  the  ice 
approaching  one  of  the  largest  houses,  he,  with  all 
his  might,  drove  the  instrument  entirely  through  it, 
with  the  intention  of  killing  as  many  of  the  unsus- 
pecting victims  as  possible  at  the  first  thrust. 

There  were  several  officers  present  at  the  time  he 
was  relating  the  story,  all  anxiously  listening  to  hear 
the  sequel,  which  they  were  confident  would  prove 
one  of  the  major's  loftiest  flights  of  fancy.  He  con- 
tinued: "After  my  lance  had  passed  through  the 
house,  there  seemed  to  be  quite  a  commotion  among 
the  occupants  indicative  of  a  successful  coup ;  where- 
upon I  called  some  of  my  men,  who  removed  the  su- 
perstructure, and  disclosed  to  us  the  result ;  and  now, 
gentlemen,  I  would  like  to  have  your  opinions  as  to 
the  number  of  musk-rats  you  think  I  found  spitted 
upon  that  one  lance." 

Various  random  conjectures  were  given  in  compli- 
ance with  the  request,  some  placing  their  estimates 
at  five  or  six,  others  going  as  high  as  eight  or  ten. 
All  gave  their  opinions  cheerfully  excepting  Captain 
H***e,  who  was  a  thorough  sportsman,  and  had  oft- 
en endeavored  to  contrast  his  real,  bondftde  hunting 
exploits  with  the  major's  fancy  sketches  ;  but  when- 


40  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

ever  he  was  the  first  to  relate  any  circumstance  con- 
nected with  his  own  experience,  the  major  either  in- 
variably had  in  reserve,  or  manufactured  for  the  oc- 
casion, an  exploit  which  threw  him  far  into  the  back- 
ground. 

As  may  be  imagined,  this  did  not  augment  his  re- 
gard for  the  old  man,  and  he  determined  to  have  sat- 
isfaction the  first  opportunity  that  offered.  When 
he  was  asked  how  many  musk-rats  he  imagined  they 
took  from  the  house,  he  replied, "  I  really  can  not  say." 

"  But,"  said  the  major, "  you  certainly  can  have  no 
objections  to  hazarding  a  conjecture." 

"  Certainly  not,"  said  he.  "  If  I  were  to  make  an 
estimate  based  upon  the  data  you  have  presented  to 
us,  I  should  say  about  five  hundred  and  fifty-nine." 

This  ironical  response,  uttered  with  the  most  im- 
perturbable gravity,  caused  a  general  laugh  among 
all  present  excepting  the  major,  who  for  an  instant 
manifested  considerable  displeasure,  but  soon  rallied, 
and  very  urbanely  asked  the  captain  if  he  did  not 
think  that  five  hundred  and  fifty-nine  musk-rats 
would  be  rather  crowded  upon  a  single  lance.  "  Not 
at  all,"  replied  he ;  "  and,  if  I  were  to  be  called  upon 
to  make  another  conjecture,  I  really  believe  I  should 
be  inclined  to  increase  rather  than  diminish  the 
number." 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  41 

The  major  then,  with  a  most  quizzical  expression 
of  countenance,  said, "  Oh  no,  my  dear  fellow,  you 
are  very  far  from  the  mark  this  time.  I  assure  you, 
upon  my  honor,  sir,  that  after  we  had  demolished  the 
house,  and  exposed  the  lance  to  view,  there  was  not 
the  first  musk-rat  upon  it." 

It  is  needless  to  add  that  the  laugh  was  turned 
upon  the  captain. 

AMERICAN  SOVEREIGNTY. 

Major  C***s  and  Captain  H***e  were  once  pres- 
ent at  a  dinner-party,  when  an  animated  discussion 
arose  as  to  which  particular  district  of  the  United 
States  possessed  the  greatest  agricultural  attractions, 
and  much  diversity  of  sentiment  was  manifested 
during  the  agitation  of  the  question. 

One  of  the  party,  who  had  traveled  extensively,  ex- 
pressed the  opinion  that  the  Rock  River  Yalley  was 
more  productive  and  beautiful  than  any  he  had  seen. 
Another  declared  the  "  Missouri  Bottoms"  more  fa- 
vorable for  tillage ;  and  several  other  alluring  locali- 
ties were  mentioned  as  being  pre-eminently  adapted 
to  the  requirements  of  husbandry,  the  advocates  of 
each  claiming  precedence  over  the  others. 

Captain  H***e  said  the  district  of  country  from 
which  he  hailed  presented  to  the  planters  more  ad- 


42  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

vautageous  conditions  than  any  he  had  visited,  and, 
as  an  evidence  of  this,  mentioned  some  enormous 
yields  of  grain  that  had  been  grown  there. 

The  major,  who  was  a  native  of  New  England,  ob- 
served that,  with  all  deference  to  the  judgment  of 
his  friend,  Captain  H***e,  he  was  compelled  to  dif- 
fer with  him  in  his  exalted  estimate  of  the  advan- 
tages of  the  locality  of  his  nativity  (a  Southern  state), 
as  he  believed  the  Connecticut  River  Valley,  with  its 
excellent  soil,  contiguity  to  railroads,  close  proximity 
to  markets,  with  other  local  attractions,  rendered  this 
more  desirable  to  the  planter  than  any  other  section. 

The  captain  remarked  that  he  had  never  visited  the 
Northeastern  States,  and  could  not,  therefore,  from 
personal  observation,  give  direct  evidence  as  to  their 
tillable  features,  but  he  had  always  been  under  the 
impression  that  the  climate  of  the  New  England 
States  was  so  cold  and  inhospitable,  the  soil  so  thin 
and  barren,  and  so  covered  with  rocks,  that  it  was 
next  to  impossible  for  a  planter  to  subsist  in  that  re- 
gion. So  notorious  were  these  facts,  that  he  had 
heard  it  asserted,  hyperbolically,  that  the  farmers  of 
New  England  were  in  the  habit  of  sharpening  the 
noses  of  their  sheep  to  enable  them  to  pick  out  the 
straggling  blades  of  grass  that  here  and  there  forced 
their  growth  within  the  interstices  of  the  rocks.  He 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  43 

had  also  been  told,  but  would  not  vouch  for  its  lit- 
eral truth,  that  they  were  compelled  during  the 
planting  season  to  shoot  their  grain  into  the  flinty 
soil  with  a  cannon  before  it  would  take  root. 

Major  C***s  said  he  had  never  witnessed  any  ag- 
ricultural operations  with  heavy  ordnance  in  the 
Connecticut  River  Valley,  and  as  there  were  but  few 
rocks  in  that  section,  he  hardly  thought  it  necessary ; 
"  but,"  added  he, "  I  have  the  advantage  of  Captain 
H***e  in  having,  shortly  after  the  Creek  War,  had  oc- 
casion to  travel  through  the  district  of  country  where 
he  was  nurtured,  which  afforded  me  a  good  oppor- 
tunity to  judge  of  its  merits.  While  upon  this  jour- 
ney, I  stopped  one  night  at  a  small  log  tavern  in 
what  was  regarded  as  about  the  most  fertile  portion 
of  the  state,  and  during  the  evening  a  number  of 
the  neighboring  farmers  collected  in  the  bar-room  of 
the  shanty,  where,  after  indulging  in  sundry  drinks 
of  *  apple-jack,'  they  lit  their  cob-pipes  and  entered 
into  conversation  upon  the  subject  of  their  crops, 
from  which  it  appeared  that  the  season  had  proved 
unusually  favorable.  One  of  them,  who  assumed 
quite  a  consequential  bearing,  and  seemed  to  be  the 
nabob  of  the  party,  with  an  air  of  decided  self-grat- 
ulation,  took  occasion  to  observe  that  his  plantation 
had  yielded  that  season  something  like  ten  bushels 


44  BOKDER   REMINISCENCES. 

of  corn,  five  bushels  of  white  beans,  two  loads  of 
pumpkins,  besides  a  fair  average  of  other  less  im- 
portant products,  which  would  enable  his  family  to 
subsist  bounteously  during  the  approaching  winter. 

"Another  man  remarked  that,  although  he  had 
not  been  so  munificently  blessed  by  Providence  as 
his  neighbor  who  had  just  spoken,  yet  he  was  happy 
to  say  that  his  garners  were  sufficiently  stocked  to 
afford  a  reasonable  guarantee  that  his  household 
would  not  suffer  until  the  new  crop  came  in.  All 
the  others  of  the  coterie,  in  succession,  enumerated 
the  products  of  their  plantations  voluntarily,  with 
the  exception  of  one  exceedingly  tall,  lank,  haggard, 
and  unwashed,  but  eminently  independent -looking 
individual,  who,  seated  upon  a  rude  bench  in  a  cor- 
ner of  the  cabin,  with  his  feet  resting  against  the 
logs  above  his  head,  and  with  his  scanty  apparel 
hanging  in  shreds  and  tatters  about  his  loosely-joint- 
ed and  bony  person,  continued  ejecting  the  smoke  in 
dense  clouds  toward  the  roof,  while  his  blear,  smoke- 
stained,  and  expressionless  optics  were  turned  up  in 
the  same  direction,  indicative  of  a  total  indifference 
to,  and  abstraction  from,  the  frivolities  of  all  mun- 
dane concerns ;  and  as  he  evinced  no  disposition  to 
communicate  to  the  assembly  the  results  of  his  agri- 
cultural experience,  one  of  the  party  said  to  him, 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  45 

'Mister  Jeeraes,  has  you  been  a'croppin  o'nt  much 
this  seezing  ?' 

"The  only  response  that  the  distrait  individual 
condescended  to  make  to  this  query  was  an  emphatic 
ejaculation  of  the  interrogative  pronoun '  Which  T 

"  The  question  was  then  repeated  in  the  follow- 
ing form : 

" '  Mister  Jeemes,  has  you pre-ducted  a  tollible  pee- 
'urt  chance  o'  crops  this  yere  seezing?' 

"  This  formal  inquiry  caused  him  slowly  to  depress 
the  elevated  line  of  his  vision  from  his  sky-scraping 
contemplations  until  it  rested  upon  the  interrogator, 
when,  with  an  air  of  consequential  importance,  he 

responded, 

" '  I'll  tell  ye,  gentemen,  how  it  war.     Me  an  my 

ole  woman  (Mistress  Jeemes),  we  put  in  a  far  sprink- 
lin  o'  corn,  an  taters,  an  other  truck,  this  yere  seez- 
ing, an  we  'low'd  we  mought^?er-duce  right  smart  o' 
craps.  But  one  mornin,  jist  afore  sun-up,  a  ole  he- 
bar  he  brake  inter  the  corn-patch,  an  after  browsin 
round  considdible,  and  destructin  a  heap  o'  corn,  he 
ups  an  makes  sign  for  the  house.  Then  Mistress 
Jeemes  she  'low'd  she'd  skeer  the  varmint  off;  but 
when  that  consarned  ole  he-bar  git  sight  o'  her  a 
cummin,  he  look  sorter  bothered,  an  he  sot  up,  an  he 
turn  his  head  this-a-way  and  that-a-way,  like  he  never 


46  BOEDER  REMINISCENCES. 

seen  a  fememne  woman  afore.  Then  he  slap  his 
right  paw  on  his  heart,  an  he  wink  his  eyes,  an  make 
sign  with  his  left  paw,  jist  like  a  human,  fur  Mistress 
Jeemes  to  come  that-a-way ;  but  Mistress  Jeemes  is 
tollible  pee'urt,  an  she  pre-farded  not  to  'cept  that 
sort  o'  invite.  Then  that  kantankeratious  ole  cuss 
he  git  mad,  an  he  gist  comes  a  tarin  at  my  ole  wom- 
an (Mistress  Jeemes),  who  tuk  the  agur  powerful 
that  mornin,  an  it  shock  the  strenth  all  outen  'er. 
An  when  she  seen  the  critter  a  chargin  on  'er,  she 
clean  guv  up,  an  she  git  the  hysteericks,  an  she  cavort- 
ed, an  she  howled  so  tfremendus,  that  that  ole  he-bar 
he  git  skurt  hisself  wosser  nur  Mistress  Jeemes,  an 
he  turn  tail  an  brake  fur  the  timber. 

" '  Then  the  dog-ond  weeds  they  comes  inter  the 
corn,  and  choked  it  so  like  h — 11  that  we  didn't  geth- 
er  narry  'n  ear.  We  got  shut  o'  corn.  But,  gente- 
men,  we  hasjpr^-ducted  a  half  bushel  o'  white  beans 
this  seezing,  an  we  reckons  as  how,  with  what  pos- 
sums an  other  varmints  we  ken  kotch,  they'll  do  us 
till  blackberry  an  percimmon  time.  Then  white 
beans  may  jist  go  to  thunder,  an  I  don't  keer  a  dod 
durn  pickayune  ef  I  never  raise  narry  'nuther  nub- 
bin.' Then,  turning  to  me,  he  added, '  Stranger,  will 
ye  liquor  ?' " 


BORDEK  REMINISCENCES.  47 


CHAPTER  II. 

Education  in  the  Army. — Any  Thing  in  Reason. — Toledo  Blade. — 
The  Mess-table. — Hard  Fare. — The  handsomest  Man. — The  ugli- 
est Man. — Old  Beeswax. — Captain  Forbes  Britton. — His  Patriot- 
ism illustrated. — Tally-ho! — Colonel  T*****. — Perfect  Police. — 
Colonel  Morgan. — Bad  Wine. — Short  Pants. — Keview  and  Inspec- 
tion.— Colonel  Ben.  Bell. — Long  Time  between  Drinks. — Come  to 
stay. 

EDUCATION  IN  THE  ARMY. 

THE  officers  of  the  army,  previous  to  the  Rebel- 
lion, were  for  the  most  part  educated  at  the  Military 
Academy,  and  it  must  be  admitted  that  they  were 
generally  men  of  intelligence  and  culture,  who  en- 
tertained the  most  exalted  conceptions  of  integrity 
and  moral  personal  responsibility.  These  attributes 
were  cherished  and  cultivated  in  the  service  with  an 
esprit  du  corps  truly  commendable. 

The  numerous  examples  where  these  men,  during 
the  late  war,  were  intrusted  with  the  disbursement 
of  vast  sums  of  public  money,  and  could,  perhaps, 
had  they  been  so  disposed,  have  swindled  the  gov- 
ernment and  covered  their  tracks,  as  some  others  are 
said  to  have  done,  but  who,  instead  of  this,  guarded 
the  public  interests  with  zealous  care,  and  are  now 


4:8  BOEDER   REMINISCENCES. 

entirely  dependent  upon  their  limited  pay  for  sub- 
sistence from  month  to  month,  most  strikingly 
evinces  the  truth  of  what  has  been  stated.  More- 
over, the  appropriations  made  for  Indians  by  the 
Congress  of  1868,  wherein  army  officers  were  re- 
quired to  witness  the  disbursements  of  civilian  agents 
and  certify  to  their  accuracy,  conclusively  shows  the 
confidence  reposed  in  their  integrity  by  our  national 
Legislature. 

But,  alas  for  the  good  of  the  nation,  the  greater 
part  of  these  pure  and  noble  spirits  laid  down  their 
lives,  were  crippled,  or  ruined  their  constitutions  in 
the  service  of  their  country  during  the  protracted 
continuance  of  the  sanguinary  Rebellion,  so  that  but 
few  of  them  now  remain  upon  the  active  service  list. 

In  the  army,  as  with  other  classes  of  people,  may 
probably  be  found  an  occasional  representative  of 
almost  every  conceivable  type  of  humanity,  but  the 
characters  I  propose  introducing  to  the  reader's  no- 
tice under  the  above  heading  must  not  be  understood 
as  having  constituted  any  appreciable  element  in  the 
old  military  establishment.  Far  from  it.  They  have 
been  selected  specially  on  account  of  their  anoma- 
lous idiosyncratic  peculiarities,  and  as  rare  excep- 
tions to  the  great  mass  of  their  comrades. 

There  were  in  the  old  establishment  a  few  officers 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  49 

who  for  gallant  service  had  been  promoted  from  the 
ranks,  or  who,  through  the  influence  of  political 
friends,  had  obtained  commissions,  and  I  am  happy 
to  say  that  the  majority  of  these  were  accomplished 
gentlemen,  honorable  men,  and  excellent  officers; 
but  it  must  be  admitted  that  the  education  of  some 
of  them  had  been  sadly  neglected,  and,  indeed,  one 
was  occasionally  found  who  entertained  supreme 
contempt  for  any  literature  save  the  Army  Regula- 
tions and  the  Tactics. 

.  ANY  THING  IN  REASON, 

Upon  a  certain  occasion,  the  precise  date  of  which 
it  is  not  necessary  to  mention,  when  a  detachment  of 
troops  was  about  setting  out  from  the  Missouri  River 
upon  a  long  march  across  the  Plains,  and  when  the 
limited  amount  of  transportation  had  rendered  it 
necessary  to  reduce  the  officers'  baggage  to  the  mini- 
mum regulation  allowance,  the  commanding  officer, 
who  was  never  known  to  consume  much  time  over 
books,  but  seldom  declined  a  pressing  invitation  to 
participate  in  a  social  glass,  was  applied  to  by  a 
young  subaltern  just  from  West  Point  for  permission 
to  carry  along  a  small  package  of  books  which  he  had 
provided  himself  with  to  while  away  the  dull  monot- 
ony of  garrison  life.  The  commander  replied  that 

C 


50  BORDER  REMINISCENCES. 

he  was  always  ready  and  willing  to  do  any  thing  in 
reason  for  all  his  officers,  but  when  transportation 
was  so  very  limited,  as  in  that  particular  instance,  he 
did  not  feel  authorized  to  encumber  his  wagons  with 
such  useless  trumpery  as  books.  He  was  very  sorry 
to  refuse,  but  it  was  impossible  to  comply  with  the 
request.  The  young  gentleman  went  away  greatly 
disappointed ;  and  shortly  afterward  another  officer, 
a  particular  friend  of  the  commander,  came  up  and 
made  application  to  have  a  barrel  of  whisky  trans- 
ported in  the  wagons,  which  probably  weighed  ten 
times  as  much  as  the  lieutenant's  rejected  little  par- 
cel of  books.  To  this  request  he  received  the  follow- 
ing reply : 

"  Certainly,  lieutenant  —  certainly,  sir ;  of  course 
you  can  take  along  a  barrel  or  two  of  whisky,  or  any 
thing  else  in  reason  ;  but  the  idea  of  lumbering  up 
my  wagons  with  books  is  most  preposterous,  and  I 
must  say  that  I  am  astonished  at  such  an  unreasona- 
ble request  coming  from  any  officer  of  my  com- 
mand." 

This  same  officer  was  once  presented  with  a  sword 
by  a  friend,  who  assured  him  that  it  was  a  genuine 
specimen  of  the  rare  Toledo  blade  He  himself,  it 
is  true,  had  not  a  very  clear  conception  of  what  was 
meant  by  this  peculiar  designation  of  the  weapon,  as 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  51 

will  appear  in  the  sequel ;  but  he  was  confident  that 
it  was  something  better  than  the  regulation  sabre, 
and  prized  it  highly.  He  often  exhibited  the  pres- 
ent to  his  friends,  who  generally  concurred  with  him 
in  the  discussion  of  its  merits;  but  upon  one  occa- 
sion an  officer,  who  professed  to  be  a  connoisseur  in 
such  matters,  ventured  to  express  a  doubt  as  to  the 
quality  of  the  metal,  remarking,  at  the  same  time, 
that  but  very  few  well-authenticated  old  Toledo  or 
Damascus  blades  could  now  be  found  in  any  part  of 
the  world,  and  that  probably  the  most  of  these  were 
in  the  possession  of  rich  Spanish  hidalgos,  who  could 
not  be  induced  to  part  with  them  at  any  price.  More- 
over, added  he,  the  secret  of  manipulating  the  steel 
from  which  these  rare  specimens  of  art  were  pro- 
duced was  lost  in  the  seventeenth  century. 

The  proprietor  of  the  weapon,  at  this  attempt  to 
cast  a  shadow  of  doubt  upon  its  genuineness,  became 
quite  excited,  and,  jumping  to  his  feet,  exclaimed,  in 
a  loud  tone  of  voice,  "  Spanish  hidalgo — h — 1 !  I 
tell  you,  sir,  this  is  no  counterfeit,  but  a  real  Simon 
pure  Toledo  blade;  and  I  pledge  you  my -word,  sir, 
that  a  friend  of  old  Toledo  himself  assured  me  that 
this  was  the  very  last  sword  the  old  man  made  be- 
fore he  took  sick  and  died." 


52  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

THE  MESS-TABLE. 

The regiment  of was  a  superior  organ- 
ization, composed  of  excellent  material,  as  every  body 
connected  with  the  old  army  establishment  very  well 
knew,  and  a  great  amount  of  arduous  and  meritori- 
ous service  was  performed  by  this  regiment  in  the 
Indian  country  long  before  the  breaking  out  of  the 
rebellion  Some  of  the  officers  made  their  marks  in 
the  Florida  and  Mexican  campaigns ;  others  distin- 
guished themselves  in  prominent  positions  during  the 
late  war,  while  many  others  of  them  have  been  kill- 
ed in  battle  or  have  died  in  the  service  of  their  coun- 
try, so  that  now,  alas !  like  some  of  the  old  war  frig- 
ates, although  the  name,  configuration,  and  model 
remain,  the  original  material  has  almost  entirely  dis- 
appeared. 

For  some  years  after  this  regiment  was  first  called 
into  service  the  officers  bore  the  reputation  of  being 
about  the  most  hospitable,  generous,  and  convivial 
set  of  good  fellows  in  the  army,  and  wherever  they 
were  quartered,  either  in  barracks  or  in  camp,  there 
was  certain  to  be  gayety  and  festivity,  and  it  may 
truly  be  said  of  them  "  that  their  latch-strings  were 
never  drawn  in,  and  their  purse-strings  seldom  ever 
tied."  Indeed,  they  were  noted  for  spending  their 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  53 

money  freely  so  long  as  it  lasted ;  but  some  of  them 
were  so  prodigal  that  they  were  rarely  ever  known 
to  be  in  funds  during  the  last  half  of  a  month,  or,  at 
all  events,  until  the  paymaster  came  around.  The 
itinerant,  gipsy-like  locomotion  that  the  troops  on  the 
frontier  are  continually  subjected  to,  even  in  time  of 
profound  peace,  precludes  the  possibility  of  their 
forming  permanent  household  arrangements,  as  they 
can  never  tell  to-day  where  they  may  be  ordered  to- 
morrow. 

The  regiments  are  usually  so  widely  dispersed  in 
small  garrisons  that  it  is  difficult  for  them  to  estab- 
lish any  thing  like  regimental  messes,  such  as  are 
found  in  the  English  army.  Yet  at  one  station  in 
Texas  quite  a  respectable  mess  was  formed,  and  a 
majority  of  the  officers  of  the  regiment  joined  it. 
But,  unfortunately  for  the  aspirations  of  some  of  the 
young  subalterns,  their  finances  had  become  so  low, 
and  they  were  so  deeply  involved  in  debt,  as  to  be 
unable  to  pay  the  somewhat  extravagant  mess  bills 
of  the  large  association,  and  they  were  obliged  to 
"  rough  it"  by  themselves  in  a  more  frugal  manner, 
chiefly  upon  supplies  obtained  at  low  rates  from  the 
commissary.  Indeed,  I  heard  of  one  lieutenant  (but 
I  will  not  vouch  for  its  literal  authenticity)  whose 
purse  became  so  perfectly  depleted  at  one  time  that 


54  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

for  sQveral  weeks  he  was  compelled  to  subsist  upon 
rice  alone.  During  this  period  of  fasting  it  unfor- 
tunately so  fell  out  that  a  friend  of  his  from  a 
neighboring  post  paid  him  a  most  unseasonable  visit, 
not  having  the  slightest  previous  conception  or  warn- 
ing of  the  scanty  fare  he  was  destined  to  encoun- 
ter. 

The  impoverished  lieutenant  put  the  best  possible 
face  upon  the  meagre  condition  of  his  larder,  and 
received  him  with  his  usual  urbane  hospitality  at 
about  the  hour  for  dinner,  when  it  was  too  late,  how- 
ever, even  had  it  been  in  his  power,  to  have  made 
much  change  in  his  bill  of  fare,  except  to  borrow  a 
little  mustard  from  a  brother  officer,  which  he  im- 
agined might  make  the  rice  diet  more  palatable. 
The  dinner  was  soon  announced,  the  two  friends 
seated  themselves  at  the  pine  camp-table,  when  the 
host  raised  the  solitary  cover,  and,  in  a  very  beseech- 
ing way,  inquired  of  his  guest  if  he  should  help  him 
to  rice.  The  latter,  conceiving  this  dish  to  be  the 
preliminary  course,  like  "raw  oysters  on  the  half 
shell,"  replied, "  No,  I  thank  you ;  I  never  eat  rice." 
"  Then,"  said  the  lieutenant,  not  a  little  perplexed  as 
to  what  he  should  do  or  say  next,  and  as  a  desperate 
dernier  ressort  under  the  exceedingly  embarrassing 
circumstances, "help  yourself  to  mustard,  for,  if  3*011 


UUKDEK   KEMINISCENCKS.  55 

can  get  any  thing  else  in  this  ranch,  you  are  smarter 
than  I  am." 

The  finances  of  the  officers  of  the  general  mess 
were  in  a  more  flourishing  condition,  and  their  table 
was  usually  supplied  with  the  best  dishes  the  market 
afforded.  Indeed,  they  sometimes  even  indulged  in 
the  luxury  of  a  bottle  of  wine  at  dinner,  and,  in  or- 
der to  give  zest  to  its  flavor,  and  to  contribute  excite- 
ment against  the  heavy  monotony  of  garrison  life, 
they  occasionally  resorted  to  the  stimulating  influ- 
ences of  wagers,  and  other  ingenious  devices,  involv- 
ing results  that  invariably  added  to  their  stock  of 
wine. 

Some  of  these  novel  expedients  were  superlatively 
ludicrous.  For  example:  Quite  an  animated  and 
somewhat  acrimonious  discussion  arose  one  day  as 
to  who  was  the  handsomest  man  in  the  mess,  and  a 
wide  diversity  of  opinion  was  evinced  upon  the  sub- 
ject, without  any  prospect  of  a  satisfactory  solution 
of  the  question,  until  some  one  suggested  that  it 
should  be  decided  by  disinterested  ladies,  who  were 
acknowledged  to  be  much  more  competent  judges 
of  such  matters  than  men.  As  there  were  no  ladies 
at  the  post,  the  greater  part  of  the  officers  being  in  a 
state  of  "  single  blessedness,"  it  was  proposed,  as  the 
only  alternative  for  feminine  arbitration,  that  three 


56  BOEDER   REMINISCENCES. 

camp-women  should  be  sent  for,  and  whoever  they 
decided  to  be  the  best-looking  of  the  party  should 
be  required  to  pay  for  a  basket  of  Champagne. 

This  suggestion  seemed  to  meet  the  approbation 
of  the  party,  and  there  was  a  unanimous  accord  in 
submitting  to  the  ordeal.  The  laundresses  were  im- 
mediately called  in,  the  proposition  fully  explained 
to  them,  and  they  at  once  commenced  a  modest  but 
scrutinizing  examination  of  each  officer  at  the  table 
in  succession.  When  this  was  finished  they  retired 
to  a  corner  of  the  room,  where  they  held  a  protract- 
ed consultation  in  whispers,  after  which  they  dele- 
gated one  of  their  number,  by  the  name  of  Nancy,  to 
announce  the  result,  which  she  did  in  the  following 
words : 

"  Ef  the  gentlemen  please,  the  ladies  of  the  board 
has  to  report  that  they  has  examined  all  the  officers 
of  this  'ere  mess,  and  they  has  'rived  to  the  'nani- 
mous  'elusion  that  Colonel  M is  the  most  mil- 
lenary-looking man,  but  that  Captain  M is  the 

most  handsomest  man." 

This  decision  was  quite  unexpected,  for  Captain 
M —  -  was  generally  admitted  to  be  by  all  odds  the 
ugliest  man  in  the  mess.  He,  however,  was  not  ex- 
actly that  way  of  thinking  himself,  and  believing  the 
verdict  to  be  perfectly  fair  and  disinterested,  he  was 


BOKDEK   KEMINISCENCES.  57 

highly  elated  at  the  compliment,  arid  most  cheerful- 
ly paid  the  wine. 

A  few  days  subsequent  to  this  another  discussion 
arose  as  to  who  was  the  ugliest  man  in  the  mess,  and 
after  arguing  the  question  in  all  its  possible  bear- 
ings, they  agreed  to  call  another  board  of  camp- 
women  to  decide  it,  and  the  unfortunate  individual 
was  to  suffer  the  penalty  of  paying  for  another  bas- 
ket of  Champagne.  Accordingly  the  referees  were 
called,  consisting  of  Nancy,  with  two  new  members, 
who,  after  going  through  an  inspection  and  consulta- 
tion similar  to  the  one  before  described,  delegated 
one  of  their  number  to  communicate  the  decision, 
which  was  as  follows : 

"The  ladies  of  this  'ere  board  has  'eluded  that 

Major  G is  the  most  onmillenariest  -  looking 

man,  but  that  Captain  M "  (the  same  officer  that 

had  been  selected  before)  "  is  the  most  ornariest  and 
the  most  ugliest  man  of  the  hull  party." 

This  announcement  so  astounded  M that  he 

jumped  from  his  seat  at  the  table  in  a  highly  excited 
state,  and  demanded  to  know  of  the  startled  laun- 
dresses why  they  had  presumed  to  make  such  an  in- 
consistent decision,  when  only  a  few  days  before  this, 
as  they  very  well  knew,  he  had  been  pronounced  the 
handsomest  man  of  the  entire  mess. 
02 


58  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

The  exponent  of  the  referees,  with  a  timid,  sim- 
pering smile,  in  the  midst  of  peals  of  laughter  from 
the  other  officers,  undertook  to  explain  the  discrep- 
ancy in  the  two  decisions.  She  said : 

"  The  cap'n  must  consider  that  two  new  members 
has  been  detailed  on  this  'ere  board;  besides,"  she 
added, "  the  cap'n  must  also  'member  that  we  ladies 
is  priv'leged  to  change  our  'pinions  sometimes." 

He  was  not  satisfied  with  the  explanation,  and  ap- 
pealed from  the  decision,  but  a  prompt  and  unani- 
mous viva  voce  vote  of  the  mess  was  adverse  to  him, 
and  he  was  compelled  to  suffer  the  infliction  of  the 
penalty  involved.  He  paid  for  the  second  basket  of 
wine,  but  under  protest,  and  with  the  emphatic  dec- 
laration that  he  would  not  submit  to  any  more  in- 
spections of  the  kind  in  future.  Moreover,  he  even 
hinted  that  in  his  opinion  the  two  adverse  decisions 
had  been  brought  about  by  the  machinations  of  cer- 
tain officers  of  the  mess. 

BOTTLED  BEESWAX. 

There  was  one  officer  of  high  rank  in  the  regiment 
who  seemed  to  possess  an  irresistible  natural  pen- 
chant for  practical  joking,  and  although,  like  most 
other  men  of  similar  tendencies,  he  was  wonderfully 
sensitive  upon  the  subject  of  being  quizzed  h!m-olf, 


BOKDER   REMINISCENCES.  59 

he  was  continually  seeking  opportunities  to  run  his 
rigs  upon  others. 

As  an  illustration  of  this,  upon  a  certain  occasion 
a  young  officer,  who  had  been  acting  assistant  com- 
missary for  a  short  period,  found  himself  in  a  state 
of  perplexity  by  the  return  of  his  accounts  from  the 
Treasury  Department,  from  which  it  appeared  that 
he  was  deficient  in  a  considerable  amount  of  sugar 
that  had  been  charged  against  him  by  the  auditor. 
He  was  a  good  deal  troubled  upon  the  subject,  and, 
having  but  little  experience  in  such  matters,  applied 
to  the  facetious  colonel  for  advice,  acknowledging 
that  he  was  deficient  in  the  amount  of  sugar  charged, 
but  stating,  at  the  same  time,  that  he  had  on  hand  a 
large  surplus  of  soap,  and  it  seemed  to  him  a  very 
hard  case  that  he  should  be  held  responsible  for  the 
loss  of  the  sugar  when  the  value  of  the  soap  was 
more  than  sufficient  to  cover  it. 

The-  colonel,  with  an  air  of  the  utmost  apparent 
sincerity,  assured  him  that  it  was  really  very  unjust 
on  the  part  of  the  auditor  to  impose  upon  him  in 
that  manner,  but  that,  in  his  judgment,  it  was  the 
easiest  thing  imaginable  to  set  the  matter  right,  and 
that  possibly  he  might  even  have  a  small  balance  in 
his  favor  if  he  would  only  insert  at  the  foot  of  the  re- 
turn as  follows :  "Nota  Ijene. — For  sugar, read  soap" 


60  BOKDEK  REMINISCENCES. 

I  am  not  positive  whether  the  return,  corrected  as 
suggested,  was  sent  back  to  the  auditor ;  my  impres- 
sion is  that  it  was ;  but  whether  the  alchemic  pow- 
ers of  the  laboratory  of  the  Treasury  Department 
have  ever  succeeded  in  transmuting  the  saponaceous 
constituent  of  the  ration  into  the  more  saccharine 
component  has  never,  that  I  am  aware  of,  been  pro- 
mulgated. 

The  colonel  did  not  always  come  off  unscathed  in 
his  attempts  to  perpetrate  jests  upon  others,  as  the 
reader  will  perceive  from  what  follows : 

The  sutler  at  Fort  —  — ,  who  was  a  kind  and 
obliging  man,  but  rather  primitive  and  literal  in  his 
perceptions,  was  once  about  leaving  the  post  for 
New  Orleans,  where  he  designed  purchasing  his  an- 
nual supply  of  goods,  and  just  before  starting  he 
called  on  the  colonel  to  ascertain  if  he  could  do  any 
thing  for  him  in  the  city.  The  colonel  replied  that 
he  did  not  at  that  moment  think  of  any  particular 
commissions  for  him  to  execute,  but  directly  after- 
ward something  seemed  to  occur  to  his  mind,  and, 
giving  a  sly  wink  to  some  officers  near,  said  to  the 
sutler  that  he  would  confer  an  especial  favor  if  he 
would  purchase  for  him  some  bottled  beeswax. 

This  being  a  commodity  the  sutler  had  never  be- 
fore heard  of,  he  requested  the  colonel  to  enlighten 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  61 

him,  and  was  informed  that  it  was  a  very  rare  and 
expensive  article,  that  could  only  be  obtained  in  a 
few  places,  and  that  he  would  not  be  surprised  if  he 
failed  to  find  it  even  in  New  Orleans.  He  was  anx- 
ious to  oblige  the  commanding  officer,  and  assured 
him  that  he  should  spare  no  pains  to  obtain  it  if  it 
was  to  be  found  in  the  city,  and  left. 

Some  of  the  young  officers  who  were  present  and 
overheard  the  conversation,  and  for  whose  especial 
delectation  the  joke  had  been  concocted,  thought  this 
a  good  opportunity  to  retaliate  upon  the  colonel  for 
some  of  the  numerous  sells  he  had  inflicted  upon 
them.  Accordingly,  one  of  them  immediately  wrote 
to  the  grocer  in  New  Orleans  with  whom  the  sutler 
had  been  in  the  habit  of  trading,  explained  the  whole 
matter  to  him,  and  requested  his  co-operation  in  car- 
rying out  the  joke. 

He  entered  into  the  plot  willingly,  melted  some 
beeswax,  which  he  poured  into  two  bottles,  and,  cov- 
ering them  with  dust  and  cobwebs,  set  them  aside, 
and  awaited  the  arrival  of  the  sutler,  who  in  due 
course  of  time  made  his  appearance,  and,  after  com- 
pleting other  purchases,  inquired  where  such  an  arti- 
cle as  bottled  beeswax  could  be  had. 

The  grocer  informed  him  that  fortunately  he  him- 
self happened  to  have  just  two  bottles  left  of  the 


62  BOKDEK  REMINISCENCES.- 

identical  article  he  was  in  search  of,  which  was  prob- 
ably all  at  that  time  in  the  market;  but  he  added, 
for  his  information,  that  this  was  the  last  of  a  choice 
lot  of  great  age,  and  of  such  value  that  he  should  be 
compelled  to  charge  twenty  dollars  a  bottle  for  it. 
Indeed,  he  said,  he  was  by  no  means  anxious  to  part 
with  it  at  that  price.  The  sutler  at  once  closed  the 
purchase,  and  willingly  paid  the  amount  demanded. 

On  his  return  to  the  fort  he  met  a  group  of  officers, 
who,  in  accordance  with  their  usual  custom,  had  col- 
lected around  the  landing  to  get  the  mail  and  learn 
the  most  recent  news ;  and,  after  a  little  preliminary- 
conversation,  he  informed  the  colonel  that  he  had 
been  so  fortunate  as  to  secure  for  him  the  last  two 
bottles  of  beeswax  in  New  Orleans. 

"  Beeswax  !  beeswax !  what  do  you  mean  by  bees- 
wax ?"  said  the  astonished  colonel.  (It  seemed  he 
had  for  the  instant  forgotten  the  order.) 

The  outburst  of  laughter  from  the  bevy  of  offi- 
cers standing  near,  all  of  whom  were  in  the  secret, 
disclosed  to  the  colonel  the  fact  that  the  joke  had 
recoiled  upon  himself,  and  also  showed  the  sutler 
that  there  had  been  an  attempt  to  sell  him.  He  was 
not,  therefore,  in  the  most  amiable  mood  when  he  re- 
plied, 

"Why,  sir,  you  know  perfectly  what  I  mean.     I 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  63 

mean  the  bottled  beeswax  you  ordered,  and  which  I 
paid  forty  dollars  for,  and  which  must  be  returned, 
sir." 

The  colonel  did  not,  in  the  slightest  degree,  seem 
to  appreciate  the  pith  of  the  joke.  On  the  contrary, 
he  became  highly  incensed,  and,  although  he  said 
but  little,  looked  daggers  at  the  delighted  group  of 
officers  around,  not  one  of  whom  manifested  the  least 
sympathy  for  him,  but  kept  up  continual  peals  of 
laughter,  each  one  of  which  was  more  uproarious 
than  the  preceding,  until  at  length  the  colonel,  un- 
able to  endure  it  longer,  walked  rapidly  away  in  the 
direction  of  his  quarters,  gesticulating  wrathfully, 
and  muttering  to  himself  expressions  of  displeasure, 
the  few  syllables  that  were  caught  indicating  a  not 
very  complimentary  application  to  the  tormentors  he 
was  leaving  behind.  He,  however,  with  a  very  bad 
grace,  reimbursed  the  sutler ;  but  it  was  quite  severe 
upon  him,  as  he  was  rather  penurious  in  his  disposi- 
tion. The  officers  subsequently,  when  the  colonel 
was  not  about,  enjoyed  many  a  hearty  laugh  over  the 
joke ;  but  it  was  never  afterward  considered  safe  to 
give  utterance  to  the  word  "beeswax"  in  his  pres- 
ence, unless  the  offender  wished  to  be  ordered  into 
exile  at  "  Botany  Bay"  (the  most  disagreeable  post 
occupied  by  the  regiment). 


64  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

Notwithstanding  this,  however,  the  not  very  eu- 
phonious sobriquet  of  "  Old  JBeeswax"  by  universal 
acclamation,  soon  attached  to  the  colonel,  and  it  was 
a  long  time  before  it  was  forgotten. 

CAPTAIN  F.  BRITTON. 

Upon  another  occasion  the  colonel  was  inspecting 
the  quartermaster's  affairs  at  his  post,  and  in  passing 
through  the  store-houses  and  shops  he  observed  two 
or  three  old  horse-shoes  lying  around,  which  he  pick- 
ed up  and  handed  to  the  quartermaster,  Captain  F. 
Britton,  remarking  that  they  should  be  carefully  pre- 
served for  future  use ;  and,  at  the  same  time,  he  add- 
ed that  a  great  deal  might  be  saved  to  the  govern- 
ment if  quartermasters  would  take  pains  to  collect 
all  the  old  bits  of  iron,  pieces  of  leather,  rope,  and 
even  old  broken  axe,  spade,  and  shovel  handles,  all 
of  which  might,  at  some  time  or  other,  be  applied  to 
useful  purposes ;  and  in  this  connection  he  endeav- 
ored to  impress  upon  the  captain  the  importance  of 
exercising  the  most  rigid  economy  in  all  his  expend 
itures,  never  allowing  public  property  of  the  slightest 
value  to  be  misapplied,  wasted,  or  lost.  This,  he  in 
formed  him,  was  a  duty  he  owed  to  his  country, 
and  he  trusted  that  he  would  not  again  have  occa- 
sion to  call  his  attention  to  the  subject. 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  65 

Captain  Brittoii  was  one  of  the  most  irrepressible 
wags  in  the  army,  and  I  verily  believe  he  never  al- 
lowed an  opportunity  to  escape  for  the  indulgence 
of  his  besetting  propensity.  The  colonel,  in  this  par- 
ticular instance,  may  have  been  actuated  by  an  hon- 
est zeal  for  the  good  of  the  service ;  very  likely  he 
was;  but  the  captain  was  by  no  means  certain  of 
this ;  on  the  contrary,  his  incredulity  led  him  to  sus- 
pect that  there  might  be  under  all  this  a  deliberate 
covert  design  to  "  seW  him,  and  he  had  too  high  an 
estimate  of  his  powers  of  discernment  to  be  "  soW  on 
such  easy  terms. 

He  believed  he  had  as  much  regard  as  most  offi- 
cers for  economy  and  the  best  interests  of  the  service, 
but  he  most  decidedly  objected  to  being  made  a  scav- 
enger of.  Accordingly,  he  listened  patiently  to  all 
that  was  said  upon  the  subject,  and  informed  the 
colonel  that  the  advice  had  made  a  deep  impression 
upon  his  mind,  and  assuring  him  at  the  same  time 
that  he  should  endeavor  to  profit  by  his  wise  coun- 
sels. He  then  added  that,  if  the  colonel  would  par- 
don the  liberty,  he  should  like  to  ask  a  special  favor 
of  him  touching  the  very  subject  in  question,  to 
which  the  officer  replied, "  Certainly,  sir ;  as  you  seem 
so  ready  to  adopt  my  suggestions,  it  will  give  me 
pleasure  to  grant  you  any  favor  in  my  power." 


66  BORDEK   REMINISCENCES. 

Not  being  exactly  certain  of  his  ground  yet,  and 
being  fully  resolved  not  to  commit  himself,  he  con- 
tinued :  "  I  trust,  colonel,  that  you  will  not  be  offend- 
ed or  consider  me  disrespectful  if  I  ask  this  semi-of- 
ficial favor  ?" 

"  Most  assuredly  not,  sir.  I  have  already  said  I 
was  willing  to  do  any  thing  in  my  power  to  serve 
you ;  so  speak  out  frankly,  and  let  me  know  what 
you  want." 

"  Yery  well,  then,"  said  the  captain,  with  the  most 
solemn  expression  of  countenance,  and  apparently 
moved  almost  to  tears ;  "  very  well ;  my  heart  is 
bursting  with  devotion  to  our  good  Uncle  Samuel ; 
and  if  you,  my  dear  colonel,  will  only  oblige  me  by 
singing  a  few  staves  of  '  Hail  Columbia,'  the  '  Star- 
spangled  Banner,'  or  some  other  patriotic  song,  I 
shall  be  forever  indebted  to  you." 

The  colonel  seemed  quite  indignant  at  the  propo- 
sition, and  exclaimed, 

"What  do  you  mean,  sir?  You  know  perfectly 
well  I  don't  sing.  Moreover,  I  regard  your  conduct 
as  disrespectful — as  disrespectful  to  your  command- 
ing officer,  sir,  and  a  violation  of  the  ninety-ninth 
Article  of  War ;  and  I'll  have  you  to  know  that  I'll 
take  notice  of  it,  sir." 

To  this  the  captain  replied, "You  will  remember, 


BOKDEK   REMINISCENCES.  67 

sir,  that  you  expressly  assured  me  you  would  not  re- 
gard my  request  as  disrespectful,  and  I  disclaim  any 
such  intention.  But  really,  colonel,  if  you  would  be 
so  very  kind  as  to  sing  a  stave  or  two  of  some  na- 
tional air,  I  will  cheerfully  pitch  the  tune  for 

you." 

This  touching  appeal  was  in  vain,  however ;  the 
old  gentleman  didn't  sing. 

"  TALLY-HO." 

Another  very  ludicrous  incident  occurred  in  my 
presence,  wherein  Captain  Britton,  and  Captain  Mar- 
tin Scott,  of  coon  notoriety,  figured. 

Captain  Scott  usually  kept  a  pack  of  hounds,  and 
would,  as  a  special  favor,  occasionally  take  out  his 
friends  to  participate  in  a  deer  or  fox  drive,  but, 
upon  these  occasions,  he  invariably  insisted  that  ev- 
ery one  should  conform  strictly  with  the  most  ap- 
proved rules  of  the  chase.  He  was  himself  thorough- 
ly posted  in  all  the  technicalities  of  sporting  lore,  and 
lost  all  respect  for  those  persons  who  misapplied  or 
ridiculed  the  proper  use  of  sporting  nomenclature. 
Thus  he  never  failed  to  correct  a  man  who  called  a 
line  of  geese  " a  flock  of  geese"  a  bevy  of  quails  "« 
brood  of  quails"  a  herd  of  elk  "  a  gang  of  elk"  etc. 
lie  was  an  uncompromising  stickler  for  the  correct 


08  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

and  literal  application  of  sporting  language  upon  all 
occasions,  but  more  especially  when  in  the  field. 

This  peculiarity  of  his  was  forcibly  illustrated  while 
our  army  of  observation  was  lying  at  Corpus  Christi 
in  1846.  He  proposed  one  morning  that  we  should 
take  his  hounds,  go  out  into  a  place  called  the  Kin- 
con,  where  the  large  jackass  rabbits  were  abundant, 
and  have  a  drive.  Quite  a  number  of  officers  join- 
ed the  party,  and  we  started  out  under  the  guidance 
of  Captain  Scott,  who  was  the  acknowledged  master 
of  the  hunt. 

On  arriving  upon  the  ground  near  where  the  game 
was  supposed  to  be,  the  captain  stationed  the  gentle- 
men around  upon  the  skirts  of  an  extensive  chapar- 
ral thicket,  and  prepared  to  send  in  the  dogs  to  drive 
out  the  rabbits.  He  gave  his  last  instructions,  and 
specially  enjoined  upon  every  one,  on  the  instant  a 
rabbit  should  make  its  appearance,  to  give  the  view 
halloo  of  Tally-ho?  Now  it  so  happened  that 
among  the  officers  engaged  in  the  hunt  was  Captain 
F.  Britton. 

The  hounds  were  unleashed  and  taken  into  the 
chaparral,  and  in  a  very  few  minutes  they  gave 
tongue  most  vociferously.  All  were  waiting  upon 
their  posts  with  eager  anxiety  to  catch  the  first 
glimpse  of  the  game  as  it  broke  cover,  when  sud- 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  69 

denly,  near  the  position  of  Captain  Britton,  bounded 
out  a  mule,  with  some  twenty  dogs  in  full  cry  at 
her  heels.  At  this  instant  of  excitement  we  heard  a 
prolonged  cry  from  the  stentorian  lungs  of  Captain 
Britton  oi^SaUywhoa!  Sally  whoa!  Sally  whoa!" 
The  appearance  of  the  terrified  mule,  and  the  lu- 
dicrous metamorphosis  of  Captain  Scott's  "  view  hal- 
loo," -turned  the  whole  thing  into  a  farce,  which 
brought  forth  irresistible  peals  of  laughter  from  ev- 
ery one  in  the  party  excepting  Captain  Scott.  He 
did  not  smile ;  on  the  contrary,  his  face  flushed,  and 
assumed  a  most  indignant  expression.  He  called  off 
his  dogs,  and,  looking  daggers  at  Captain  Britton, 
went  back  to  camp.  Immediately  after  this  he  sent 
a  challenge  to  Captain  Britton,  and  it  was  with  great 
difficulty  that  their  friends  could  adjust  the  matter 
to  his  satisfaction  without  an  exchange  of  shots. 

PERFECT  POLICE. 

Colonel ,  before  alluded  to,  was  one  of  the 

best  garrison  commanders  in  service.  His  troops 
were  well  disciplined ;  the  quarters,  barracks,  and 
grounds  around  the  posts  he  commanded  were  at  all 
times  in  perfect  order ;  and  he  invariably  held  every 
one  to  a  rigid  accountability  for  any  negligence  in 
carrying  out  his  police  regulations.  He  required  all 


70  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

public  buildings  to  be  frequently  cleansed  and  white- 
washed inside  and  out ;  and,  as  a  hygienic  measure, 
liberal  use  of  chloride  of  lime  and  other  disinfect- 
ants was  enforced.  He  took  especial  pains  to  keep 
the  parade-grounds  well  policed,  and  if  he  saw  a 
quid  of  tobacco  or  the  stump  of  a  cigar  lying  in  the 
walks,  he  has  often  been  known  to  call  out  a  police 
party  of  several  men,  with  a  hand-cart  and  shovels, 
to  carry  them  off. 

But  if  there  was  any  one  tiling  that  was  more  re- 
pulsive to  him  than  all  others,  it  was  a  bedbug,  and 
this  was  so  great  an  abomination  that  he  made  cease- 
less efforts  to  annihilate  them  from  every  fort  that 
came  under  his  command ;  and  if  by  chance  one  of 
these  "  couch-pirates"  ever  invaded  his  dormitory,  it 
disturbed  his  slumbers  for  a  good  while. 

His  extraordinary  sensitiveness  in  this  regard  was 
well  understood  by  our  waggish  friend  Captain  Brit- 
ton,  who  at  one  post,  which  was  regarded  by  the 
colonel  as  a  model  of  police  excellence,  caused  to  be 
collected  from  some  outside  source  a  quantity  of  bed- 
bugs sufficient  to  fill  a  seidlitz-powder  box,  which  he 
covered  and  laid  aside  for  a  future  purpose  that  will 
soon  be  disclosed. 

Shortly  after  this,  in  discoursing  upon  his  hobby, 
the  colonel  took  occasion  to  remark  that,  for  once  in 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  71 

his  life,  he  had  succeeded  in  getting  a  military  post 
into  perfect  order ;  that  every  part  was  in  capital  po- 
lice, and  all  vermin  had  been  eradicated. 

Captain  Britton  heard  the  statement,  and  observed 
that  it  was  very  true  the  post  was  clean  enough,  but 
he  thought  there  was  a  slight  mistake  in  regard  to 
the  extermination  of  the  vermin,  as  only  a  short 
time  before  he  had  seen,  as  he  verily  believed,  at 
least  a  thousand  bedbugs  in  his  own  quarters. 

The  colonel  looked  aghast  at  this  startling  asser- 
tion, and  replied, "  I  really  think  you  must  be  in  er- 
ror, captain,  for  I  am  quite  confident  there  are  but 
very  few,  if  any,  of  those  disgusting  insects  in  the 
fort." 

The  officer  assured  him  that  he  could  not  by  any 
possibility  be  mistaken,  as  he  had  seen  them  with  his 
own  eyes. 

The  colonel  then,  in  a  highly  excited  and  positive 
manner,  again  expressed  his  incredulity  upon  the 
subject,  to  which  the  captain  responded : 

"  Yery  well,  sir ;  if  you  doubt  my  words,  perhaps 
you  are  willing  to  sustain  your  rather  uncourteotisly 
expressed  opinions  by  risking  a  little  wine  upon  an 
investigation  of  the  facts.  I  myself  am  so  confident 
of  the  truth  of  what  I  have  stated,  that  I  will  bet 
you  a  basket  of  Champagne  I  will  capture  and  bring 


72  BORDER  REMINISCENCES. 

to  this  room  a  seidlitz-powder  box  full  of  bedbugs 
within  fifteen  minutes'  time." 

The  wager  was  instantly  accepted,  and  away  went 
the  captain  to  his  quarters,  returning  within  the 
time  with  his  box,  which  he  uncovered  and  abruptly 
placed  upon  the  table  directly  under  the  colonel's 

• 

face,  while  he  was  engaged  in  writing,  remarking,  as 
he  did  so, "  I've  caught  them ;  there  they  are ;  and 
I've  won  the  Champagne." 

The  violent  shock  that  the  old  gentleman's  high- 
strung  nervous  system  received  as  an  army  of  bugs, 
suddenly  released  from  confinement,  poured  out  over 
the  sides  of  the  box,  and  extended  like  skirmishers 
all  over  the  table,  may  be  more  easily  imagined  than 
described. 

The  first  effect  was  like  that  of  a  terrific  night- 
mare, paralyzing  him  to  such  an  extent  that  he  was 
unable  to  move  hand  or  foot ;  but  as  soon  as  he  ob- 
tained a  realizing  sense  of  the  situation,  his  powers 
of  locomotion  returned,  and  he  jumped  like  light- 
ning from  his  seat,  upsetting  the  table  in  the  sudden 
effort  to  escape,  and  scattering  his  tormentors  all 
over  the  floor,  which  only  served  to  increase  his  per- 
turbation ;  and,  as  he  bolted  for  the  door,  he  called 
out  in  the  most  imploring  tone, "  Take  them  away ! 
take  them  away !  I'll  pay  the  wine." 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  T6 


CHEAP  WIXE. 

The  parsimonious  proclivities  of  this  officer  were 
exhibited  in  a  rather  unenviable  light  upon  a  certain 
occasion  when  he  gave  a  dinner-party  to  Colonel 
Morgan,  who,  by-the-by,  was  probably  one  of  the 
most  absent-minded  and  "  distrait"  men  that  ever 
lived. 

The  colonel  was  not  much  addicted  to  giving  din- 
ners, and  when  he  did,  the  "  carte"  was  so  meagre, 
and  the  wine  of  such  inferior  quality,  that  his  enter- 
tainments were  by  no  means  popular  with  the  offi- 
cers. The  dinner  in  compliment  to  Colonel  Mor- 
gan, above  alluded  to,  was  prolonged  to  an  unusual 
hour,  and  a  good  deal  of  the  colonel's  cheap  wine 
was  consumed  during  the  protracted  sitting. 

On  the  following  morning,  Colonel  Morgan,  after 
a  very  restless  night,  during  which  the  little  sleep  he 
was  enabled  to  get  was  continually  disturbed  by 
semi-somnolent  glimpses  of  his  ancestors  and  other 
spectral  concomitants  of  indigestion  and  nightmare, 
found  himself  suffering  from  an  excruciating  head- 
ache, which  continued  all  the  morning,  making  him 
feel  generally  miserable  and  out  of  humor.  While 
in  this  condition  he  happened  to  meet  his  host  of  the 
previous  evening,  who  very  blandly  passed  the  salu 

D 


74:  BoKDEK    REMINISCENCES. 

tations  of  the  morning  with  him,  and  anxiously  in- 
quired as  to  the  state  of  his  health. 

It  did  not,  it  seems,  for  the  instant  occur  to  him 
where  or  by  whom  he  had  been  entertained,  and  in 
the  most  ingenuous  manner  imaginable  he  replied, 
"  The  fact  is,  my  dear  sir,  that  I  dined  out  some- 
where yesterday,  and  they  gave  me  some  villainous 
trash  which  they  called  wine,  and  it  has  played  the 
very  devil  with  me,  sir.  My  head  feels  like  a  moun- 
tain with  the  fires  of  a  volcano  raging  within." 

Notwithstanding  his  oblivious  proclivities,  Colonel 
Morgan  was  a  -most  conscientious,  excellent  officer, 
and  a  high-toned,  honorable  gentleman,  whom  all  his 
acquaintances  held  in  the  highest  admiration. 

So  far  as  his  own  history  was  concerned  very  little 
was  known  upon  the  subject,  as  he  always  maintain- 
ed an  absolute  silence  in  regard  to  his  early  life.  In- 
deed, it  was  generally  understood  that  he  himself  was 
totally  ignorant  of  every  thing  relating  to  his  origin. 
He  only  knew  that  from  his  earliest  recollection  he 
had  been  carefully  watched  over  and  abundantly  pro- 
vided for  through  the  agency  of  some  mysterious 
source,  which  he  was  unable  to  discover  to  the  day 
of  his  death.  The  prevailing  opinion  among  his 
brother  officers  was  that  he,  at  some  period  before  he 
entered  the  service,  had  been  crossed  in  an  affaire  dn 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  75 

ccsur.  However  this  may  have  been,  he  remained  a 
bachelor  all  his  days,  and  never  seemed  particularly 
fond  of  ladies'  society. 

These  circumstances  may  have  operated  so  power- 
fully upon  his  proud,  sensitive  nature  as  to  have  ex- 
ercised a  controlling  influence  in  producing  the  idio- 
syncrasies in  his  character.  His  mental  ramblings 
were  sometimes  much  more  devious  than  at  others, 
although  they  never  amounted  to  any  thing  like  mon- 
omania. 

He  was  a  strict  disciplinarian  and  a  capital  drill 
officer ;  yet  occasionally,  when  one  of  his  "  distrait" 
fits  would  strike  him,  he  made  some  most  ludicrous 
mistakes.  For  example :  while  he  was  drilling,  one 
afternoon,  he  became  so  much  absorbed  in  a  deep- 
brown  study  that  he  continued  to  march  the  battalion 
back  and  forth  until  after  dark,  without  the  slightest 
apparent  conception  of  what  he  was  about,  until  the 
adjutant  asked  him  if  he  should  not  send  for  some 
lanterns  to  enable  him  to  post  the  markers  properly. 
He  looked  up  in  bewilderment,  exclaiming,  "  Tut ! 
tut !  tut !  well,  now,  I  declare,  it  is  dark,  sure  enough. 
Dismiss  the  battalion,  Mr.  Adjutant ;"  and  away  he 
went  toward  his  quarters,  muttering  to  himself, "  Tut ! 
tut !  tut !" 

The  colonel  was  an  enthusiastic  sportsman,  and 
prided  himself  on  his  shooting. 


76  BOEDER   REMINISCENCES. 

Once,  while  he  was  standing  in  front  of  his  regi- 
^ment  in  command  of  a  dress-parade,  and  at  the  time 
when  the  band  was  "  beating  off,"  a  line  of  wild  geese 
flying  unusually  low  passed  directly  over  him.  Un- 
der the  impulse  of  the  moment,  he  instantly  raised 
his  sword  to  his  shoulder  and  aimed  at  them,  as  if 
he  had  a  gun  in  hand ;  but,  discovering  the  mistake, 
he  dropped  the  sword,  remarking  as  he  did  so, "  I've 
lost  a  splendid  shot.  If  I  had  my  gun  I  believe  I 
could  bag  two  £>f  those  birds — I  do,  indeed ;  and  pos- 
sibly I  could  have  killed  three." 

Hearing  some  smothered  laughing  among  the 
men,  he  instantly  recovered  his  composure,  and 
called  out,  "  Silence  in  the  ranks !  Did  you  never 
see  a  flock  of  wild  geese  before  ?" 

He  could  never  remember  the  names  of  his  sol- 
diers, but  acquired  the  habit  of  identifying  and  des- 
ignating them  by  certain  significant  acts  or  incidents 
connected  with  their  service.  As,  for  instance,  in 
aligning  the  battalion  on  parade,  he  would  often  call 
out  from  the  right  to  men  on  the  extreme  left, "  Dress 
up  there,  you  man  that  drove  team  on  Rum  River. 
Dress  back  a  little,  you  man  that  deserted  from  Prai- 
rie du  Chien.  Steady  there,  you  man  who  stole  the 
powder  and  shot  from  the  sutler." 

At  one  time,  while  he  was   staying  at  the  old 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  77 

American  Hotel  in  New  York,  he  went  to  his  room 
(as  he  supposed)  to  dress  for  dinner,  but  by  some 
blunder  he  managed  to  get  into  another  man's  apart- 
ment, and,  opening  the  wardrobe,  took  out  a  pair  of 
pantaloons  of  a  different  color  from  any  he  pos- 
sessed, put  them  on,  and  started  for  the  dining- 
room. 

As  he  was  a  very  tall  man,  while  the  proprietor  of 
the  pants  he  had  dressed  himself  in  was  an  uncom- 
monly short  individual,  he  was  sans  culotte  from 
about  the  region  of  the  knees  downward,  so  that,  as 
the  reader  may  imagine,  in  parading  with  his  erect, 
dignified  carriage  across  the  large  dining-hall,  filled 
with  ladies  and  gentlemen,  his  singular  appearance 
excited  no  little  amusement  for  the  assembled  guests, 
and  it  was  not  until  the  host  sent  a  waiter  to  notify 
him  of  the  outre*  exhibition  he  was  making  that  he 
had  the  least  idea  of  the  cause  of  the  merriment 
Then  casting  his  eyes  down  to  his  legs,  he  indignant- 
ly remarked, "  Tut !  tut !  tut !  that  rascally  tailor  has 
made  my  pants  too  short,  or  else  they  have  shrunk 
most  confoundedly ;"  and,  turning  round,  he  march- 
ed rapidly  off,  soliloquizing  anathemas  at  New  York 
tailors. 

Upon  another  occasion,  while  at  Fort  -  — ,  he 
dressed  himself  in  full  uniform,  and  had  his  horse 


78  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

completely  caparisoned  and  brought  out  to  ride  at  a 
review  and  inspection  of  his  command. 

Previous  to  his  getting  into  the  saddle,  however, 
by  some  accident  the  stirrups  had  become  disar- 
ranged in  such  a  manner  that  one  of  them  was 
drawn  up  and  buckled  near  the  saddle-skirt,  and  the 
other  was  let  down  to  the  extremity  of  the  strap. 
Not  observing  the  incongruity,  he  at  once  mounted, 
and  placed  the  right  foot  in  the  short  stirrup,  with 
the  leg  elevated  and  bent  so  as  to  form  an  acute  an- 
gle, with  the  knee  at  the  apex,  while  the  left  leg  was 
extended  to  its  full  length  in  order  to  reach  the  de- 
pressed position  of  the  stirrup  on  the  opposite  side. 

In  this  unsymmetrical  posture  he  galloped  out  in 
front  of  the  battalion,  and,  after  acknowledging  the 
salute  of  the  troops,  rode  around  the  line,  his  exces- 
sively comical  appearance  causing  much  suppressed 
merriment  among  the  men.  But  the  most  ludicrous 
part  of  the  performance  occurred  after  the  review 
had  ended  and  the  battalion  was  wheeled  into  col- 
umn of  companies  for  inspection. 

The  colonel  then  rode  to  the  head  of  the  column, 
called  an  orderly  to  hold  his  horse,  and  dismounted. 
But,  as  strange  as  it  may  appear,  instead  of  straight- 
ening out  his  right  leg  when  he  reached  the  ground, 
the  limb,  as  if  in  a  cataleptic  state,  continued  at  about 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  79 

the  same  deflection  from  a  right  line  that  it  had  as- 
sumed while  upon  the  horse ;  and,  what  is  still  more 
surprising,  when  the  colonel  commenced  to  walk,  his 
leg  remained  rigidly  doubled  up,  so  that  he  was 
obliged  to  dip  his  head  very  low  every  time  he  put 
his  right  foot  to  the  ground. 

The  officers  and  men  tried  their  best  to  preserve 
gravity  and  order,  but  it  was  no  easy  matter.  At 
the  first  step  he  took  irresistible  smiles  gathered  upon 
the  faces  of  the  officers,  and  suppressed  titterings  ran 
along  the  entire  column ;  but  as  the  old  veteran  be- 
gan to  move  faster,  with  his  head  bobbing  up  and 
down  at  every  step,  and  crying  out,  at  the  top  of  his 
voice,  "Silence  in  the  ranks!"  the  ludicrous  effect 
preponderated  over  every  other  consideration.  It 
was  more  than  the  best  disciplined  troops  on  earth 
could  endure  with  gravity,  and,  as  might  have  been 
anticipated,  a  simultaneous  thundering  peal  of  up- 
roarious laughter  burst  from  the  whole  command 
like  an  avalanche  upon  the  ears  of  the  astounded 
colonel,  who,  in  absolute  unconsciousness  of  the  cause 
of  the  insubordinate  proceedings,  became  intensely 
exasperated,  furiously  swinging  his  sword  around, 
and  vociferously  screaming  "Silence!  silence!  si- 
Unce!" 

At  the  same  time,  his  pace  along  the  column  be- 


80 


BORDEK  REMINISCENCES. 


"SILENCE  IN  THE  RANKS!" 

came  more  and  more  accelerated,  and  the  dipping 
of  his  head  correspondingly  more  rapid,  which  of 
course  only  served  to  augment  the  drollery  of  the 
spectacle,  and  increase  the  merriment  and  disorder 
in  the  ranks,  until  it  finally  reached  such  a  pitch  that 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  81 

the  adj  utant,  in  the  midst  of  convulsions  of  laughter, 
informed  him  what  had  occasioned  it. 

The  colonel,  notwithstanding  he  was  something  of 
a  martinet,  could  appreciate  a  good  joke  as  well  as 
most  men,  even  when  Jie  was  himself  the  subject  of 
it.  And  when  he  cast  his  eyes  down  toward  his 
nether  appendages,  and  comprehended  the  comical 
figure  he  had  been  cutting,  he  at  once  straightened 
up  and  joined  in  the  laugh,  exclaiming, " Tut !  tut! 
tut!  Well,  now,  I  declare,  that  was  funny  —  very 
funny  indeed  !  Ha !  ha !  ha !" 

COLONEL  DEN.  BELL. 

Colonel  Bell,  when  I  first  met  him,  had  nearly 
reached  the  patriarchal  longevity  of  threescore  and 
ten,  yet  he  was  then  one  of  the  best  preserved  and 
most  genial  and  convivial  spirits  I  ever  encountered. 

His  well-proportioned,  lithe,  and  muscular  frame 
had  been  fully  developed  and  matured  by  many 
years'  active  service  on  the  distant  Indian  frontier, 
where  the  healthful  and  invigorating  atmosphere  of 
the  mountains  and  plains  served  to  perpetuate  and 
augment  his  natural  buoyancy  of  temperament  to  a 
degree  that  seemed  to  set  at  defiance  the  sedative 
and  enervating  influences  of  age. 

Many  and  many  a  time,  after  marching  all  day 
D2 


82  BORDER   KEMINISCENCES. 

in  severe  storms,  had  be  bivouacked  upon  the  wet 
ground,  without  any  shelter  save  his  poncho  and 
blanket ;  and  I  have,  upon  more  than  one  occasion, 
known  him,  after  riding  sixty  or  seventy  miles  on 
horseback,  to  dance  all  night  at  a  "  fandango,"  and 
appear  as  fresh  the  next  morning  as  if  nothing  un- 
usual had  occurred. 

He  was  by  no  means  a  debauchee  or.  tippler,  but, 
at  the  same  time,  he  was  fond  of  good  wine,  and  did 
not  object  to  an  occasional  glass  of  grog;  and,  after 
imbibing  a  moderate  quantity  with  a  good  dinner, 
he  possessed  an  inexhaustible  fund  of  racy  anecdotes, 
which  he  could  relate  with  better  effect  than  any 
man  I  ever  knew. 

His  entire  military  life  had  been  passed  on  the 
border,  and  only  at  rare  intervals  of  time  had  he 
been  able  to  visit  the  Eastern  cities,  so  that  it  could 
not,  of  course,  be  expected  that  he  should  be  well 
posted  in  the  capricious  and  vacillating  absurdities 
of  fashion,  or  the  equally  mutable  conventionalities 
of  dinner-table  etiquette. 

He  was  so  fortunate  upon  one  occasion  as  to  ob- 
tain a  leave  of  absence,  and,  while  making  a  short  so- 
journ in  one  of  the  cities  in  New  England,  where  the 
most  inflexible  rules  of  propriety  were  strictly  en- 
forced in  all  social  intercourse,  and  where  it  was 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  83 

looked  upon  as  rude  and  unbecoming  at  dinner-ta- 
ble to  laugh  aloud  or  speak  above  a  certain  modu- 
lated tone  of  voice,  and  an  unpardonable  breach  of 
decorum  to  perpetrate  a  bon-mot  or  take  more  than 
two  or  three  glasses  of  wine — while  in  this  somewhat 
puritanical  city  he  was  honored  with  an  invitation  to 
dine  with  several  gentlemen  at  the  mansion  of  the 
nabob  of  the  place. 

At  the  appointed  hour  he  was  ushered  into  the 
magnificent  dining-room,  which  was  brilliantly  illu- 
mined with  numerous  jets  of  gas  evolved  from  gor- 
geous French  chandeliers,  and  the  huge  mahogany 
table  was  groaning  under  the  weight  of  a  costly  serv- 
ice of  Sevres  china,  embellished  with  sparkling  Bo- 
hemian cut-glasses  of  the  most  exquisite  design  and 
finish,  while  soup,  vegetable,  and  sundry  other  dishes, 
of  massive  embossed  silver  and  gold,  showed  that  ev- 
ery thing  which  money  could  contribute  to  give  bril- 
liancy and  effect  to  the  banquet  had  been  unsparing- 
ly bestowed  by  the  liberal  host. 

But  this  munificent  display  of  luxury  and  wealth 
did  not  seem  to  be  appreciated  by  the  borderer,  or 
to  create  much  more  impression  upon  him  than  his 
pine  camp-table,  garnished  with  tin  plates  and  cups, 
would  have  done. 

When  the  dinner  was  announced,  the  colonel  seat- 


84  BORDEK  REMINISCENCES. 

ed  himself  sans  ceremonie  among  the  other  guests, 
as  perfectly  self-possessed  and  as  much  without 
mauvaise  honte  as  a  professional  diner-out  would 
have  been.  It  is  to  be  remarked,  however,  that  he 
would  have  preferred,  before  sitting  down,  in  ac- 
cordance with  his  usual  custom,  to  have  taken  an 
"  appetizer"  in  the  form  of  a  whisky  cocktail ;  but 
as  no  one  set  him  the  example,  he  reluctantly  dis- 
pensed with  tliis  preliminary,  and  took  his  raw  oys- 
ters on  the  half -shell,  after  which  the  host  passed 
the  sherry  to  him,  and  he  eagerly  swallowed  a  few 
drops  of  it  from  a  miniature  glass. 

The  soup  and  fish  courses  were  then  introduced, 
and  disposed  of  with  all  due  ceremony ;  but,  greatly 
to  the  colonel's  disgust,  the  wine  remained  station- 
ary, and  the  company,  with  the  exception  of  a  few 
subdued  whispers,  was  as  mute  and  grave  as  a  Qua- 
ker meeting. 

After  this  followed  the  meat  course,  and  the  most 
piquant  entrees,  all  of  which  passed  off  strictly  en 
rlgle  •  but  still  the  bottle  did  not  circulate. 

Then  came  the  choicest  game,  served  in  the  most 
approved  style,  unaccompanied,  however,  with  an  in- 
timation that  another  glass  of  wine  would  give  more 
zest  to  its  flavor,  and  the  spirits  of  the  party  seemed, 
if  possible,  to  wax  more  lugubrious  and  heavy  than 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  85 

before,  until  at  length  the  colonel,  having  exhausted 
all  his  powers  in  curbing  his  patience,  took  the  lib- 
erty of  asking  the  host  if  he  had  ever  heard  of  the 
ghost  that  once  appeared  to  some  of  the  army  of- 
ficers in  New  Mexico. 

He  replied  that  he  had  never  heard  of  the  cir- 
cumstance before,  and  begged  the  colonel  to  relate 
it.  Others  of  the  party  expressed  their  total  disbe- 
lief in  such  spiritual  manifestations,  but  all  united 
in  urging  the  colonel  to  tell  the  story,  which  he  did 
in  the  following  language : 

"  During  the  Mexican  War,  as  you  will  doubt- 
less remember,  gentlemen,  our  government  sent  out 
troops  to  take  possession  of  the  Territory  of  New 
Mexico.  The  detachment  was  composed  of  volun- 
teers and  regulars,  to  the  latter  contingent  of  which 
I  had  the  honor  to  belong. 

"  We  marched  from  Fort  Leavenworth,  on  the 
Missouri  River,  and  our  track  crossed  the  Plains, 
where  there  was  but  little  to  interest  or  divert  our 
minds  from  the  monotonous  and  toilsome  duties 
which  necessarily  devolved  upon  us. 

"  Nevertheless,  many  of  the  officers  were  jolly, 
convivial  spirits,  whose  effervescent  flow  of  good- 
humor  could  not  be  dampened  by  the  most  dis- 
heartening combination  of  adverse  influences,  and 


86  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

they  resorted  to  various  ingenious  expedients  to 
while  away  their  few  leisure  hours.  Some  of  them 
stalked  the  buffalo  or  antelope,  and  amused  them- 
selves in  innocent  field-sports,  while  others  became 
addicted  to  the  more  demoralizing  pastime  of  cards ; 
and  while  the  sutler's  supply  of  liquor  held  out,  this 
customary  concomitant  stimulus  of  gaming  was  free- 
ly imbibed ;  but  long  before  the  march  terminated 
it  was  seldom  that  an  officer  could  get  any  liquor 
for  love  or  money,  and  when  he  did,  it  came  in  the 
form  of  a  prescription  from  the  medical  officers,  the 
most  of  whom  had  seen  service,  and  were  not  easily 
humbugged  by  '  old  soldiers.' 

"  In  spite  of  this  restriction,  however,  they  kept 
up  their  spirits  wonderfully,  the  gaming  coterie  es- 
pecially, which  continued  to  hold  its  nightly  meet- 
ings without  a  drop  of  whisky. 

"  They  were  not,  it  must  be  acknowledged,  quite 
as  merry  as  when  the  '  flowing  bowl'  circulated  free- 
ly, as  they  were  all  good  'trenchermen;'  but  the 
stimulus  of  betting  served  to  divert  their  minds 
from  disagreeable  duties,  and  they  played  on  night 
after  night.  One  dark  and  dismal  night,  when  their 
sitting  had  been  prolonged  into  the  small  hours  of 
morning,  a  death -like  silence  pervaded  the  entire 
camp,  and  all  were  becoming  sleepy  and  wearied, 


BOKDEK   REMINISCENCES.  87 

when  suddenly  they  were  startled  by  the  loud  explo- 
sion of  a  terrific  clap  of  thunder  which  burst  direct- 
ly over  their  heads,  and  reverberated  through  the 
sky  like  the  salvo  from  a  huge  park  of  heavy  ord- 
nance, and  immediately  great  drops  of  rain,  driven 
before  a  violent  tempest,  came  pattering  like  buck- 
shot against  the  tent.  The  lightning  flashed  vividly 
from  every  point  in  the  heavens,  the  rain  poured 
down  in  torrents,  and  all  the  elements  seemed  in  an 
angry  mood  to  conspire  in  producing  the  greatest 
possible  chaos. 

"  The  cards  were  instantly  dropped  upon  the  table, 
and  the  astounded  votaries  of  gaming  sat  gazing 
upon  each  other  in  consternation  and  terror,  until, 
during  a  brief  interval  in  the  lightning  flashes,  the 
canvas  door  of  the  tent,  as  if  by  a  magic  hand,  was 
slowly  and  noiselessly  raised,  and  a  tall,  wan,  and 
cadaverous  figure,  draped  from  head  to  foot  in  a 
flowing  white  robe,  seemed  to  rise  out  of  the  earth 
and  fill  the  opening,  and,  slowly  raising  his  blood- 
less and  corpse-like  arm,  he  deliberately  pointed  his 
long,  bony  forefinger  at  the  cards  upon  the  table. 
Revolving  his  glassy  eyes  within  their  cavernous 
orbits,  and  directing  them  reproachfully  upon  each 
one  of  the  trembling  gamesters  in  succession,  while 
the  tears  coursed  down  the  deep  furrows  of  his  pale 


88  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

and  emaciated  visage,  he  in  a  most  sepulchral  and 
lugubrious  intonation  of  voice  gave  utterance  to 
speech — yes,  gentlemen,  this  frightful  spectre  spoke." 

Then,  appearing  to  be  so  much  paralyzed  by  the 
effect  of  his  own  narration  that  he  could  proceed  no 
further,  he  wiped  his  eyes,  and  was  silent.  After 
the  gloom  cast  over  his  auditors  had  become  par- 
tially dispelled,  one  of  them  ventured  to  inquire  if 
it  was  really  true  that  the  apparition  spoke. 

"Certainly,"  replied  the  colonel;  "his  utterance 
was  as  distinct  and  emphatic  as  mine  at  this  mo- 
ment." 

Another  inquisitive  gentleman  asked  if  he  had 
preserved  a  distinct  remembrance  of  the  purport  of 
the  language  that  issued  from  the  mouth  of  the 
phantom. 

"  Ah !  yes,"  answered  he,  with  a  most  solemn  ex- 
pression of  countenance, "  I  recollect  it  but  too  well 
— ay,  too  well,  gentlemen  ;  and  if  I  were  permitted 
to  live  a  thousand  years  I  should  not  be  able  to 
eradicate  it  from  my  memory." 

"  Pray,  then,"  said  they  all  (their  curiosity  now 
wrought  up  to  the  highest  point), "  tell  us  what  the 
ghost  said." 

Thus  importuned,  the  colonel,  with  the  greatest 
apparent  reluctance,  replied, "  Very  well,  gentlemen, 


• 


A    LONG    TIMK    BETWEEN    DRINKS. 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  91 

if  you  will  insist  upon  my  repeating  the  words  that 
were  uttered  upon  that  solemn  occasion,  you  must 
be  responsible  for  the  consequences." 

Then,  with  the  deepest  intonation  of  his  naturally 
heavy  bass  voice,  he  added, "  The  ghost  said,  gentle- 
men, the  ghost  said, '  Itis  a  monstrous  long  time  be- 
tween drinks  /' ': 

A  simultaneous  burst  of  uproarious  laughter  fol- 
lowed the  ludicrous  termination  of  the  facetious 
colonel's  story,  and  it  is  needless  to  add  that  the 
wine  circulated  much  more  freely  afterward. 

On  the  arrival  of  the  Army  of  Occupation  in  New 
Mexico  our  hero  was  assigned  to  the  command  of 
the  garrison  at  Sante  F^,  in  which  capacity  he  was 
required  to  exercise  both  civil  and  military  func- 
tions. This  necessarily  brought  him  in  frequent 
contact  with  the  native  Mexicans,  whose  Spanish 
dialect  he  had  no  more  knowledge  of  than  they  had 
of  the  idiom  of  the  Anglo-Saxon,  and  all  official  in- 
tercourse had  to  be  conducted  through  the  medium 
of  interpreters. 

It  so  happened  upon  one  occasion,  when  the  in- 
terpreter was  absent,  that  a  Mexican  woman  called 
to  see  the  "Commandant^  on  business,  and  on  en- 
tering the  office  she,  with  a  very  graceful  obeisance, 
politely  accosted  him  with  the  customary  salutation 


92  BORDER  REMINISCENCES. 

of  "  Comment  esta  usted,  signor  ?"  (How  are  you  to- 
day, sir  ?)  which,  as  near  as  the  colonel  could  make 
out,  signified, "  I've  come  to  stay,  sir." 

He  was  not  a  little  astonished  at  the  unceremoni- 
ous manner  in  which  the  signora  declared  her  in- 
tentions, and  was  very  considerably  embarrassed  at 
first ;  but,  after  a  moment's  reflection,  he  concluded 


NO  INTKNDE,  SENOR. 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  93 

to  let  her  remain  until  the  interpreter  returned. 
Accordingly,  putting  the  best  face  he  could  upon  it, 
he  said, "  Come  to  stay,  have  you,  old  lady  ?  Very 
well,  then,  sit  down,  and  make  yourself  at  home." 

Then  he  added,  soliloquizing, "  Devil  of  a  fix  I'm 
getting  into  now,  sure  enough." 

The  woman,  not  having  the  remotest  conception 
as  to  the  import  of  what  the  colonel  was  talking 
about,  remarked,  "N~o  intende,  senor"  (I  don't  un- 
derstand you,  sir). 

"  Very  well,"  replied  the  colonel.  "  If  you  no 
intended  to  stay,  what  in  the  devil  did  you  come 
here  for  ?" 


94  BOEDER  REMINISCENCES. 


CHAPTER  III. 

Lieutenant  Derby. — General  Up-to-snuff. — Reciprocating  Hospitali- 
ties.— Ball  at  Detroit. — Mess-banquet  at  London. — An  English 
Officer's  Opinion  of  the  American  Army. — Martial  Wooing. — An- 
tidote for  Inebriation. 

LIEUTENANT  DERBY. 

ALAS  !  poor  Derby.  Verily  it  must  be  admitted 
that  he  was  one  of  the  most  clever,  genial,  and 
amusing  spirits  of  his  day. 

Overflowing  with  a  redundancy  of  original,  pun- 
gent wit,  and  effervescent,  spicy  humor,  and  possess- 
ing a  prurient,  constantly  teasing,  and  insatiable  pen- 
chant for  the  perpetration  of  keen,  incisive  raillery, 
at  the  risk  even  of  incurring  the  displeasure  of  his 
best  friends,  it  is  not  surprising  that  the  memory  of 
this  incorrigible  humorist  should  often  be  revived  in 
the  minds  of  those  who  entertain  a  lively  apprecia- 
tion for  vivacious  burlesque  and  sparkling  bonmots. 

Many  of  Derby's  droll  stories  have  been  told  by 
himself,  with  inimitable  gusto,  in  Phenixiana  and  in 
other  publications,  but  some  of  his  happiest  hits  are 
onlv  known  to  his  associates. 


BOEDER   REMINISCENCES.  95 

If  the  following  has  ever  before  appeared  in  print, 
I  have  not  seen  it : 

Some  years  previous  to  his  death,  this  officer  was 
engaged  in  improving  the  navigation  of  the  Missis- 
sippi River,  with  his  head-quarters  at  New  Orleans. 

Shortly  after  this  he  visited  Nahant  for  his  health, 
and  took  lodgings  at  the  principal  hotel  of  that  fash- 
ionable watering-place,  where  he  encountered  a  large 
number  of  pleasure  and  health  seekers  from  various 
parts  of  the  country,  all  of  whom  were  strangers  to 
him.  It  was  in  vain  that  he  searched  the  register 
for  familiar  names — not  a  single  one  could  he  dis- 
cover among  them  all. 

He  wandered  about  over  the  grounds  by  himself 
during  the  entire  day,  and,  although  crowds  of  peo- 
ple met  him  at  every  turn,  yet  he  did  not  recognize 
a  face. 

Among  the  guests  at  the  hotel  was  a  convocation 
of  dentists,  who  had  assembled  there  for  the  purpose 
of  discussing  and  deliberating  upon  matters  pertain- 
ing to  the  general  interests  of  their  profession. 

Some  of  these  people,  observing  Derby  continu- 
ally alone,  and  apparently  without  acquaintances, 
imagined  that  possibly  he  might  be  a  brother  den- 
tist, but  nothing  positive  was  known  concerning  him 
until  one  individual  took  the  responsibility  of  ad 


96  BOEDER   REMINISCENCES. 

dressing  him,  and  begged  to  inquire  if  he  had  the 
honor  of  speaking  to  a  member  of  the  dental  frater- 
nity ;  to  which  Derby,  with  the  most  bland  polite- 
ness, replied  that,  although  he  might  not  be  regarded 
as  having  been  regularly  inducted  into  the  profession 
according  to  the  ordinary  acceptation  of  the  term, 
yet  he  ventured  to  assert  most  emphatically,  and 
without  the  slightest  fear  of  contradiction,  that  he 
had  but  a  short  time  before,  with  a  steam-engine, 
performed  a  dental  exploit  of  greater  magnitude 
than  had  ever  before  been  achieved.  This  astound- 
ing declaration,  announced  with  so  much  confidence, 
was  soon  bruited  about  among  the  members  of  the 
convention,  and  intense  curiosity  was  manifested  by 
them  to  learn  who  the  distinguished  stranger  was,  as 
well  as  to  ascertain  the  character  and  details  of  the 
great  operation  he  had  performed.  The  application 
of  steam  to  purposes  of  their  art  was  novel  in  the  ex- 
treme, and  the  subject  produced  an  animated  discus- 
sion among  themselves,  during  which  various  ran- 
dom conjectures  were  hazarded  regarding  Derby's 
identity,  nationality,  etc.  Some  surmised  that  he 
might  be  Dr.  Evans,  the  great  Parisian  operator, 
while  others  thought  he  looked  more  like  an  emi- 
nent London  dental  surgeon ;  but  nothing  satisfactory 
was  arrived  at,  and  they  finally  resolved  to  appoint  a 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  97 

committee  to  wait  upon  him  and  offer  him  a  seat  in 
the  convention,  hoping  that  he  might  thereby  be  in- 
duced to  give  an  account  of  the  wonderful  achieve- 
ment he  had  alluded  to.  Accordingly,  the  invitation 
was  extended  to  him,  to  which  he  responded  that  he 
entertained  a  lively  appreciation  of  the  honor  they 
had  conferred  upon  him,  but,  as  he  was  on  the  eve  of 
departure,  it  would  be  impossible  to  avail  himself  of 
it ;  if,  however,  as  they  stated,  the  convention  deemed 
it  important  to  the  interests  of  science  and  for  the 
relief  of  suffering  humanity  that  he  should  disclose 
to  them  what  he  had  accomplished  in  the  dental 
line,  he  should  no  longer  feel  at  liberty  to  hesitate 
in  complying  with  their  request.  They  assured  him 
that  the  gentlemen  present  were  unanimous  in  the 
opinion  that  the  value  to  the  dentistic  art  of  such  a 
contribution  as  he  had  indicated  could  not  well  be 
overestimated,  and  they  were  quite  confident  the 
convention  would  appreciate  it  accordingly ;  where- 
upon he  authorized  them  to  communicate  to  the  as- 
sociation they  represented  the  assurances  of  his  most 
distinguished  consideration,  with  the  announcement 
of  the  fact  "  that  he  had  but  a  short  time  before  ac- 
complished the  exceedingly  difficult  operation  of  ex- 
tracting the  huge  snags  from  the  mouth  of  the  great 
Mississippi." 

E 


98  BOEDER  REMINISCENCES. 


GENERAL  UP-TO-SNUFF. 

It  was  while  Derby  remained  in  New  Orleans  that 
Walker  and  other  filibusteis  were  recruiting  men 
for  the  Nicaragua  War. 

As  the  former  was  walking  through  Canal  Street, 
one  day,  in  "  undress"  uniform,  he  was  accosted  by  a 
stranger,  evidently  from  the  country,  who  inquired 
if  he  was  enlisting  soldiers  for  the  Nicaragua  cam- 
paign. He  replied  that  he  was  not  just  then  engaged 
upon  that  service,  but  added  (pointing  to  a  portly 
lieutenant  of  the  regular  army  who  happened  to  "be 
passing  in  full  uniform), "  Do  you  see  that  officer 
across  the  street  ?"  "  Yes,"  replied  he.  "  Very  well," 
said  the  irrepressible  wag ;  "  that  man  you  see  over 
there  is  the  distinguished  General  Up-to-snuff.  He 
is  recruiting  for  Nicaragua." 

The  lieutenant's  name  was  not  Up-to-snuff,  but 
U******:ff,  which  really  sounded  something  like  the 
ludicrous  metamorphosis  that  Derby  had  applied  to 
it,  and  with  those  who  knew  the  peculiarities  of  the 
man,  the  application  might  be  regarded  as  appropri- 
ate. He  was  quite  a  ponderous  individual,  with  an 
erect  and  somewhat  dignified  bearing,  but  excessive- 
ly inflated  and  pompous  in  his  deportment.  More- 
over, he  had  an  inexhaustible  gtock  of  "  modest  as- 


GENERAL   UP-TO-SNUFF. 


BORDER   KEMINISCENCES.  101 

surance,"  and  seemed  to  be  fully  persuaded  that  he 
possessed  about  all  the  information  that  was  of  any 
value ;  at  all  events,  if  there  was  any  thing  he  did 
not  understand,  he  was  never  known  to  admit  it. 
Moreover,  he  was  eminently  sensitive  upon  the  sub- 
ject of  practical  jokes  when  there  was  a  personal  ap- 
plication to  himself,  all  of  which  was  fully  under- 
stood and  appreciated  by  Derby.  Upon  the  occasion 
referred  to,  U******fPs  coat  was  buttoned  up  so  close 
around  his  short  neck  that  it  was  with  difficulty  he 
could  turn  his  head;  his  belt  was  drawn  so  tight 
around  the  waist  that  the  adipose  tissue  was  forced 
out  until  it  almost  united  outside ;  and  his  huge  sabre, 
dangling  from  the  extremities  of  the  straps,  thumped 
and  clattered  upon  t^e  sidewalk  as  he,  with  head 
erect  and  eyes  directed  square  to  the  front,  strutted 
along,  so  that  a  stranger  might  easily  have  mistaken 
him  for  a  man  of  some  consequence. 

As  may  be  imagined,  he  was  not  only  greatly 
amazed,  but  immensely  enraged,  when  the  aspiring 
tyro  who  had  followed  him  addressed  him  as  "Gen- 
eral Up-to-snuff"  and  at  the  same  time  expressed  a 
desire  to  enlist  for  the  Nicaragua  "War ;  and  he  turn- 
ed suddenly  round  upon  the  innocent  victim  with  a 
most  diabolical  expression  of  countenance,  and  in  a 
thundering  tone  of  voice  said, "  What  do  you  mean, 


102  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

you  scoundrel,  by  calling  me  General  Up-to-snuff  ? 
What  do  you  mean,  I  say,  sir?"  Not  receiving  any 
answer,  he  continued, "  I  believe  you  have  been  put 
up  to  this  thing.  "Who  told  you  I  was  General  Up- 
to-snuff,  I'd  like  to  know,  sir  ?" 

The  young  man,  trembling  with  apprehension  at 
the  infuriated  manner  of  the  lieutenant,  very  timidly 
replied,"  That  man  over  there  told  me  so,  sir,"  point- 
ing at  the  same  time  to  Derby,  who  was  still  in  sight, 
and  very  likely  waiting  to  witness  the  result  of  the 
interview. 

"He  did,  did  he,  sir?  Yery  well,  sir;  you  can 
give  my  compliments  to  '  that  man  over  there]  and 
inform  him  from  me,  sir,  that  he  is  laboring  under  a 
slight  hallucination ;  that  I  am  not  General  Up-to- 
8nuff )  n°5  sir> no^  by  a  devilish  sight,  sir !  And  you 
can  tell  him,  furthermore,  sir,  that  my  opinion  of  him 
is  that  he  had  better  attend  to  his  own  business,  a 
devilish  sight,  sir !  Tell  him  that,  sir !"  And  away 
he  stalked,  soliloquizing  and  gesticulating  most  ve- 
hemently. 

RECIPROCATING  HOSPITALITIES. 

It  will  be  remembered  that  the  threatened  inva- 
sion of  Canada  in  1838,  by  lawless  denizens  of  the 
United  States  calling  themselves  "  Patriots,"  excited, 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.       .      103 

for  a  time,  great  commotion  among  her  majesty's 
loyal  subjects  along  the  boundary-line,  and  that  quite 
a  large  force  of  regular  troops  was  dispatched  from 
England  to  suppress  the  e'meute. 

During  these  troubles  my  regiment  was  ordered 
to  the  Canadian  border,  and  the  head-quarters  located 
at  Detroit.  At  this  time  there  was  a  regiment  of 
foot  and  a  battalion  of  artillery  posted  at  London, 
Canada  West,  besides  several  detachments  of  English 
troops  at  other  places  near  us. 

Frequent  interchanges  of  visits  between  our  offi- 
cers and  those  of  the  English  garrisons,  together  with 
the  proverbially  kind  and  generous  hospitality  of  the 
citizens  of  Detroit,  rendered  our  brief  sojourn  in  this 
delightful  city  most  agreeable,  after  having  roughed 
it  for  many  previous  years  in  the  wilds  of  the  re- 
mote West. 

We  found  many  of  the  British  officers  intelligent, 
educated,  and  companionable,  and  totally  devoid  of 
that  arrogant  superciliousness  and  affectation  of  in- 
difference or  contempt  for  every  thing  not  English 
which  so  pre-eminently  characterizes  some  of  their 
compatriots  who  are  occasionally  met  with  in  the 
United  States. 

The  hospitalities  we  extended  to  these  gentlemen 
were  reciprocated  most  cordially,  and  the  intercourse 


.       BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

seemed  to  afford  them  fully  as  much  pleasure  as  it 
did  ourselves. 


BALL  AT  DETROIT. 

In  these  latter  days  of  festal  conviviality,  before 
the  humanitarian  disciples  of  temperance  had  effect- 
ed any  appreciable  abatement  in  the  aggregate  of 
alcoholic  and  vinous  fluids  consumed,  and  at  a  period 
when  it  was  looked  upon  as  rather  creditable  than 
otherwise  to  bear  the  reputation  of  a  "  valiant  trench- 
erman," it  is  not  surprising  that  gentlemen  should 
occasionally  have  overstepped  the  bounds  of  discre- 
tion, and  imbibed  more  than  they  could  discreetly 
carry.  Upon  a  certain  occasion  (at  Christmas,  I 
think  it  was)  we  gave  a  large  ball  at  the  Michigan 
Exchange  Hotel,  and  sent  invitations  to  the  officers 
at  London,  several  of  whom  honored  us  with  their 
presence,  and  seemed  to  enjoy  vastly  the  society  of 
the  beautiful  and  accomplished  ladies  of  Detroit, 
and  the  dancing  was  continued  until  a  late  hour. 

The  following  day  we  entertained  our  English 
guests  with  a  sumptuous  dinner,  and  during  the  re- 
past plied  them  bountifully  with  Champagne  and 
other  choice  wines,  which  that  prince  of  landlords, 
Mr.  Dibble,  knew  so  well  how  to  provide,  while  the 
piquant  entries,  extending  through  many  different 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  105 

courses,  served  to  protract  our  sitting  into  the  "  small 
hours"  of  morning,  when  our  somewhat  bacchanalian 
banquet  was  concluded  over  a  huge  bowl  of  smok- 
ing-hot  whisky-punch. 

Our  guests  did  ample  justice  to  the  good  cheer  we 
set  before  them,  and  the  majority  of  them  were  not 
perceptibly  damaged  by  it,  but  it  must  be  admitted 
that  a  few  were  not  quite  as  firm  upon  their  "  pins" 
when  they  rose  from  the  table  as  before  they  sat 
down.  Indeed,  if  my  memory  serves  me  correctly, 
I  am  under  the  impression  that  I  saw  the  servants 
carrying  off  two  or  three  who  were  too  weak  in  the 
joints  to  stand  without  assistance. 

I  have  retained  a  most  vivid  recollection  of  one 
scarred,  veteran  old  major,  who  was  wounded  at  Wa- 
terloo, and  who,  if  he  possessed  no  other  assets,  might 
doubtless  have  bequeathed  to  his  heirs  a  long  cata- 
logue of  sanguinary  battles  in  which  he  had  figured, 
besides  supplementing  a  codicil  embracing  numerous 
severely-contested  bacchanalian  bouts  over  the  mess- 
table. 

This  officer  appeared  to  think  the  reputation  of 
the  service  he  represented  would  be  seriously  dam- 
aged if  any  of  our  officers  drank  deeper  or  more  fre- 
quently than  he,  therefore  he  never  declined  taking 
wine  with  any  one  at  table  who  nodded  to  him. 
E2 


106  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

The  result  was,  the  ceremony,  repeated  so  often,  be- 
gan to  produce  a  perceptible  effect  upon  him ;  nev- 
ertheless the  old  warrior  continued  to  stand  up  val- 
iantly for  the  maintenance  of  his  convivial  national- 
ity, and  drank  off  bumper  after  bumper,  remarking, 
every  time  he  was  asked  to  "renew  the  assurances," 
"  Certainly,  certainly,  sir,  with  the  greatest  pleasure," 
when  he  swallowed  the  wine  in  a  twinkling,  and  in- 
variably added,  in  semi  -  soliloquy,  instantly  after- 
ward, "  I'm  none  of  your  one-bottle  men ;  I  can  car- 
ry under  my  jacket  three  bottles  any  day." 

For  several  hours,  during  which  the  wines  circu- 
lated freely,  the  major  held  his  own  tolerably  well ; 
but  when  the  strong  whisky-punch  came  on,  he  par- 
took of  it  so  bountifully  that  it  completely  deranged 
his  powers  of  articulation.  He  then  held  his  glass 
very  unsteadily,  occasionally  sipping  from  it,  but 
spilling  more  than  he  drank,  while  he  kept  up  a 
maudlin  soliloquy  something  like  the  following : 

"I'm — ah — three -bottle  man;  I'm  none  of  yer 
(hie)  one-bottle  men,  sir.  I've  no  r'gard  for  a  (hie) 
one-bottle  man.  Blaarst  a  (hie)  one-bottle  man, 
say  I." 

He  seemed  fully  sensible  of  the  fact  that  Captain 
"Barleycorn"  was  the  victor  in  this  engagement, 
and,  turning  toward  the  presiding  officer,  magnani- 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  107 

mously  acknowledged  his  defeat  in  the  following 
rather  ambiguous  language : 

"Miss'r  Pres'dent — I  say,  Miss'r  Pres'dent  [loud 
cries  of  '  hear !  hear ! !  hear !!!'],  that  blaarsted  Yan- 
kee (hie)  punch  has  got  into  my  head  a  li-li-lil-bit, 
and  I  b'lieve,  Miss'r  (hie)  Pres'dent,  that  I'm  sli-sli- 
sli'ly  ex-tos-ificated.  I  mean  to  remark  (hie),  Miss'r 

Pres'dent,  that  Major ,  of  her  majesty's  ro-o-y- 

al  — th  foot,  is  most  ro-o-o-yally  drunk.  But,  Miss'r 
Pres'dent,  if  you  Yankee  os-si-fers  '11  hon-er-er-er  us 
with  a  (hie)  visit  at  Lon-ern,  we'll  'cip-er-cate.  We'll 
make  ye  all-ze  drunk-ze-ze  lords,  Miss'r  Pres'dent." 

MESS-BANQUET  AT  LOXDOy. 

Our  gayeties  terminated  that  night.  The  English 
officers  returned  home  on  the  following  day,  and  in 
the  course  of  a  few  weeks  we  were  all  invited  to  at- 
tend a  grand  banquet  to  be  given  by  the  mess  of  her 
majesty's  — th  foot  at  London. 

As  it  was  impossible  for  us  all  to  leave,  we  sent  a 
delegation  of  three  officers  to  represent  us.  These 
were  Captain  H**e,  and  Lieutenants  D**s  and 
S*******n,  who  were  convivial  men,  fond  of  good 
dinners,  and  who  gladly  availed  themselves  of  this 
opportunity  for  a  pleasant  excursion. 

En  route  they  discussed  the  probable  order  of  the 


108  BOEDER   REMINISCENCES. 

programme  in  which  they  would  be  expected  to  en- 
act a  part,  and  delegated  Captain  H**e  (the  ranking 
officer)  to  respond  to  any  sentiment  that  might  be 
proposed  during  the  dinner  complimentary  to  our 
nation  or  army. 

In  accordance  therewith,  the  captain  set  his  wits 
at  work,  and  in  a  short  time  concocted  quite  a  clever 
and  appropriate  little  speech,  wherein  he  exhibited 
the  symbolic  types  of  the  two  nationalities  (the  lion 
and  eagle)  affiliating  and  associating  together  in  per- 
fect harmony  and  good  will,  and  showed  by  the  most 
conclusive  reasoning  the  great  benefits  that  would 
mutually  ensue  from  such  friendship  and  alliance. 

It  was  really  a  very  creditable  effort,  and  would 
doubtless  have  produced  a  happy  effect  had  it  been 
delivered  intact ;  but,  unfortunately  for  the  captain's 
elocutionary  fame,  before  the  time  arrived  for  him  to 
respond  at  the  fete,  his  brain  had  become  so  much 
obfuscated  by  the  numerous  potations  which  civility 
had  obliged  him  to  take,  that  he  had  forgotten  near- 
ly every  word  of  his  speech.  He  only  retained  a 
vague  remembrance  that  the  lion  and  eagle  occupied 
prominent  positions  in  it,  and,  when  called  upon,  he 
with  difficulty  rose  from  his  seat,  and,  supporting 
himself  against  the  table,  thus  addressed  the  assem- 
bly: 


BORDER    REMINISCENCES.  109 

"Miss'r  Pres'dent,  and  gentl'men,  and  ladies  [of 
course  there  were  no  ladies  present],  I  give  you  the 
Bri'sh  lion  and  the  'Mer'can  eagle  [great  applause, 
with  cries  of  '  hear !  hear ! !  hear ! ! !'].  I  give  you, 
f  ell'r  citz-z-z-ns,  the  'Mer'can  eagle  and  the  Bri'sh  lion. 
May  this  monarchal  quad-er-ped  and  this  republican 
bird  all'rs  be  good  friends  [renewed  applause].  May 
they  never  get  into  a  muss,  f  ell'r  citz-z-z-ns ;  but,  Mis- 
s'r Pres'dent,  should  this  roar-in'  quad-er-ped  ever 
elevate  his  ror-r-yal  paw  or  wag  his  regal  tail  at  this 
republican  fowl — which  we  don't  antiserpate — but 
should  he  dare  to  do  it,  Miss'r  Pres'dent,  may  the 
'Mer'can  eagle  scratch  out  the  Bri'sh  lion's  eyes,  by 


There  was  considerable  sensation  caused  by  the  pe- 
roration of  this  speech,  and  angry  cries  of  "  what ! 
what ! !  what ! ! !"  uttered  with  sharp  rapidity,  were 
heard  from  all  sides.  Very  soon,  however,  some  one 
observed,  " Never  mind  the  Yankee — he's  tight;" 
when  they  turned  the  whole  thing  into  a  good  hearty 
laugh,  and  gave  tremendous  applause. 

AN  ENGLISH  OFFICER'S  OPINION  OF  THE  AMERICAN  ARMY. 

Many  years  ago,  before  General  Scott  and  Sir  John 
Ilervey  had  adjusted  the  international  complications 
involved  in  the  settlement  of  the  northeastern  bound- 


110  BOEDER   REMINISCENCES. 

ary  question,  and  when  serious  apprehensions  were 
entertained  of  a  collision  between  the  local  authori- 
ties along  the  border,  our  government  established  at 
Houltou,  Maine,  some  fifteen  miles  distant  from  a 
point  on  the  River  St.  John  where  there  was  an  En- 
glish garrison,  a  military  post  subsequently  known  as 
"Houlton  Barracks."  This  post  at  one  time  was 
garrisoned  by  artillery  troops  under  the  command  of 
Captain  J.  B.  Magruder,  a  tall,  handsome  man  of  ele- 
gant address  and  courtly  presence,  whose  social  con- 
geniality, inherent  colloquial  tendencies,  and  spark- 
ling, vivacious  bonmots  were  acknowledged  by  all 
his  acquaintances. 

The  following  little  episode  will  exhibit  his  char- 
acter in  a  prominent  light. 

He  upon  one  occasion  obtained  leave  of  absence 
and  visited  Quebec,  carrying  letters  of  introduction 
to  certain  English  officers,  by  whom  he  was  received 
very  cordially,  and  invited  to  dine  at  the  mess  of  the 

— th  regiment  of ,  which  was  eminently  an 

aristocratic  organization,  embracing  upon  its  muster- 
roll  several  younger  scions  of  nobility,  with  other 
men  of  large  private  fortunes,  who  prided  themselves 
upon  their  luxurious  style  of  living  and  entertaining, 
which  in  some  respects,  it  was  said,  excelled  that  of 
the  household  troops. 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  Ill 

The  mess-hall,  upon  the  occasion  referred  to,  was 
draped  with  the  colors  of  the  two  consanguineous 
nationalities,  exhibiting  the  Red  Cross  of  St.  George, 
surmounted  by  the  imperial  crown,  entwined  within 
the  graceful  folds  of  the  Stars  and  Stripes ;  and  the 
mess-table  groaned  under  the  weight  of  a  ponderous 
service  of  gold  and  silver  plate,  which,  through  an  in- 
itiatory stipend  of  a  month's  pay  from  all  officers 
who  had  ever  joined  the  regiment,  besides  a  peren- 
nial subsequent  tax,  had  been  constantly  accumula- 
ting for  over  a  century,  all  of  which  was  exhibited 
in  dazzling  splendor  upon  this  occasion. 

The  carte  was  printed  in  gold  letters  upon  white 
satin,  and  the  numerous  French  dishes,  classified  upon 
it  strictly  en  regie,  were  of  the  most  recherche  and 
piquant  character,  while  the  oldest  and  most  costly 
wines  in  the  greatest  profusion  were  being  reduced 
to  the  proper  temperature  in  massive  silver  coolers 
all  around  the  table. 

In  a  word,  every  thing  within  the  power  of  money, 
art,  and  taste  seemed  to  have  been  exhausted  in  aug- 
menting and  giving  brilliancy  and  eclat  to  the  fete, 
and  it  was  doubtless  imagined  that  the  Yankee  offi- 
cer would  be  struck  with  amazement  at  the  blaze  of 
magnificence  which  flashed  upon  him  as  he  entered 
the  hall,  and  entre-nous  I  have  no  doubt  he  was  very 


112  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

much  astonished,  for  he  certainly  had  never  before 
seen  any  thing  like  it.  But  he  was  very  far  from 
exhibiting  any  surprise ;  on  the  contrary,  he  seemed 
to  look  upon  the  whole  thing  with  as  much  noncha- 
lance as  if  it  had  been  an  eveiy-day  affair ;  and,  with 
his  usual  self-confident  assurance,  lie  made  himself 
not  only  entirely  at  ease,  but  rather  conspicuous  in 
suggesting  and  leading  the  conversation,  which, 
among  a  variety  of  topics,  at  length  turned  upon  the 
subject  of  the  relative  pay  and  emoluments  allowed 
in  the  English  and  American  armies. 

The  Englishmen  admitted  that  their  pay  was 
small,  but  said  this  was  a  matter  of  little  moment  to 
them,  as  their  private  purees  enabled  them  to  live  as 
they  pleased,  independent  of  their  pay ;  and  they  ap- 
peared to  derive  especial  satisfaction  from  disclosing 
the  magnitude  of  their  incomes  and  expenditures. 

During  the  conversation,  one  of  the  officers  asked 
Captain  Magruder  how  much  pay  he  received,  to 
which  he  replied : 

"Well,  now,  my  dear  fellow,  I  declare,  upon  my 
honor,  I  have  not  the  most  distant  conception.  It 
strikes  me,  however,  that  I  have  heard  some  poor 
devil  of  a  captain,  who  was  entirely  dependent  upon 
his  pay,  say  it  was  something  like  two  or  three  hun- 
dred dollars  a  month,  but  really  I'm  not  positive. 


BOKDEK   REMINISCENCES.  113 

At  all  events,  it's  a  mere  bagatelle,  and  I  never  have 
any  thing  to  do  with  it  myself.  I  give  it  to  my  but- 
ler to  divide  among  the  servants  for  pocket-money, 
and  I  suppose  they  know  all  about  it." 

With  this  digression,  I  now  resume  my  story. 

The  British  garrison  upon  the  River  St.  John  was 
commanded  by  Captain  Burke,  a  jolly  and  facetious 
son  of  the  Emerald  Isle,  who  bore  the  reputation  of 
having  never  been  known  to  decline  a  very  urgent 
solicitation  to  join  his  friends  in  a  social  glass,  or  to 
have  permitted  an  opportunity  to  escape  for  perpe- 
trating a  good  joke.  As  may  readily  be  conjec- 
tured, two  officers  of  such  companionable  proclivi- 
ties did  not  remain  long  in  close  proxiniity  without 
interchanges  of  civilities.  They  and  some  of  their 
subordinates  visited  and  dined  with  each  other  oft- 
en, and  it  seems  reasonable  to  suppose  that  a  very 
considerable  quantity  of  wines,  to  say  nothing  of 
alcoholic  stimulants  in  the  more  condensed  medium 
of  brandy  and  whisky,  may  have  been  consumed 
upon  these  occasions. 

This  amicable  condition  of  things  continued  for  a 
good  while,  and  the  kindest  possible  relations  were 
maintained  between  the  officers  of  the  two  garrisons. 
At  length,  however,  both  commands  were  relieved  by 
other  troops.  Captain  Magrnder  was  superseded  by 


114  BOEDER  REMINISCENCES. 

Captain  Sam  Jones,  who  was  an  out-and-out  "  teeto- 
taler," while  her  Britannic  majesty's  martial  repre- 
sentative, Captain  Burke,  was  replaced  by  Major 
-  (I've  forgotten  his  name),  a  young  sprig  of 
nobility  who  had  seen  but  little  service,  and  at  best 
was  not  overstocked  with  savoir  faire. 

Before  Captain  Burke  left  the  post,  his  successor 
took  occasion  to  ask  his  opinion  regarding  the  Yan- 
kee officers  at  Iloulton  Barracks. 

He  replied  that,  during  his  limited  acquaintance 
with  them,  he  had  found  them  social  and  hospitable 
enough ;  "  but,"  added  he,  "  they  are  the  most  invet- 
erate tipplers  I  have  ever  met  with  in  the  whole, 
course  of  my  life,  and,  what  is  more,  they  expect  you 
to  drink  every  time  they  do.  If,  however,"  contin- 
ued he, "  you  ply  them  well  with  their  favorite  bev- 
erage, whisky,  you'll  find  them  generally  a  set  of 
jolly  good  fellows.  Mark  this,  and  you'll  get  along 
very  nicely ;  but  if,  when  they  visit  you,  you  fail  to 
supply  them  with  whisky  first,  whisky  last,  and  whis- 
ky continually  from  the  moment  they  open  their 
eyes  in  the  morning  until  they  are  carried  to  bed  at 
night,  you'll  see  no  more  of  them,  be  assured  of 
that." 

The"  unfledged  neophyte,  not  having  the  remotest 
idea  that  he  was  being  "sold,"  observed,  "That's 


BORDEK   REMINISCENCES.  115 

odd ;  that's  devilish  odd,  by  Jove !"  He  then  thank- 
ed the  facetious  Hibernian  for  the  information,  and 
the  latter  left  for  the  West  Indies. 

In  due  course  of  time,  Captain  Sain  Jones,  with 
several  of  his  officers  who  were  desirous  of  perpetu- 
ating the  friendly  relations  that  had  subsisted  be- 
tween their  predecessors,  rode  over  to  the  British 
fort  to  pay  their  respects  to  the  new-comers,  and,  on 
their  arrival,  went  directly  to  the  commanding  offi- 
cer's quarters,  and  were  admitted  by  an  orderly,  who 
invited  them  to  sit  down  while  he  hastened  to  notify 
the  major  of  their  presence. 

In  a  few  minutes,  to  their  surprise,  a  side-door  was 
suddenly  thrown  open,  and  a  tall,  slender  young  man 
in  demi-toilet,  with  a  bottle  in  each  hand,  rushed  for- 
ward, hastily  placed  them  upon  a  table,  flew  back  and 
brought  in  some  glasses,  then,  without  the  slightest 
preliminary  introduction  or  other  ceremony,  rapidly 
disappeared,  saying  as  he  went  out,  "I — ah — beg 
pardon,  I've  no  whisky  just  at  this  moment,  but" 
(pointing  to  the  table)  "  there's  brandy  and  gin ;  help 
yourselves,  and  I'll  send  for  some  whisky  directly." 

The  officers  were  greatly  astonished  at  such  a 
unique  reception,  and  discussed  its  signification  un- 
til the  major  (for  it  was  he)  came  back  again  with 
two  more  bottles  filled  with  whisky,  which,  with  a 


116  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

self-satisfied  air,  he  placed  upon  the  table,  and  in  the 
most  urgent  terms  pressed  them  to  partake  of ;  and, 
upon  their  all  declining  to  drink,  he  seemed  a  good 
deal  puzzled,  and  remarked  that  he  had  received 
from  Captain  Burke  the  impression  that  all  Amer- 
ican officers,  without  exception,  were  in  the  practice 
of  taking  three  or  four  cocktails  before  getting  up 
in  the  morning,  eight  or  ten  before  breakfast,  with 
numerous  other  drinks  during  the  day,  besides  wine, 
whisky-punch,  and  "  that  sort  o'  thing"  at  dinner. 

They  assured  him  he  had  been  misinformed,  as 
none  of  them  ever  drank  before  breakfast,  and  some 
of  them  did  not  drink  at  all,  not  even  wine  at  din- 
ner ;  whereupon  he  remarked, "  I — ah — beg  pardon, 
but  that's  very  odd.  We — ah — never  take  grog  be- 
fore lunch,  ye  know,  but  we  drink  wine,  and  all  that 
sort  o'  thing,  at  dinner.  You  don't  do  things  in  your 
service  as  we  do  in  ours,  it  seems.  We  always  drink 
wine  at  mess;  it's  regulation,  and  all  that  sort  o' 
tiling,  ye  know." 

Oar  officers  expressed  some  curiosity  to  learn  why 
the  queen's  regulations  should  be  so  much  at  vari- 
ance with  ours  in  requiring  wine  to  be  drank  at  the 
mess-table.  The  major  replied,  "  I — ah — can't  real- 
ly explain  why  it  is,  but  it's  very  <7?y-fer-r-rent,  ye 
know." 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  117 


MARTIAL  WOOING. 

A  second  lieutenant  by  the  name  of  W*****e  was 
once  assigned  to  our  regiment,  who  was  born  and 
"  raised"  in  the  wilds  of  Indiana ;  and  although  he 
possessed,  naturally,  fair  intellectual  faculties,  yet  he 
had  received  no  education  save  what  had  been  im- 
parted to  him  in  the  rudimentary  schools  of  the  ru- 
ral districts  along  the  Wabash  Valley. 

His  vernacular  was  redundant  with  the  patois  of 
his  nativity,  and  widely  divergent  from  the  accepta- 
tion of  our  standard  lexicographers. 

He  did  not,  however,  seem  at  all  conscious  of  his 
scholastic  deficiencies,  and  for  a  good  while  contin- 
ued to  make  use  of  his  anomalous  idioms,  the  oddity 
of  which  afforded  us  no  little  amusement. 

The  young  man  evinced  no  spirit  of  segregation, 
but  was  disposed  to  be  quite  social  with  his  brother 
officers,  and  was  especially  fond  of  ladies'  society. 
He  visited  them  often,  and  as  his  original  manner  of 
giving  expression  to  his  sentiments  diverted  them 
not  a  little,  he  was  always  received  kindly,  and  in- 
vited to  repeat  his  calls. 

About  this  time  a  young  lady  from  New  York 

city,  a  Miss  H y,  visited  the  family  of  one  of  the 

officers,  and  remained  some  months  with  us.  She 


118  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

- 

was  highly  accomplished,  pretty,  and  exceedingly 
animated,  piquant,  and  attractive.  Moreover,  she 
possessed  a  most  genial,  amiable,  and  kind  disposi- 
tion ;  but,  like  many  others  of  the  fair  sex,  her  fond- 
ness for  admiration  occasionally  carried  her  so  far 
that  her  friends  very  justly  charged  her  with  having 
a  dash  of  coquetry  in  her  composition ;  besides  this, 
she  had  a  decided  penchant  for  badinage  and  fun. 

No  sooner  had  she  been  presented  to  Lieutenant 

W than  she  comprehended  his  character  at  a 

glance,  and  at  once  brought  her  heaviest  metal  to 
bear  upon  the  exceedingly  vulnerable  citadel  of  his 
heart,  and  in  a  twinkling  made  so  great  a  breach 
therein  that  the  poor  fellow  surrendered  at  discre- 
tion. For  the  first  time  in  his  life,  he  found  himself 
most  desperately  enamored. 

He  repeated  his  visits  day  after  day  for  several 
weeks,  and  the  young  lady,  impelled  by  a  spirit  of 
flirtation,  encouraged  his  suit  while  he  was  in  her 
presence,  but  invariably  took  occasion,  as  soon  as  his 
back  was  turned,  to  detail  to  her  young  lady  com- 
panions every  thing  that  transpired  during  the  in- 
terviews. 

The  verdant  wooer,  not  having  the  faintest  concep- 
tion that  he  was  being  made  the  victim  of  misplaced 
affection,  persevered  in  his  courtship,  and  received 


BOEDER   REMINISCENCES.  119 

such  encouragement  as  to  call  forth  from  him  some 
very  emphatic  declarations  of  admiration.  He  even 
went  so  far,  on  one  occasion,  as  to  exclaim  that  "JUd 
be  dog-ond  efJie  didn't  Vlieve  she  was  a  ann-gell? 

This  truly  frank  and  sincere,  but  unique  avowal 
of  platonic  sentiment,  set  the  waggish  young  lady 
nearly  frantic  with  suppressed  desire  to  shout  with 
laughter ;  yet  she  controlled  her  features  and  pre- 
served a  serene  cast  of  countenance,  and  she  even 
managed  to  raise  the  semblance  of  a  blush  while 
casting  upon  her  lover  from  behind  her  "fan  a  be- 
nignant, coquettish  smile  of  satisfaction  as  she  coyly 

responded, "  Oh !  oh !  now,  my  dear  Mr.  W ,  how 

can  you  say  so  ?  You  make  me  blush ;  indeed  you 
do.  I  can  not  believe  you  are  sincere — I  am  afraid 

you  are  a  gay  Lothario,  Mr.  W ."  Then,  tapping 

him  very  gently  upon  the  shoulder  with  her  fan,  and 
bestowing  upon  him  a  most  bewitching  smile,  she 
added,  "Are  you  not  a  gay  Lothario,  Mr.  W f " 

This  question  was  rather  a  poser  to  the  enamored 
"  Hoosier,"  who  had  never  before  heard  of  the  per- 
son alluded  to  in  her  strategic  rejoinder.  Neverthe- 
less, while  pressing  his  hand  upon  what  he  conceived 
to  be  the  region  of  the  heart,  but  which,  according 
to  the  location  assigned  that  organ  by  anatomists, 
was  a  little  too  low,  he  replied, 


120  BORDER  REMINISCENCES. 

"  I  don't  mind  hearin'  tell  o'  that  thar  individual 

afore,  Miss  H ,  but  I  sorter  reckon  he's  no  kin  o' 

mine,  and  you  am  a  ann-gell — /  swar  you  is." 

Other  equally  forcible  asseverations  of  his  devo- 
tion were  made  during  this  interview,  all  of  which 
were  received  by  the  young  lady  in  so  gracious  a 
manner  as  to  afford  him  the  most  encouraging  hopes 
of  ultimate  success. 

Of  course  the  entire  conversation  was  detailed  by 

Miss  H with  much  zest  to  her  associates,  all  of 

whom  she  invited  to  be  at  her  quarters  on  the  follow- 
ing evening.  A  short  time  before,  Mr.  W had 

asked  for  and  been  promised  a  special  audience,  for 
the  purpose,  as  she  imagined,  of  making  her  a  formal 
tender  of  his  heart  and  hand. 

Accordingly,  at  the  appointed  hour,  they  all  assem- 
bled, and  were  quietly  ensconced  in  an  apartment 
adjoining  the  sitting-room,  with  the  communicating 
door  slightly  ajar,  so  that  they  could  distinctly  hear 
every  word  that  was  said. 

Soon  after  this  the  lieutenant  made  his  appearance 
in  full  uniform,  and  was  cordially  received  by  his 
sweetheart,  who  asked  him  to  take  a  seat  near  her, 
and  entered  into  seemingly  a  very  confidential  but 
rather  loud  conversation  with  him,  which  soon  led 
him  to  approach  the  subject  of  his  dearest  aspira- 
tions. 


WODLD    YE    LIKE    FUR    TO   JINE   THE    ARMY,  MISS    H ? 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  123 

Placing  himself  upon  his  knees  in  front  of  her, 
with  a  most  tender,  anxious,  and  beseeching  expres- 
sion of  countenance  and  voice,  but  with  considerable 
manifestation  of  diffidence,  he  said, 

"  Would  ye  like  fur  tojine  iK  army,  Miss  H f " 

"  No,"  replied  she,  using  his  very  words,  and  imi- 
tating his  peculiar  diction, "  I  don't  think  I'd  like  fur 
to  jine  th'  army,  Mr.  W ." 

At  this  juncture  screams  of  vociferous  laughter 
burst  forth  from  the  mischievous  girls  in  the  adjoin- 
ing apartment,  in  which  the  cruel  Miss  H ,  no 

longer  able  to  control  herself,  unmercifully  joined, 
which  caused  the  discomfited  lover  to  leap  to  his  feet 
in  great  confusion,  seize  his  cap,  and  rush  from  the 
room,  and  I  don't  think  he  ever  afterward  attempted 
to  pay  his  addresses  to  any  lady. 

ANTIDOTE  FOR  INEBRIATION. 

The  moral  character  of  this  officer  was  unimpeach- 
able, and  his  habits  correct  and  exemplary  in  every 
particular.  He  rarely  took  a  glass  of  wine  even  at 
dinner,  and  I  dare  say  he  never  in  his  life,  up  to  that 
time,  had  been  intoxicated ;  but  after  his  grievous 
disappointment,  resulting  from  the  rejection  of  his 
matrimonial  aspirations  by  the  volatile  young  lady 
from  New  York,  together  with  the  cruel  ridicule  in- 

%     *          ™ 


124  BOEDER  REMINISCENCES. 

flicted  upon  him  by  her  unsympathizing  bevy  of  con- 
federates, it  is  not  so  very  strange  that  he  should  have 
felt  like  perpetrating  some  rash  act  of  desperation. 

He  then  withdrew  almost  entirely  from  ladies'  so- 
ciety, and  transferred  his  associations  to  the  other 
.sex,  and  did  not  now  so  pertinaciously  adhere  to  his 
abstemious  resolutions.  He  would  now  and  then  in- 
dulge in  a  glass  or  two,  but  not  more,  until  upon  one 
occasion  the  officers  were  all  invited  to  a  supper-par- 
ty at  the  house  of  a  hospitable  citizen  named  B****, 
who  lived  about  five  miles  from  the  fort. 

Many  of  them,  including  the  young  gentleman 
from  the  Wabash,  attended  the  party,  and  relished 
the  savory  game  supper  amazingly.  Lieutenant 
W seemed  to  be  especially  happy  upon  the  oc- 
casion, and  partook  rather  freely  of  the  Champagne 
and  choice  liquors  that  the  gracious  host  continued 
to  press  upon  him,  until  at  length  he  began  so  sensi- 
bly to  feel  the  effects  of  the  unusual  number  of  po- 
tations he  had  imbibed  that  he  directly  demurred  at 
taking  any  more,  and,  when  urged  by  the  host  to  do 
so,  gave  as  an  excuse  that  he  had  already  drank  as 
much  as  he  could  well  sustain  without  becoming  in- 
toxicated, and  added  that  he  would  not  for  the  world 
be  guilty  of  committing  so  scandalous  a  breach  of 
propriety  as  that. 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  125 

Mr.  B informed  him  there  would  not  be  the 

least  danger  of  inebriation  provided  he  ate  freely 
of  coldslaw,  and  assured  him  he  had  often  seen  the 
experiment  tried  with  entire  success.  Accordingly, 
he  continued  to  drink,  and  every  glass  was  followed 
by  a  liberal  dose  of  the  vegetable  antidote,  so  that 
before  the  repast  was  over  he  had  consumed  all  the 
coldslaw,  and  was  filled  to  nearly  the  maximum  of 
his  bibitory  capacity ;  yet  he  was  able  to  "  navigate" 
tolerably  well,  and,  after  swallowing  a  stirrup-cup 
bumper  of  stiff  hot- whisky  punch,  he  started  for  the 
fort,  but,  just  before  reaching  the  sally-port,  discov- 
ered himself  becoming  so  much  intoxicated  that  he 

at  once  resolved  to  turn  back  and  call  Mr.  B to 

account  for  recommending  an  antidote  for  inebria- 
tion which  did  not  have  the  desired  effect.  With 
this  purpose  in  contemplation,  he  ordered  his  driver 
to  turn  round,  and  was  carried  all  the  way  back  to 

Mr.  B 's  house,  reaching  there  about  three  o'clock 

in  the  morning,  while  the  family  were  in  bed  and 
sound  asleep. 

After  knocking  several  times  at  the  door,  and  call- 
ing in  a  loud  voice,  "  O-o-o-oh,  Miss'r  B !  o-o-o- 

o-oh,  Miss'r  B !"  he  at  length  aroused  the  head 

of  the  family,  who,  somewhat  startled,  leaped  from 
the  bed,  and,  running  to  the  window,  called  out, 


126  BOKDEK   REMINISCENCES. 

"Who  are  you,  and  what  do  you  want  at  this  time 
o' night?" 

Instead  of  giving  a  direct  answer,  the  muddled 
victim  continued  beating  the  door  and  calling  out, 
"  O-o-o-oh,  Miss'r  B !  I  say,  Miss'r  B !" 

Thinking  that  a  serious  accident  might  have  hap- 
pened to  some  of  his  guests  after  leaving  the  house, 

B- hurried  to  the  door,  and,  on  opening  it,  to  his 

astonishment,  confronted  the  lieutenant  holding  him- 
self up  by  the  door-post.  He  anxiously  inquired  as 
to  the  cause  of  this  untimely  visit,  and  invited  the 
officer  into  the  house.  He  declined,  however,  ex- 
claiming, in  an  emphatic  and  elevated  tone  of  voice, 

"  Miss'r  B !  I  say,  Miss'r  B ,  cabbage  ain't 

no  'count,  Miss'r  B /"  Then,  without  uttering 

another  syllable,  he  staggered  back  to  his  sleigh  and 
was  driven  home. 

I  am  not  positive  that  the  trite  phrase  used  in  vul- 
gar parlance, "  No  more  account  than  cabbage,"  took 
its  origin  from  the  circumstance  above  related,  but  it 
would  not  surprise  me  if  such  was  the  fact. 


BOEDER   REMINISCENCES.  127 


CHAPTER  IV. 

Enlisted  Men. — Captain  M'Cabe. — Private  Orr  as  a  Witness. — Any- 
thing the  Cap'n  plaizes. — A  veteran  Drummer. — Improvised  Dis- 
tillery. —  Novel  Writ  of  Ejectment.  —  Cold  Weather.  —  Colonel 
T*****. — How  to  make  good  Bread. — Napton,  the  Teamster;  his 
Visit  to  the  Moon ;  what  he  saw  there. — Song  of  the  old  Quarter- 
master's Mule.— Colonel  S*********.— Diving  for  Oysters.— Tak- 
ing Satisfaction. — Correcting  the  Parson. 

ENLISTED  MEN. 

THE  incidents  I  propose  narrating,  wherein  certain 
soldiers  enact  conspicuous  and  not  very  commendable 
roles,  must  by  no  means  be  regarded  as  applicable  to 
the  great  mass  of  the  rank  and  file  of  the  old  army. 
There  may  have  been  some  force  in  the  remark 
made  by  an  old  soldier  in  extenuation  of  a  not  very 
heinous  offense  for  which  he  was  undergoing  trial, 
that  "  the  court  could  scarcely  expect  to  find  the  en- 
tire catalogue  of  cardinal  virtues  embodied  in  every 
individual  specimen  of  a  class  of  men  who  only  re- 
ceived for  their  services  the  paltry  compensation  of 
six  dollars  a  month."  Nevertheless,  very  many  good 
men  were  even  at  that  time  found  in  the  ranks ;  and 
it  affords  me  especial  satisfaction  in  giving  my  at- 
testation to  the  fact  that  I  have  invariably  found  the 


128  BORDER  REMINISCENCES. 

old  soldiers  possessing  the  most  kind,  generous,  and 
disinterested  impulses.  I  am  indebted  for  my  exist- 
ence at  this  moment  to  the-  unparalleled  fortitude, 
endurance,  and  sufferings  of  a  noble  little  band  of 
soldiers  who  nearly  sacrificed  their  own  lives  to  ex- 
tricate me  from  the  perils  of  a  winter's  journey  over 
the  snow-clad  summits  of  the  Rocky  Mountains.  It 
would,  therefore,  be  not  only  unbecoming,  but  ex- 
ceedingly ungrateful  in  me  to  attempt  any  deroga- 
tion from  their  many  praiseworthy  attributes. 

CAPTAIN  M'CABE. 

Of  something  like  forty  officers  who  were  attached 
to  the  regiment  in  which  I  first  served,  and  of  whom 
I  can  only  enumerate  five  now  living,  there  is  none 
who  has  left  a  more  indelible  impression  upon  my 
memory  than  Captain  M'Cabe.  This  officer  entered 
service  from  civil  life  during  the  War  of  1812-14, 
had  proved  himself  a  valiant  soldier,  and  was  a  dis- 
ciplinarian of  the  most  exacting  and  uncompromis- 
ing type. 

The  slightest  deviations  from  the  literal  fulfill- 
ment of  orders,  or  an  approximation  to  infractions 
of  regulations,  were  in  his  estimation  offenses  of  the 
most  flagitious  character,  which  could  be  expiated 
only  by  the  infliction  of  the  severest  penalties  sane- 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  129 

tioned  by  law  and  military  usage.  No  such  clement 
word  as  condonation  ever  found  a  place  in  his  vo- 
cabulary. 

The  sturdy  old  veteran  was  born  and  nurtured  in 
the  mountains  of  Pennsylvania,  where  he  received 
but  little  education,  and  that  of  a  rudimental  and 
fragmentary  character. 

When  1  met  him,  however,  he  had  been  thrown  in 
contact  with  men  of  culture  and  refinement  for  so 
many  years  that  this  constant  social  attrition  had 
worn  off  some  of  the  more  salient  asperities  devel- 
oped by  his  early  provincial  training,  so  that,  when 
not  under  the  influence  of  excitement,  he  endeavored 
to  deport  himself  like  a  gentleman,  making  use  of 
the  politest  and  most  graceful  expressions  within  the 
scope  of  his  diction ;  but,  whenever  the  equanimity 
of  his  eminently  irascible  temperament  became  at 
all  disturbed,  he  abruptly  cast  aside  his  studiously 
selected  forms  of  expression  for  the  coarse  vernacu- 
lar dictated  by  his  natural  impulses. 

PRIVATE  ORR  AS  A  WITXESS. 

He  was  once  president  of  a  court-martial  of  which 
I  happened  to  be  a  member,  and  before  which  a  sol- 
dier was  arraigned  for  drunkenness  on  duty. 

The  prisoner  pleaded  guilty  to  the  charge,  but  the 
F2 


130  BOEDER  REMINISCENCES. 

ruling  of  courts-martial  then  requiring  the  allega- 
tions to  be  substantiated  by  evidence,  a  soldier  by 
the  name  of  Orr  was  called  in  behalf  of  the  prosecu- 
tion, who,  it  appeared,  had  been  with  the  accused 
when  the  offense  was  committed,  and  in  all  proba- 
bility was  drunk*  at  the  same  time. 

After  having  been  duly  sworn,  he  was  asked  if  he 
saw  the  prisoner  at  the  time  specified  in  the  charge, 
to  which  he  gave  an  affirmative  reply. 

To  the  next  question,  as  to  whether  the  accused 
was  drunk,  he  answered  emphatically  "  No." 

This  response  being  so  positively  at  variance  with 
what  Captain  M'Cabe  conceived  to  be  the  fact,  he, 
with  a  stern  look  of  incredulity,  turned  to  the  wit- 
ness, saying,  "  Did  I  understand  you  to  affirm,  sir, 
that  in  your  candid  judgment  you  regarded  the  pris- 
oner as  entirely  sober  upon  the  occasion  alluded  to  ?" 

Orr  was  a  little  puzzled  at  this  carefully-worded 
interrogatory,  but  promptly  answered,  "  I  don't  pre- 
tind  to  offur-rum  that  he  was  intirely  sober,  yer 
'onor,  fur  we  had  taken  one,  an'  I  don't  jist  now  re- 
mimber,but  maybe  two  small  horns  togither ;  but  he 
wasn't  dhrunk,  by  no  manner  of  means — I'll  take 
my  affidavy  of  that,  yer  'onor." 

The  captain  then  asked  the  witness  if  in  his  opin- 
ion the  accused  was,  at  the  time  specified,  competent 


BOEDER  KEMINISCENCES.  131 

to  perform  all  his  military  duties.  He  replied,  "An' 
sure,  yer  'onor,  the  pris'ner  was  not  so  dhrunk  in  re- 
gard to  licker  but  what  he  could  per-for-mm  his  du- 
ties fust  rhate." 

The  captain,  becoming  more  and  more  irritated  at 
the  perverse  tenacity  with  which  the  witness  adhered 
to  his  first  asseveration,  said  to  him,  "With  the  kind 
indulgence  of  the  court,  I  beg  leave  to  observe  to 
you,  Mister  Orr"  (he  invariably  used  this  appellative 
derisively  to  soldiers  when  most  exasperated), "  I  take 
this  occasion  to  remark  to  you,  I  say,  Mister  Orr,  in 
the  most  delicate  terms,  that  in  my  humble  judgment 
you  have  been  laboring  under  a  slight  error  in  this 
case  —  a  slight  error,  I  say,  sir;  and  allow  me  to 
add  furthermore,  Mister  Orr,  that  in  my  opinion 
you  have  perpetrated  a  deliberate,  infernal  lie,  sir." 
Then,  jumping  up,  raising  his  voice  to  a  high  pitch, 
and  shaking  his  fist  at  the  witness,  he  repeated, 
"  You  have  told  a  d — d  lie,  you  know  you  have." 

The  old  man  was  called  to  order  by  the  court,  and 
an  admonitory  intimation  given  him  that  he  would 
not  be  permitted  to  intimidate  witnesses  in  that  man- 
ner, but  it  was  some  time  before  he  calmed  down 
and  resumed  his  customary  demeanor. 

It  so  happened,  after  this  trial  was  concluded,  that 
the  same  man  Orr  was  called  as  a  witness  in  the  next 


132  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

case  that  came  before  the  court,  and  previous  to  his 
having  been  sworn,  Captain  M'Cabe,  in  view  of  the 
scene  that  had  previously  occurred,  took  occasion  to 
ask  him,  "Will  you  be  so  very  obliging,  Mister  Orr, 
as  to  give  me  some  idea  of  what  you  intend  to  swear 
to  in  this  case  ?" 

To  which  the  witness,  who  was  perfectly  self-pos- 
sessed, with  a  bland  smile  responded,  "I'M  sware  to 
any  thing  the  ca/p'nplaizes" 

A  VETERAN  DRUMMER. 

There  was  in  our  garrison  an  old  drummer  by  the 
name  of  Potter,  who  had  served  through  several 
terms  of  enlistment,  and  when  sober  was  an  obedi- 
ent, faithful  soldier ;  but,  unfortunately  for  the  poor 
fellow,  he  was  so  fond  of  his  grog  that  he  would  re- 
sort to  all  manner  of  expedients,  or  incur  any.  amount 
of  labor,  exposure,  or  danger,  for  the  sake  of  grati- 
fying this  inveterate  propensity.  The  consequence 
was  that  he  passed  the  greater  part  of  his  time  in 
the  guard-house  undergoing  the  penalty  attached  to 
his  incorrigible  vagaries. 

One  morning,  directly  after  having  been  released 
from  confinement,  he  was  ordered  by  Captain  M'Cabe 
to  go  to  a  grindstone  standing  just  without  the  chain 
of  sentinels,  and  sharpen  an  axe  which  was  wanted 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  133 

for  immediate  use.  He  took  the  axe  and  started 
out  of  the  fort,  but,  instead  of  continuing  on  to  the 
grindstone,  the  temptation  was  too  powerful  for  him 
to  resist,  and  he  turned  his  steps  toward  a  grog-shop 
in  the  vicinity,  where  he  passed  the  remainder  of  the 
day  in  drinking  whisky,  and  staggered  back  to  the 
fort  after  dark  in  a  state  of  beastly  intoxication. 

The  captain,  after  waiting  some  time  for  the  re- 
turn of  the  axe,  suspected  what  had  occurred,  and 
gave  orders  for  the  guard  to  arrest  and  bring  the 
truant  to  him  as  soon  as  he  returned.  Accordingly, 
on  his  arrival  at  the  sally-port,  he  was  taken  in  charge, 
and  escorted,  axe  in  hand,  to  the  captain's  quarters, 
and  in  reply  to  the  inquiry  as  to  why  he  had  pre- 
sumed to  disobey  the  order  given  him  in  the  morn- 
ing, he,  while  reeling  to  and  fro,  and  holding  out  the 
axe  toward  the  officer,  said,  "  I  say,  cap'n,  I've  been 
a  gr-r-r-rin'in  on  'er  all  day,  but  that  'ere  gr-r-rine- 
stun  she  wo-o-on't  have  no  more  he-e-expresh'n  on 
this  'ere  ha-a-ax  nor  a  toad  wants  a  tail  every  bit  and 
grain  as  much."  This  labored  excuse  failed,  howev- 
er, to  convince  the  captain  that  he  had  complied  with 
the  order  given  him,  and  instead  of  being  rewarded 
for  his  arduous  day's  labor,  he  was  assigned  to  quar- 
ters for  ten  days  in  the  dark  prison  upon  an  exclu- 
sive diet  of  bread  and  water. 


134  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 


IMPROVISED  DISTILLERY. 

The  crafty  devices  and  great  sacrifices  to  which 
men  who  have  become  addicted  to  the  inordinate 
use  of  ardent  spirits  will  occasionally  resort  in  order 
to  gratify  their  morbid  appetites  is  forcibly  illustra- 
ted in  the  following  legend. 

One  exceedingly  severe  and  protracted  winter, 
somewhere  about  1820,  shortly  after  the  establish- 
ment of  Fort  Snelling,  then  called  "  Fort  St.  Antho- 
ny," it  so  occurred  that  every  thing  at  the  fort  in  the 
form  of  alcoholic,  vinous,  and  malt  liquors  was  con- 
sumed long  before  spring,  and  the  only  place  where 
a  drop  of  spirits  could  be  obtained  within  a  distance 
of  five  hundred  miles  was  at  the  establishment  of  an 
Indian  trader  in  the  vicinity  by  the  name  of  Farri- 
beau,  who  still  retained  a  few  gallons  of  high  wines, 
from  which,  with  a  large  aqueous  component,  he  was 
enabled  to  concoct  a  nauseous  mixture  sufficiently 
stimulating  to  cause  intoxication. 

Although  the  pay  of  a  private  soldier  at  this  early 
period  was  only  six  dollars  a  month,  yet  some  of  the 
most  inveterate  votaries  of  inebriation  among  the  en- 
listed men  of  the  garrison  united  their  slender  finan- 
ces, and,  as  a  special  favor,  were  permitted  by  the  ex- 
torsive  trader  to  purchase  one  gallon  of  his  execra- 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  135 

ble  and  well-watered  compound  for  the  modest  price 
of  ninety-six  dollars,  or  the  amount  of  sixteen  months' 
pay  of  the  soldier.  What  profits  were  realized  from 
the  sale  of  the  remainder  of  the  liquor  I  did  not 
learn,  but  was  informed  that  it  was  all  disposed  of 
before  spring,  after  which  there  was  no  alcoholic 
spirits  short  of  Galena,  at  that  season  nearly  as  inac- 
cessible as  the  hyperborean  regions. 

The  commissary's  stock  of  sugar  also  gave  out  dur- 
ing this  prolonged  winter ;  and,  as  there  was  no  pos- 
sibility of  renewing  the  supply  from  below  until  the 
opening  of  navigation,  a  detachment  of  soldiers,  un- 
der charge  of  a  corporal,  was  sent  out  into  the  "  Big 
Woods,"  as  soon  as  the  sap  began  to  circulate,  for  the 
purpose  of  manufacturing  maple  sugar. 

Some  days  after  this  party  had  been  set  at  work, 
the  commissary  visited  their  camp  to  learn  what 
progress  they  were  making,  and,  on  his  arrival,  to 
his  utter  astonishment,  found  every  man  in  a  state 
of  absolute  intoxication. 

How  the  party  could  have  got  into  this  condition 
when  there  was  no  liquor  within  a  distance  of  five 
hundred  miles  was  incomprehensible  to  him.  That 
they  were  all  drunk  was  evident,  but  by  what  mys- 
terious process  of  enchantment  this  had  been  brought 
about  was  more  than  he  could  understand.  He  at 


136  BOEDER   HEMINISCENCES. 

once  returned  to  the  fort,  and  reported  the  facts  to 
the  commanding  officer,  who  did  not  credit  the  state- 
ment, and  sent  out  other  officers  to  investigate  the 
matter. 

They  found  the  party  still  so  stupefied  by  the  in- 
fluence of  liquor  that  they  were  unable  to  obtain 
from  them  any  clew  to  the  mystery,  and  it  was  only 
after  mating  diligent  search  in  the  vicinity  of  the 
camp  that  they  finally  discovered  a  diminutive,  rude 
distillery,  which  an  ingenious  tinker  had  improvised 
by  making  use  of  camp-kettles  for  boilers,  and  some 
old  trumpets  for  the  still-worm,  and,  with  the  aid  of 
an  experienced  distiller,  who  also  happened  to  belong 
to  the  detachment,  they  had  succeeded  in  causing 
the  saccharine  ingredient  of  the  sap  to  undergo  the 
vinous  fermentation,  and  the  result  was  a  quantity 
of  spirits,  which  had  proved  sufficiently  potent  to  re- 
duce them  to  the  condition  in  which  they  were  found. 

NOVEL  WRIT  OF  EJECTMENT. 

While  Fort  Winnebago,  now  Portage  City,  was  oc- 
cupied by  our  troops  in  1839,  a  whisky  vender  sur- 
reptitiously located  his  establishment  upon  the  mili- 
tary reservation,  and  for  a  long  time  carried  on  his 
nefarious  traffic  with  the  soldiers,  greatly  to  the  an- 
noyance of  the  officers,  who  appealed  to  the  United 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  137 

States  District  Attorney,  and  resorted  to  every  other 
legitimate  measure  for  the  purpose  of  ejecting  the 
intruder,  but  all  was  without  avail,  and  the  shop  re- 
mained until  Captain  M'Cabe  devised  an  expedient 
which,  although  not  in  strict  accordance  with  the  lit- 
eral reading  of  the  statute-books,  proved  most  effect- 
ual in  this  instance.  He  sent  for  an  old  fifer  named 
Curtis,  who  was  an  inveterate  toper,  and  had  been 
one  of  the  most  constant  patrons  of  the  establish- 
ment, and  asked  him  if  he  knew  the  place.  He  re- 
plied that  he  had  been  informed  there  was  an  estab- 
lishment of  the  kind  somewhere  in  the  vicinity,  al- 
though he  was  not  himself  personally  acquainted 
with  its  precise  locality. 

The  captain  was  considerably  exercised  at  the  cool 
mendacity  of  the  fellow,  and  remarked : 

"  I  beg  your  pardon,  Mister  Curtis,  but  you  will 
kindly  suffer  me  gently  to  insinuate,  in  the  most  ur- 
bane manner,  that  I  find  myself  unable  to  resist  the 
force  of  my  own  convictions  that  you  must  be  mis- 
taken in  this  matter  ;  and  I  believe  furthermore  that 
you  are  an  unmitigated  liar,  sir.  You've  been  drunk 
there  repeatedly,  you  know  yon  have ;  and  all  I  have 
to  say  to  you  now  is,  that  if  you  and  two  or  three 
more  of  your  drunken  associates  should  take  it  into 
your  muddled  heads  to  go  to  that  whisky  shop  to- 


138  BOKDEK   REMINISCENCES. 

night,  give  the  scoundrel  a  d — d  good  thrashing, 
destroy  his  liquor,  burn  down  his  infernal  shanty, 
and  bring  back  three  or  four  camp-kettles  full  of  this 
vile  poison,  and  remain  drunk  for  a  week,  I'll  play 
the  very  devil  with  every  one  of  you.  Do  you  un- 
derstand that,  Mister  Curtis  ?" 

The  old  soldier  intimated  that  he  comprehended 
the  signification  of  the  threat,  and  assured  the  cap- 
tain that  he  need  have  no  fears,  as  there  was  not  the 
slightest  probability  of  his  ever  being  guilty  of  per- 
petrating such  a  manifest  breach  of  law  and  order. 

Notwithstanding  this,  however,  the  grog-shop,  by 
some  mysterious  agency,  was  burned  to  the  ground 
that  same  night,  and,  by  an  equally  astonishing  coin- 
cidence, Curtis  and  three  of  his  intimate  associates 
disappeared  for  several  days  afterward. 

The  whisky  vender  was  heard  from  a  few  days 
subsequently  making  a  precipitate  retreat  in  the  di- 
rection of  Mineral  Point,  and  with  several  patches  in 
his  physiognomy  exhibiting  a  deeper  tint  of  crimson 
than  is  usually  supplied  by  nature. 

I  don't  think  he  made  his  appearance  again  upon 
the  Reservation. 

COLD  WEATHER. 

One  morning  during  the  severe  winter  of  1830-1, 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  139 

while  Captain  M'Cabe  was  stationed  at  Fort  Snell- 
ing,  he  sent  his  orderly  to  the  hospital  for  the  pur- 
pose of  ascertaining  the  temperature. 

Now  it  so  happened,  upon  the  occasion  referred  to, 
the  atmosphere  had  become  so  intensely  cold  that 
the  mercury  in  the  Fahrenheit  thermometer  dropped 
down  40°  below  zero,  and  was  frozen  solid ;  but  the 
orderly,  whose  education  in  meteorology  was  rather 
limited,  had  not  the  faintest  conception  that  such  a 
result  was  within  the  scope  of  Nature's  laws,  and 
when  he  observed  the  fact  that  all  the  quicksilver 
had  settled  from  the  tube  into  the  bulb  of  the  instru- 
ment, he  returned  in  great  haste  to  the  captain's 
quarters,  and  in  an  excited  manner  exclaimed, "  Cap- 
ting!  capting!  that  'ere  thrognomicon  she's  chock 
up  this  mornin'.  The  rnarcury  won't  budge,  an'  I 
reckon  she's  frizzed." 

HOW  TO  MAKE  GOOD  BREAD. 

Colonel  T*****,  whom  I  have  before  alluded  to, 
was  a  rigid  disciplinarian  of  the  old  school,  who  held 
every  one  under  his  command  to  a  strict  accountabil- 
ity for  all  infractions  of  law,  regulations,  or  orders. 
This  was  all  very  well,  so  far  as  it  extended ;  but 
there  are  numerous  minor  offenses  not  mentioned  in 
the  Articles  of  War  or  Regulations,  which  militate 


140  BOEDER  REMINISCENCES. 

against  the  enforcement  of  good  order  and  military 
discipline,  that  can  not  be  reached  by  the  ordinary 
correctives  resulting  from  trials  by  courts-martial. 

Colonel  T*****  was  conspicuous  for  the  ingenu- 
ity he  displayed  in  conceiving  and  executing  novel 
and  appropriate  punishments  to  meet  emergencies  of 
this  character. 

As  an  instance,  the  garrison  of  Fort  Winnebago, 
commanded  by  the  colonel,  was  once  afflicted  with  a 
soldier-baker  by  the  name  of  M'Mannus,  who  was  a 
most  incorrigible  drunkard,  and,  when  in  his  cups,  he 
was  certain  to  make  very  bad  bread.  So  well  had 
this  become  understood,  that  it  was  only  necessary 
to  examine  a  loaf  of  bread  to  determine  whether 
M'Mannus  was  drunk  or  sober.  Yet,  as  the  man 
did  not  enlist  for  a  baker,  and  as  there  was  nothing 
in  the  Army  Regulations  whereby  a  soldier  could  be 
tried  or  punished  for  making  bad  bread,  there  seem- 
ed to  be  no  remedy  for  the  evil,  and  the  bread  be- 
came wo"rse  and  worse ;  but,  as  there  was  no  other 
baker  in  the  command,  M'Mannus  could  not  be  re- 
lieved or  confined  without  depriving  the  garrison  of 
this  most  important  item  of  the  ration.  He  under- 
stood this  perfectly,  and,  believing  his  services  indis- 
pensable, his  debauches  multiplied  rapidly,  and  the 
quality  of  the  bread  underwent  a  corresponding  de- 


BOEDER  REMINISCENCES.  141 

terioration,  until  at  length  it  became  so  intolerable 
that  the  colonel  resolved  to  take  the  matter  in  hand 
and  apply  a  remedy. 

On  the  following  morning  the  bread  proved  worse 
than  it  ever  had  been  before.  It  was  compact,  heavy, 
glutinous,  not  properly  baked,  and  was,  in  fact,  exe- 
crable. 

As  soon  as  the  colonel's  attention  was  called  to  it, 
he  selected  from  the  batch  the  worst-looking  four- 
ration  loaf  he  could  find,  took  it  to  his  quarters,  and 
directed  his  servant  to  set  the  breakfast  table  for 
two  persons,  with  a  large  platter  in  the  centre,  upon 
which  he  placed  the  loaf,  with  an  enormous  cover 
over  it ;  after  which  he  sent  his  orderly  with  his  com- 
pliments to  Private  M'Mannus,  accompanied  by  a  re- 
quest that  he  would  favor  him  with  a  call  at  his  ear- 
liest convenience,  as  he  desired  specially  to  see  him. 

The  baker,  who  had  just  finished  his  breakfast, 
was  a  good  deal  surprised  at  this  mysteriously  polite 
message  from  the  commanding  officer;  but  he  but- 
toned up  his  coat,  brushed  his  hair,  and  hastened  to 
comply  with  the  mandate. 

Knocking  at  the  door,  he  was  at  once  admitted  by 
the  colonel  himself,  who,  with  an  air  of  great  civility, 
thus  addressed  him : 

"  Good  morning,  Mr.  M'Mannus ;  I  hope  you  find 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

yourself  very  well  this  morning,  for  I  wish  to  have 
the  pleasure  of  your  company  at  breakfast."  Then, 
pointing  to  a  chair,  he  added,  "  Sit  down,  sir;  break- 
fast is  all  ready." 

The  baker,  astounded  at  such  unheard-of  conde- 
scension, and  at  loss  to  comprehend  the  meaning  of 
it,  replied  that  he  was  greatly  obliged  to  the  colonel 
for  his  kind  invitation,  but  as  he  had  just  risen  from 
the  breakfast  table  he  begged  to  be  excused.  The  col- 
onel assured  him  that  made  no  difference  whatever, 
and  that  he  must  insist  upon  his  taking  his  breakfast 
at  his  table,  when  he  again  motioned  for  him  to  take 
his  seat  in  a  manner  that  admitted  of  no  further  ex 
cuses. 

Accordingly,  he  seated  himself  at  table  opposite 
the  colonel,  when  the  servant  was  directed  to  remove 
the  solitary  cover,  which  disclosed  the  huge  col- 
lapsed five-pound  loaf  to  the  eyes  of  the  astonished 
baker,  who  now,  for  the  first  time,  began  to  get  an 
inkling  of  the  facetious  colonel's  purpose,  who,  open- 
ing and  extending  his  hands  toward  him,  with  a  most 
beseeching  smile,  said, "  Help  yourself  to  bread,  Mr. 
M'Mannus,  and  don't  be  afraid  of  it,  for  I  assure  you 
there  is  more  in  the  larder." 

Seeing  no  means  for  escape,  M'Mannus  reluctant- 
ly commenced  upon  the  repulsive-looking  loaf,  and 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  143 

after  eating  nearly  half  of  it,  informed  the  colonel 
that  really  he  should  be  unable  to  swallow  any  more, 
as  he  was  already  suffering  great  inconvenience  from 
repletion. 

"  My  dear  sir,"  said  the  colonel,  "  you  certainly 
must  oblige  me  by  eating  some  more  of  that  deli- 
cious bread.  Your  appetite  don't  seem  very  good 
just  at  this  moment,  but  it  will  come  after  a  while, 
so  eat  a  little  more,  sir." 

He  commenced  again,  and  was  forced  to  consume 
the  entire  loaf  before  he  was  permitted  to  leave  the 
table.  The  colonel  then  said  to  him, "  I  hope  you 
have  relished  your  breakfast,  sir,  as  I  shall  expect 
you  to  take  your  meals  at  my  table  whenever  you 
make  such  excellent  bread  as  that  you  have  been 
eating." 

M'Mannus,  who  was  suffering  tortures  from  the 
surfeit  he  had  been  subjected  to,  said  he  hoped  the 
colonel  would  not  have  occasion  to  extend  his  hospi- 
tality to  him  again  very  soon,  as  he  should  for  the 
future  endeavor  to  make  better  bread,  and  he  even 
went  so  far  as  to  admit  that  the  article  produced  that 
morning  was-  not  quite  as  light  as  he  could  have  de- 
sired. 

The  colonel  acquiesced  in  this  opinion,  saying, 
"No,  sir,  it  is  not  quite  as  light  as  some  bread  I  have 


144  BOEDER   REMINISCENCES. 

seen  in  the  Parisian  caf 6s,  for  example,  and  I  think, 
with  all  due  respect  for  your  qualifications  as  a  pro- 
fessional baker,  Mr.  M'Mannus,  I  may  hazard  the  as- 
sertion that  it  is  any  thing  but  what  it  should  have 
been ;  and  I  might  with  propriety  add  that  it  is  a  vil- 
lainous compound  unfit  for  a  dog  to  eat." 

Then  jumping  up  and  shaking  his  fist  at  the  man, 
he  said,  "  How  dare  you  make  such  bread  for  my 
men  to  eat,  sir  ?  How  dare  you,  I  say  ?  If  you 
don't  get  out  of  my  quarters  instantly,  I'll  kick  you 
out,  you  d — d  clrunken  hound." 

M'Mannus  made  a  precipitate  exit,  and  the  troops 
were  subsequently  supplied  with  better  bread. 

NAPTON,  THE  TEAMSTER. 

I  have  a  distinc*  recollection  of  an  old  soldier  by 
the  name  of  Napton,  who  stammered  so  badly  that  it 
was  sometimes  almost  impossible  for  him  to  give  ut- 
terance to  a  sentence  without  prefixing  to  it  an  oath. 
This  man,  while  I  knew  him,  was  continually  kept 
upon  "  extra  duty"  as  teamster,  and  a  very  good  one 
he  was.  For  several  years  he  drove  oxen,  but  was 
subsequently  promoted  to  the  command  of  a  mule 
team,  which  seemed  the  attainment  of  the  summit  of 
his  aspirations.  His  attention  was  so  exclusively  ab- 
sorbed in  the  occupation  to  which  he  had  been  as- 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  14:5 

signed  that  he  paid  but  little  attention  to  his  duties 
as  a  soldier. 

He  was  a  kind  and  humane  man,  and  as  fond  of 
his  mules  as  a  father  of  his  children ;  besides,  he  was 
indefatigable  in  his  attentions  to  their  wants,  and  ap- 
plied the  most  endearing  epithets  to  them.  Indeed, 
he  went  so  far  upon  one  occasion  as  to  give  his  can- 
did opinion  that  the  mule  was  the  most  useful  insti- 
tution in  the  world  excepting  whisky. 

At  one  time  a  professional  mesmerist  visited  our 
post,  and  as  the  mysterious  science  was  then  in  its 
incipifincy  and  entirely  novel  to  us,  our  curiosity  was 
considerably  excited.  In  "  prospecting"  for  subjects 
to  exercise  his  powers  upon  after  a  lecture  which 
this  man  gave  before  the  officers  and  enlisted  men, 
lie  accidentally  encountered  Napton,  who  proved  a 
most  tractable  auxiliary,  being  so  keenly  sensitive  to 
the  influence  of  the  mesmeric  fluid  that  the  professor, 
when  in  his  presence,  obtained  absolute  control  of  all 
his  faculties.  He  was  so  susceptible  a  medium  that 
the  operator,  by  simply  pointing  his  finger  at  him 
when  he  was  walking,  caused  him  to  halt  instantly, 
and  go  at  once  into  the  mesmeric  slumber — a  cata- 
leptic state  in  which  his  own  volition  seemed  abso- 
lutely suspended,  and  every  faculty  surrendered  to 
the  will  of  the  mesmerist. 

G 


146  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

Once  while  he  was  in  this  condition,  with  his  eyes 
closed,  and  apparently  unconscious  of  every  tiling 
transpiring  round  him,  we  quietly,  and  without  his 
knowledge,  desired  the  mesmerizer  to  excite  the  or- 
gan of  self-esteem,  the  medium  being  totally  ignorant 
of  the  first  principles  of  phrenology.  In  compliance 
with  the  request,  he  went  behind  the  man,  and,  with- 
out touching  his  head,  made  several  passes  with  his 
hand  over  the  designated  protuberance,  after  which 
he  said, 

"  Will  you  be  so  kind  as  to  inform  us  who  you  are, 
Mr.  JSTapton  ?" 

Whereupon  he  straightened  up  in  his  chair,  folded 
his  arms  across  his  breast,  and,  throwing  one  leg  over 
the  other  in  a  very  stately  manner,  replied, 

"  I'm  the  Gu-Gu-Gu-Guv'ner  of  the  St-t-t-t-t-t-tate 
of  New  York,  sir." 

After  continuing  to  pour  in  the  current  of  mes- 
meric fluid  some  time  longer,  the  spiritist  again  asked, 

"Who  did  I  understand  you  to  say  you  were,  Mr. 
Napton  ?" 

Throwing  back  his  head,  and  assuming  a  still  more 
consequential  air  than  before,  he  replied, 

"  I'm  the  P-P-P-Pres'dent  of  the  United  St-t-t-t-t-t- 
tates,  sir." 

We  all  laughed  heartily  at  this  superlatively  farci 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  147 

cal  response,  but  Napton  maintained  a  most  solemn 
and  dignified  expression  of  countenance,  indicating 
that  he  really  believed  himself  the  important  person- 
age whose  identity  he  had  assumed. 

Among  the  officers  present  at  our  seance  was  one 
who  was  utterly  skeptical  in  regard  to  all  the  phe- 
nomena exhibited  to  us,  and  he  endeavored  to  cast  as 
much  ridicule  upon  the  performance  as  possible. 

Although  I  never  saw  this  officer  intoxicated,  yet 
he  was  far  from  being  a  total  abstinence  man,  which 
fact  was  well  known  to  the  soldiers,  with  whom  he 
was  not  popular. 

Upon  Napton's  announcing  himself  as  the  chief 
magistrate  of  the  nation,  the  lieutenant  above  men- 
tioned asked  him  if  he  would  have  any  objections  to 
giving  him  the  appointment  of  colonel  in  the  army. 
After  some  hesitation,  he  answered, 

"  I  d-d-d-don't  think  I  can  gi-gi-gi-give  you  that 
ap-p-p-poiut-ment,  sir." 

"  If  it  is  not  an  improper  question,  may  I  be  per- 
mitted to  ask  why  not,  Mr.  President  ?" 

Si  Because  I  d-d-d-don't  think  you're  i-i-i-fit  for  it.1' 

"  In  that  case,  Mr.  President,  is  there  any  impropri- 
ety in  my  asking  for  the  appointment  of  lieutenant 
colonel  2" 

"  I  d-d-d-efcm'tf  think  you're  i-i-i-fit  for  that  either." 


148  BOEDER   REMINISCENCES. 

"  Is  there  any  other  position  within  your  gift,  Mr. 
President,  which  you  think  I  am  competent  to  fill  ?" 

"I  think,  if  you'd  keep  sober,  you'd  make  a  t-t-t-t-t- 
tol'ble  co-co-co-co-co-cor'prul." 

This  ludicrous  response  caused  a  vociferous  shout 
of  laughter  from  every  body  in  the  room  except  the 
office-seeker,  who  retired  in  disgust,  remarking  as  he 
went  out  that  in  his  opinion  the  whole  thing  was  an 
infernal  humbug. 

During  the  seance  the  professor  took  his  subject 
upon  an  imaginary  excursion  to  the  moon,  and,  on 
their  arrival,  asked  him  what  he  saw  peculiar  in  that 
planet.  After  feigning  to  look  around  for  a  mo- 
ment, he  replied, 

"  1  see  a  f-f-f-f-fust-rate  p-p-p-p-pair  o'  mules,  sir." 

"  What  else  do  you  perceive,  Mr.  Xapton  ?" 

To  this  he  replied, 

"  The  g-g-g-gate's  shut ;  I  c-c-c-can't  get  in." 

"  Why  don't  you  ask  the  keeper  to  open  the  gate, 
Mr.Napton?" 

"  I  did  ask  him,  b-b-b-b-b-but  he  wants  to  know 
where  I  c-c-c-c-came  from,  and  I  t-t-t-t-t-t-told  him 
from  the  U-n-n-n-mted  St-t-t-t-t-t-tates  of  'Meriky." 

"  Very  well,  sir ;  what  did  he  say  to  that  ?" 

"He  said,  'What  b-b-b-b-foVness  did  you  f-f-f-f- 
f oiler  down  there  ?'  " 


BOKDEK   REMINISCENCES.  149 

''  You  answered  that  question,  I  presume,  Mr.  Nap- 
ton  ?" 

"  Yes'er ;  I  t-t-t-t-t-told  him  I  was  a  b-b-b-b-b-bull 
driver,  by ." 

"  Did  he  admit  you  then,  sir  ?" 

"  Ye-e-e-es'er ;  he  opened  the  g-g-g-gate,  and  told 
me  to  '  d-d-d-d-drive  in,  you  d — d  st-t-t-t-t-tut-terin' 
vagabond  you." 

That  the  mule  is  the  most  useful  hybrid  known  is 
indisputable,  but,  unfortunately  for  the  poor  beast,  he 
seldom  receives  as  kind  treatment  as  Napton  bestow- 
ed upon  his  favorites ;  and,  if  they  could  speak,  there 
would  doubtless  be  many  a  lament  fully  as  heart- 
rending as  that  contained  in  the  following  stanzas, 

which  were  penned  by  Colonel  L after  having 

witnessed  their  cruel  usage  in  Florida : 

SONG  OP  THE  OLD  QUARTER-MASTER'S  MULE. 

A  Lay  from  the  Lund  of  Flowers. 
Know  ye  the  land  where  the  River  St.  John's 

Rolls  on  through  the  palm  forest  to  the  salt  sea ; 
Where  iSol  gilds  the  mule-yard  when  morning  first  dawns, 
And  the  sheds  that  give  shade  to  my  comrades  and  me  ? 

Through  its  hammocks  and  forests  for  many  a  day 
Have  I  toiled  o'er  the  sands  for  my  pitiful  grain, 

And  sighed  at  my  trough  till  my  tail  has  grown  gray, 
And  sweat  for  my  country  again  and  again. 


150  BOEDER   REMINISCENCES. 

When  the  war-whoop  was  heard  in  the  pine-shadowed  wood — 
When  the  drivers  all  ran,  and  the  fight  was  a  race, 

Like  a  Holy-cross  Knight  in  my  harness  I  stood, 
Calmly  smiling  at  fate,  with  my  leg  o'er  the  trace. 

Midst  this  donkey  brevetment,  oh  -vhere's  my  reward  ? 

Ungroomed  and  unshodden,  faint,  foundered,  and  sick, 
The  first  transport  that  passes  will  bear  me  on  board, 

Floating  down  the  St.  John's  to  be  sold  at  Black  Creek. 

Oh !  my  brothers  in  toil,  yet  uncrushed  by  the  chains, 
Be  ye  warned  by  my  fate ;  this  your  doom  I  foretell : 

When  the  war-clouds  have  passed,  for  your  sen-ice  and  pains 
You'll  be  sold  at  Black  Creek  by  the  auctioneer  Bell. 

LIVING  FOR  OYSTERS. 

I  once  served  under  the  command  of  Colonel 
g********#5  wno  was  afc  that  time  one  of  the  few 

surviving  veterans  of  the  campaign  of  1812. 

He  was  a  portly,  but  fine-looking  gentleman  of  the 
old  school,  with  an  erect  and  graceful  carriage,  pos- 
sessing an  exceedingly  kind  and  amiable  disposition, 
and,  after  a  good  dinner,  was  the  personification  of 
pleasantry  and  good-humor. 

He  took  no  pleasure  in  reading,  writing,  or  other 
intellectual  occupations,  but  was  eminently  a  Ion 
vivant,  and  thoroughly  posted  in  the  mysteries  of 
the  gastronomic  art.  He  could  direct  the  concoction 
and  cooking  of  a  ragout,  potage  d  la  Julienne,  or  oth- 
er bonne  louche  with  as  much  artistic  skill  as  the 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  151 

most  accomplished  professional  French  maitre  de 
cuisine,  and  he  probably  thought  more  of  his  dinner 
than  he  did  of  every  other  event  of  his  life. 

While  our  Army  of  Observation  was  bivouacked 
at  Corpus  Christi  during  the  winter  of  1845-6,  the 
colonel,  having  but  few  military  duties  to  occupy  his 
time,  was  in  the  habit  of  taking  out  his  "pioneer 
party"  to  catch  fish  and  oysters  for  his  table. 

The  men  submitted  to  this  cheerfully  at  first,  but 
after  the  novelty  of  the  thing  had  worn  off  they  be- 
gan to  demur  at  the  laborious  task  which  the  colonel 
imposed  upon  them  for  his  own  personal  gratification 
and  benefit,  and  some  of  them  applied  to  be  relieved. 

One  morning,  while  lying  in  my  tent  just  before 
reveille,  I  overheard  a  dialogue  between  two  of  the 
pioneers,  one  of  whom  had,  as  it  appeared,  just  been 
detailed  to  serve  with  the  party,  and  having  no  knowl- 
edge of  the  character  of  the  duties  he  would  be  re- 
quired to  perform,  appealed  to  the  old  incumbent 
to  enlighten  him. 

"  In  the  first  place,"  said  he, "  you'll  have  to  row  a 
boat  down  the  bay  every  morning,  and  wade  up  to 
your  middle  for  about  six  hours  catching  crabs,  and 
you'll  have  to  look  out  for  the  '  stingarees/  for  they 
are  awful.  But  what  the  old  man  wants  you  partic- 
ularly for  is  to  dive  for  oysters,  for  he's  h — 1  on  oys- 
ters." 


152  BOBDEK   REMINISCENCES. 

The  other  replied, "  I'll  not  do  either,  for  I  didn't 
'list  for  a  crab-catcher  or  an  oyster-diver,  nohow." 

"  Never  mind,  you'll  have  to  do  it.  He'll  keep  you 
under  water  as  long  as  the  crabs  and  oysters  hold 
out,  you  may  depend  on  thai." 

How  the  discussion  terminated  I  am  unable  to  say, 
as  the  men  soon  afterward  passed  out  of  hearing. 

TAKING  SATISFACTION. 

Many  years  before  this  the  colonel  obtained  a  fur- 
lough, and  went  to  New  England,  married  a  wife, 
and  brought  her  back  to  his  sequestered  frontier 
station,  where  there  was  little  society  and  but  few 
amusements.  The  newly  -  married  couple  were  in 
the  practice  of  walking  out  a  great  deal,  and  it  so 
happened  that  the  bride  had  brought  with  her  from 
home  a  favorite  poodle  dog,  which  accompanied 
them  in  all  their  rambles. 

The  colonel  at  first  did  not  seem  to  fancy  the  at- 
tentions that  were  lavished  upon  the  animal  by  his 
mistress,  but  in  time  this  prejudice  was  overcome, 
and  at  length  he  was  persuaded  even  to  lead  the  dog 
about  with  a  ribbon ;  indeed,  he  finally  seemed  to 
become  nearly  as  much  attached  to  the  creature  as 
his  wife  was. 

The  old  gentleman  also  had  another  hobby  at  this 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  153 

period  that  absorbed  a  good  deal  of  his  time  when 
not  occupied  with  his  domestic  concerns,  which  was 
a  new  and  very  tall  flag-staff  that  he  had  taken  great 
pains  to  have  selected  with  care,  and  properly  dress- 
ed, and  put  up  on  the  parade-ground.  He  walked 
around  it  many  times  every  day,  surveying  it  from 
every  possible  direction,  and  contemplating  its  grace- 
ful proportions  with  peculiar  pleasure  and  satisfac- 
tion. 

One  morning,  as  he  was  taking  his  customary  view 
of  the  new  military  appendage  while  the  flag  was 
being  hoisted  to  its  peak,  one  of  the  soldiers  assisting 
at  the  halyards,  who  happened  to  be  very  drunk  at 
the  time,  made  an  exclamation  which  was  overheard 
by  the  colonel,  and  was  not  very  complimentary  to 
him,  and  he  ordered  the  man  to  the  guard-house. 
The  fellow  staggered  off,  but  in  a  very  surly  mood, 
remarking,  in  a  suppressed  tone,  as  he  passed  the  offi- 
cer, that  he  would  have  revenge  for  what  he  con- 
ceived to  be  an  unmerited  punishment  if  he  was 
compelled  to  wait  until  he  was  discharged  from  the 
service.  He  was  peremptorily  ordered  to  halt,  and 
asked  how  he  dared  to  make  such  a  threat  against  his 
commanding  officer.  Instead  of  prevaricating  or 
denying  it,  he  firmly  reiterated  his  determination. 
Whereupon  the  colonel  asked,  "What  kind  of  re- 
G2 


154  BORDER   KEMINISCENCES. 

venge   do  you  imagine  you   can  inflict  upon  me, 
sir?" 

"  Be  jabers,  I'll  buy  all  the  oysters  in  the  sutler's 
store ;  and,  ef  that's  not  enough,  I'll  cut  off  your 
wife's  dog's  tail ;  and,  ef  that's  not  enough,  I'll  chop 
down  your  ugly  old  flag-staff,  an'  so  I  will." 

CORRECTING  THE  PARSON. 

Mr.  C****,  our  post-chaplain,  was  a  highly  intelli- 
gent and  dignified  old  gentleman,  who  exercised  his 
ecclesiastic  prerogatives  with  as  much  stateliness  and 
hauteur  as  if  he  had  been  the  veritable  sovereign 
pontiff  himself.  He  entertained  us  every  Sunday 
with  excellent,  short,  practical  discourses,  and  it  is 
to  be  presumed  that  the  troops  profited  by  his  zeal- 
ous teachings. 

The  colonel,  although  not  a  member  of  the  Church, 
set  us  a  good  example  by  regular  attendance  upon 
all  the  services,  invariably  carrying  his  prayer-book, 
and  occasionally  uniting  in  the  responses. 

In  order  to  understand  what  I  am  about  to  relate, 
however,  I  should  state  that  the  colonel  had  fallen 
into  the  habit  of  now  and  then  involuntarily  solilo- 
quizing, and  occasionally  his  spasmodic  exclamations 
were  superlatively  laughable. 

One  Sunday,  after  the  congregation  had  all  assem- 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  155 

bled,  with  the  colonel  occupying  a  prominent  seat 
near  the  chaplain,  the  latter  commenced  the  custom- 
ary form  of  service  by  the  following  announcement : 
"Ninth  day  of  the  month,  morning  prayer."  But, 
by  some  oversight,  he  made  a  mistake,  as  it  happened 
to  be  the  tenth  day.  The  colonel,  who,  with  his  spec- 
tacles mounted,  was  intently  following  the  parson  in 
his  prayer-book,  at  once  noticed  the  error,  and,  great- 
ly to  the  astonishment  of  every  body,  in  a  loud  voice 
uttered  the  exclamation,  "Ifs  the  tenth  day,I  svoear" 


150  BOEDER   REMINISCENCES. 


CHAPTER  V. 

Volunteers.  —  Rapidity  of  Organization  and  Discipline.  —  Arkansas 
Volunteers. — "Let  urn  bile  ahead!" — Postage-stamp. — One  Hun- 
dred and  Second  Rhode  Island. — Rifle-pit. — Cut  out  of  a  Ride. — 
Monterey.— Candidate  for  the  Presidency. 

VOLUNTEERS. 

THE  grave  and  tragical  features  of  the  Great  Re- 
bellion have  been  graphically  depicted  by  numerous 
writers,  some  of  whom  have  drawn  faithful  and 
striking  delineations  of  events  during  the  progress  of 
the  sanguinary  drama,  but  as  yet  I  have  seen  but 
few  representations  of  the  more  comical  and  ludi- 
crous incidents  with  which  the  early  history  of  the 
war  abounded. 

It  is  not  at  all  surprising,  and  indeed  might  have 
been  anticipated,  that  thousands  of  farcical  and  un- 
military  scenes  should  have  been  enacted  during  the 
incipient  stages  of  the  contest,  before  the  troops  had 
received  instruction  in  their  duties.  Some  of  these 
have  been  published,  and  are  familiar  to  all ;  but 
there  are  many  others  only  known  and  retained  in 
the  memories  of  individuals  who  served  in  particular 
organizations  and  localities,  and  may  soon  be  forgot- 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  157 

ten,  unless,  perad venture,  those  persons  having  cog- 
nizance of  the  facts  shall  take  the  trouble  to  preserve 
them  from  oblivion  by  giving  the  public  the  benefit 
of  their  experiences  upon  paper. 

I  do  not,  therefore,  deem  it  necessary  to  offer  any 
apology  for  contributing  my  mite  toward  filling  this 
hiatus  in  the  chronicles  of  the  Herculean  struggle. 
It  is  a  subject  in  which  nearly  all  the  world  feel  a 
deep  and  abiding  concern. 

What  I  am  about  narrating  will  not  be  altogether 
devoid  of  interest  to  readers  generally,  but  more  es- 
pecially to  those  genial  natures  which  have  the  good 
fortune  to  be  endowed  with  a  love  for  the  humor- 
ous, and  those  who  cultivate  a  healthful  bonhomie 
and  a  cheerful  disposition  in  preference  to  sombre 
and  lugubrious  cogitations,  inducing  hypochondria, 
and  imaginary  or  real  mental  maladies. 

No  one  entertains  a  higher  appreciation  and  re- 
spect for  the  great  achievements  of  our  volunteer 
troops  than  myself,  and  it  was  a  subject  of  equal 
astonishment  and  gratification  to  me  at  the  com- 
mencement of  the  war  to  witness  the  alacrity  of  our 
citizens  from  the  Northern  and  Western  States  in 
rushing  forward  with  earnest  emulation  to  the  de- 
fense of  the  jeopardized  Union  cause,  and  the  cheer- 
ful acquiescence  with  which  they  abandoned  the 


158  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

comforts  of  home,  and  submitted  to  the  privations 
and  hardships  of  camp  life,  and  the  austerities  and 
restraints  incident  to  military  training,  as  well  as  the 
unprecedented  celerity  with  which  these  men  ac- 
quired a  knowledge  of  their  duties. 

The  rapidity  with  which  we  levied,  organized, 
equipped,  and  put  in  the  field  armies  of  vast  magni- 
tude from  the  raw  material  was  without  a  parallel  in 
the  history  of  warfare,  and  has  not  only  inspired  us 
with  confidence  in  our  ability  to  supplement  our  mil- 
itary resources  to  almost  any  extent,  should  future 
exigencies  require  it,  but  it  has  caused  our  flag  to  be 
more  respected,  and  the  military  power  of  a  great  re- 
publican government  to  be  more  fully  comprehend- 
ed throughout  the  world  than  they  ever  were  before. 
I  am  constrained  to  admit,  however,  that  a  few  ex- 
ceptions to  the  facts  above  stated,  so  far  as  they  ap- 
ply to  the  personnel  of  our  armies,  came  under  my 
own  observation,  among  the  volunteers  that  were 
raised  in  certain  remote  border-districts  of  the  South- 
west ;  but,  unless  a  person  has  actually  been  among 
those  people,  and  witnessed  their  anomalous  peculi- 
arities, he  would  hardly  be  inclined  to  give  credence 
to  some  of  their  idiosyncrasies. 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  159 


ARKANSAS  VOLUNTEERS. 

I  had  occasion,  during  the  summer  of  1864,  to 
visit  Arkansas  and  Southwestern  Missouri,  where  I 
met  with  several  regiments  of  volunteers  which  had 
been  recruited  in  that  section  of  the  country. 

It  is  true,  some  little  knowledge  of  drill  and  dis- 
cipline had  been  hammered  into  these  men  when  I 
saw  them,  but  they  were  still  the  roughest  specimens 
of  soldiers  I  ever  encountered,  and  I  was  informed 
by  their  officers  that,  when  they  were  first  called  into 
service,  it  seemed  almost  impossible  to  impart  to  their 
obtuse  comprehensions  the  faintest  idea  of  the  im- 
portance of  military  instruction. 

An  officer  of  rank,  who  was  serving  with  these 
troops — a  man  who  had  passed  the  meridian  of  life, 
was  a  good  soldier,  and  had  seen  some  previous  serv- 
ice in  Mexico,  gave  me  a  detailed  narration  of  his 
experience  in  illustration  of  the  difficulties  he  had 
encountered  in  manipulating  native  border  citizens 
into  soldiers.  His  description  made  so  forcible  an 
impression  upon  my  mind  at  the  time  that  I  think  I 
can  relate  it  very  nearly  in  his  own  words ;  at  all 
events,  I  will  make  the  effort.  As  near  as  my  mem- 
ory serves  me,  it  was  as  follows : 

"  My  first  service  in  this  campaign  was  with  vol- 


160  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

unteers  from  Arkansas  and  Southwestern  Missouri. 
These  men  were  called  out  upon  the  spur  of  the  mo- 
ment, hastily  organized,  and  but  partially  equipped 
to  meet  the  sudden  and  startling  exigencies  of  the 
momentous  occasion,  and  they  consisted  of  farmers, 
hunters,  and  other  loyal  frontier  men,  many  of  whom 
probably  never  before  saw  an  organized  company  of 
soldiers,  and  had  not  the  least  knowledge  even  of  the 
rudiments  in  the  art  of  war.  Moreover,  many  of 
their  officers  were  elected  or  appointed  on  account 
of  their  personal  popularity,  or  their  liberality  in 
supplying  whisky  as  a  lubricator  (if  I  may  use  the 
expression)  in  overcoming  the  scruples,  raising  the 
courage,  and  elevating  the  patriotism  of  the  more 
timid  and  lukewarm  of  their  'fellar- citizens,'  and 
generally  without  any  special  reference  to  their 
knowledge  of  or  qualifications  for  the  profession  of 
arms  or  the  business  of  war. 

"  Nevertheless,  some  of  these  men  applied  them- 
selves assiduously  to  their  novel  vocation,  and  subse- 
quently achieved  well-merited  distinction ;  but  when 
they  were  first  mustered  into  service,  and  assembled 
at  Little  Rock  and  other  rendezvous  near  the  theatre 
of  active  operations,  they  were  the  most  crude  and 
unmilitary-looking  aspirants  for  glory  it  has  ever 
been  my  fate  to  encounter. 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  Itil 

"  Upon  their  arrival  at  the  rendezvous  they  were 
dressed  in  all  varieties  of  costumes.  Some  wore  uni- 
form coats  and  butternut  -  colored  pants  and  vests; 
others  were  clad  in  buckskin  coats  and  uniform 
pants,  while  a  few  appeared  in  buckskin  throughout ; 
and  they  universally  adhered  most  tenaciously  to 
their  native  old  broad-brimmed  hats.  Moreover,  the 
greater  part  of  them  carried  in  their  hands  or  on 
their. backs  large  carpet-bags  or  sacks,  expanded  and 
stuffed  out  to  their  utmost  capacity  witli  all  sorts  of 
traps  that  were  of  no  possible  use  in  campaigning. 

"  They  were,  indeed,  a  most  heterogeneous  and 
motley  set,  and  reminded  me  more  of  a  crowd  of 
camp-followers  who  had  loaded  themselves  down 
with  plunder  upon  the  heels  of  a  routed  army  than 
of  an  organized  body  of  soldiers. 

"As  fast  as  they  reported  they  were  assigned  to 
camps,  and  immediately  put  upon  a  strict  course  of 
drill  and  discipline  under  the  supervision  of  the  best 
officers  that  could  be  found,  and  it  was  hoped  that 
ere  long  they  would  present  a  more  martial  bearing ; 
but  their  peculiar  self-reliant  individuality,  and  the 
notions  of  social  equality  in  which  they  had  been 
nurtured  and  instructed,  were  in  every  respect  stub- 
bornly antagonistic  to  rapid  progress  in  military  ac- 
quirements ;•  besides,  their  naturally  careless,  slouch- 


162  BOEDER   REMINISCENCES. 

ing,  and  ungainly  deportment  and  habits  had  be- 
come so  thoroughly  confirmed  that  it  was  by  no 
means  an  easy  task  to  set  them  up  into  any  thing 
approximating  a  respectable  soldierly  appearance. 
Their  lineage,  instincts,  and  education  were  all  in 
antagonism  to  aristocracy  in  every  form.  They  be- 
lieved in  one  common  social  platform,  upon  which  all 
humanity  stood  on  precisely  the  same  level.  They 
acknowledged  no  superiors,  and  it  was  probably  this 
independent  spirit  which,  at  the  commencement  of 
the  rebellion,  influenced  their  mistaken  estimate  of 
the  relative  combative  powers  of  men  in  the  two  an- 
tagonistic geographical  sections  [a  difference  of  some 
four  or  five  to  one  in  favor  of  the  South].  In  a 
word,  these  people  relied  entirely  upon  individual 
courage  and  skill  in  the  use  of  fire-arms ;  they  knew 
nothing  of  the  effects  of  moral  cohesion,  or  '  esprit 
du  corps,'  resulting  from  proper  discipline  and  long 
service  ;  on  the  contrary,  they  looked  upon  the  entire 
system  of  military  instruction  as  not  only  useless  in 
warfare,  but  a  farce,  and  treated  it  accordingly.  For 
example,  it  was  found  absolutely  impossible,  for  a 
time,  to  prevent  their  talking  and  turning  around  in 
the  ranks  at  drill  and  on  parade ;  and  no  sooner  were 
they  posted  as  sentinels,  and  their  officers  out  of  sight, 
than  they  would  congregate  in  groups  of  three  or 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  163 

four,  sit  down,  talk,  smoke,  play  cards,  and  do  almost 
every  thing  but  attend  to  their  appropriate  duties ; 
and,  in  fact,  many  of  the  junior  officers  appeared  to 
think  there  was  no  special  impropriety  in  so  doing. 

"  The  officers  of  the  higher  grades,  who  generally 
had  some  little  knowledge  of  military  matters,  were, 
as  may  be  imagined,  supremely  disgusted  at  such 
gross  unsoldierly  proceedings,  and  they  resolved  to 
exert  all  their  energies  in  the  enforcement  of  a  more 
creditable  condition  of  discipline.  Accordingly,  the 
most  stringent  orders  were  promulgated,  requiring 
frequent  drills  and  other  military  exercises  in  strict 
conformity  with  the  Army  Regulations,  and  the  offi- 
cers of  the  guards  were  enjoined  to  give  correct  and 
minute  instructions  to  sentinels,  patrols,  etc.,  and  to 
pay  vigilant  and  unremitting  attention  to  the  manner 
in  which  those  orders  were  executed. 

"After  a  good  deal  of  annoyance  and  labor  we 
succeeded  in  inaugurating  a  uniform  system  of  in- 
struction throughout  the  camp,  which  seemed  to  hold 
out  the  encouraging  hope  of  a  better  state  of  things, 
and  we  congratulated  ourselves  upon  the  flattering 
prospect. 

"As  I  had  been  instrumental  in  conducting  the  de- 
tails of  the  new  regime,  I  entertained  a  laudable  am- 
bition to  have  it  carried  out  properly,  and  a  triumph- 


164  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

ant  issue  consummated ;  and  I  must  confess  that  I 
was  a  good  deal  encouraged  until,  one  morning,  I 
dressed  myself  in  full  uniform,  and,  mounting  my 
horse  completely  caparisoned,  started  out  for  the  pur- 
pose of  visiting  the  guards,  and  ascertaining  from 
personal  observation  what  progress  the  troops  were 
making  under  our  system  of  training. 

"  When  I  came  in  sight  of  the  first  post,  I  espied 
the  sentinel  seated  upon  a  fence,  busily  occupied  in 
whittling  a  stick,. with  his  musket  lying  upon  the 
ground  beside  him.  As  soon  as  he  saw  me  he  jump- 
ed down,  seized  his  musket,  hurriedly  came  out  to  the 
road,  and  threw  his  person  into  an  attitude  which  he 
probably  considered  the  p&sition  of  a  soldier,  but 
which  was  not  at  all  consonant  with  my  understand- 
ing of  the  teachings  of  Scott,  Hardie,  or  any  other 
tacticians  of  modern  times  whose  drill-books  had 
come  under  my  observation.  His  dilapidated,  weath- 
er-beaten hat,  with  the  broad  brim  turned  up  in  front, 
was  upon  the  back  of  his  head  ;  his  chin,  instead  of 
being  '  drawn  in]  was  elevated  to  an  angle  of  some- 
thing like  forty-five  degrees  with  the  horizon;  his 
eyes  turned  up  to  a  still  higher  inclination,  and  his 
head  was  as  fixed  and  immovable  as  if  it  had  been 
held  within  the  jaws  of  a  vice.  His  concave  chest 
was  drawn  in,  and  the  natural  convexity  of  his  shoul- 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  165 

ders  and  back  correspondingly  augmented  and  arch- 
ed, while  the  abdominal  regions  were  protruded  con- 
siderably forward,  and  his  legs  opened  out  like  a  pair 
of  dividers,  with  his  feet  exactly  parallel  to  each  oth- 
er and  perpendicular  to  the  front. 

"  It  certainly  looked  as  if  the  man  had  intention- 
ally reversed  the  soldierly  disposition  of  every  part 
of  his  head,  body,  and  limbs ;  at  all  events,  if  he  had 
been  turned  around,  his  face  placed  where  the  back 
of  his  head  then  was,  and  the  doi-sal  substituted  for 
the  abdominal  parts,  his  attitude,  excepting  his  feet 
and  legs,  would  not  have  deviated  materially  from 
the  correct  position  of  the  soldier. 

"  Before  I  arrived  within  a  hundred  yards  of  his 
post,  he  brought  his  musket  into  a  position  which 
doubtless  he  intended  for  ' present  arms,1  with  his 
left  hand  around  the  small  of  the  stock,  the  right 
hand  grasping  the  barrel  near  the  muzzle,  the  butt 
pushed  forward,  and  the  bayonet  projecting  to  the 
rear. 

"  As  I  approached,  he,  without  the  least  percept- 
ible movement  of  the  chin,  depressed  his  eyes  to- 
ward me,  and,  with  a  broad  grin  upon  his  counte- 
nance, as  if  he  regarded  the  entire  proceeding  as 
something  supremely  useless  and  silly,  gave  his  head 
a  short  jerking  nod  as  he  said, '  How  d'do,  kurn  ?' 


166  BORDER  REMINISCENCES. 

"I  was,  of  course,  most  essentially  discouraged, 
but  I  had  no  little  difficulty  in  preserving  my  gravity 
at  this  ludicrous  exhibition,  and  yet,  as  the  awkward 
fellow  seemed  to  be  exerting  himself  to  do  his  best, 
I  took  especial  pains  to  instruct  him,  and  kindly  in- 
formed him  that  it  was  not  proper  for  sentinels  to 
talk  on  post,  and  that,  in  presenting  arms,  he  should 
hold  his  musket  perpendicular. 

"He  collapsed  from  his  constrained  and  weari- 
some attitude  into  a  more  careless,  easy  position  at 
my  remark ;  then  coming  up  to  me,  and  placing  his 
hand  upon  my  horse's  neck,  replied, 

" '  Look-a-yere,  kuni,  I  sorter  reckon  I  ain't  much 
fur  sogerin  nohow,  an'  I  be  dog-ond  ef  I  ken  git  this 
yere  shootin-iron  o'  mine  into  shape  any  way.  She 
won't  come  "  u/p-an-dickleif  nohow  you  can  fix  'er.' 

"  I  endeavored  to  incite  the  ambition  of  the  willing 
tyro  by  the  encouraging  remark  that  he  would  prob- 
ably be  able  to  execute  the  manual  of  arms  correctly 
after  he  had  received  a  few  more  lessons;  at  the 
same  time,  I  administered  a  gentle  admonition  to 
him  for  leaving  his  post  and  relaxing  from  the  posi- 
tion of  a  soldier  while  in  the  performance  of  the  du- 
ties of  a  sentinel.  To  which  he  replied,  with  the 
most  despondent  look  and  tone  of  voice, 

" '  Now  look  at  him  !     I  just  like  fur  to  know  how 


"  HALT    THAK  1 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  169 

I'm  gwine  to  do  forty  things  all  to  once.  They  want 
me  to  haul  in  my  chin,  swell  out  .my  bussom  till  she's 
most  busted,  cave  in  my  be-owels,  squeeze  my  legs  to- 
gether till  you  couldn't  drive  a  picayune  between 
urn,  squar  out  my  feet,  and  sprawl  out  my  paws  to 
the  front  like  they'd  been  handlin'  something  nasty. 
I  tell  ye,  kurn,  this  yere  can't  all  be  did  to  once ;  its 
no  use  a  talkin' ;  its  on-possible,  ole  pop,  'sure's  yer 
bornd,  an'  I'm  clean  guv  out  a-tryin'.' 

"After  giving  this  man  some  farther  encourage- 
ment and  information  relative  to  his  guard"  duties,  I 
left,  and  passed  along  the  line  until  I  encountered 
another  sentinel,  who  was  walking  his  beat  rapidly, 
and  to  all  appearances  keeping  a  vigilant,  sharp  look- 
out in  every  direction.  As  soon  as  he  espied  me  he 
came  to  a  sudden  halt,  leaned  forward  his  head,  turn- 
ed his  body  to  the  right  and  left,  and,  with  his  eyes 
contracted,  as  if  he  was  a  good  deal  puzzled  to  make 
me  out,  scrutinized  me  from  head  to  foot  very  close- 
ly [I  imagine  he  had  never  before  seen  an  officer  in 
full-dress  uniform],  and,  as  I  continued  to  approach 
nearer,  he  came  suddenly  to  a  charge,  and  at  the 
same  insfcmt  screamed  out  at  the  highest  pitch  of  his 
voice,  'Halt,  thar  !  Whar  tfijZ  come  from,  "stran- 
ger?"' 

"  As  I  did  not  answer  immediately,  he.  with  a  most 
H 


170  BORDER  REMINISCENCES. 

ferocious  cast  of  countenance,  leaped  several  feet 
from  the  ground,  ajnd,  alighting  quite  close  to  me, 
with  his  bayonet  still  pointed  directly  at  my  person, 
exclaimed,  in  a  highly  excited  manner, '  I'm  a  ka- 
vor-tin  &<zw-gu-ru !  I'm  that  thing,  ole  hoss,  sartain 
sure ;  an'  ef  yer  don't  tell  me  whar  yer  come  from, 
I'll  jab  ye  with  this  yere  bayonet,  by  thunder.' 

"  Not  having  the  faintest  conception  of  what  was 
meant  by  this  rude  salutation,  and  the  point  of  the 
bayonet  being  at  this  juncture  in  rather  closer  prox- 
imity to  my  person  than  was  altogether  agreeable,  I 
indignantly  exclaimed,  '  What  do  you  mean  ?  Do 
you  dare  to  threaten  a  field-officer  in  this  manner, 
sir?' 

"To  which  he  responded, ' Look-a-yere, Mr. Field 
Hossifer — ef  ye  be  one — you  jist  tell  me  dnrn'd  sud- 
den whether  you  be  one  of  Uncle  Sam's  boys  or  not, 
der  yer  he-ah  T  Then,  making  another  lofty  vault 
into  the  air,  and  giving  utterance  to  an  exclamation, 
which  sounded,  as  near  as  I  can  express  it,  like 
waugh,  or  the  suppressed  bark  of  a  huge  dog,  he 
menacingly  awaited  my  answer. 

"I  endeavored  to  calm  his  impetuosity  by  ex- 
plaining to  him  who  I  was,  and  by  what  authority  I 
called  upon  him,  but  it  was  some  time  before  he 
was  satisfied  that  it  was  all  right.  I  finally  succeed- 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  171 

ed,  however,  in  establishing  my  official  identity  to  his 
satisfaction,  and  directed  him  to  give  me  his  orders. 

" '  Orders !'  replied  he ;  '  I  don't  give  nary  order 
to  the  likes  o'  you.  You'll  git  'em  from  the  ole 
<7*Vral  up  thar  to  head-quarters,  I  reckon.  I'm  a 
private  soger  man,  I  is.' 

"  Perceiving  that  my  meaning  was  not  apprehend- 
ed, I  explained  to  him  that  I  was  not  asking  orders 
for  my  own  action,  but  for  those  he  had  received  rel- 
ative to  the  performance  of  his  duties  as  a  sentinel. 

" '  Oh  ye-as,"  said  he,  a  gleam  of  intelligence  il- 
luminating his  stolid  countenance,  "  I  see  ;  you  jist 
want  fur  to  know  what  I've  been  drivin  at  he-ah, 
don't  yer,  boss  ?' 

"  '  Certainly,'  said  I ;  *  my  object  is  to  ascertain 
whether  you  have  a  knowledge  of  your  guard  duties. 
You  will  therefore  give  me  in  detail  all  the  instruc- 
tions you  have  received  relative  to  the  manner  you 
are  to  perform  those  duties.' 

"  He  seemed  somewhat  puzzled  at  this,  but,  after 
reflecting  an  instant,  replied, 

«  <  Which  ?  Detail,  did  ye  say  ?  Why,  I  toll  you 
I  war  a  private  soger ;  I  don't  detail  nobody.  The 
aggetunt  up  thar  to  camp — he  detail  every  body,  I 
reckon.' 

"My  patience  was   nearly  exhausted  at  the  per- 


172  BORDER  REMINISCENCES. 

verse  stupidity  of  the  fellow,  and,  almost  in  despair, 
I  said, 

"  '  Will  you,  or  will  you  not,  tell  me  what  you  have 
been  placed  here  for,  and  what  you  have  been  do- 
ing?' 

"  '  Sartain.  Why,  I've  been  a-talkin'  'long  o'  you, 
hain't  I,  boss  ?'  * 

"  '  Yes,  yes ;  but  will  you  tell  me  what  you  have 
been  ordered  to  do  by  the  non-commissioned  officer 
of  the  guard  who  placed  you  here  ?' 

"  '.^ackly.  Oh  ye-as — I  see  now.'  Then,  seating 
himself  on  a  log,  he  said, '  Now,  cap,  ef  you'll  squat 
yerself  'longside  o'  me,  I'll  tell  ye  all  about  it.' 

"  I  was  not,  as  may  be  imagined,  in  the  best  hu- 
mor to  receive  this  familiar  invitation  in  good  part, 
but,  for  the  purpose  of  learning  how  far  he  would 
carry  the  farce,  I  complied  with  the  suggestion,  when 
he  placed  his  hand  on  my  shoulder,  looked  at  me 
with  a  most  beseeching  expression,  and,  with  his 
mouth  close  to  my  ear,  said,  sub-voce, 

"  '  Yer  hain't  got  arry  plug  o'  tobacco  'bout  yer 
clothes,  has  ye,  boss  ?  I've  got  a  powerful  hankerin' 
fur  a  smoke.' 

"  I  answered  in  the  negative,  and  directed  him  to 
inform  me  without  farther  delay  what  orders  he  had 
received. 


BOKDEK   REMINISCENCES.  173 

" '  Orders,'  said  he.  '  Oh  ye-as,  I  see ;  you  want 
them  dod-rotted  orders.  Wall,  now,  I'll  tell  yer  how 
it  war.  Yer  see,  the  surgunt  he  com'd  down  he-ah 
'long  o'  me,  and  says  he,  "  Tom,"  says  he, "  you  jist 
stick  on  this  yere  post  tell  somebody  —  I  don't  jist 
now  mind  who  'twas — comes  'long  to  take  you  off." 

"  '  "  What  post,  surgunt  ?"  says  I.  "  I  don't  see 
nary  post  'bout  he-ah,  an'  ef  I  did,  I  ain't  gwine  fur 
to  straddle  no  post  fur  nobody.  I  didn't  'list  fur 
the  like  o'  that." 

" ' "  Ha,  ha,  ha !"  says  he.  "  I  don't  mean  no  stake- 
post  ;  I  mean  this  yere  trail  right  'long  he-ah." 

" ' "  AlU-l  right,  surgunt,"  says  I.  "  I'll  tar-7-y  he- 
ah  tell  the  cows  comes  home,  you  can  jist  bet  your 
life  on  that  thar,  surgunt,"  says  I.' 

"  I  then  asked  him  if  the  grand  rounds  had  passed 
his  post. 

" '  Grand  which  ?'  replied  he. 

" '  Grand  rounds,'  I  repeated. 

" '  Nary  round  have  com'd  this  a-way  since  I  war 
he-ah.' 

"  '  What  would  you  do,  then,'  I  said, ;  if  the  grand 
rounds  were  to  approach  you  ?' 

" '  Wall,  now,  I  don't  mind  hearin'  tell  o'  them  fel- 
lars  afore,  but  ef  they  makes  sign  'bout  he-ah,  I'll 
come  a  hollar  squar  on  um,  sure' — the  signification 


174  BOKDEK   REMINISCENCES. 

of  which  I  took  to  be  that  he  would  undertake  the 
solution  of  the  somewhat  difficult  problem  of  squar- 
ing the  circle.  At  the  same  time  he  tipped  me  a 
significant  wink,  indicative  of  his  confidence  in  being 
able  to  cope  with  the  formidable  unknown. 

"  After  enlightening  him  in  regard  to  the  compo- 
sition and  functions  of  the  grand  rounds,  I  informed 
him  that  certain  officers  were  to  be  saluted  with 
'  present  arms,'  and  others  with ;  carry  arms.'  Then, 
in  order  to  test  his  memory,  I  asked  how  he  would 
salute  the  commanding  officer. 

"  He  very  promptly  replied, '  I'd  come  a  pre-sent 
on  the  ole  man,  an'  say, "  How  do  yer  find  yerself  by 
this  time,  boss  ?"  ' 

"  I  remarked  that  the  general  was  certainly  enti- 
tled to  a '  present,'  but  it  would  be  as  well  to  dispense 
with  the  verbal  part  of  the  salutation. 

"  The  next  question  I  put  to  him  was, '  How  would 
you  receive  a  patrol,  should  one  approach  your  post  ?' 

"  'Pat-role  ?'  said  he.  '  Ef  Pat-role,  or  arry  other 
consarned  Irishman  kicks  up  a  muss  'bout  these  yere 
diggins,  he'll  kotch  jpo^-tic'lar  lightnin'.  He'll  never 
eat  nary  'nother  'tater,  you  bet.' 

"  I  explained  that  the  patrol  was  not,  as  he  seemed 
to  imagine,  an  individual  Hibernian,  but  an  armed 
body  of  troops,  whose  duty  it  was  to  pass  around  the 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  175 

camps  for  the  purpose  of  ascertaining  whether  every 
thing  was  quiet.  He  understood  this,  remarking, 

" '  Oh  ye-as,  I  see.  Them  f ellars  the)7  sorter  rolls 
and  browses  round  loose.  I'd  like  monstrous  well 
fur  to  jine  that  thar  reg-ment.' 

"  As  I  was  about  leaving  this  incorrigible  recruit, 
in  absolute  despair  of  being  able  to  teach  him  hie  du- 
ties, he  called  out  after  me, '  Wliar  do  ye  stop,  cap  ?' 

" '  At  head-quarters,'  replied  I. 

" '  Oh,  ye  does  ?  Wall,  now,  mister,  I'd  like  fur  ye 
to  tell  the  ole  </m'ral,  when  ye  go  home,  that  it's  all 
right  up  this  a-way,  an'  ef  the  Rebs  is  gwine  fur  to 
make  fight  down  thar,  not  to  be  skeert,  fur  thar's  five 

or  six  of  us  boys  from  C county  as  has  got  right 

smart  o'  claws,  an'  ef  the  ole  man  will  jest  let  us 
know  when  the  scrimmage  begins,  we'll  come  down 
an'  do  some  tall  scratchin'.  We'll  go  fur  urn,  sartain.' 

"After  passing  entirely  around  the  cordon  of  out- 
posts, and  encountering  several  other  sentinels  nearly 
as  intractable  as  those  described,  I  returned  to  camp 
most  essentially  disheartened. 

"  Although  our  efforts  were  not,  for  a  time,  attend- 
ed with  any  very  favorable  results,  yet  we  used  our 
best  endeavors  to  impart  instruction  to  the  new  lev- 
ies, and  required  every  thing  to  be  done  strictly  '  en 
regie.'  Officers  of  the  day,  officers  of  the  guards, 


176  BOBDEE  REMINISCENCES. 

with  contingent  details  of  men  from  every  organiza- 
tion, mounted  guard  daily. 

"  The  higher  grades  of  officers,  as  a  general  rule, 
applied  themselves  zealously  to  their  duties,  and 
made  commendable  progress,  but  occasionally  one 
appeared  who  manifested  great  deficiency  in  milita- 
ry acquirements,  and  these  sometimes  committed 
most  ludicrous  blunders." 

"LET  UM  BILE  AHEAD!" 

"  Upon  one  occasion,  at  guard  mounting,  when  the 

new  officer  of  the  day  was  Major ,  who  had 

never  before  been  detailed  for  the  responsible  posi- 
tion, he  went  upon  the  parade-ground,  and  took  his 
place  beside  his  predecessor.  *  Troop'  had  '  beat  off,' 
and  the  adjutant,  after  bringing  the  guard  to  'pre- 
sent arms,'  had  faced  about,  and,  with  an  exceedingly 
graceful  salute,  reported,  'Sir,  the  guard  is  formed? 

"At  this,  to  him,  rather  startling  announcement, 
the  major  drew  his  sword,  and,  imitating  the  salute 
of  the  adjutant,  said,  in  a  loud  tone  of  voice,  'Gentle- 
men, I  return  your  salute.' 

"  The  adjutant  repeated,  '$«>,  the  gua/rd  is  form- 
ed: 

"The  major  seemed  conscious  that  something  more 
was  expected  from  him,  but  what  that  something 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  177 

was  he  had  no  conception  of,  and,  not  feeling  dis- 
posed to  display  his  ignorance  by  asking  information 
from  the  outgoing  officer  of  the  day,  he  responded  at 
a  venture, '  I'm  much  obliged  to  you,  Mr.  Adjutant. 
A  little  more  music — let  us  have  a  little  more  music, 
if  you  please,  sir.' 

"  The  astonished  adjutant  faced  about,  and  order- 
ed the  band  to  'beat  off'  again,  then  brought  the 
guard  to  a  '  present,'  and  again  reported,  '  Sir,  the 
guard  is  formed? 

"  The  major,  at  this  critical  juncture,  finding  him- 
self cornered,  and  that  it  was  necessary  to  do  some- 
thing to  extricate  himself  from  the  difficulty,  ex- 
claimed, in  despair,  'Yes,  yes,  Mr.  Adjutant,  I  see 
they  are.  Well,  d — n  it,  let  um  bile  ahead ;  Pm 
ready  for  urn.' " 

POSTA  GE-STAMPS. 

Another  amusing  incident  was  related  to  me  by 
the  lieutenant  colonel  of  a  Kansas  regiment  which 
was  recruited  at  an  early  period  of  the  war,  and 

commanded  by  Colonel  E g,  who  subsequently 

achieved  distinction  as  a  general  officer. 

This  regiment,  for  the  most  part,  was  composed 
of  excellent  material,  as  its  war  record  proved  ;  but 
a  few  men  were  found  among  its  original  elements 
H2 


178  BORDER  REMINISCENCES. 

who  hailed  from  the  most  sequestered  districts  near 
the  Cherokee  line,  and  these  were  as  difficult  to  ma- 
nipulate into  soldiers  as  the  wild  hunters  of  Arkan- 
sas. 

The  colonel,  however,  was  a  good  disciplinarian, 
and  went  zealously  to  work  imparting  to  them  rudi- 
mental  military  instruction  involving  correct  notions 
of  discipline,  respect  for  rank,  etc.,  and  his  efforts 
were  attended  with  such  satisfactory  results  that, 
while  sitting  in  his  tent  one  evening  conversing  with 
several  of  his  officers  upon  the  great  value  of  strict 
discipline  in  a  well-organized  army,  he  took  occasion 
to  remark  that,  through  their  cordial  co-operation, 
his  men  were  now  beginning  to  deport  themselves 
like  soldiers,  and  that  it  afforded  him  the  highest 
gratification  in  observing  that  the  rank  and  file  seem- 
ed to  appreciate  the  necessity  of  paying  proper  re- 
spect to  commissioned  officers,  etc. 

While  the  topic  was  being  discussed  the  sides  of 
the  tent  door  were  slowly  drawn  apart,  and  disclosed 
the  tall,  lank  figure  of  a  backwoods  recruit,  sans  hat, 
coat,  or  pants,  within  the  opening,  and  deliberately 
taking  a  survey  of  the  occupants. 

The  colonel  was  astounded  at  the  cool  imperti- 
nence of  the  fellow,  and  indignantly  inquired  of  him 
why  he  presumed  to  make  his  appearance  before  his 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  179 

commanding  officer  in  such  scanty  attire,  and  de- 
manded to  know  what  he  wanted. 

At  this  brusque  salutation  the  man  drew  the  flaps 
of  the  tent  together  around  his  neck,  only  leaving  his 
face  exposed,  and  in  the  most  innocent  and  ingenu- 
ous manner  said,  "Thar  hain't  none  of  you  fellars 
got  arry postage-stomp, has  ye?" 

ONE  HUNDRED  AND  SECOND  RHODE  ISLAND. 

The  following  spicy  little  episode,  which  I  have 
never  seen  published,  occurred  while  the  Army  of 
the  Potomac  confronted  the  Confederate  troops  at 
the  siege  of  Yorktown  in  1862. 

Our  lines  at  that  time  extended  entirely  across  the 
peninsula  from  York  to  James  Rivers,  and  the  pick- 
ets of  the  two  armies  were  often  in  such  proximity 
that  conversations  were  occasionally  carried  on  be- 
tween them. 

Upon  one  occasion,  when  the  Second  Rhode  Isl- 
and Infantry  (I  think  it  was)  was  upon  outpost  duty, 
one  of  the  vedettes,  espying  a  Confederate  soldier 
within  hailing  distance,  called  out  to  him, 

"  Heow  d'du,  Reb  ?"  To  which  the  other  replied, 
"  I'ze  sort'er  middlin'.  How's  yerself ,  Yank  ?" 

After  the  customary  salutations  had  passed,  our 
sentinel  inquired  what  regiment  the  other  was  at- 


180  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

taclied  to.  The  man  answered,  "  To  the  Twenty- 
third  North  Carolina." 

Now  the  martial  representative  from  the  eminent- 
ly patriotic  little  New  England  State  did  not  for  a 
moment  believe  it  probable  that  North  Carolina  had 
furnished  the  Confederate  Army  with  any  thing  like 
so  large  a  contingent  as  twenty-three  regiments ;  in 
other  words,  he  was  inclined  to  believe  that  his  vis- 
a-vis was  attempting  to  sell  him.  Accordingly  he 
replied, 

"  'Shaw !  You  git  eout !  Yeou  don't  say  you've 
got  twenty-three  regiments  from  North  Caroliny,  du 
ye,Reb?" 

"  We  have,  Yank,  'sure's  yer  bornd.  Thar's  a  al- 
mighty heap  o'  sogers  in  this  yere  army.  You  can 
jist  go  yer  pile  on  that  thar^  and  weuns  low's  they  ar 
gwine  fur  to  do  some  tall  fitin'  when  the  scrimmage 
begins." 

He  then  asked,  "What  rig-ment  mought  you 
b'longto,Yank?" 

Not  feeling  inclined  to  be  outgeneraled  in  what  he 
conceived  to  be  an  adroit  piece  of  detective  strate- 
gy, having  for  its  object  the  discovery  of  the  strength 
of  our  forces,  he  made  the  following  ambiguous  re- 
sponse :  "  Wall,  neou,  I  kinder  guess  I  b'long  tu  the 
Hundred  and  Second  Rhode  Island  Infantry." 


BOEDEK   REMINISCENCES.  181 


"  The  hell  you  say,  stranger  !  You  don't 
fur  to  say  you's  got  a  hundred  and  twenty-two  rig- 
m.ents  from  that  thar  one-hoss,  no-'count  little  state 
of  Rho-dy  Island,  does  ye,  Yank  ?" 

"  By  golly,  I  guess  you'll  think  so  when  the  fitin' 
begins,  and  thur's  a  darned  site  more  on  'um  a  corn- 
in'  every  day,  I  tell  you,  Reb." 

The  Southerner  seemed  rather  dismayed  at  this 
statement,  and  inquired, 

"How  many  rig-ments  does  you  'low  you's  got 
from  the  State  of  New  York,  Yank  ?" 

"  "Wall,  neou,  I  dun-no  fur  sar-tain  adzackly  heou 
menny  ;  but  there's  in  this  'ere  army  a  all-fired  lot 
on  'um,  you  bet  ;  I  hearn  talk  abeout  a  thousand,  but 
mab-by  we  hain't  got  mor'n  nine  hundred  and  fifty 
regiments  from  York  State,  and  e'en  a'most  as  menny 
from  Pennsilvany,  I  cal-cur-late." 

RIFLE-PIT. 

Another  superlatively  ludicrous  incident,  which 
actually  occurred  in  the  Army  of  the  Potomac,  and 
afforded  a  good  deal  of  amusement  at  the  time,  I 
have  never  seen  published,  but  if  it  has  been,  I  dare 
say  there  are  many  who  have  not  read  it.  I  will, 
therefore,  take  the  liberty  of  introducing  it  here. 

During  the  most  severely  contested  period  of  the 


182  BOEDER  REMINISCENCES. 

battle  of  "  Bull  Run,"  General  Franklin,  in  passing 
from  one  portion  of  his  command  to  another,  espied 
a  soldier  ensconced  very  securely  in  a  pit  where  he 
was  completely  covered  from  the  missiles  of  the  en- 
emy, which  at  that  particular  juncture  happened  to 
be  flying  more  densely  than  he  appeared  to  think 
consistent  with  his  safety  above  ground. 

As  soon  as  the  general  saw  the  man,  he  called  out 
to  him,  and  asked  him  what  he  meant  by  skulking  in 
that  cowardly  manner,  and  in  a  very  peremptory  tone 
ordered  him  to  get  out  of  the  pit  and  join  his  compa- 
ny instantly.  He  did  not  probably  recognize  the 
general ;  at  all  events,  instead  of  obeying  the  order, 
he  crouched  closer  to  the  ground  than  before,  and, 
turning  his  eyes  toward  the  general,  placed  his  thumb 
to  his  nose,  with  his  fingers  spread  out,  and  slowly 
moving  his  head  from  right  to  left,  replied, 

"  No  yer  don't.  I  know  what  yer  after ;  ye  want 
this  hole  yerself ,  but  yer  ca-a-a-an't  come  it,  old  fel- 
lar." 

CUT  OUT  OF  A  RIDE. 

Another  superlatively  ludicrous  episode  was  rela- 
ted to  me  as  having  occurred  after  this  memorable 
battle,  the  substance  of  which  was  as  follows : 

After  our  newly-levied  volunteers  had  been  defeat- 


L. 


NO    YER    DON'T 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  185 

ed,  and  were  endeavoring,  by  a  most  precipitate  but 
rather  promiscuous  retreat,  to  make  their  escape  to 
Washington,  an  officer  who  had  been  using  his  best 
efforts  to  rally  the  dispersed  forces  encountered  a 
man  who,  notwithstanding  he  had  thrown  away  his 
musket,  knapsack,  and  every  thing  else  that  retarded 
his  locomotion,  had  been  unable  to  keep  pace  with 
his  comrades,  and  when  the  officer  approached  he 
was  entirely  alone,  and  so  much  wearied  that,  in  a 
despairing  tone,  he  said  to  him, 

"  I  say,  Mister  Officer,  does  that  ere  hoss  o'  yourn 
kerry  double  ?  Bekase,  ef  he  does,  I'd  be  obleeged 
to  ye  ef  ye'd  let  me  git  up  behind  and  ride  a  leetle 
ways,  fur  I'm  e'en  a-jest  gin  out  a  walkin'." 

"  No,  sir,"  replied  the  officer,  "  my  horse  will  not 
carry  double,  and  if  he  would,  I  should  not  allow  you 
to  ride  behind  me.  Your  place  is  with  your  compa- 
ny, and,  unless  you  join  it  very  soon,  the  rebels  will 
be  likely  to  kill  or  capture  you,  for  they  are  pressing 
us  very  closely  just  now." 

This  startling  announcement  produced  so  serious 
an  effect  upon  the  nervous  system  of  the  young  sol- 
dier that  he  seemed  to  abandon  all  hopes  of  escape, 
and,  in  absolute  despair,  dropped  upon  the  ground 
and  burst  into  a  violent  paroxysm  of  crying ;  where- 
upon the  officer  gave  him  a  sharp  reprimand,  saying. 


186  BORDER  REMINISCENCES. 

among  other  things,  that  he  was  ashamed  to  see  a 
soldier  behave  so  much  like  a  child,  and  that,  in  his 
opinion,  it  would  be  better  for  him  to  go  home  to  his 
mother. 

The  only  response  the  poor  fellow  condescended 
to  make  to  this  observation  was,  as  the  officer  rode 
away, 

"You  g'lang  with  yer  darned  ugly  ole  kickin-up 
critter.  I  wouldn't  ride  behind  such  a  mean  cuss  as 
you  be,  nohow.  I  don't  keer  if  I  be  a  child — boo- 
ho-o-o-o-o ;  I  wish  I  was  a  baby — an'  I  wish  I  was  a 
gal  baby  tue ;  an'  I  wish  I  was  tu  hum  'long  o'  mum- 
mar,  an'  so  I  du — boo-ho-o-o-o-o-o-o !" 

MONTEREY. 

The  foregoing  incident  reminds  me  of  a  circum- 
stance which  occurred  in  front  of  Monterey  during 
the  severely  contested  battle  which  resulted  in  the 
capture  of  that  place  in  1846.  In  the  hottest  part 
of  the  engagement,  when  the  enemy  was  pouring 
down  showers  of  balls  and  shells  upon  our  brave 
assaulting  columns,  General  Taylor,  while  riding 
around  viewing  operations  upon  the  north  side  of  the 
town,  espied  quite  a  number  of  men  of  the  — « — 
battalion  who  were  quietly  lying  down  in  some  stone- 
quarry  holes  outside  the  line  of  defenses. 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  187 

Taking  it  for  granted  they  had  all  fallen  in  the 
engagement,  the  general,  with  evident  manifestation 
of  feeling,  remarked, "  What  terrible  slaughter  there 
has  been  here,  Major  Bliss  1" 

Hearing  the  exclamation,  one  of  the  men  raised 
his  head  and  said, "  Oh  no,  general,  we  ain't  dead 
yet."  Whereupon  "  Old  Zack,"  not  in  his  most  amia- 
ble mood,  responded,  "No,  sir,  I  see  you  are  not, 
and  I'll  be  d — cl  if  I  think  you  intend  to  be." 

CANDIDATE  FOR  PRESIDENCY. 

This  allusion  to  General  Taylor  reminds  me  of  a 
laughable  circumstance  that  occurred  previous  to 
the  battle  of  Monterey,  while  the  army  was  en  route 
from  Comargo. 

It  will  be  remembered  that  about  this  time  the 
achievements  of  General  Taylor  began  to  excite  at- 
tention and  interest  among  the  people  throughout 
the  D  nited  States,  and  shortly  before  this  his  name, 
for  the  first  time,  had  been  suggested  as  a  most  avail- 
able one  for  the  presidency ;  but  whether  this  fact 
had  any  thing  to  do  with  the  following  episode,  I 
leave  it  for  the  reader  to  judge. 

At  the  time  alluded  to,  General  Taylor  was  riding 
near  the  head  of  the  column,  in  company  with  sev- 
eral officers  of  rank,  among  whom  were  the  veteran 


188  BORDEK   REMINISCENCES. 

General  Belknap,  father  of  our  gallant  War  Secre- 
tary, and  Colonel  Whiting,  of  the  Quartermaster's  De- 
partment, when  they  arrived  upon  the  bank  of  a  con- 
siderable stream  that  was  not  bridged,  and  which  it 
was  necessary  to  cross. 

The  water  was  so  turbid  that  its  depth  could  not 
be  seen  from  the  bank,  but  it  had  the  appearance  of 
being  fordable,  and,  as  the  soldiers  came  up,  they  at 
once  commenced  taking  off  their  foot-gear  and  roll- 
ing up  their  pants  preparatory  to  entering  the  stream. 

General  Taylor,  impatient  to  proceed,  took  one  of 
the  men  up  behind  him  and  plunged  into  the  water. 
Colonel  Whiting  followed  with  another  soldier  en 
croupe ;  but  General  Belknap,  instead  of  duplicating 
the  burden  of  his  horse,  rode  in  alone ;  whereupon 
Colonel  Whiting,  turning  round  in  his  saddle,  and 
looking  at  him  with  an  air  of  some  surprise,  said, 
"  Why  do  you  not  carry  one  of  the  volunteers  across 
the  river,  General  Belknap  ?" 

"  Because,"  replied  he, "  the  water  is  not  very  deep, 
the  men  can  not  all  ride  over,  and  one  might  as  well 
walk  as  another.  Moreover,"  added  he,  while  cast- 
ing a  significant  glance  at  General  Taylor,  who  was 
near  him,v"/  never  expect  to  be  a  candidate  for  the 
presidency,  sir." 


BOEDER   REMINISCENCES.  189 


CHAPTER  VI. 

PIONEERS   OF.  THE   WEST. 

Ole  Man  Sykes. — Bound  for  Bannock. — Monsieur  Maron. — How's 
your  Wife? — New  religious  Creed. — Black-Hawk  War. — A  Sur- 
render.— Stampede. — A  legal  Entanglement. — Visit  to  Chicago. — 
Winter  in  New  England. — Stirrup-cup. — Indian  Performance. 

OLE  MAN  SYKES. 

WHILE  journeying  through  Northern  Minnesota 
in  1858,  I  had  the  pleasure  of  meeting  Sir  Francis 
Sykes,  an  English  amateur  sporting  gentleman,  v.  ho 
was  returning  from  an  extended  hunting  expedition 
upon  the  head  waters  of  the  Saskatchawan  and  its 
tributaries,  in  the  Hudson  Bay  Company's  territory. 
He  had  several  wagons  loaded  with  moose,  elk,  moun- 
tain sheep,  and  antelope  antlers,  buffalo  heads,  pan- 
ther and  grizzly  bear  skins,  and  numerous  other  tro- 
phies of  his  prowess,  all  of  which  were  kindly  ex- 
hibited to  me,  and  the  manner,  locality,  and  circum- 
stances attending  the  discovery,  capture,  and  killing 
of  each  were  minutely  described  by  the  distinguished 
votary  of  Nimrod. 

Sir  Francis  was  eminently  dignified  and  courtly 
in  his  deportment,  but  at  the  same  time  there  was  a 


190  BOBBER  REMINISCENCES. 

high-toned  urbanity,  mixed  with  a  good  share  of  dry 
humor,  in  his  composition ;  and  he  evinced  a  keen 
appreciation  for  the  ludicrous,  as  the  following  story, 
related  by  himself,  will  show : 

In  passing  through  the  unsettled  wilds  of  Minne- 
sota, en  route  to  Fort  Garry  and  the  hunting-grounds 
in  the  Far  North,  Sir  Francis  happened  to  fall  in 
with  an  old  hunter  and  trapper,  who  had  passed  the 
best  part  of  his  life  in  the  mountains,  and  whose  ad- 
ventures interested  him  so  much  that  he  employed 
him  to  act  as  guide  and  hunter  to  his  party. 

This  man  was  one  of  those  anomalous,  self-reliant 
specimens  of  humanity  only  found  among  the  In- 
dians, or  in  the  outer  line  of  frontier  settlements,  and 
he  regarded  himself  fully  as  good,  if  not  a  little  bet- 
ter, than  the  President  of  the  United  States,  or  any 
potentate  in  the  universe.  Moreover,  he  entertained 
the  most  supreme  contempt  for  what  he  considered 
as  the  ridiculous  conventionalities  and  customs  of 
civilized  society,  having  no  respect  whatever  for  the 
deference  paid  by  many  to  rank  and  titles.  He 
could  not  be  taught  to  give  Sir  Francis  his  proper 
appellation,  but  generally  called  him  "  Pap,"  or  "  Ole 
man  Sykes ;"  and  when  he  wished  to  be  particularly 
respectful  he  would  address  him  as  "  Cap,"  "  Boss," 
or  "  Square."  This,  however,  did  not  give  Sir  Fran- 


BOEDER  REMINISCENCES.  191 

cis  any  uneasiness,  as  he  was  a  sensible  man,  and 
rather  enjoyed  the  thing  than  otherwise. 

The  party,  augmented  by  this  "  Leather-stocking," 
continued  on  down  Red  River  to  Pembina,  and  in 
due  course  of  time  arrived  at  Fort  Garry,  when  the 
extensive  retinue  drew  up  in  front  of  the  gate,  and 
Sir  Francis  directed  his  guide  to  go  in,  find  the  gov- 
ernor, and  say  to  him  that  Sir  Francis  Sykes,  just 
arrived  from  London,  presented  his  compliments  to 
Governor  Mactavish,  and  begged  he  would  do  him 
the  favor  of  stepping  out  for  a  moment,  as  he  de- 
sired to  speak  with  him ;  and,  in  order  to  insure 
that  no  blunder  should  be  made,  he  repeated  the 
message  to  the  man,  who  gave  him  to  understand 
that  he  comprehended  its  purport  perfectly,  and 
thereupon  entered  the  fort,  quite  elated  at  the  im- 
portance of  his  errand,  and  the  confidence  reposed  in 
him  by  his  distinguished  employer.  Having  ascer- 
tained where  the  governor's  quarters  were,  he  went 
directly  up  to  the  door,  and,  without  ringing  or 
knocking,  opened  it,  entered  sans  ceremonie,  and  ap- 
proaching the  governor,  who  was  seated  at  a  table 
busily  engaged  in  writing,  administered  a  hearty 
slap  upon  his  back  with  his  huge  paw,  and  said, 
"  Plow  are  ye  by  this  time,  ole  hoss  ?" 
.  Astounded  at  such  audacious  familiarity,  the  dig- 


192  BORDER  REMINISCENCES. 

iiified  governor  jumped  to  his  feet,  and  facing  the  in- 
truder with  a  menacing  expression  of  countenance, 
exclaimed, "  What  in  the  devil  do  you  mean,  you 
scoundrel?  Get  out  of  my  house  instantly,  or  I'll 
have  you  kicked  out !" 

The  guide  was  by  no  means  intimidated  or  dis- 
composed at  this  rude  reception  of  his  well-meant 
salutation,  but  with  a  significant  wink  of  one  eye,  as 
much  as  to  indicate  that  he  knew  what  he  was  about, 
replied, "  Hold  on,  gov ;  keep  cool,  and  skip  the  hard 
words,  fur  ole  man  Sykes,  out  thar  to  the  gate,  wants 
to  see  ye.  He's  got  some  comp\e-ments  for  ye,  I 
guess.  So  come  along,  gov,  and  don't  be  skeert ;  I'll 
show  ye  the  way !" 

BANNOCK  OR  BUST. 

The  stoical  indifference  with  which  the  frontiers- 
man submits  to  misfortunes  of  the  most  disastrous 
character,  as  well  as  his  recuperative  nature,  is  strik- 
ingly illustrated  in  the  following  incident,  related  by 
an  ex-governor  of  Montana,  who  was  questioned  by 
some  Eastern  friends  regarding  the  character  and  re- 
sources of  the  country  over  which  his  official  juris- 
diction extended. 

The  governor,  who  was  of  sanguine  temperament, 
replied  that  it  was  generally  regarded  as  possessing 


BOEDER  REMINISCENCES.  193 

decided  advantages  over  almost  any  other  of  our  new 
territories ;  indeed,  he  said  he  had  never  seen  or 
heard  of  but  one  man  who  was  not  captivated  with 
it,  and  that  individual  did  not  remain  long  enough 
to  thoroughly  appreciate  its  merits.  The  person  he 
alluded  to  was  bound  for  Bannock,  and  had  met  with 
a  good  many  accidents  upon  the  road,  such  as  losing 
his  cattle,  breaking  his  wagon,  and  in  various  other 
ways,  which  would  have  disheartened  most  men ;  but 
he  was  by  no  means  discouraged,  and  pushed  forward 
with  unabated  vigor  until  he  lost  all  his  animals  ex- 
cept one  ox  and  a  small  cow.  These,  as  a  dernier 
resort,  lie  yoked  together,  and  they  constituted  the 
only  remaining  motive  power  for  his  wagon.  Still 
he  was  undaunted  in  his  purpose  to  accomplish  the 
journey  he  had  undertaken,  and,  as  an  evidence  of 
this  fact,  he  had,  with  a  piece  of  charcoal,  written  in 
large  characters  upon  the  side  of  his  wagon,  "J2an- 
nock  or  bust."  At  length,  however,  the  severe  labor 
proved  too  much  for  the  poor  cow,  and  she  died ; 
and,  as  if  to  complete  the  catalogue  of  his  disasters, 
his  only  remaining  animal  took  it  into  his  head  to 
stampede,  and  he  was  then  left  without  any  means 
of  transportation.  About  this  time  the  governor  was 
passing,  and  observed  the  man  sitting  over  a  small 
fire  in  rather  a  disconsolate  mood,  but  apparently  en- 

I 


194:  BOEDER  REMINISCENCES. 

deavoring  to  keep  up  his  spirits  by  whistling  "  Hail, 
Columbia  !"  The  inscription  upon  his  wagon,  how- 
ever, had  been  erased,  and  a  new  one  substituted  in 
its  place,  as  follows  —  "Busted,  by  thunder  /" 


MARON. 

While  I  was  stationed  at  Fort  Winnebago,  now 
Portage  City,  I  encountered,  among  other  unique 
specimens  of  humanity,  an  Indian  trader  by  the 
name  of  Maron,  who  prided  himself  specially  upon 
his  French  lineage. 

He  had,  at  an  early  age,  enlisted  in  the  service  of 
the  Northwest  Fur  Company,  leaving  his  home  in 
Canada  for  the  Indian  country,  where  he  had  re- 
mained ever  since.  He  had  cast  aside  what  he  con- 
ceived to  be  the  senseless  conventionalities  of  the 
settlements,  and  adopted  many  of  the  more  useful 
habits  and  customs  of  the  natives. 

When  I  first  met  him  he  was  probably  over  seven- 
ty years  of  age,  yet  his  mental  and  physical  powers 
were  then  as  active  and  vigorous  as  those  of  most 
men  in  the  meridian  of  life  ;  and,  strange  as  it  may 
appear,  he  had  just  perpetrated  the  hazardous  ex- 
periment of  espousing  "d  la  mode  de  sauvage"  his 
fourth  wife,  who  was  a  vivacious  young  squaw  of 
about  sixteen,  and  quite  an  interesting  and  attractive 
specimen  of  her  race. 


BOEDER  REMINISCENCES.  195 

The  old  man  was  very  much  enamored  with  his 
new  bride,  and  seemed  perfectly  happy  during  the 
first  few  days  of  the  re-re-reiterated  honeymoon; 
but,  possessing  a  suspicious  disposition,  and  a  highly 
nervous  and  impulsive  temperament,  he  in  a  short 
time  took  it  into  his  imagination  that  he  was  too  old 
to  please  the  fancy  of  so  young  a  girl,  and  became 
furiously  jealous  of  every  young  man  who  spoke  to 
his  wife,  or  even  came  near  his  house. 

Knowing  this  foible  in  his  character,  and  being 
somewhat  inclined  to  practical  jokes,  I  took  every 
opportunity  to  inquire  anxiously  after  the  health  of 
madame;  but,  instead  of  receiving  this  in  good  part, 
the  old  man  invariably  turned  away  from  me  mani- 
festing symptoms  of  great  displeasure. 

One  morning  when,  as  it  appeared,  the  old  gentle- 
man happened  to  be  in  particularly  ill  humor,  I  call- 
ed at  his  house,  and,  after  extending  to  him  the  cus- 
tomary compliments  of  the  day,  I  very  blandly  asked, 
"  Comment  se  porte  la  madame  ce  matin,  monsieur  ?" 
(How's  your  wife  this  morning,  sir  ?) 

Instead  of  giving  a  direct  answer  to  my  courteous 
interrogatory,  his  countenance  assumed  a  ferocious 
expression,  and  he  walked  back  and  forth  for  some 
time  gesticulating  rapidly,  and  muttering  to  himself 
some  unintelligible  French  jargon,  the  only  part  of 


196  BORDER  REMINISCENCES. 

which  I  comprehended  was  a  frequent  guttural  roll 
of  the  emphatic  French  adjective  " Sac-r-r-r-re" 
coupled  with  what  I  took  to  be  the  not  very  compli- 
mentary adjunct  of  "  Yankee"  most  spitefully  hissed 
out  from  between  his  teeth. 

After  giving  vent  to  his  indignation  in  this  man- 
ner for  a  while,  the  expression  of  his  face  suddenly 
changed.  Assuming  an  air  of  the  most  triumphant 
gratification,  and  walking  directly  to  me,  he  straight- 
ened himself  up,  placed  his  arms  akimbo,  and,  look- 
ing me  in  the  eyes,  said, 

"  What  for  you  keep  ax  me  dat  all  'e  time,  eh  ? 
Sac-r-r-r-re'  battam.  What  for,  eh  ?  How's  you  wife 
yousef?" 

This  superlatively  ludicrous  retort  caused  me  to 
explode  with  an  uproarious  peal  of  laughter,  which 
exasperated  the  old  man  to  such  a  degree  that,  com- 
ing close  to  my  side,  and  raising  his  voice  to  the 
highest  pitch,  he  screamed  into  my  ear,  "  Mistbre 
Yankee!  I  like  for  know  how's  you  wife  yousef, 
eh  ?"  Then,  turning  his  back  upon  me  in  the  most 
contemptuous  manner,  he  rapidly  walked  away,  be- 
lieving, no  doubt,  that  he  had  completely  demolished 
me. 

Time  did  not  have  the  effect  of  assuaging  the  irri- 
tation produced  upon  his  sensitive  imagination,  or  of 


HOW'S    YOUR    WIFE? 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  199 

reconciling  the  discords  in  his  household.  On  the 
contrary,  his  jealousy  continued  to  become  more  and 
more  annoying  and  vexatious  to  the  young  wife, 
until  at  length  she  was  unable  to  endure  it  longer, 
and  left  him  for  Prairie  du  Chien,  where  she  found 
friends  that  protected  her. 

The  old  man  took  her  loss  very  much  to  heart,  and 
for  days  did  nothing  but  walk  solitarily  around  his 
house  with  his  head  cast  down,  and  apparently  buried 
in  deep  melancholy  reflections.  Indeed,  the  poor  fel- 
low seemed  almost  heart-broken. 

I  chanced  to  meet  him  about  this  time,  and,  feign- 
ing ignorance  of  what  had  occurred  to  him,  express- 
ed the  earnest  hope  that  madame  continued  to  enjoy 
her  usual  good  health. 

He  looked  up  at  me  with  an  expression  which  in- 
dicated any  thing  but  credulity  as  to  the  sincerity  of 
my  motives,  and,  with  a  very  indignant  scowl  upon 
his  face,  replied, "  Ma  f emme  ?  you  like  for  find  out 
where  he  gone,  eh  ?  C'est  bon,  by  gar,  I  tell  you ! 
He  gone's  to  ze  prairie  de  sac-r-r-r-re*  battam  dog, 
c'est  bon,  let  him  gone !" 

Maron  was  of  Roman  Catholic  parentage,  and  had 
received  his  early  education  under  the  strictest  ten- 
ets of  that  creed ;  but  he  had  been  so  long  separated 
from  all  the  influences  of  Christianity  in  any  form, 


200  BOEDER   REMINISCENCES. 

that  he  had  become  rather  indifferent  to  the  things 
that  pertained  to  his  spiritual  welfare,  and  conse- 
quently gave  himself  but  little  anxiety  or  thought 
upon  the  subject ;  yet,  if  any  one  had  intimated  to 
him  that  the  course  of  life  he  was  leading  was  such 
as  to  jeopardize  the  salvation  of  his  soul,  he  would 
have  been  highly  astonished  and  incensed. 

It  was  seldom,  in  those  days,  that  we  saw  a  preach- 
er of  the  Gospel,  and  the  few  that  visited  us  were  of 
the  itinerant  order,  whose  extended  circuits  over  the 
sparsely  populated  district  rendered  their  periodical 
visits,  like  those  of  a  higher  order  of  beings, "  few 
and  far  between." 

Father  B ,  a  very  zealous  ecclesiastic  of  the 

Jesuitic  order,  upon  one  occasion  came  to  our  settle- 
ment, and  during  his  sojourn  called  upon  the  French- 
man, who  received  him  very  kindly,  and,  after  a 
short  preliminary  conversation,  the  priest  approach- 
ed the  subject  of  his  mission  by  inquiring  of  him 
if  he  was  a  religious  man. 

"With  an  air  of  surprise  at  such  a  question,  the  old 
man  answered,  "  Certainement,  monsieur !  religious 
man  me,  very  mouch" 

"  Pray,  Monsieur  Maron,  will  you  have  the  kind- 
ness to  inform  me  what  denomination  of  Christians 
you  class  yourself  with  ?" 


BOEDER   REMINISCENCES.  201 

He  replied  tartly,  but  with  decided  emphasis,  and 
rapidly  nodding  his  head  at  the  same  time,  "De  same 
as  me  fader" 

"Ah  yes,  yes,  I  see.  Will  you  permit  me,  then,  to 
ask  you,  monsieur,  what  particular  persuasion  of  re- 
ligious people  your  father  associated  with  ?" 

"  Oui,  monsieur,"  replied  he, "  wid  de  same  peeps 
as  me  grandfader." 

"  Very  well,  monsieur.  Will  you  also  allow  me  to 
inquire  what  name  was  given  to  the  particular  faith 
that  was  adopted  by  your  venerated  ancestors,  and 
through  them  transmitted  to  you  ?" 

He  hesitated  for  a  moment,  and  seemed  somewhat 
puzzled  to  find  an  answer  to  the  interrogatory  thus 
reiterated  upon  him  in  so  many  different  forms,  but 
he  soon  rallied  and  promptly  responded, "  Oui !  oui ! ! 
oui ! ! !  Me  religion  he  de  same  kind  as  de  bibe" 

The  good  "  father,"  in  despair  at  getting  any 
more  definite  information  from  him  concerning  the 
complexion  of  his  religious  sentiments,  intimated  to 
him  that  it  was  all  very  well,  provided  the  Bible 
which  he  took  for  his  guidance  was  the  version  sanc- 
tioned by  the  Romish  authorities,  but  cautioned  him 
against  the  diabolical  influences  of  the  rendering 
given  by  the  Protestants  to  the  same  book. 

Some  weeks  subsequent  to  this  a  preacher  of  the 
12 


202  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

Methodist  persuasion  came  around,  and  during  his 
stay  among  our  people  he  took  occasion  to  call  upon 
the  Frenchman,  but  failed  to  elicit  any  more  satis- 
factory information  about  the  old  man's  religion 
than  the  Jesuit  had  done.  He,  however,  gave  him 
good  spiritual  counsel,  and  left  a  Bible,  which  he 
recommended  him  to  peruse  daily,  and  bade  him  a 
kind  adieu. 

He  continued  on  his  circuit,  and  in  due  course  of 
time  returned  to  the  settlement,  when  he  again  paid 
a  visit  to  the  Frenchman,  hoping  that  the  good  seed 
which  he  had  dropped  by  the  wayside  might  have 
germinated  during  his  absence ;  but,  unfortunately 
for  the  success  of  his  efforts,  the  Jesuit  had  been 
there  in  the  interim,  and  had  taken  the  responsibility 
of  throwing  the  obnoxious  Protestant  Bible  into  the 
fire. 

Knowing  nothing  of  this,  the  preacher  inquired  of 
Maron  if  he  had  complied  with  his  request  in  fre- 
quently reading  the  Scriptures  during  his  absence. 
He  answered, "  I  no  reads  him  mouch  now,  for  ze 
d — d  priest  he  burns  up  all  de  bibe  in  de  fi." 

When  I  next  encountered  the  old  man  I  remarked 
to  him  that  I  had  understood  the  French  priest  had 
been  burning  Bibles,  and  playing  the  devil  generally 
at  his  house.  He  was  nettled  at  the  nationality  of 


BOEDER  REMINISCENCES.  203 

the  allusion,  and  replied,  with  considerable  irrita- 
tion, "  C'est  vrai,  zat  is  so,  monsieur.  Ze  French 
priest  he  burn  ze  bibe,  but  all  ze  'Merican  peeps  he 
make  de  dev'  too,  by  gar." 

After  many  years'  absence  in  the  mountains  about 
the  head  waters  of  the  Missouri  and  Yellowstone,  the 
old  man  returned  to  Montreal  on  a  visit  to  his  friends 
and  relatives,  but  on  his  arrival  he,  like  Eip  Yau 
Winkle  after  his  protracted  nap,  wandered  about  the 
streets,  not  being  able  to  recognize  a  single  familiar 
face.  All  his  relatives  were  either  dead  or  absent, 
and  the  friends  of  his  youth  had  disappeared,  so  that 
he  soon  turned  his  back  in  disappointment  and  sor- 
row upon  the  place  of  his  nativity,  and  resolved  to 
go  back  to  the  Indian  country  and  spend  the  remain- 
der of  his  days  there. 

Accordingly,  he  embarked  upon  a  steamer  at  Buf- 
falo (the  Uncle  Sam),  on  which  it  so  happened  that 
General  Scott  and  his  staff,  who  were  about  making 
the  tour  of  the  Lakes,  were  passengers.  The  steam- 
ers of  that  period  had  no  private  state-rooms,  but 
there  were  large  dormitory  cabins,  in  which  all  the 
passengers  slept  in  berths  ranged  upon  the  sides. 

On  the  morning  following  their  departure  the  gen- 
eral was  making  his  toilet  in  the  cabin,  when  Maron 
entered,  and  omitted  to  close  the  door  after  him. 


204  BORDER  REMINISCENCES. 

As  it  was  quite  cold  at  the  time,  the  general  look- 
ed up  at  him  scowlingly,  and,  pointing  to  the  open 
door,  said  to  him,  in  a  very  stern  and  peremptory 
tone  of  voice,  "Shut  that  door,  sir" 

The  old  man  was  not  accustomed  to  this  dictato- 
rial manner  of  issuing  orders,  and,  instead  of  obey- 
ing, replied,  in  an  equally  brusque  manner,  "  No, 
General  Scott,  me  no  shet  e-door.  My  money  good 
as  every  peoples,  by  gar." 

The  general  saw  that  he  had  made  a  mistake,  and 
very  graciously  begged  pardon,  but  asked  the  old 
man  very  politely  if  he  would  be  so  obliging  as  to 
close  the  door  which  he  had  left  open. 

He  answered  with  a  profound  bow,  "Certaine- 
ment,  General  Scott.  Me  shet  e-door  for  you  wid 
very  mouch  plaisir." 

THE  BLACK-HAWK  WAR. 

The  early  pioneers  of  Wisconsin  will  remember 
that  in  the  spring  of  1831  the  government  gave  no- 
tice to  the  Sac  and  Fox  Indians  that,  in  accordance 
with  a  treaty  made  with  a  few  of  their  people,  they 
must  at  once  leave  the  beautiful  land  of  their  nativ- 
ity on  Rock  River  and  remove  west  of  the  Mississip- 
pi. As  this  treaty,  like  many  others  made  with  the 
Indians,  had  been  forced  upon  them  by  designing 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  205 

agents  and  rapacious  traders,  speculators,  and  inter- 
preters, it  was  not  regarded  by  them  as  having  the 
sanction  of  a  majority  of  the  tribe,  and  they  did  not, 
therefore,  consider  themselves  bound  to  carry  out  its 
stipulations.  Accordingly,  they  assembled  under  the 
leadership  of  Black  Hawk,  established  their  camp 
on  Rock  River,  and  firmly  resolved  not  to  be  driven 
from  their  homes. 

This  determination,  amounting  to  a  declaration  of 
hostilities,  necessitated  the  calling  into  the  field  a 
considerable  force  of  regulars  and  volunteers,  and 
among  the  latter  contingent  was  a  battalion  of 
mounted  volunteers  recruited  about  the  lead  mines 
in  Northern  Illinois.  They  rendezvoused  at  Galena, 
where  they  were  organized,  and  elected  for  their 
colonel  a  very  respectable  lawyer  by  the  name  of 

S ,  who  doubtless  had  a  thorough  knowledge  of 

his  legal  profession,  but  was  not  particularly  well 
versed  in  the  art  of  war,  and  evinced  no  special  am- 
bition to  immortalize  himself  by  deeds  of  martial 
valor.  He  therefore,  at  first,  positively  declined  the 
position ;  but,  as  he  was  an  exceedingly  popular  man, 
his  numerous  friends  urged  him  so  persistently  to 
take  the  office,  that  at  length  they  prevailed  upon 
him  to  do  so. 

The  battalion  was  immediately  mustered  into  serv-" 


206  BOKDEK  REMINISCENCES. 

ice,  and  soon  armed,  equipped,  mounted,  and  on  the 
way  to  the  theatre  of  war,  from  whence  it  was  an- 
ticipated that  many  of  them  might  never  return. 
The  continuation  of  the  narrative  of  the  campaign 
in  which  this  regiment  figured  was  related  to  me  by 
a  friend  of  Colonel  S ,  from  whom,  as  he  assert- 
ed, he  received  it,  and  I  believe  the  burden  of  it  to 
be  a  correct  account  of  what  actually  occurred. 

After  scouting  the  country  for  some  time  in  the 
vicinity  of  where  it  was  supposed  the  Indians  were 
waiting  an  opportunity  to  make  a  bold  strike,  and 
discovering  no  recent  signs  of  them,  they  one  even- 
ing encamped  upon  the  grassy  border  of  a  beautiful 
stream,  and  had  no  sooner  unsaddled  their  horses 
than  a  scout  came  in  and  reported  to  the  commander 
that  the  redoubtable  Black  Hawk,  with  his  entire 
band,  was  then  only  a  few  miles  distant,  and  might 
at  any  moment  be  expected  to  attack  them. 

This  startling  intelligence  instantly  put  the  camp 
into  a  high  state  of  excitement,  and  some  of  the  bold 
volunteers,  who  before  this  had  professed  supreme 
contempt  for  the  savages,  now  manifested  symptoms 
of  decided  alarm. 

The  colonel  promptly  issued  orders  for  putting 
every  thing  in  readiness  for  action.  The  horses  were 
picketed  in  close  proximity  to  the  bivouac;  picket- 


BOEDER  REMINISCENCES.  207 

guards,  vedettes,  and  patrols  were  sent  out  on  all  av- 
enues of  approach,  and  every  other  precaution  was 
taken  to  guard  against  a  surprise.  The  sentinels 
were  instructed  to  walk  their  posts  continually,  and 
keep  a  sharp  look-out  for  the  enemy  in  all  direc- 
tions ;  and  special  orders  were  given,  in  case  the  In- 
dians were  seen,  to  fire  their  muskets  and  give  the 
alarm  by  crying  "Indians  /" 

The  colonel,  after  seeing  that  his  orders  for  the 
safety  of  the  camp  had  been  properly  enforced,  pick- 
eted his  horse  to  a  black  stump  with  a  long  lariat, 
which  allowed  him  to  graze  within  a  circle  of  which 
the  rope  was  the  radius,  retired  to  his  bivouac  fire,* 
and,  without  taking  off  his  clothes,  laid  down  for  the 
night.  Being  much  exhausted,  he  soon  fell  into  a 
profound  slumber,  which,  however,  was  constantly 
disturbed  by  frightful  dreams,  in  which  bloody  en- 
counters with  the  Indians,  resulting  in  the  total  de- 
feat of  his  own  troops,  and  followed  by  the  concomi- 
tants of  tomahawking,  scalping,  and  other  barbari- 
ties incited  by  the  savage  instincts  of  the  enemy, 
were  predominant,  so  that  his  imagination  became 
wrought  up  to  as  high  a  pitch  of  excitement  as  was 
possible  under  the  effects  of  a  horrible  nightmare. 

In  the  midst  of  this  he  was  roused  from  his  deep 
sleep  by  the  sudden  discharge  of  a  musket,  and  the 


208  BOEDER   REMINISCENCES. 

alarming  shout  of  "  Indians !  Indians  !  Indians !"  in 
close  proximity  to  his  head. 

He  bounded  like  lightning  to  his  feet,  and  in  a 
terrified,  semi-somnolent  state  saw  his  men  running 

'  O 

about  in  all  directions,  in  the  greatest  possible  con- 
fusion and  terror,  and  he,  for  the  moment,  had  but  a 
very  faint  conception  as  to  who  or  where  he  was. 
Of  one  fact,  however,  he  felt  perfectly  confident — 
which  was,  that  the  savages  were  upon  him,  and  that 
his  only  safety  consisted  in  getting  away  from  them 
as  soon  as  possible. 

Accordingly,  he  instinctively  bolted  for  his  horse, 
leaped  upon  his  back  without  saddle  or  bridle,  and 
driving  the  rowels  into  his  flanks,  bounded  off  at  full 
speed.  But  one  end  of  the  lariat  being  still  fastened 
to  the  stump,  caused  the  horse,  when  he,  with  tre- 
mendous momentum,  was  brought  up  at  the  opposite 
extremity,  to  turn  heels  over  head  upon  the  ground, 
and  land  his  rider  some  ten  or  twelve  yards  in  ad- 
vance, causing  him  to  see  more  stars  than  the  most 
powerful  telescope  ever  brought  to  view  in  the  firm- 
ament. 

He  imagined  he  had  been  knocked  off  by  an  In- 
dian, but  raised  himself  up  again  as  soon  as  he  recov- 
ered sufficiently  from  the  effects  of  the  fall ;  and  his 
horse,  in  rising,  having  turned  his  head  in  the  oppo- 


DISMOUNTED   CAVALRY. 


BOKDEE   REMINISCENCES.  211 

site  direction,  he  again  leaped  upon  his  back,  and, 
with  a  vigorous  application  of  the  spurs,  away  he 
went  the  second  time,  until  the  rope  again  caused 
them  to  turn  a  somersault,  with  the  colonel  sprawl- 
ing upon  the  ground.  He  was,  if  possible,  more 
stunned  by  the  concussion  than  before,  and  regarded 
it  as  certain  that  he  had  been  again  knocked  down 
with  a  war-club  or  tomahawk,  and  that  he  must  now 
be  completely  surrounded  by  the  savages.  This  sit- 
uation seemed  to  him  so  perilous  that  he  began  to 
despair  of  making  his  escape ;  but  he  was  a  man  of 
great  firmness  of  purpose,  and  he  resolted  to  make 
one  more  effort,  and  endeavor  by  a  desperate  charge 
to  force  his  way  through  the  hostile  cordon.  Ac- 
cordingly, he  mounted  the  third  time,  and  the  gener- 
ous animal  he  bestrode,  in  obedience  to  the  will  of 
his  master,  enforced  by  a  severe  punishment  with 
both  spurs,  again  dashed  off  at  full  speed,  but  in  a 
circle  around  and  around  the  stump,  until  his  feet 
became  entangled  in  the  lariat,  and  he  was  thrown 
down  again,  this  time  casting  his  rider  near  the  black 
stump,  which  he,  in  the  darkness  of  the  night,  imag- 
ined to  be  an  Indian  warrior  standing  knife  in  hand, 
ready  to  take  his  devoted  scalp. 

He  deliberated  for  an  instant  in  fear  and  trem- 
bling as  to  the  course  he  should  pursue  in  this  crit- 


212  BORDER  REMINISCENCES. 

•ical  position.  He  was  by  no  means  a  coward,  but 
was  fully  conscious  of  the  fact  that  mercy  was  not 
embraced  in  the  catalogue  of  savage  virtues,  and 
that  he  had  little  compassion  to  expect  if  he  fell  into 
their  clutches.  Yet,  as  a  last  resort  for  escaping  a 
horrible  death  by  torture,  he  concluded  to  make  a 
final  desperate  appeal  to  the  better  instincts  of  the 
savage  heart,  and,  dropping  upon  his  knees  before 
the  stump,  he  raised  his  hands  in  the  most  suppliant 
attitude,  turned  up  his  eyes  with  an  imploring  ex- 
pression, and  exclaimed,  in  the  last  accents  of  de- 
spair, "Mister  Indian,  I  surrender  /" 

As  the  fancied  warrior  did  not  respond  to  this 
touching  appeal,  he  soon  became  conscious  of  his 
mistake,  and,  seeing  no  Indians  about,  untied  his 
horse,  mounted,  and  set  out  in  pursuit  of  his  stam- 
peded fellow-soldiers,  who  in  the  darkness  had  scat- 
tered in  the  utmost  confusion  all  over  the  prairies, 
believing  that  the  relentless  chief  and  his  savage 
band  were  upon  their  trail,  and  even  at  their  heels. 

In  the  obscurity  of  the  night  they  were  unable  to 
distinguish  a  white  man  from  an  Indian,  and  when- 
ever they  separated  they  seldom  came  together  again. 
Occasionally  one  of  them,  coming  in  sight  of  a  sup- 
posed comrade,  would  endeavor  to  overtake  him, 
while  the  other,  believing  he  was  pursued  by  an  In- 


BOEDER   REMINISCENCES.  213 

dian,  would  press  his  horse  vigorously  to  escape,  and 
in  this  way  some  of  the  fleetest  races  came  off  upon 
that  memorable  night. 

A  small  squad  of  the  men,  who  had  recognized 
each  other,  and  united  about  daylight  on  the  follow- 
ing morning,  made  a  short  halt  to  give  their  wearied 
horses  a  little  rest,  and  were  discussing  the  affair  of 
the  previous  night,  when  they  saw  a  negro  servant 
of  one  of  the  officers  coming  on  horseback  at  full 
speed,  and  seemingly  in  great  alarm.  As  he  was 
about  passing  them  without  slackening  his  pace,  they 
ordered  him  to  halt,  lie  screamed  out  in  reply,  as 
he  continued  to  urge  his  horse  forward, "  Wha-wha- 
what  ye  want?  Please  don't  stop  me,  gemmen! 
Do-do-don't  do  it,  I  tell  ye,  fur  I'ze  the  wust  demur- 
ralized  niggar  that  j^r^haps  you  ever  seed  in  all  yer 
bom'd  days !" 

They  were  obliged  to  point  a  pistol  at  him  before 
they  succeeded  in  stopping  him.  At  first  he  was  so 
much  terrified  that  he  could  hardly  speak.  After 
he  had  partially  recovered  they  asked  him  what  had 
induced  him  to  desert  his  master  and  run  away  in 
the  cowardly  manner  he  had  done. 

He  replied, "  Wall,  now,  gemmen,  I'll  tell  ye  how 
it  war.  Ye  see,  de  boys  they  thout  mabbe  mout  be 
Ingines  in  de  camp ;  but  they  didn't  git  very  bad 


214  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 


A    DEMORALIZED   NEGRO. 


skeert  at  fuss,  and  saddled  their  bosses  ;  but  bime-by 
dey  git  sight  o'  de  cunnel,  an'  he  war  jist  a-gwine  it 
on  the  most  retreet-in-est  boss  you  ever  did  see ;  an' 
they  tuck  skeert,  the  boys  did,  an'  they  jist  broke  fur 
the  pur-rar-rees ;  an'  my  ole  masser  he  outrun  me 
all  to  smash,  an'  my  boss  he  git  used  up  mighty 
fass,  an'  I  speck  every  minute  de  Ingine  he  cotch 


BOEDER  REMINISCENCES.  215 

dis  chile ;  but  heah  I  is  now,  tank  de  Lor',  an'  like 
to  git  muster  out  mighty  quick." 

The  result  of  all  this  was  that  the  battalion  became 
dispersed  over  the  entire  country ;  some  brought  up 
at  Fort  Winnebago  (now  Portage  City),  some  at  Ga- 
lena, and  others  at  Prairie  du  Chien,  and  it  was  sev- 
eral weeks  before  they  were  assembled  again;  in- 
deed, it  is  believed  that  some  of  them  were  never 
heard  of  afterward. 

An  investigation  into  the  affair  showed  that  no 
Indians  had  been  near  the  camp  when  the  stampede 
occurred,  and  that  the  alarm  was  occasioned  by  a 
sentinel  seeing  a  large  black  wolf  approaching  his 
post,  which  he  took  to  be  an  Indian  crawling  up  to 
him  on  "  all-fours,"  and  he  gave  the  designated  sig- 
nal of  alarm. 

A  LEGAL  DIFFICULTY. 

I  verily  believe  that  I  am  one  of  the  most  amiable 
and  best-natured  men  in  the  world,  for  I  never  had 
a  quarrel  or  serious  difficulty  with  any  one,  except 
perhaps  at  rare  intervals  with  my  better  half — (but 
this,  dear  reader,  is  emphatically  entre  nous,  and  is 
softly  whispered  in  your  ear,  with  the  express  under- 
standing that  she  must  not  be  told  of  it,  for  the  dear 
old  lady  might  give  me  a  private  lecture  if  she  sup- 


216  BORDER  REMINISCENCES. 

posed  for  a  moment  I  disclosed  family  secrets).  But 
there  is  one  consolation — we  always  made  it  up,  and 
were  better  friends  than  ever  afterward.  Moreover, 
I  have  never  sued  any  body,  and  have  been  so  fortu- 
nate during  my  somewhat  protracted  and  diversified 
career  as  only  once  to  have  become  entangled  in  the 
meshes  of  the  law. 

Upon  that  memorable  occasion  it  was  my  misfor- 
tune to  have  been  brought  before  the  bar  of  justice 
in  the  wilds  of  Illinois.  This  contretemps  happened 
during  the  winter  of  1837-38,  while  I  was  making  a 
pleasure  excursion  from  Northern  Wisconsin  to  Chi- 
cago and  back ;  and  as  the  circumstance  was  a  source 
of  no  little  amusement  to  our  friends  at  the  time,  the 
narration  of  it  at  this  distant  day  may  serve  to  in- 
demnify the  reader  for  the  time  expended  in  its  pe- 
rusal. 

One  lovely  morning,  when  the  thermometer  ranged 
many  degrees  below  the  freezing-point,  and  the  at- 
mosphere was  pure  and  invigorating,  with  the  snow 
in  the  best  possible  condition  for  sleighing,  I  joined 
a  party  of  ladies  and  gentlemen,  and  with  four  cap- 
ital horses  hitched  to  a  large  sleigh  well  provided 
with  robes,  we  set  out  across  the  prairies  for  Chicago. 
Our  track  led  us  through  Madison,  Janesville,  Rock- 
ford,  Belvidere,  etc.,  all  of  which  were  then  small 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  217 

villages,  and  the  fare  we  encountered  at  the  primi- 
tive inns  of  the  country  was  not  as  luxurious  then  as 
can  be  found  at  the  present  time ;  yet  we  made  the 
best  of  it,  and  had  a  jolly  time  for  about  a  week, 
which  brought  us  to  our  destination. 

Entering  the  city,  we  drove  directly  to  the  "  Lake 
House,"  which  had  just  been  completed,  and  was  re- 
garded by  our  rural  party  as  about  the  most  magnif- 
icent hotel  in  the  universe.  Sumptuous  apartments 
were  assigned  to  us,  and  every  thing  was  done  by  the 
obliging  proprietor  to  make  us  comfortable;  and 
here  we  ate  of  the  first  fresh  oysters  that  were  ever 
introduced  into  that  city  (canned  oysters  were  then 
unknown),  and  these  were  brought  in  sleiglis  all  the 
way  from  New  Haven,  Connecticut,  and  were,  of 
course,  sold  at  fabulous  prices. 

This  was  probably  the  first  time  printed  bills  of 
fare  and  napkins  had  appeared  at  a  Western  hotel 
table,  and  the  comments  they  elicited  from  some  of 
the  "  Hoosiers"  and  "  Suckers"  were  droll  in  the  ex- 
treme. For  instance,  one  verdant  individual  from 
the  Wabash,  after  seating  himself  at  the  dinner-table, 
and  not  having  been  furnished  with  those  indispens- 
able adjuncts  to  a  modern  table,  called  to  the  waiter 
in  a  loud  voice,  saying, "  Look-a-yere,  mister,  I  don't 
mind  ef  I  hev  one  o'  them  thar  catalogues  an'  towels." 

K 


218  BOEDER   KEMINISCENCES. 


LOOK-A-YERE,  MISTER  !" 


The  bills  of  fare  were  gotten  up  strictly  en  regie, 
with  the  different  courses,  such  as  soup,  fish,  etc.,  etc., 
duly  classified.  Even  entrees  were  embraced  upon 
the  list,  but  the  variety  of  dishes  under  this  particu- 
lar heading  was  usually  rather  meagre.  Indeed,  I 
remember  one  day  to  have  observed  only  one  dish 
named  in  the  list,  and  that  read  "Pomme  de  terre 
au  natureV 


BOEDER  REMINISCENCES.  219 

After  an  exceedingly  pleasant  sojourn  of  several 
days  in  the  flourishing  new  city  of  the  West,  we 
started  on  our  return,  with  a  re-enforcement  to  our 
team  of  two  beautiful  horses,  which  I  purchased  from 
John  Frink,  the  great  pioneer  stage-proprietor. 

Our  first  night  out  was  passed  in  a  tavern  kept  by 

one  P ,  at  Elgin,  on  Fox  River.  If  the  house  is 

still  standing,  and  has  the  same  landlord  (which  the 
Lord  forbid),  I  caution  all  travelers  who  may  in  fu- 
ture have  occasion  to  pass  that  way  to  give  his  estab- 
lishment a  wide  berth,  for  a  more  unmitigated  scamp 
it  has  seldom  been  my  misfortune  to  encounter. 

After  a  night  spent  in  defending  ourselves  against 
the  incessant  attacks  of  an  army,  or  rather  a  navy,  of 
"couch  pirates,"  we  paid  an  extortionate  bill  and 
gladly  left  the  premises,  shaking  the  dust  from  our 
feet  as  we  went  out,  and,  entering  our  sleigh,  drove 
rapidly  away  with  our  six  spanking  steeds,  consoling 
ourselves  that  henceforth  we  were  out  of  the  clutch- 
es of  our  rapacious  and  disobliging  Boniface.  But 
in  this  we  were  mistaken,  and  "  counted  without  our 
host;"  for  we  had  not  proceeded  over  about  ten 
miles  when  we  were  overtaken  by  a  horseman,  ap- 
parently much  excited,  his  horse  at  a  gallop,  and 
reeking  with  sweat. 

As  he  was  passing  us  I  remarked  to  him  that  he 


220  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

seemed  in  a  great  hurry,  and  asked  if  any  thing  un- 
usual had  occurred.  Without  slackening  his  pace, 
he  answered,  "  You'll  find  out  what's  the  matter 
when  you  reach  the  next  tavern."  And  on  he  went, 
leaving  us  in  perplexity  as  to  the  cause  of  his  excite- 
ment. 

A  short  time  after  this  we  arrived  at  a  town  in  the 
woods  called  Sunderland,  containing  two  log  houses 
and  a  blacksmith's  shop.  As  soon  as  we  had  halted 
at  the  "  Buck-horn"  tavern  a  constable  approached 
and  served  a  writ  upon  the  party,  under  a  charge  of 
petty  larceny,  with  a  specification  that  we  had  been 
guilty  of  purloining  a  buffalo  skin  from  the  house 
where  we  had  lodged. 

Of  course  we  were  superlatively  exasperated  at 
the  impertinent  proceeding,  and  indignantly  told  the 
fellow  if  he  took  us  for  thieves  he  had  better  search 
our  sleigh,  and  ascertain  for  himself  whether  it  con- 
tained any  thing  besides  our  own  luggage. 

"  That  is  precisely  what  I  propose  to  do,"  coolly 
replied  he ;  and  we  all,  accompanied  by  five  or  six 
stage-drivers — friends  of  the  man  who  professed  to 
have  lost  the  robe — went  to  our  vehicle  and  com- 
menced overhauling  our  baggage.  To  our  utter  as- 
tonishment, under  one  of  our  own  robes  was  a  miser- 
ably dirty  old  buffalo  skin  which  did  not  belong  to  us. 


»       BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  221 

The  man  who  had  pursued  us  eagerly  seized  the 
article,  exclaiming,  "  That's  my  property !"  and  tri- 
umphantly held  it  up  to  the  inspection  of  the  sur- 
rounding crowd,  who,  by  significant  nods,  winks,  and 
smiles,  unmistakably  indicated  that  we  were  regard- 
ed by  them  as  very  far  from  being  honest  travelers. 

We  afterward  ascertained  that  our  host  of  the  El- 
gin House,  in  co-operation  with  the  stage-driver,  had 
placed  the  robe  in  our  sleigh  for  the  express  purpose 
of  extorting  money  from  us ;  and,  in  accordance  with 
the  plot,  the  driver  who  had  caused  our  arrest  inti- 
mated that  he  was  willing  to  compromise  the  matter, 
and  quash  proceedings  upon  the  payment  of  five  dol- 
lars, which  we  rejected  with  scorn. 

Finding  that  no  levy  could  be  made  upon  our 
purses  in  this  manner,  he  said  the  law  must  take  its 
course,  and  we  were  taken  into  the  bar-room  of  the 
inn,  where  we  found  the  country  justice  who  had  is- 
sued the  warrant  for  our  arrest,  and  a  ragged  old 
pettifogger,  whose  bloated  visage  gave  strong  pre- 
sumptive evidence  that  he  would  not  be  likely  to  de- 
cline a  pressing  invitation  "  to  liquor,"  together  with 
a  motley  collection  of  hangers-on  about  the  tavern, 
whom  curiosity  had  drawn  together  upon  this  inter- 
esting occasion. 

The  magistrate,  who  was  a  plain,  sensible-looking 


222  BOEDER  REMINISCENCES.       * 

old  farmer,  apparently  possessing  more  knowledge 
of  agriculture  than  law,  was  seated  before  a  small 
pine  table,  with  pen,  ink,  and  paper,  and,  as  soon  as 
the  parties  were  assembled,  he  intimated  that  the 
court  was  opened  and  in  readiness  for  business. 

The  pettifogger  then,  in  a  very  consequential  man- 
ner, rose  to  his  feet  (he  had  been  seated  upon  a  log 
of  wood  near  the  fire),  and,  after  discharging  a  huge 
quid  of  tobacco  from  his  mouth  into  the  fire,  and 
hemming  and  hawing,  and  looking  daggers  at  the 
prisoners  for  a  while,  opened  the  case  with  the  fol- 
lowing exordium : 

"  May  it  please  the  honorable  Court  and  gentle- 
men, as  the  attorney  for  the  plaintiff  in  this  import- 
ant case  I  remark,  firstly,  that  I  expect,  and  I  have 
no  doubt  I  shall  have,  a  fair  and  impartial  hearing 
and  decision  from  this  highly  enlightened  Court. 
My  client,  who  is  a  gentleman  of  the  highest  stand- 
ing in  this  respectable  community,  has  been  feloni- 
ously deprived  of  his  lawful  property.  Yes,  may  it 
please  yer  honor,  he  has  been  robbed ;  he  has  been 
robbed !  I  say ;  and  by  whom,  yer  honor  ?  I'll  tell 
you  by  whom — by  an  organized  gang  of  pillagers." 

Just  at  this  moment  I  tapped  him  on  the  back  and 
pointed  to  the  bar,  indicating  that  I  desired  him  to 
drink  with  me.  He  asked  the  Court  to  excuse  him 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  223 

for  a  moment,  went  to  the  bar  with  me,  took  a 
whopper  of  a  drink,  and  returning  to  his  place,  re- 
sumed, 

"  As  I  said  before,  yer  honor,  I  think  it  is  a  dis- 
grace to  the  human  family  that  such  men  as  these 
should  be  permitted  to  prowl  about  our  beautiful 
per-rar-ries  and  take  the  property  of  our  honest,  hard- 
working citizens.  It's  con-£ra-ry  to  the  principles  of 
the  Constitution,  con-£m-ry  to  the  principles  of  law, 
and  con-tra-ry  to  good  order,  and  must  be  stopped ; 
and,  may  it  please  yer  honor,  these  men  should  be 
made  an  example  of,  and  heavy  damages  be  given 
to  my  client." 

At  this  stage  of  the  harangue  one  of  the  other 
men  of  our  party  quietly  gave  him  an  invitation  to 
repeat  his  drink,  at  which  he  said  to  the  justice, 

"  Yer  honor  will  please  excuse  me  for  an  instant 
while  I  take  some  refreshment,  for  really  my  consti- 
tution is  so  delicate  that  I  am  unable  to  speak  long 
without  a  little  suthin'  stimulatin'." 

Then  he  went  to  the  bar  again  and  imbibed  an- 
other glass  of  whisky.  This  performance  was  re- 
peated several  times  more  during  his  speech,  until  at 
length  he  became  considerably  affected  by  the  nu- 
merous potations  he  had  indulged  in ;  and  as  the 
whisky  went  down  his  throat,  his  appreciation  of  our 


224  BOEDER   REMINISCENCES. 

moral  attributes  became  correspondingly  elevated,  so 
that  finally  he  said, 

"I  don't  for  a  moment  suppose,  yer  honor,  that 
either  one  of  these  gentlemen  here"  (pointing  to  us) 
"  would  be  guilty  of  stealing  the  paltry  amount  of 
an  old  buffalo  hide  not  worth  four  bits — by  no 
means,  yer  honor ;  but  I  believe  that  this  gentle- 
man" (pointing  to  our  driver)  "  committed  the  theft." 

At  this  accusation  our  pugnacious  Jehu  jumped 
to  his  feet,  and,  shaking  his  fist  indignantly  in  the 
old  fellow's  face,  said, "  You  are  a  drunken  old  liar, 
and  if  you'll  come  outdoors  I'll  lick  you  !" 

The  magistrate  regarded  this  as  indecorous,  and 
entreated  the  gentlemen  to  preserve  order  in  court, 
but  it  was  some  time  before  our  driver  could  be  pre- 
vailed upon  to  pay  proper  respect  to  the  judicial 
functionary. 

The  case  finally  came  to  a  conclusion,  and  a  deci- 
sion was  rendered  that  the  evidence  was  not  suffi- 
cient to  sustain  the  charge,  and  we  were  released 
from  custody. 

Of  course  the  stage-driver  was  disappointed,  and  I 
informed  him  that  I  should  immediately  write  to  Mr. 
Frink,  his  employer,  and  request  his  discharge,  which 
seemed  to  give  him  considerable  uneasiness,  and  he 
then  acknowledged  that  our  Elgin  host  was  the  in- 


A  SCENE  IN  COURf. 


K2 


BOEDER   REMINISCENCES.  227 

stigator  of  the  whole  affair.  In  passing  the  place 
several  years  afterward  I  learned  that  the  man  was 
dismissed  as  soon  as  Mr.  Frink  received  my  note. 

WINTER  IN  NEW  ENGLAND. 

In  the  course  of  my  devious  ramblings  for  nearly 
half  a  century  over  almost  every  unfrequented  dis- 
trict embraced  within  the  vast  expanse  of  our  huge 
domain,  it  has  been  my  fortune  to  encounter  a  good 
many  hard  knocks,  as  well  as  a  great  variety  of  cu- 
rious and  merry  adventures.  One  of  the  latter,  which 
amused  me  vastly  at  the  time,  and  which  I  never 
think  of  without  an  inclination  for  a  hearty  laugh,  I 
propose  to  relate ;  and  if  my  description  conveys  to 
the  reader's  imagination  one  half  of  its  superlatively 
ludicrous  reality,  I  am  sure  he  will  feel  abundantly 
repaid  for  the  perusal. 

I  passed  the  winter  of  1840-41  in  the  very  hos- 
pitable city  of  Hartford,  Conn.,  where  I  was  so  for- 
tunate as  to  form  an  extended  circle  of  agreeable  ac- 
quaintances, who,  by  their  genial  and  intelligent  so- 
cial intercourse,  contributed  greatly  to  my  happiness, 
and  enabled  me  to  while  away  the  monotony  of  a 
protracted  Northern  winter  in  the  most  satisfactory 
manner.  In  the  spring  following,  as  I  was  about 
taking  my  departure,  my  friends  called,  and,  after 


228  BORDER   BEMINISCENCES. 

wishing  me  all  manner  of  good  fortune,  bade  me  a 
kind  adieu,  and  all,  excepting  my  particular  friend 
Isaac  Stewart,  had  left.  He  detained  me  some  time 
upon  the  little  porch  fronting  the  City  Hotel,  seem- 
ing loth  to  say  good-by ;  but,  as  it  was  nearly  time 
for  the  arrival  of  the  train,  I  was  forced  to  tear  my- 
self away  from  him,  and  was  on  the  point  of  step- 
ping into  the  carriage,  when  he  entreated  me  to  come 
back  and  take  a  farewell  glass. 

I  was  obliged  to  decline,  remarking,  as  I  closed 
the  carriage  door,  that  we  would  postpone  our  drink 
until  my  return,  and  away  I  went,  consoling  myself 
with  the  fervent  anticipation  that  I  might  soon  be 
permitted  to  revisit  the  excellent  friends  I  was  leav- 
ing behind.  But,  alas  for  the 'realization  of  my  cher- 
ished aspirations,  my  tortuous  trail  led  me  into  Tex- 
as, Mexico,  Arkansas,  and  Utah,  and  it  was  nearly 
twenty  years  before  I  could  get  back. 

The  time  came  at  last,  however,  and  I  anxiously 
drove  toward  the  old  hotel,  where  I  expected  to  see 
a  great  many  changes ;  but,  to  my  surprise,  found  all 
the  surroundings  looking  precisely  as  when  I  left, 
and,  to  my  utter  astonishment,  there  was  my  old 
friend  Stewart,  who  was  the  last  to  bid  me  farewell, 
seated  in  the  same  spot  upon  the  little  porch,  appar- 
ently in  the  same  arm-chair,  and  with  his  feet  raised 


"l   DON'T  CARK  IF  I  DO  TAKE  A   DRINK. 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  231 

at  about  the  same  elevation,  and  resting  against  iden- 
tically the  same  post  as  when  I  declined  his  invita- 
tion to  join  him  in  the  stirrup-cup. 

Getting  out  of  the  carriage,  I  walked  directly  up 
to  him,  gave  him  a  hearty  slap  on  the  shoulder,  and 
said, "Well,  Stewart,  as  you  are  so  pressing,  I  don't 
care  if  I  do  take  a  drink." 

He  looked  up  with  astonishment,  and  did  not  rec- 
ognize me  at  first ;  but  he  soon  appreciated  the  joke, 
and,  seizing  my  hand,  replied  that  his  patience  was 
nearly  exhausted  in  waiting  for  my  return,  and  that, 
if  I  had  not  arrived  within  the  next  five  or  six  years, 
he  would  have  been  obliged  to  drink  alone. 

INDIAN  PERFORMANCE. 

Various  ingenious  expedients  were  devised  to  make 
the  time  pass  off  agreeably  during  my  sojourn  in 
Hartford,  and  one  of  these,  which  originated  with 
myself,  is  the  adventure  I  proposed  to  relate  at  the 
commencement  of  this  paper. 

It  so  happened  upon  one  occasion  that  I  had  ob- 
tained two  complete  Sioux  Indian  warrior  costumes, 
and  I  suggested  to  a  gentleman  (Colonel  R  C.  Cutts) 
that  we  should  dress  ourselves  in  them,  and  try  our 
powers  in  personating  the  Indian  character.  Accord- 
ingly, my  wife,  at  our  suggestion,  accepted  an  invita- 


232  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

tion  to  a  tea-party  that  evening  at  the  hospitable 

mansion  of  her  friend,  Mrs.  C ,  thus  vacating  our 

apartments  for  us  to  make  our  toilets  in. 

With  copper-colored  crayon,  pulverized  and  mixed 
with  oil,  we  besmeared  GUI-  faces,  necks,  and  hands. 
We  then  put  on  the  coats,  leggins,  moccasins,  horse- 
hair wigs,  and  feather  head-dresses,  and,  with  our 
tomahawks,  pipes,  and  tobacco-pouches,  we  were  prob- 
ably the  most  metamorphosed  white  men,  and  the 
best  representatives  of  the  characters  we  were  about 
to  personify  that  could  possibly  have  been  imagined. 

In  order,  however,  to  enable  the  reader  to  get  a 
full  appreciation  of  what  I  am  about  to  relate,  I  re- 
mark that  both  of  us  were  very  tall,  erect,  and  fully 
developed,  and  our  dresses  fitted  our  persons  admira- 
bly, so  that  when  we  surveyed  ourselves  in  the  large 
mirror  in  my  parlor  our  transformation  was  so  per- 
fect that  really  I  could  not  for  my  life  have  told 
which  was  which. 

I  had  passed  several  years  among  the  Chippewas 
and  other  Indian  tribes,  and  was  familiar  with  many 
of  their  habits,  and  some  of  their  songs  and  dances, 
and  could  even  make  myself  understood  in  the  Chip- 
pewa  tongue.  And,  fortunately  for  our  project,  an 
acquaintance  of  mine,  who  was  a  stranger  in  the 
place,  and  who  also  could  speak  some  Chippewa,  ar- 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  233 

rived  just  in  time  to  take  the  part  of  interpreter  on 
the  occasion. 

After  the  completion  of  our  elaborate  toilets,  we 
sent  out  the  interpreter  to  procure  a  carriage,  and  at 
about  seven  o'clock  in  the  evening  quietly  slipped  out 
of  the  back  door,  and,  entering  the  carriage,  drove 
around  to  the  front  door  of  our  hotel,  when  the  in- 
terpreter went  in  and  inquired  of  the  landlord  if  he 
could  furnish  lodgings  for  two  distinguished  Sem- 
inole  chiefs,  "  Jiin  Jumper"  and  "  Wild  Cat,"  who 
had  just  arrived  from  Florida  en  route  to  visit  their 
Great  Father  at  Washington. 

This  was,  it  will  be  remembered,  during  the  pro- 
tracted Seminole  War,  when  every  body  had  the 
keenest  desire  to  see  two  such  redoubtable  warriors, 
and  the  host  eagerly  responded  to  the  application 
"  that  he  should  be  most  happy  to  have  the  honor  of 
entertaining  them."  Accordingly,  he  at  once  threw 
open  a  large  private  parlor,  which  he  placed  at  our 
disposal,  and  we  were  ushered  into  it  with  all  possi- 
ble ceremony.  After  locking  the  door,  we  seated 
ourselves  upon  the  carpet  near  the  fire,  loaded  our 
huge  pipes,  and  commenced  smoking. 

Scarcely  ten  minutes  had  elapsed  before  the  news 
of  our  arrival  had  circulated  over  the  whole  city,  and 
hundreds  of  curious  citizens  swarmed  about  the  doors 


234:  BOEDER  REMINISCENCES. 

and  halls  of  the  hotel,  all  anxiously  awaiting  an  op- 
portunity to  get  a  peep  at  the  renowned  savages. 
After  we  had  kept  them  in  suspense  for  some  time, 
and  their  patience  had  become  pretty  well  exhaust- 
ed, the  door  was  unbolted  and  the  crowd  rushed  in, 
immediately  filling  the  room  to  its  utmost  capacity. 
They  gathered  around  us,  scrutinizing  us  from  head 
to  foot  most  minutely,  and  making  all  sorts  of  com- 
ments upon  our  dress,  accoutrements,  and  personal 
appearance,  all  of  which  we,  of  course,  were  not  sup- 
posed to  understand.  They  then  commenced  inter- 
rogating the  interpreter  in  regard  to  our  warlike  ex- 
ploits, the  number  of  scalps  we  had  taken,  and  the 
number  of  men  we  had  killed  in  battle,  etc.,  which 
were  answered  to  their  entire  satisfaction. 

In  the  mean  time  my  red  brother  Cutts,  under 
pretense  of  talking  to  me,  kept  up  an  incessant  jar- 
gon, not  one  syllable  of  which  either  he  or  any  body 
else  could  understand,  and  which  sounded  more  like 
a  conglomeration  of  Dutch,  Irish,  and  hog  Latin  than 
any  thing  else,  yet  a  distinguished  philologist  present 
took  especial  pleasure  in  listening  to  him,  and  pro- 
nounced his  vernacular  a  most  beautiful  specimen  of 
the  language  of  nature ;  indeed,  he  gave  it  as  his  can- 
did opinion  that  the  dialects  of  civilized  nations 
might  be  benefited  by  the  adoption  of  some  of  those 


BOKDEE  REMINISCENCES.  235 

strikingly  illustrative  tropes  and  figures  with  which 
James  Jumper's  (my  companion's)  conversation  seem- 
ed to  be  so  exuberantly  embellished. 

Among  the  most  prominent  of  the  spectators  was 

Judge  M ,  a  distinguished,  portly  gentleman  of 

the  "  old  school,"  of  highly  dignified  presence,  who 
prided  himself  on  being  able  to  trace  back  his  lineage 
directly  to  the  Pilgrims.  He  manifested  the  most 
lively  interest  in  the  Red  Men,  and,  after  shaking 
hands  with  us,  said  to  me  in  a  loud,  distinct  tone  of 
voice,  "  Do  you  speak  English,  Mr.  Wild  Cat  ?" 

I  gave  a  negative  grunt ;  then,  looking  fiercely  at 
him,  added,  "  Whisky,  heap,"  which  caused  the  ven- 
erable old  gentleman  to  recoil  from  me  with  aston- 
ishment, and  exclaim, 

"  What  a  melancholy  fact  it  is,  gentlemen,  to  see 
these  magnificent  specimens  of  the  human  race  thus 
bent  upon  their  own  destruction !  The  history  of  the 
Red  Man  shows  that  when  he  comes  in  contact  with 
the  pale  faces,  instead  of  profiting  by  their  moral 
teachings,  he  only  learns  to  imitate  their  worst  vices ; 
and  you  observe,  gentlemen,  that  almost  the  only 
words  of  English  which  these  poor  benighted  sav- 
ages can  utter  are  whisky  and  tobacco.  Alas !  the 
poor  Indian !  his  fate  is  sealed  ;  he  seems  to  be  des- 
tined to  a  speedy  extinction.  The  last  of  his  unfor- 


236  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

tunate  race  will  soon  have  disappeared  from  the  face 
of  the  earth,  and  the  land  of  his  forefathers  will  be- 
come the  heritage  of  strangers." 

Another  gentleman  present,  who  had  been  engaged 
with  my  friend  Jim  Jumper  for  six  months  on  the 
northeast  boundary,  professed  to  be  familiar  with 
the  Indian  character,  and  had  visited  several  tribes. 
His  opinions  were  listened  to  with  profound  respect 
by  the  assembled  tyros.  Among  other  remarks  that 
his  observations  upon  us  elicited  was  "  that  there  had 
from  time  to  time  been  many  civilized  and  mixed- 
blooded  Indians  who  went  about  the  country  passing 
themselves  off  in  public  exhibitions  as  real  unadul- 
terated natives,  but  I  assure  you,  gentlemen,"  said 
he,  "  that  I  am  a  good  judge  of  the  race,  and  I  pro- 
nounce these  two  men  as  the  first  genuine  specimens 
of  aborigines  that  have  appeared  in  this  city  during 
my  day." 

Shortly  after  this  we  told  the  interpreter  to  inform 
the  landlord  that  we  were  so  much  disturbed  by  the 
crowd  that  we  would  proceed  on  our  journey  that 
night.  Accordingly,  we  re-entered  our  carriage,  and 
drove  to  the  house  where  my  wife  was  taking  tea. 
Our  interpreter  entered  and  informed  my  wife  that 
her  husband  had  sent  around  two  Seminole  chiefs, 
thinking  that  the  ladies  might  like  to  see  them.  They 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  239 

were  all  delighted,  and  the  hostess  begged  the  inter- 
preter to  bring  them  in  at  once.  Accordingly,  we 
were  shown  into  the  brilliantly-lighted  drawing-room, 
where  the  ladies  received  us  most  graciously,  giving 
us  a  hearty  squeeze  of  the  hand  all  around;  and 

when  it  came  my  turn  to  salute  Mrs.  C ,  the 

hostess,  I  imprinted  a  sonorous  kiss  upon  her  cheek, 
which  caused  her  to  jump  away  from  me  as  if  she 
had  been  shot.  She,  however,  soon  recovered  her 
equanimity,  and  even  joined  in  the  laugh  which  I 
had  produced  at  her  expense,  doubtless  supposing 
that  my  salutation  was  the  customary  Indian  greet- 
ing. 

After  seating  ourselves  and  smoking  our  pipes  for 
a  moment,  we  gave  an  intimation  through  the  inter- 
preter that  a  drink  of  whisky  would  be  acceptable. 
The  hostess  replied, 

"  Tell  the  gentlemen  Indians,  if  you  please,  Mr. 
Interpreter,  that  we  are  temperance  people  here,  and 
do  not  keep  ardent  spirits ;  but  I'll  give  them  some 
coffee  and  cake." 

They  were  set  before  us,  and  I  emptied  the  cake 
into  my  blanket  and  swallowed  the  coffee  with  a 
grimace,  at  the  same  time  saying  "  caween  nechi/r- 
chin"  (not  good),  which  the  interpreter  rendered  into 
English  as  "excellent  coffee? 


'240  BOKDEE  REMINISCENCES. 

*  From  here  we  went  to  the  house  of  a  particular 
friend  of  mine  who  was  not  at  home  himself,  but  his 
wife  and  her  mother,  an  old  lady  of  about  seventy, 
received  us  with  a  cordial  welcome,  and  made  par- 
ticular inquiries  of  the  interpreter  about  our  domes- 
tic affairs,  whether  we  were  married,  had  children, 
and  whether  our  families  would  not  be  anxious  about 
us  in  our  absence,  etc.,  etc.  The  interpreter  answer- 
ed that  Jumper  had  thirteen  wives,  and  I  six,  but 
that  I  expected  a  re-enforcement  of  three  or  four 
more  on  my  return  to  Florida. 

They  were,  of  course,  perfectly  horrified  at  such 
barbarous  Monnonism,  and  seemed  almost  afraid  to 
look  at  us  after  this.  My  friend's  wife  became  es- 
pecially' nervous,  and  I  told  the  interpreter  that  I 
wanted  to  hear  her  play  a  tune  on  the  piano.  She 
was  frightened  nearly  out  of  her  senses,  but  dared 
not  refuse  the  stern  look  of  command  I  gave  her, 
and,  seating  herself  at  the  instrument,  commenced, 
in  a  highly  tremulous  and  nervous  manner,  to  com- 
ply with  the  mandate,  frequently  casting  the  most 
deprecatory  glances  toward  the  interpreter,  as  though 
she  expected  every  touch  of  the  keys  might  be  the 
last  she  would  be  permitted  to  make  in  this  world. 

The  amiable  old  lady  was  also  very  considerably 
exercised  at  the  same  time,  and  kept  as  far  removed 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  241 

from  us  as  the  dimensions  of  the  apartment  woultf 
permit.  Observing  her  perturbation,  I  told  the  in- 
terpreter to  inform  her  that  we  would  like  very 
much  to  see  her  dance.  She  replied, "  My  dear  sir, 
tell  them  I  have  not  danced  a  step  for  over  forty 
years." 

I  repeated  the  request  in  a  more  peremptory  man- 
ner, which  having  been  interpreted  to  her,  she  im- 
ploringly responded,  "  It  is  absolutely  impossible.  I 
have  entirely  forgotten  the  steps ;  moreover,  I  have 
the  rheumatism  in  both  legs ;  and  positively  the  In- 
dians must  excuse  me." 

I  then  got  up,  went  out  upon  the  floor,  and  beck- 
oned her  to  commence,  authoritatively  intimating  to 
her,  by  significant  gestures,  that  there  was  no  escape ; 
she  must  dance. 

Not  daring  to  hesitate  longer,  she  rose  up  with  a 
desperate  impulse,  exclaiming  in  a  desponding  tone, 
"  Oh !  oh !  my  dear  Mr.  Interpreter,  what  shall  I  do  3" 
and  in  a  slow  and  measured  cadence  commenced  an' 
old-fashioned  jig,  as  an  accompaniment  to  which  I 
beat  time  with  my  tomahawk  upon  the  floor ;  and  by 
encouraging  approbatory  nods  when  she  quickened 
the  time,  and  constant  threatening  mandatory  panto- 
mime when  it  slackened,  I  gradually  induced  her  to 
accelerate  her  steps,  until  in  a  short  time  her  feet 

I, 


242  BOEDEK  REMINISCENCES. 

were  moving  with  a  velocity  which  I  venture  to  say 
they  seldom  ever  did  before,  even  when  she  was  a 
girl. 

After  she  had  become  quite  exhausted  by  the  un- 
usual efforts  I  had  imposed  upon  her,  and  which 
elicited  much  applause  from  us,  I  allowed  her  to  re- 
sume her  seat,  and  she  seemed  so  much  wearied  that 
I  was  sorry  I  had  compelled  her  to  pass  through  so 
cruel  an  ordeal ;  and  the  only  excuse  I  can  offer  for 
my  indiscretion  is,  that  my  uncontrollable  love  of 
fun,  and  my  keen  appreciation  of  the  ludicrous,  pre- 
ponderated for  the  moment  over  all  other  consider- 
ations. 

I  reproached  myself  for  it  afterward,  and  most 
penitently  entreated  the  dear  old  lady's  pardon,  but 
I  doubt  if  she  ever  entirely  forgave  me,  and  the  only 
consolation  I  have  under  all  the  circumstances  is,  that 
possibly  the  violent  exercise  of  her  "  double-quick" 
minuet  may  have  had  a  beneficial  effect  upon  her 
rheumatic  malady. 

This  closed  the  performance  here,  and  we  returned 
to  our  hotel,  giving  as  an  excuse  that  the  night  was 
so  dark  we,  upon  reflection,  had  determined  to  come 
back  and  stay  until  morning.  The  crowd  had  not 
yet  dispersed,  and  they  entreated  us  to  give  them 
some  specimens  of  our  dances,  which,  after  a  good 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  243 

deal  of  persuasion,  we  with  apparent  reluctance  con- 
sented to,  and  the  largest  parlor,  designated  for  the 
occasion,  was  soon  filled  with  the  most  prominent 
citizens  of  the  place,  only  leaving  sufficient  room  in 
the  centre  for  us  to  dance. 

Having  streaked  our  faces  well  with  vermilion, 
and  every  thing  being  comme  ilfaut,  the  last  act  in 
our  ludicrous  drama  opened  by  our  entree  through 
a  side  door,  with  our  tomahawks  raised  in  the  right 
hand,  and  scalp-locks  adorned  with  little  bells  jin- 
gling in  the  left  hand,  our  heads  thrown  back,  bodies 
erect,  knees  bent,  and  taking  short,  jerking  steps  to 
the  guttural  music  of  a  real  Chippewa  scalp-dance. 
Around  and  around  the  circle  we  moved,  flaunting 
our  war-trophies  defiantly  over  our  heads,  with  an 
occasional  threatening  demonstration  to  the  right 
and  left  with  our  tomahawks,  and  all  the  time  keep- 
ing step  to  the  inspiring  cadence  of  the  war-song, 
which  at  first  was  in  a  slow,  depressed  tone,  but  grad- 
ually rose  and  accelerated  until  it  became  highly  an- 
imated, and  even  savagely  loud  and  furious.  The 
perspiration  rolled  down  our  cheeks  in  streams,  and 
we  were  beginning  to  be  somewhat  exhausted,  but  we 
determined  not  to  show  it,  and  on  we  went  with  a 
velocity  and  fervor  that  would  have  forced  applause 
from  even  our  illustrious  Seminole  namesakes  them- 
selves. 


244  BOKDEK   REMINISCENCES. 

The  appreciative  spectators  looked  on  with  great 
satisfaction,  and  gave  us  frequent  cheers,  which, 
however,  were  mingled  with  an  occasional  demon- 
stration of  fear  from  those  in  the  front  rank  of  the 
circle,  especially  when  we  flourished  our  tomahawks 
and  gave  utterance  to  the  shrill  war-whoop.  Judge 
M ,  of  whom  I  have  already  spoken,  took  espe- 
cial interest  in  the  spectacle,  and  occupied  a  promi- 
nent position  in  the  inner  circle,  and  several  times, 
in  passing  him,  I  took  occasion  to  flout  my  tomahawk 
in  rather  closer  proximity  to  his  head  than  was  alto- 
gether agreeable  to  him,  yet  he  gave  no  evidence  of 
fear  or  trepidation  except  to  exclaim, "  What  fero- 
cious-looking devils  they  are,  sure  enough !" 

After  the  dance  was  concluded  we  seated  ourselves 
upon  the  floor,  and  directed  the  interpreter  to  inform 
the  "  pale  faces"  that  upon  such  occasions  it  was  cus- 
tomary among  our  people  to  take  a  big  smoke.  Ac- 
cordingly, our  pipes  were  filled,  and  after  a  few 
whiffs,  inhaled  into  the  lungs  and  ejected  through 
the  nostrils  by  way  of  example,  I  handed  mine  to 
the  judge,  who,  in  his  anxiety  to  show  all  possible 
respect  to  our  customs,  swallowed  a  large  quantity 
of  smoke,  and,  being  unaccustomed  to  the  use  of  to- 
bacco in  any  form,  he,  in  his  endeavors  to  expel  it 
through  his  nose,  was  taken  with  such  a  violent  fit 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  24:5 

of  sneezing  and  coughing  that  I  was  obliged  to  give 
him  some  severe  slaps  upon  the  back  before  he  re- 
covered. When  he  had  wiped  the  tears  from  his 
eyes  I  pointed  to  him  and  said  to  the  interpreter, 
"Ne-che-chin.  Che-mo-ko-mon"  The  signification 
of  which  the  interpreter  informed  him  was,  that  I 
regarded  him  as  a  very  good  man,  and  thought  I 
would  like  him  very  much. 

The  portly  gentleman  seemed  highly  delighted  at 
the  compliment,  and  remarked  that  he  would  not 
have  expected  such  refined  courtesy  from  untutored 
natives  like  those,  and  he  desired  to  know  why  Mr. 
Wild  Cat  had  taken  such  an  especial  liking  to  him. 

My  reply  through  the  interpreter  was  that,  if  we 
had  him  down  in  the  hammocks  of  Florida,  he  was 
so  fat  that  I  thought  he  would  make  soup  enough  to 
feed  the  whole  Seminole  tribe,  and  that  I  was  very 
fond  of  soup.  The  judge  shuddered  as  he  raised  his 
hands,  and  exclaimed,  "The  horrible  cannibal!" 

Then  going  up  to  him  and  extending  my  hand,  I 
said,  in  English, "  How  are  you,  judge  ?"  He  looked 
at  me  in  amazement,  saying, "  Who  in  the  devil  are 
you,  sir  ?"  When  I  told  him  who  I  was,  he,  as  well 
as  every  one  else  present,  was  greatly  surprised  that 
we  had  been  able  to  continue  our  masquerade  so 
long  without  recognition. 


246  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

On  the  following  morning  the  newspapers  teemed 
with  complimentary  notices  of  our  dramatic  powei-s, 
and  we  were  urged  to  repeat  the  exhibition,  but,  aft- 
er we  had  made  ourselves  known,  the  performance 
lost  its  most  interesting  feature. 

It  is  a  remarkable  fact  that,  among  all  the  numer- 
ous intimate  acquaintances  we  met  with  during  the 
entire  evening,  not  one  of  them  had  the  remotest 
conception  as  to  our  identity,  with  the  single  excep- 
tion of  a  bright  young  son  of  Mrs.  C ,  who  is 

now  an  eminent  lawyer,  and  who,  after  scrutinizing 
us  very  closely  for  a  while,  whispered  to  his  mother 
that  he  believed  I  was  personating  Wild  Cat.  His 
mother  reproved  him  sharply,  and  asked  him  what 
he  supposed  my  wife  would  say  if  she  knew  that 
such  a  horrible-looking  savage  had  been  mistaken 
for  her  husband.  After  we  had  left  the  house  the 
boy  reiterated  the  expression  of  his  opinion  to  the 
company,  very  much  to  the  chagrin  of  his  mother, 
who  peremptorily  ordered  him  not  to  repeat  it  again. 

My  wife  then  asked  the  lady  what  she  would  think 
if  she  were  to  assert  that  one  of  the  Indians  was  in 
reality  her  own  husband. 

She  replied,  "I  would  not  believe  you  /" 

"  Notwithstanding  this,  my  dear  madam,  I  assure 
you  that  the  person  calling  himself  Wild  Cat  was 


BOEDER   REMINISCENCES.  247 

nothing  more  nor  less  than  my  veritable  lord  and 
master." 

Perceiving  that  she  had  been  " sold"  and  believ- 
ing that  I  had  gotten  up  the  performance  for  her  es- 
pecial benefit,  she  indignantly  rejoined  that  this  was 
by  no  means  the  first  time  I  had  humbugged  her, 
and  that  she  would  yet  have  satisfaction  if  she  lived 
long  enough. 


BORDER   KKMINISCENCES. 


CHAPTER  VII. 

PIONEERS   OF   THE  WEST. 

A  wettin'  Beverage. — General  Sam  Houston. — Duel  in  Tennessee. 
— Courting  by  Proxy. — Houston  bothered. — Disciplining  Volun- 
teers.— Mrs.  L 's  Capture  and  Escape. 

IN  passing  from  the  southwestern  borders  of  Kan- 
sas into  the  outer  settlements  of  Missouri  and  Ar- 
kansas a  sudden  and  complete  transformation  is  ob- 
served, not  only  in  the  habits  and  customs  of  the  peo- 
ple, but  in  the  appearance  of  all  their  surroundings. 

For  example,  in  the  former  state,  churches  and 
school-houses  have  kept  pace  with  the  pioneers,  and 
are  seen  among  the  remotest  hamlets.  The  children 
here  go  to  school,  newspapers  are  taken  and  read, 
and  there  is  an  air  of  thrift  and  comfort  about  the 
most  primitive  log  tenements  that  marks  the  East- 
ern origin  of  their  occupants ;  while  along  the  front- 
iers of  the  latter  states  a  church  or  school-house  is 
seldom  met  with,  and  it  is  rare  to  find  a  person  here 
who  has  received  the  first  rudiments  of  education. 
The  school-master  and  parson  are  strangers  in  those 
parts,  and,  if  they  were  to  make  their  appearance, 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  ^-i;> 

would  be  regarded  as  superfluous  members  of -so- 
ciety. 

These  people  are  so  local  and  circumscribed  in 
their  sphere  of  life,  and  so  seldom  meet  with  edu- 
cated persons,  that  the  English  language  has  suffered 
a  very  considerable  metamorphosis  under  their  ver- 
nacular manipulations,  so  that  many  of  their  conven- 
tional idioms  have  become  as  remote  from  the  teach- 
ings of  our  standard  lexicographers  as  the  provincial 
patois  of  Southern  France  is  from  the  pure  dialect 
of  Paris. 

These  anomalous  specimens  of  the  genus  homo 
seem  to  constitute  a  detached  element  in  our  so- 
cial organization.  Their  sparsely  scattered  forest 
habitations,  being  far  distant  from  towns  or  villages, 
and  rarely  visited  by  travelers,  almost  entirely  ex- 
cludes them  from  intercourse  with  the  civilized 
world,  and  they  remain  nearly  as  ignorant  of  what 
is  transpiring  outside  their  own  immediate  spheres 
as  the  savages  themselves.  They  seldom  see  a  news- 
paper, and  could  not  read  it  if  it  was  placed  before 
their  eyes ;  and  I  honestly  believe  that  some  of  them, 
previous  to  the  Rebellion  (which  has  enlightened 
them  a  little),  could  not  have  told  whether.  General 
Jackson,  General  Taylor,  or  Mr.  Buchanan  was  Presi- 
dent of  the  United  States. 
L2 


250  BOEDER  REMINISCENCES. 

Some  of  the  most  salient  traits  in  the  character  of 
this  remarkable  type  of  the  Anglo-Saxon  race  have 
been  exhibited  in  a  conspicuous  light  among  the  in- 
dividuals I  have  encountered  upon  the  frontier,  and 
it  is  some  of  those  that  I  propose  introducing  to  the 
notice  of  the  reader. 

A  WETTIN'  BEVERAGE. 

Upon  a  hot  and  sultry  summer's  day  in  1852,  as  I 
was  journeying  on  horseback  over  "  Boston  Moun- 
tain," by  the  road  leading  from  Arkansas  to  Mis- 
souri, I  became  wearied  and  thirsty,  and,  riding  up 
to  the  door  of  a  wretched  shanty  (the  intervals  be- 
tween the  logs  of  which  might  well  have  entitled  it 
to  the  appellation  of  "  Oak  Openings"),  I  accosted  a 
haggard-looking  old  woman  who  was  in  possession 
of  the  premises,  and  whose  smoky,  desiccated  visage 
gave  her  a  striking  resemblance  to  my  conception  of 
Scott's  Meg  Merrilies,  and  I  expressed  the  hope  that 
she  was  in  the  enjoyment  of  perfect  health. 

At  this  salutation  she  raised  her  dim,  glassy  eyes 
upon  me,  and  in  a  most  doleful  tone  of  voice  re- 
plied, 

"  Wa'al,  now,  straanger,  I'll  tell  ye  what's  the  mat- 
ter :  I  war  middlin'  sort  o'  pert  yesterday,  but,  sure's 
yer  born'd,  I'ze  powerful  weak  to-day.  Jist  about 


r- 


LIGHT,  STRAANGER. 


BOEDER  REMINISCENCES.  253 

sun-up  this  mornin',  maybe  a  lee-t\e  bit  afore,  I  war 
tuck  with  a  almighty  mizzery  in  the  inards,  an'  I'ze 
been  0-squrmin',  an'  #-kavortiu',  an'  #-howlin'  ever 
since"  (putting  special  emphasis  upon  the  italicized 
letter  a,  and  inhaling  her  breath  while  she  was  giving 
it  protracted  utterance), "  and  I'ze  swallered  cords  of 
apple-jack  and  tobaccer-juice;  but,  straanger, 'tain't 
no  sort  o'  use ;  it  don't  begin  to  knock  it ;  an'  it's 
getten  wosser  an'  wosser  all  the  time."  Then  spas- 
modically clasping  her  long  bony  fingers  around 
the  region  of  the  stomach,  and  dropping  her  lank 
body  upon  her  knees,  she  belched  forth  an  unearthly 
screech  of  agony,  but  instantly  jerked  back  to  an  up- 
right position,  and  in  a  sharp,  authoritative  tone  said, 
"  'Light,  straanger,  an'  have  a  char." 

I  dismounted,  accepted  the  seat,  and  condoled  most 
sincerely  with  the  poor  woman,  suggesting  to  her  that 
possibly  the  tobacco  and  liquor  might  have  had  the 
effect  of  increasing  her  troubles. 

She  said  no ;  that  when  these  remedies  would  not 
"  kill  pain,"  "  all  the  yarbs  in  Rackinsack  (Arkansas) 
wo'dn't  do  it." 

After  the  "  mizzery"  spasm  had  passed  off  I  in- 
quired where  I  could  find  a  drink  of  water.  "  Thar 
war  plenty  water  in  the  spring,"  she  said,  but  added 
that  "  she  rec'on'd  she  had  some  buttermilk  in  the 


254  BOKDEB  REMINISCENCES. 

spring -house,  an'  she  'low'd  that  buttermilk  war  a 
heap  more  wettiner  nur  water." 

In  accordance  with  the  suggestion,  I  drank  copi- 
ously of  the  liquid,  and  felt  so  much  refreshed  after 
it  that  I  cheerfully  indorse  her  opinion  in  regard  to 
the  relative  "  wettin' "  qualities  of  the  two  fluids. 

SAM  HOUSTON. 

Speaking  of  buttermilk  reminds  me  of  an  anec- 
dote I  once  heard  of  General  Sam  Houston,  who  was 
a  lover  of  this  lacteal  beverage,  as  many  of  the  good 
housewives  in  the  Southwest  can  vouch  for. 

Before  the  annexation  of  Texas  to  the  Union,  and 
when  it  was  an  independent  republic,  with  the  gen- 
eral at  its  head  as  President,  the  incident  I  am  about 
to  relate  occurred. 

But,  in  order  to  get  a  proper  appreciation  of  my 
story,  a  few  observations  upon  the  anomalous  condi- 
tion of  society  in  that  then  remote  and  wild  region 
may  not  be  malapropos. 

The  inducements  held  out  by  the  Mexican  govern- 
ment for  the  early  colonization  of  Texas  brought  to- 
gether men  from  every  state  in  the  Union,  and,  in- 
deed, from  almost  every  part  of  the  civilized  world ; 
and  it  is  perfectly  safe  to  assert  that  probably  no  oth- 
er locality  in  the  universe  was  ever  populated  by  a 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  255 

community  made  up  of  elements  more  heterogeneous 
than  this.  It  is  very  true  that  there  were  some  high- 
ly intelligent  and  respectable  people  among  them, 
but  the  great  mass  of  the  early  pioneers  were  of  a 
very  different  stamp. 

Men  of  desperate  fortunes,  who  had  nothing  to 
lose  and  every  thing  to  gain,  went  there.  Ambitious 
adventurers,  who  sought  excitement  and  preferment, 
here  found  a  rich  field  for  the  indulgence  of  their 
proclivities.  Besides  these,  an  army  of  refugees  from 
justice,  under  assumed  names,  here  found  a  secure 
retreat  from  the  pale  of  the  law.  Such,  in  short, 
was  the  population  that  declared  the  independence 
of  the  republic,  and  placed  General  Houston  at  the 
helm  of  its  government. 

There  never  was  much  unanimity  of  sentiment 

V 

among  the  early  politicians  of  Texas,  and  even  Gen- 
eral Houston  had  a  powerful  party  arrayed  against 
him,  which  for  the  most  part  was  made  up  of  highly 
turbulent  and  reckless  elements — men  who  gave  ex- 
pression to  their  opinions  regardless  of  consequen- 
ces, and  frequently  enforced  them  with  their  bowie- 
knives  and  revolvers,  in  total  defiance  of  law  or  or- 
der. 

The  non-enforcement  of  law  rather  served  to  en- 
courage this  disordered  condition  of  society,  and  it 


256  BOEDER  REMINISCENCES. 

was  seldom  a  jury  was  impanneled  that  dared  to  con- 
vict a  man  of  murder,  even  when  the  crime  had  been 
perpetrated  with  the  most  diabolical  malice  prepense. 
These  same  audacious  spirits  did  not,  however,  for  a 
moment  hesitate  to  enforce  Lynch-law  upon  a  man 
for  stealing  a  horse,  or  for  putting  his  brand  upon  a 
neighbor's  calf  or  colt. 

The  consequence  of  this  was  that  individuals  often 
took  the  law  into  their  own  hands  as  the  only  reme- 
dy for  the  redressment  of  their  grievances,  so  that 
but  few  of  the  early  settlers  who  remained  in  the 
country  any  great  length  of  time  escaped  a  duel  or  a 
street  encounter,  and  many  lives  were  sacrificed  in 
this  way.  It  is,  therefore,  a  matter  of  surprise  that 
General  Houston,  who  continually  occupied  exalted 
political  positions  during  a  long  period,  should  have 
escaped  entanglement  in  those  broils. 

Whatever  his  enemies  may  have  said  of  him,  his 
friends  regarded  him  as  a  man  of  most  indomitable 
firmness  of  purpose,  and  one  whose  moral  and  phys- 
ical courage  were  beyond  question.  General  Jack- 
son, who  was  his  firm  friend  through  life,  pronounced 
him  a  brave  man  and  gallant  soldier.  Indeed,  he 
received  a  severe  wound  in  the  arm  while  fighting 
under  General  Jackson  at  the  battle  of  the  "  Horse- 
shoe." Nevertheless,  it  is  said  that,  upon  several  oc- 


BOEDER   REMINISCENCES.  257 

casions,  he  declined  meeting  adversaries  in  duels 
upon  the  ground  that  it  was  unbecoming  in  him  to 
tight  "  down  hill ;"  in  other  words,  that  he  did  not 
choose  to  enter  the  lists  with  antagonists  who  were 
far  beneath  him  in  position ;  which  reminds  me  of 
General  Putnam's  response  to  a  pugnacious  individ- 
ual who  sent  him  a  challenge,  viz.,  that  "  every  body 
knew  very  well  old  Put  was  no  coward,  and  was  not 
obliged  to  fight  every  d — d  rascal  that  came  along, 
either." 

An  incident  in  the  eventful  life  of  General  Hous- 
ton, which  occurred  in  Tennessee  before  he  went  to 
the  Cherokee  country,  affords  a  cogent  argument  in 
refutation  of  the  charge  of  cowardice  which  some  of 
his  calumniators  have  brought  against  him. 

At  a  large  political  gathering  in  Nashville  about 

the  time  he  was  running  for  governor,  a  Mr.  I g 

sent  him  a  challenge  through  the  hands  of  the  noted 
John  Smith,  T. 

Now  this  man  Smith,  of  whose  bloody  career  I 
shall  have  occasion  to  speak  more  fully  at  another 
time,  was  not  looked  upon  with  much  favor  in  that 
community ;  and  after  the  general  had  read  the  doc- 
ument, he  deliberately,  and  in  presence  of  the  whole 
assembly,  while  he  looked  Smith  directly  in  the  eyes, 
tore  it  into  pieces  and  dashed  it  upon  the  ground,  at 


258  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

the  same  time  remarking  that  "he  was  not  in  the 
habit  of  receiving  challenges  through  the  hands  of 
assassins." 

The  observation  was  heard  by  the  crowd,  and  was 

taken  up  by  General  W e,  who,  if  not  a  friend 

of  the  challenger,  did  not  entertain  kindly  feelings  for 
Houston,  and  he  said,  in  a  loud  tone  of  voice, "  The 
gentleman  seems  to  be  particularly  fastidious  to-day. 
I  wonder  whether  he  would  condescend  to  accept  a 
meeting  with  any  man — for  instance,  with  myself  ?" 

This  remark,  which  was  apparently  addressed  to 
the  people,  was  of  course  intended  for  the  ears  of 
Houston.  He  heard  it,  and  promptly  replied, "  You 
had  better  try  me,  sir  ?" 

I  shall  only  add  that  he  did  try  him,  and  with  his 
life  paid  the  penalty  of  his  indiscretion. 

As  many  are  not  familiar  with  the  early  history 
of  this  remarkable  individual,  I  take  this  occasion  to 
observe  that  he  was  a  blacksmith  by  trade,  and  re- 
ceived but  little  education  during  his  boyhood,  but 
his  eminent  natural  abilities  soon  brought  him  into 
notice,  and  the  happy  faculty  which  he  possessed  of 
ingratiating  himself  into  the  favor  and  confidence  of 
those  with  whom  he  came  in  contact  soon  gained 
him  many  friends,  and  he  was  at  a  very  early  age 
sent  to  Congress  from  his  native  state. 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  259 

His  tall,  erect,  and  highly  graceful  and  dignified 
bearing,  united  with  great  suavity  of  address,  and 
agreeable  social  qualities,  soon  made  him  compan- 
ions at  Washington,  and  he  was  regarded  as  one  of 
the  most  promising  young  politicians  of  that  day. 

It  is  said  that  certain  mutual  friends  were  very  de- 
sirous about  this  time  of  bringing  about  a  meeting 
with  the  rising  young  politician  and  a  very  beautiful 
and  aristocratic  belle  of  Baltimore,  Miss  R y. 

To  effect  this  Mr. gave  an  elegant  banquet, 

to  which  Houston,  the  young  lady  alluded  to,  and 
many  of  the  elite  of  the  city  were  invited,  and  it  was 
arranged  that  at  an  opportune  moment  during  the 
entertainment  Houston's  name  should  be  alluded  to, 

and  that  Mr.  M 1,  an  older  member  of  Congress 

from  Tennessee,  should  take  that  as  a  text  for  eulo- 
gizing his  young  colleague  in  such  exalted  terms  as 
to  attract  the  attention  of  the  ambitious  female  sprig 
of  aristocracy. 

Accordingly,  when  the  proper  moment  arrived,  his 
old  friend,  who  was  from  the  rural  districts  himself, 
and  had  but  little  sympathy  with  aristocracy,  said, 
"  Is  it  Sam  Houston  you  are  speaking  of  ?  Why, 
I've  known  the  young  rascal  ever  since  he  came 
barefooted  over  the  mountains  to  work  at  the  black- 
smithing  business  in  our  county ;  and  when  I  first 


260  BOEDER   REMINISCENCES. 

met  him  he  had  cracks  in  his  heels  as  wide  as  your 
fingers.  I  tell  you  he  is  a  self-made  man,  and  he's 
bound  to  make  his  mark." 

It  may  readily  be  conjectured  that  this  encomium, 
instead  of  elevating  the  youthful  hero  in  the  estima- 
tion of  the  haughty  belle,  only  served  to  render  him 
obnoxious  to  her.  The  acquaintance  proceeded  no 
farther. 

After  this  the  general  was  Governor  of  Tennessee, 
and  subsequently  he  passed  a  year  or  two  among  the 
Cherokees,  and  from  thence  went  to  Texas,  where  he 
founded  a  republic,  and  there  is  no  question  in  my 
mind  about  his  personal  bravery.  Moreover,  he  was 
an  excellent  judge  of  character,  and  probably  no 
man  ever  lived  who  possessed  a  happier  faculty  for 
extricating  himself  from  a  critical  position  than  he. 

"With  these  somewhat  discursive  preliminary  di- 
gressions I  proceed  with  my  narrative. 

At  the  period  alluded  to,  the  general  was  in  the 
daily  habit  of  walking  out  to  a  farm-house  near  Aus- 
tin, where  he  invariably  received  a  cordial  welcome, 
and  never  failed  to  get  his  favorite  buttermilk  bev- 
erage. 

The  proprietor  of  the  establishment,  Mr.  W d, 

felt  proud  of  entertaining  so  distinguished  a  guest, 
especially  as  he  regarded  him  one  of  his  stanchest 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  261 

friends,  and  he  took  every  pains  to  induce  him  to 
repeat  his  visits. 

Now  it  so  occurred  upon  a  certain  occasion,  when 
politics  ran  high  and  factious  animosities  were  ex- 
ceedingly acrimonious,  that  W d  was  nominated 

for  an  important  office,  and,  being  very  desirous  to 
secure  the  election,  he  frequently  counseled  with  his 
old  friend  Houston  in  regard  to  the  best  method  of 
conducting  the  canvass. 

The  old  veteran  of  San  Jacinto,  with  all  apparent 
sincerity,  entered  most  cordially  into  the  views  and 
interests  of  his  friend,  and  cheerfully  gave  him  the 
benefit  of  his  matured  political  experience,  and  there- 
by inspired  W d  with  full  confidence  in  the  ulti- 
mate success  of  his  election,  and  every  thing  pro- 
gressed satisfactorily,  until  one  day  W d  received 

a  letter  from  a  friend,  inclosing  another  written  by 
General  Houston  to  the  opposing  candidate,  in  which 

he  expressed  the  opinion  that  W d  was  utterly 

unfitted  to  fill  the  position,  and  that  every  effort 
should  be  made  to  defeat  him. 

Astounded  at  such  barefaced  duplicity,  he  put  the 
letter  into  his  pocket,  and  anxiously  awaited  the  gen- 
eral's next  visit,  firmly  resolved  to  call  him  to  account 
for  it. 

He  arrived  as  usual,  and  seemed  in  excellent  spir- 


262  BOEDER  REMINISCENCES. 

its,  accosting  Mrs.  "W d  with  "  Good  morning, 

lady.  I  hope  I  find  you  very  well  to-day ;  and,  pray, 
how  are  the  darling  little  ones  this  morning,  lady  ? 

And,  my  dear  old  friend  W d,  how  does  it  go 

with  you  to-day  ?  It  seems  to  me  you  are  not  look- 
ing as  cheerful  as  usual.  I  trust  nothing  has  gone 
amiss." 

W d  responded  very  coldly  to  this  hearty  greet- 
ing, and,  after  the  general  was  seated,  asked  him 
what  he  would  think  of  a  man  who  should  come  to 
his  house  every  day,  profess  to  be  his  best  friend, 
partake  of  his  hospitality,  and  receive  numberless 
other  favors,  and  after  all  this  he  should  discover 
that  this  man  was  his  direst  enemy. 

"  Do  you  ask  me,  W d,  what  I  would  think  of 

such  a  heartless  wretch  ?  Why,  sir,  my  candid  opin- 
ion is  that  ingratitude  is  a  crime  of  the  deepest  tur- 
pitude, and  I  have  no  hesitation  in  saying  that  such 
a  man  should  be  hung.  I  say  he  should  be  hung, 
sir.  Shooting  would  be  too  light  a  punishment  for 
such  an  infamous  traitor." 

W d  then  produced  the  letter,  and  asked  his 

guest  if  he  would  do  him  the  favor  to  read  it.  Aft- 
er feigning  to  read  it  over  very  carefully,  and  per- 
ceiving that  it  would  be  useless  to  deny  its  authen- 
ticity, he  turned  up  his  eyes  with  a  most  puzzled  and 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 


263 


bewildered  expression,  saying  at  the  same  time  (in 
soliloquy),  "  That  handwriting  certainly  resembles 
mine,  but  if  I  wrote  it,  how  does  it  happen  that  I 
can  not  remember  any  thing  about  it  ?  That's  what 
bothers  me." 


HOUSTON    BOTHERED. 


After  a  moment's  reflection,  he  went  up  to  W d 

with  the  letter  open  in  his  left  hand,  placed  it  before 
his  eyes,  and  significantly  shaking  the  index  finger 
of  his  right  hand  at  the  paper,  said, 

"Who  would  suppose  that  I  could  ever  have  got 
so  beastly  drunk  as  to  write  such  an  absurd  letter? 
You,  my  dear  W d,  know  me  too  well  to  believe 


264  BORDER  REMINISCENCES. 

for  an  instant  that  this  letter  expresses  my  real  senti- 
ment. On  the  contrary,  if  I  was  called  upon  pub- 
licly to  declare  my  candid  opinion  in  floral  language 
regarding  the  relative  merits  of  the  two  candidates, 
I  should  most  unhesitatingly  and  most  unqualifiedly 
exclaim  that  you  were  decidedly  ' poplar]  but  that 
your  opponent  was  emphatically  a '  lo-cuss?  " 

Almost  every  page  in  the  early  history  of  Texas  is 
replete  with  thrilling  narrations  of  Indian  barbari- 
ties, of  desperate  personal  encounters,  and  of  heroic 
struggles  of  Anglo-Saxons  to  wrest  from  Mexicans 
and  savages  the  land  of  their  nativity  and  graves  of 
their  ancestors. 

Even  after  the  Spaniards  were  subdued  or  driven 
out  of  the  country  and  their  leader  captured,  the 
most  populous  districts  were  not  exempt  from  fre- 
quent predatory  incursions  from  the  warlike  and  hos- 
tile Comanches. 

Those  ubiquitous  freebooters  of  the  Plains,  mount- 
ed upon  fleet  and  enduring  ponies,  would,  without 
the  slightest  previous  warning,  swoop  down  upon  a 
settlement  with  lightning  velocity,  and  before  the  in- 
habitants could  rally  for  defense  they  were  away 
again,  leaving  fire,  desolation,  and  death  in  their 
bloody  tracks. 

To  guard  against,  these  sudden  raids  the  people 


BOKDEK  REMINISCENCES.  265 

were  forced  to  remain  continually  on  the  alert,  with 
rifles  and  revolvers  by  their  sides  both  day  and  night. 

This  condition  of  society  brought  before  the  pub- 
lic many  bold  spirits,  who  otherwise  would  probably 
have  remained  unknown,  and  who,  by  their  keen  in- 
stincts in  combating  their  wily  foes,  and  by  their  in- 
trepid deeds  of  personal  valor,  rendered  their  names 
immortal  upon  the  catalogue  of  border  heroes. 

Such  men  as  Jack  Hays,  Ben  M'Culloch,  Walker, 
Cook,  etc.,  whose  memories  are  held  in  the  highest 
veneration  by  their  surviving  contemporaries,  ap- 
peared at  this  eventful  era,  and  they  were  intrusted 
with  the  command  of  parties  that  patroled  the  outer 
line  of  settlements  under  the  appellation  of  "  Ran- 
gers." 

In  the  execution  of  this  hazardous  duty  they  had 
many  bloody  encounters  with  the  savages,  and  were 
often  victorious,  but  occasionally  they  were  overpow- 
ered by  numbers,  and  either  killed  or  forced  to  flee 
to  the  settlements  for  protection  or  re-enforcements. 

Upon  a  certain  occasion,  one  of  these  parties, 
which  had  been  scouting  upon  the  head  waters  of 
the  Brazos  and  Trinity,  was  driven  in  by  the  advance 
of  a  powerful  war-party  of  Comanches,  and  the  di- 
rection from  which  they  were  approaching  induced 
the  belief  among  the  knowing  borderers  that  they 

M 


266  BOKDER  REMINISCENCES. 

designed  striking  Nacogdoches,  on  the  Angelina  Riv- 
er. To  meet  the  emergency,  a  large  force  of  militia 
was  hastily  called  out,  with  orders  to  assemble  at  Na- 
cogdoches,  under  the  command  of  General  Rusk,  the 
then  Secretary  of  War. 

They  were  speedily  enrolled,  and  remained  some 
considerable  time  en  bivouac  awaiting  tidings  of  the 
Indians,  but  no  enemy  appeared ;  and  at  length  the 
President  went  there  himself,  and  believing  the  dan- 
ger over,  he  at  once  ordered  the  disbandment  of  the 
troops. 

Many  of  the  men  who  had  suffered  from  Indian 
depredations  were  exceedingly  anxious  for  an  oppor- 
tunity to  take  revenge,  and  the  disbandment  was  by 
no  means  a  popular  measure  with  them.  Moreover, 
they  did  not  hesitate  to  give  free  expression  to  their 
sentiments  upon  the  subject,  even  to  denouncing  in 
the  most  unqualified  terms  the  action  of  the  chief 
magistrate. 

On  the  day  following  the  "  mustering  out,"  as  Gen- 
erals Houston  and  Rusk,  accompanied  by  the  Adju- 
tant General,  M'Cloud,  were  promenading  arm  in 
arm  through  the  streets  of  the  town,  which  were 
swarming  with  the  disbanded  volunteers,  many  of 
them  collected  in  groups  discussing  the  propriety  of 
the  President's  order,  their  attention  was  called  to  a 


BOEDER   REMINISCENCES.  267 

stalwart  young  backwoodsman,  dressed  from  head  to 
foot  in  buckskin,  who  had  evidently  taken  several 
drinks  of  whisky,  and  was  loudly  and  vehemently 
expatiating  to  those  around  him,  and  making  fre- 
quent, and  not  very  complimentary,  use  of  "  Sam 
Houston's"  name. 

General  Houston,  who  could  not  avoid  hearing 
some  of  these  allusions,  turned  to  his  companions 
and  said, "  It  appears  to  me,  General  Rusk,  that  you 
do  not  preserve  very  good  discipline  in  your  com- 
mand." 

"  They  have  been  disbanded,  and  I  have  nothing 
farther  to  do  with  them,"  replied  the  general.  "More- 
over," he  added,  "  I  am  of  the  opinion  that  it  would 
not  be  so  easy  a  matter  to  stop  their  talking,  even  if 
they  were  still  in  service." 

"  Come  along  with  me,  gentlemen,  and  I'll  show 
you  how  to  quell  such  disgraceful  exhibitions,"  said 
Houston. 

The  others  merely  observed  that "  they  would  like 
to  witness  the  performance,"  and  followed  into  the 
packed  crowd,  which  made  way  for  the  distinguished 
personages,  enabling  them  to  penetrate  to  the  side  of 
the  noisy  orator,  who  still  continued  his  vociferous 
harangue,  accompanied  by  the  most  violent  gesticu- 
lations and  contortions  of  his  arms  and  body. 


268  BOEDER   REMINISCENCES. 

"Walking  deliberately  up  to  him,  and  laying  his 
hand  upon  his  shoulder,  the  general,  in  a  mild  but 
emphatic  tone,  said, "  Are  you  not  aware,  my  young 
friend,  that  you  are  disturbing  the  peace  and  quiet 
of  this  respectable  community,  and  that  too,  sir,  in 
presence  of  the  President  of  the  Republic  ?" 

The  fellow  suddenly  ceased  speaking  at  this  un- 
expected interruption,  and,  turning  upon  the  huge 
individual  who  addressed  him  (he  did  not  know  the 
general,  it  seemed),  he,  in  a  very  low  but  firm  tone 
of  voice,  while  his  eyes  flashed  fire,  asked.  "Are  you 
Sam  Houston,  the  President  ?" 

"  Tes,  my  young  friend,  I  have  the  honor  to  bear 
that  distinguished  cognomen." 

The  young  giant  then  drew  back  a  step  or  two, 
and,  concentrating  all  his  powerful  energies  into  the 
effort,  sprang  like  an  infuriated  tiger  upon  the  aston- 
ished general,  knocking  him  down,  and  at  the  same 
time  exclaiming, "  Well,  d — n  you,  old  Houston,  you 
are  the  very  man  I  wanted  to  see."  He  was  imme- 
diately pulled  off  by  the  spectators,  and  proceeded 
with  his  interrupted  declamation  as  if  nothing  had 
happened,  while  the  general  retired  to  his  lodgings, 
fully  convinced  that  his  friend  Rusk  was  no  disci- 
plinarian. 

At  one  time,  while  Generals  Houston  and  Rusk 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  269 

were  at  Austin,  it  is  said  that  a  friend  of  the  latter 
reported  to  him  that  General  Houston  had,  upon 
more  than  one  occasion,  denounced  him  in  the  se- 
verest terms,  and  his  friends  were  unanimous  in  the 
opinion  that  his  reputation  and  honor  demanded  that 
the  insult  should  be  noticed.  He  did  not,  however, 
pay  much  attention  to  the  matter  at  first,  but  at 
length  it  became  so  notorious  that  he  called  on 
Houston  and  required  an  explanation. 

As  soon  as  the  object  of  his  visit  was  proclaimed 
General  Houston  burst  into  a  violent  fit  of  laughter, 
and  going  up  to  Rusk,  placed  his  hand  upon  his 
shoulder,  saying, 

"  It  seems  to  me,  my  dear  Rusk,  that  you  are  un- 
necessarily exercised  this  morning.  You  must  be 
conscious  of  the  fact  that  we  sometimes  chastise  our 
children ;  and  are  we  not  permitted  upon  certain 
occasions  to  inflict  upon  our  wives  an  affectionate 
pinch  ?  Yet  this  does  not  signify  that  we  love  them 
any  the  less.  I  would  ask  you,  then,  if  a  man  can't 
curse  his  best  friend  without  his  taking  offense,  who 
in  the  name  of  common  sense  can  he  curse,  I  should 
like  to  know  ?" 

The  general  acceded  to  this  paradoxical  simile 
with  a  questionable  grace,  and  suggested  to  his  frfend 
that  in  future  he  would  thank  him  to  dispense  his 


270  BOEDER  REMINISCENCES. 

anathematical  tokens  of  affection  in  a  little  more 
private  manner  than  he  had  been  in  the  habit  of 
doing. 

STORY  OF  MRS.  L 'S  CAPTURE  AND  ESCAPE. 

The  verity  of  the  somewhat  paradoxical  adage 
that  "  truth  is  sometimes  stranger  than  fiction,"  was 
never  more  strikingly  presented  to  my  mind  than 
upon  an  occasion  when  listening  to  a  detailed  ac- 
count of  the  capture  by  the  Comanches  of  a  woman 
upon  the  Texas  border,  and  the  unparalleled  achieve- 
ments, sufferings,  and  fortitude  connected  with  her 
captivity  and  her  subsequent  escape  therefrom. 

In  order  that  the  reader  may  get  a  full  under- 
standing and  appreciation  of  the  facts  as  they  oc- 
curred, a  few  explanatory  observations  upon  the  pe- 
culiar features  of  the  country  where  the  scenes  were 
enacted,  and  the  character  of  its  population,  seem  in- 
dispensable. 

Before  the  inhabitants  of  Texas  surrendered  the 
sovereignty  of  their  republic  by  contributing  their 
rising  "  lone  star"  emblem  to  swell  and  emblazon 
the  constellation  of  the  glorious  Union  galaxy,  and, 
indeed,  for  many  years  previous  to  the  achievement 
of  fheir  independence  from  Mexican  rule,  they  were 
continually  subjected  to  the  merciless  and  bloody  in- 


BOEDER  REMINISCENCES.  271 

cursions  of  those  barbarous  freebooters  of  the  plains, 
the  Comanches  and  Kiowas,  who  have  to  this  day 
kept  up  their  outrages  upon  the  border  occupants  of 
that  state,  in  absolute  defiance  of  all  the  efforts  of 
our  government  to  prevent  them. 

They  have  repeatedly  been  informed  by  our  au- 
thorities that  Texas  has  become  incorporated  into 
the  Union,  that  we  are  now  one  and  the  same  na- 
tion, and  that  they  would  not  be  allowed  to  make 
any  discrimination  between  the  people  of  the  two 
sections.  Yet  they  do  not  seem  to  comprehend  the 
existing  relations,  and  the  antagonistic  attitude  as- 
sumed by  Texas  toward  the  United  States  during 
the  Rebellion,  which  the  Indians  were  perfectly  cog- 
nizant of,  only  served  to  confirm  their  previous  im- 
pressions that  there  was  no  real  national  unity  es- 
tablished between  us. 

These  nomads  range  over  a  vast  extent  of  country 
about  the  waters  of  the  Arkansas  and  Red  Rivers, 
hundreds  of  miles  removed  from  all  white  settle- 
ments, and  in  this  unfrequented  district  they  leave 
their  women  and  children  while  absent  upon  pro- 
tracted raids  into  Texas  and  Mexico. 

In  the  execution  of  their  atrocious  ravages  they 
are  always  well  mounted,  and  pass  stealthily  along 
outside  of  the  populated  sections  of  the  country, 


272  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

until  they  learn  from  their  scouts  when  a  favorable 
opportunity  offers  for  the  accomplishment  of  their 
purposes,  when,  like  tigers  pouncing  upon  their  prey, 
they  swoop  in  upon  their  unwary  victims,  murdering 
and  scalping  the  men,  and  making  captive  the  wom- 
en and  children,  whom,  with  their  booty,  they  carry 
hurriedly  away  to  their  distant  haunts,  where  it  is 
impossible  to  track  or  pursue  them. 

The  chronicles  of  the  wars  between  the  early  col- 
onists of  New  England  and  the  aborigines  abound  in 
thrilling  narrations  of  heroic  deeds  and  sufferings, 
of  miraculous  escapes  from  torture  and  the  stake, 
as  well  as  of  the  marvelous  fortitude  and  courage 
evinced  upon  many  occasions  by  the  women  of  that 
eventful  era;  but  I  have  yet  to  learn  any  thing, 
either  from  history  or  romance,  that  impressed  me 
as  being  more  remarkable  or  more  deserving  of  com- 
mendation than  the  signal  exploit  of  mental  and 
physical  valor  and  endurance  which  I  am  about  to 
relate,  and  which  can  substantially  be  vouched  for 
by  several  creditable  living  witnesses. 

Beyond  the  extreme  outer  line  of  settlements  in 
Western  Texas,  near  the  head  waters  of  the  Colora- 
do River,  and  in  one  of  the  remotest  and  most  se- 
questered sections  of  that  sparsely  populated  district, 
there  lived,  in  1867,  an  enterprising  pioneer  by  the 


BOEDER   REMINISCENCES.  273 

name  of  Babb,  whose  besetting  propensity  and  am- 
bition consisted  in  pushing  his  fortunes  a  little  far- 
ther toward  the  setting  sun  than  any  of  his  neigh- 
bors, the  nearest  of  whom,  at  the  time  specified,  was 
some  fifteen  miles  in  his  rear. 

This  proximity  did  not  afford  him  quite  as  much 
"  elbow-room"  as  he  would  have  desired,  for  he  was 
decidedly  averse  to  human  attrition,  and  the  jostling 
consequent  upon  closely  packed  communities;  but 
he  was  a  kind  and  indulgent  husband,  and  cheerful- 
ly suffered  this  little  inconvenience  for  the  gratifica- 
tion of  his  better  half,  who  was  rather  more  fond  of 
society  than  himself,  and  objected  to  going  any  far- 
ther away  from  the  settlements. 

The  household  of  the  borderer  consisted  of  his 
wife,  three  small  children,  and  a  female  friend  by 

the  name  of  L ,  who,  having  previously  lost  her 

husband,  was  passing  the  summer  with  the  family. 

As  this  woman  is  the  heroine  of  our  narrative, 
and  performed  a  conspicuous  role  in  the  exciting 
scenes  I  shall  attempt  to  depict,  a  brief  description 
of  her  person  and  characteristics  seems  to  be  apro- 
pos in  this  connection. 

She  is  represented  as  having  been,  at  the  period 
alluded  to,  about  twenty-five  years  of  age,  with  an 
erect  and  commanding  presence,  but  possessing  em- 
M  2 


274  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

inently  a  graceful  feminine  person  of  rather  less 
than  medium  proportions;  yet  she  was  no  delicate, 
ethereal,  hot -ho use  exotic,  who  required  constant 
shelter  and  protection  from  every  unusual  atmos- 
pheric asperity.  On  the  contrary,  she  was  a  verita- 
ble type  of  our  vigorous,  self-reliant  border  women, 
who  encounter  danger  or  the  vicissitudes  of  weather 
without  quailing. 

Born  and  nurtured  upon  the  remotest  frontier,  she 
inherited  a  robust  constitution,  and  her  active  life 
in  the  exhilarating  prairie  air  served  to  develop  and 
mature  into  perfect  symjpetry  and  beauty  a  healthy 
womanly  physique,  which  is  rarely  met  with  in  the 
impure  and  enervating  atmosphere  of  the  cities. 

The  contour  of  her  naturally  graceful  figure  had 
not  been  squeezed  and  warped,  by  those  instruments 
of  torture  called  corsets,  into*  an  outline  entirely  at 
variance  with  the  inimitable  model  designed  by  the 
Almighty  in  his  own  perfect  image,  neither  had  she 
sacrificed  her  natural  hair  to  the  feverish,  steaming 
ordeal  of  attaching  to  the  back  of  her  head  a  fish- 
net stuffed  out  with  a  huge  coil  of  flax  or  defunct 
hair  cable.  She  was  no  slave  to  such  senseless  and 
disgusting  mandates  of  fashion,  and  suffered  her 
long  glossy  locks  to  hang  in  massive  waving  curls 
all  over  her  shoulders. 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  275 

Her  features  were  regular  and  classic,  and  the 
glances  from  her  jet-black  eyes,  surmounted  by  ex- 
quisitely penciled  brows,  were,  when  she  was  excited, 
as  vivid  and  piercing  as  the  dazzling  scintillations 
from  calcium  lights. 

Her  complexion  did  not  carry  that  pallid,  sickly 
hue  so  characteristic  of  city  women,  neither  had  she 
been  inducted  into  the  mysteries  of  rouge,  cosmetics, 
or  other  appliances  of  the  toilet,  for  her  cheeks  re- 
quired no  such  artificial  adornment.  By  constant 
impact  with  the  salubrious  prairie  breezes  they  had 
become  tinged  with  a  shade  of  rich  brown,  and, 
when  under  the  influence  of  excitement  or  exer- 
cise, the  rapid  pulsations  of  crimson  pigment,  which 
flashed  from  her  heart  beneath  her  transparent  skin, 
rendered  her  complexion  more  beautiful  than  any 
thing  within  the  power  of  art. 

Her  costume  was  designed  and  made  for  comfort 
and  use,  without  regard  to  the  arbitrary  dictates  of 
fashion.  There  were  no  elaborate  puckered  frills, 
flounces,  furbelows,  or  dromedary-like  humps  to  load 
down  or  deform  her  person,  nor  was  the  crown  of 
her  head  surmounted  by  a  Tyrolese  doll's  hat,  yet 
the  tout  ensemble  of  her  limited  wardrobe  was  come- 
ly and  appropriate. 

Besides  her  other  personal  attractions  she  is  said 


276  BOEDER   REMINISCENCES. 

to  have  possessed  a  large  element  of  vivacious,  social 
bonhomie — a  spontaneous  Di  Vernon-like  abandon, 
which  attracted  and  fascinated  all  who  came  within 
the  sphere  of  its  influence. 

She  probably  seldom,  if  ever,  during  the  entire 
course  of  her  life,  rode  in  a  carriage ;  and  the  only 
means  of  locomotion  familiar  to  her,  aside  from  that 
bestowed  upon  her  by  the  Creator,  was  upon  horse- 
back. 

At  an  early  age  she  had  been  taught  to  ride,  and 
in  after-life  it  had  been  one  of  her  chief  sources  of 
pleasure  to  mount  her  horse  in  the  cool  of  the  morn- 
ing, and  gallop  away  for  miles  over  the  verdure-clad 
expanse  of  the  plains,  where  the  spicy  aroma  from 
an  ocean  of  fragrant  flowers  permeated  the  entire 
atmosphere  with  a  pungent  and  exhilarating  per- 
fume, and  where  her  free,  independent,  and  fearless 
nature  had  ample  scope. 

In  the  saddle  she  felt  perfectly  self-confident ;  and 
while  dashing  at  full  speed  over  the  gentle  undula- 
tions of  the  prairie  upon  her  favorite  horse,  her  long 
locks  streaming  in  unconfined  luxuriance  in  the 
breeze,  and  her  lithe,  supple  person  yielding  in  cen- 
taur-like unison  with  every  movement,  pulsation,  and 
breath  of  the  generous  animal  that  shared  her  en- 
thusiasm, she  presented  an  equestrian  model  of  be- 
witching beauty  and  grace. 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  277 

The  cares,  perplexities,  and  luxuries  of  civilized 
society  were  unknown  to  her,  yet  she  was  content- 
ed and  happy ;  and  here  she  would  probably  have 
passed  the  remainder  of  her  days  had  nothing  occur- 
red to  break  in  upon  the  monotony  of  her  career. 

But,  alas !  like  the  capricious  mutations  of  all  oth- 
er human  calculations,  the  current  of  her  peaceful 
and  innocent  avocations  and  pastimes  was  destined 
soon  to  encounter  a  most  abrupt  and  unforeseen  in- 
terruption, the  details  of  which  will  constitute  the 
burden  of  the  following  narrative,  which  was  related 
to  me  by  the  agent  of  the  very  Indians  concerned, 
and  may  therefore  be  relied  upon  for  truth  and  ac- 
curacy. 

Upon  one  bright  and  lovely  morning  in  June,  1867, 
the  adventurous  borderer  before  mentioned  set  out 
from  his  home  with  some  cattle  for  a  distant  mar- 
ket, leaving  his  family  in  possession  of  the  ranch, 
without  any  male  protectors  from  Indian  marauders. 

They  did  not,  however,  entertain  any  serious  ap- 
prehensions of  molestation  in  his  absence,  as  no  hos- 
tile Indians  had  as  yet  made  their  appearance  in  that 
locality,  and  every  thing  passed  on  quietly  for  several 
days,  until  one  morning,  while  the  women  were  busi- 
ly occupied  with  their  domestic  affairs  in  the  house, 
the  two  oldest  children,  who  were  playing  outside, 


278  BOKDEK  REMINISCENCES. 

called  to  their  mother,  and  informed  her  that  some 
mounted  men  were  approaching  from  the  prairie. 
On  looking  out,  she  perceived,  to  her  astonishment, 
that  they  were  Indians  coming  upon  the  gallop,  and 
already  very  near  the  hoube.  This  gave  her  no  time 
to  make  arrangements  for  defense ;  but  she  screamed 
to  the  children  to  run  in  for  their  lives,  as  she  de- 
sired to  bar  the  door,  being  conscious  of  the  fact  that 
the  prairie  warriors  seldom  attack  a  house  that  is 
closed,  fearing,  doubtless,  that  it  may  be  occupied  by 
armed  men,  who  might  give  them  an  unwelcome  re- 
ception. 

The  children  did  not,  however,  obey  the  command 
of  their  mother,  believing  the  strangers  to  be  white 
men,  and  the  door  was  left  open.  As  soon  as  the 

alarm  was  given  Mrs.  L sprang  up  a  ladder  into 

the  loft,  and  concealed  herself  in  such  a  position  that 
she  could,  through  cracks  in  the  floor,  see  all  that 
passed  beneath. 

Meantime  the  savages  came  up,  seized  and  bound 
the  two  children  outdoors,  and,  entering  the  house, 
rushed  toward  the  young  child,  which  the  terror- 
stricken  mother  struggled  frantically  to  rescue  from 
their  clutches ;  but  they  were  too  much  for  her,  and, 
tearing  the  infant  from  her  arms,  they  dashed  it  upon 
the  floor ;  then  seizing  her  by  the  hair,  they  wrenched 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  279 

back  her  head  and  cut  her  throat  from  ear  to  ear, 
putting  her  to  death  instantaneously. 

Mrs.  L ,  who  was  anxiously  watching  their  pro- 
ceedings from  the  loft,  witnessed  the  fiendish  trag- 
edy, and  uttered  an  involuntary  shriek  of  horror, 
which  disclosed  her  hiding-place  to  the  barbarians, 
and  they  instantly  vaulted  up  the  ladder,  overpow- 
ered and  tied  her ;  then  dragging  her  rudely  down,, 
they  placed  her,  with  the  two  elder  children,  upon 
horses,  and  hurriedly  set  off  to  the  north,  leaving  the 
infant  child  unharmed,  and  clasping  the  mangled 
corpse  of  its  murdered  parent. 

In  accordance  with  their  usual  practice,  they  trav- 
eled as  rapidly  as  their  horses  could  carry  them  for 
several  consecutive  days  and  nights,  only  making  oc- 
casional short  halts  to  graze  and  rest  their  animals, 
and  get  a  little  sleep  themselves,  so  that  the  unfor- 
tunate captives  necessarily  suffered  indescribable  tor- 
ture from  harsh  treatment,  fatigue,  and  want  of  sleep 
and  food.  Yet  they  were  forced  by  the  savages  to 
continue  on  day  after  day  and  night  after  night  for 
many,  many  weary  miles  toward  the  "  Staked  Plain," 
crossing  en  route  the  Brazos,  Wachita,  Red,  Cana- 
dian, and  Arkansas  Rivers,  several  of  which  were  at 
swimming  stages. 

The  warriors  guarded  their  captives  very  closely 


280  BOEDER  REMINISCENCES. 

until  they  had  gone  so  great  a  distance  from  the  set- 
tlements that  they  imagined  it  impossible  for  them 
to  make  their  escape  and  find  their  way  home,  when 
they  relaxed  their  vigilance  slightly,  and  they  were 
permitted  to  walk  about  a  little  within  short  limits 
from  the  bivouacs;  but  they  were  given  to  under- 
stand by  unmistakable  pantomime  that  death  would 
be  the  certain  penalty  of  the  first  attempt  to  escape. 
In  spite  of  this,  Mrs.  L ,  who  possessed  a  firm- 
ness of  purpose  truly  heroic,  resolved  to  seize  the  first 
favorable  opportunity  to  get  away;  and  with  this 
resolution  in  view,  she  carefully  observed  the  rela- 
tive speed  and  powers  of  endurance  of  the  different 
horses  in  the  party,  and  noted  the  manner  in  which 
they  were  grazed,  guarded,  and  caught ;  and  upon  a 
dark  night,  after  a  long,  fatiguing  day's  ride,  and 
while  the  Indians  were  sleeping  soundly,  she  noise- 
lessly and  cautiously  crawled  away  from  the  bed  of 
her  young  companions,  who  were  also  buried  in  pro- 
found slumber,  and  going  to  the  pasture-ground  of 
the  horses,  selected  the  best,  leaped  upon  his  back  a 
la  gargon,  with  only  a  lariat  around  his  neck,  and, 
without  saddle  or  bridle,  started  quietly  off  at  a  slow 
walk  in  the  direction  of  the  north  star,  believing 
that  this  course  would  lead  her  to  the  nearest  white 
habitations.  As  soon  as  she  had  gone  out  of  hearing 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  281 

from  the  bivouac,  without  detection  or  pursuit,  she 
accelerated  the  speed  of  the  horse  into  a  trot,  then  to 
a  gallop,  and  urged  him  rapidly  forward  during  the 
entire  night. 

At  dawn  of  day  on  the  following  morning  she 
rose  upon  the  crest  of  an  eminence  overlooking  a 
vast  area  of  bald  prairie  country,  where,  for  the  first 
time  since  leaving  the  Indians,  she  halted,  and,  turn- 
ing round,  tremblingly  cast  a  rapid  glance  to  the 
rear,  expecting  to  see  the  savage  blood-hounds  in 
eager  pursuit  upon  her  track;  but,  to  her  great  joy 
and  relief,  not  a  single  indication  of  a  living  object 
could  be  discerned  within  the  extended  scope  of  her 
vision.  She  breathed  more  freely  now,  but  still  did 
not  feel  safe  from  pursuit ;  and  the  total  absence  of 
all  knowledge  of  her  whereabouts  in  the  midst  of 
the  wide  expanse  of  dreary  prairie  around  her,  with 
the  uncertainty  of  ever  again  looking  upon  a  friend- 
ly face,  caused  her  to  realize  most  vividly  her  own 
weakness  and  entire  dependence  upon  the  Almighty, 
and  she  raised  her  thoughts  to  Heaven  in  fervent 
supplication. 

The  majesty  and  sublimity  of  the  stupendous 
works  of  the  great  Author  and  Creator  of  the  uni- 
verse, when  contrasted  with  the  insignificance  of  the 
powers  and  achievements  of  a  vivified  atom  of  earth 


282  BOEDER  REMINISCENCES. 

modeled  into  human  form,  are  probably  under  no 
circumstances  more  strikingly  exhibited  and  felt 
than  when  one  becomes  bewildered  and  lost  in  the 
almost  limitless  amplitude  of  our  great  North  Amer- 
ican "  pampas,"  where  not  a  single  footmark  or  oth- 
er trace  of  man's  presence  or  action  can  be  discov- 
ered, and  where  the  solitary  wanderer  is  startled  at 
the  sound  even  of  his  own  voice. 

The  sensation  of  loneliness  and  despondency  re- 
sulting from  the  appalling  consciousness  of  being 
really  and  absolutely  lost,  with  the  realization  of  the 
fact  that  but  two  or  three  of  the  innumerable  differ- 
ent points  of  direction  embraced  within  the  circle  of 
the  horizon  will  serve  to  extricate  the  bewildered 
victim  from  the  awful  doom  of  death  by  starvation, 
and  in  entire  ignorance  as  to  which  of  these  partic- 
ular directions  should  be  followed,  without  a  single 
road,  trail,  tree,  bush,  or  other  landmark  to  guide  or 
direct — the  effects  upon  the  imagination  of  this  for- 
midable array  of  disheartening  circumstances  can  be 
fully  appreciated  only  by  those  who  have  been  per- 
sonally subjected  to  their  influence. 

A  faint  perception  of  the  intensity  of  the  mental 
torture  experienced  by  these  unfortunate  victims 
may,  however,  be  conjectured  from  the  fact  that 
their  senses  at  such  junctures  become  so  completely 


BOEDER  REMINISCENCES.  283 

absorbed  and  overpowered  by  the  cheerless  prospect 
before  them  that  they  oftentimes  wander  about  in  a 
state  of  temporary  lunacy,  without  the  power  of  ex- 
ercising the  slightest  volition  of  the  reasoning  facul- 
ties. 

Instances  of  such  mental  alienation,  strange  as 
it  may  appear,  are  by  no  means  uncommon ;  and  I 
have  myself  seen  several  persons  whose  minds  for 
days,  after  having  been  lost  and  found,  were  greatly 
deflected  from  the  channels  of  sanity. 

The  inflexible  spirit  of  the  heroine  of  this  narra- 
tive did  not,  however,  succumb  in  the  least  to  the 
imminent  perils  of  the  situation  in  which  she  found 
herself,  and  her  purposes  were  carried  out  with  a 
determination  as  resolute  and  unflinching  as  those 
of  the  Israelites  in  their  protracted  pilgrimage 
through  the  wilderness,  and  without  the  guidance 
of  pillars  of  fire  and  cloud. 

The  aid  of  the  sun  and  the  broad  leaves  of  the  pi- 
lot-plant by  day,  with  the  light  of  Polaris  by  night, 
enabled  her  to  pursue  her  un deviating  course  to  the 
north  with  as  much  accuracy  as  if  she  had  been 
guided  by  the  magnetic  needle. 

She  continued  to  urge  forward  the  generous  steed 
she  bestrode,  who,  in  obedience  to  the  will  of  his 
rider,  coursed  swiftly  on  hour  after  hour  during  the 


284  BOEDER   REMINISCENCES. 

greater  part  of  the  day  without  the  least  apparent 
labor  or  exhaustion. 

It  was  a  contest  for  life  and  liberty  that  she  had 
undertaken,  a  struggle  in  which  she  resolved  to  tri- 
umph or  perish  in  the  effort;  and  still  the  brave- 
hearted  woman  pushed  on,  until  at  length  her  horse 
began  to  show  signs  of  exhaustion,  and  as  the  shad- 
ows of  evening  began  to  appear  he  became  so  much 
jaded  that  it  was  difficult  to  coax  or  force  him  into 
a  trot,  and  the  poor  woman  began  to  entertain  seri- 
ous apprehensions  that  he  might  soon  give  out  alto- 
gether and  leave  her  on  foot. 

At  this  time  she  was  herself  so  much  wearied  and 
in  want  of  sleep  that  she  would  have  given  all  she 
possessed  to  have  been  allowed  to  dismount  and  rest ; 
but,  unfortunately  for  her,  those  piratical  quadrupeds 
of  the  plains,  the  wolves,  advised  by  their  carnivor- 
ous instincts  that  she  and  her  exhausted  horse  might 
soon  fall  an  easy  sacrifice  to  their  voracious  appe- 
tites, followed  upon  her  track,  and  came  howling  in 
great  numbers  around  her,  so  that  she  dared  not  set 
her  feet  upon  the  ground,  fearing  they  would  devour 
her ;  and  her  only  alternative  was  to  continue  urg- 
ing the  poor  beast  to  struggle  forward  during  the 
dark  and  gloomy  hours  of  the  long  night,  until  at 
length  she  became  so  exhausted  that  it  was  only  with 


BOKDEK  REMINISCENCES.  285 

the  utmost  effort  of  her  iron  will  that  she  was  ena- 
bled to  preserve  her  balance  upon  the  horse. 

Meantime  the  ravenous  pack  of  wolves,  becoming 
more  and  more  emboldened  and  impatient  as  the 
speed  of  her  horse  relaxed,  approached  nearer  and 
nearer,  until,  with  their  eyes  flashing  fire,  they 
snapped  savagely  at  the  heels  of  the  terrified  horse, 
while  at  the  same  time  they  kept  up  their  hideous 
concert  like  the  howlings  of  ten  thousand  fiends 
from  the  infernal  regions. 

Every  element  in  her  nature  was  at  this  fearful 
juncture  taxed  to  its  greatest  tension,  and  impelled 
her  to  concentrate  the  force  of  all  her  remaining  en- 
ergies in  urging  and  coaxing  forward  the  wearied 
horse,  until,  finally,  he  was  barely  able  to  reel  and 
stagger  along  at  a  slow  walk;  and  when  she  was 
about  to  give  up  in  despair,  expecting  every  instant 
that  the  animal  would  drop  down  dead  under  her, 
the  welcome  light  of  day  dawned  in  the  eastern  hor- 
izon, and  imparted  a  more  cheerful  and  encouraging 
influence  over  her,  and,  on  looking  around,  to  her 
great  joy,  there  were  no  wolves  in  sight. 

She  now,  for  the  first  time  in  about  thirty-six 
hours,  dismounted;  and  knowing  that  sleep  would 
soon  overpower  her,  and  that  the  horse,  if  not  se- 
cured, might  escape  or  wander  away,  and  there  be- 


286  BOBDEB  REMINISCENCES. 

ing  no  tree  or  other  object  to  which  he  could  be 
fastened,  she  with  great  presence  of  mind  tied  one 
end  of  the  long  lariat  to  his  neck,  and  with  the  oth- 
er end  around  her  waist,  dropped  down  upon  the 
ground  into  a  deep  sleep,  while  the  famished  horse 
eagerly  cropped  the  herbage  around  her. 

She  was  unconscious  as  to  the  duration  of  her 
slumber,  but  it  must  have  been  very  protracted  to 
have  compensated  the  demands  of  nature  for  the 
exhaustion  induced  by  her  prodigious  ride. 

Her  sleep  was  sweet,  and  she  dreamed  of  happi- 
ness and  home,  losing  all  consciousness  of  her  actual 
situation  until  she  was  suddenly  startled  and  aroused 
by  the  pattering  sound  of  horses'  feet  beating  the 
earth  on  every  side. 

Springing  to  her  feet  in  the  greatest  possible 
alarm,  she  found  herself  surrounded  by  a  large  band 
of  savages,  who  commenced  dancing  around,  flouting 
their  war-clubs  in  frightful  proximity  to  her  head 
while  giving  utterance  to  the  most  diabolical  shouts 
of  exultation. 

Her  exceedingly  weak  and  debilitated  condition 
at  this  time,  resulting  from  long  abstinence  from 
food  and  unprecedented  mental  and  physical  trials, 
had  wrought  upon  her  nervous  system  to  such  an 
extent  that  she  imagined  the  moment  of  her  death 
had  arrived,  and  fainted. 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  287 

The  Indians  then  approached,  and,  after  she  re- 
vived, placed  her  again  upon  a  horse  and  rode  away 
with  her  to  their  camp,  which  fortunately  was  not 
far  distant.  They  then  turned  their  prisoner  over 
to  the  squaws,  who  gave  her  food  and  put  her  to 
bed ;  but  it  was  several  days  before  she  was  suffi- 
ciently recovered  to  be  able  to  walk  about  the 
camp. 

She  learned  that  her  last  captors  belonged  to 
"  Lone  Wolfs"  band  of  Kiowas. 

Although  these  Indians  treated  her  with  more 
kindness  than  the  Comanches  had  done,  yet  she  did 
not  for  an  instant  entertain  the  thought  that  they 
would  ever  voluntarily  release  her  from  bondage; 
neither  had  she  the  remotest  conception  of  her  pres- 
ent locality,  or  of  the  direction  or  distance  to  any 
white  settlement ;  but  she  had  no  idea  of  remaining 
a  slave  for  life,  and  resolved  to  make  her  escape  the 
first  practicable  moment  that  offered. 

During  the  time  she  remained  with  these  Indians 
a  party  of  men  went  away  to  the  north,  and  were 
absent  six  days,  bringing  with  them,  on  their  return, 
some  ears  of  green  corn.  She  knew  the  prairie 
tribes  never  planted  a  seed  of  any  description,  and 
was  therefore  confident  the  party  had  visited  a  white 
settlement,  and  that  it  was  not  over  three  days'  jour- 


288  BOEDER  REMINISCENCES. 

ney  distant.  This  was  encouraging  intelligence  to 
her,  and  she  anxiously  bided  her  time  to  depart. 

Late  one  night,  after  all  had  become  hushed  and 
quiet  throughout  the  camp,  and  every  thing  seemed 
auspicious  for  the  consummation  of  her  purposes, 
she  stole  carefully  away  from  her  bed,  crept  softly 
out  to  the  herd  of  horses,  and,  after  having  caught 
and  saddled  one,  was  in  the  act  of  mounting,  when 
a  number  of  dogs  rushed  out  after  her,  and  by  their 
barking  created  such  a  disturbance  among  the  In- 
dians that  she  was  forced,  for  the  time,  to  forego 
her  designs,  and  crawl  hastily  back  to  her  lodge. 

On  a  subsequent  occasion,  however,  fortune  fa- 
vored her.  She  secured  an  excellent  horse,  and  rode 
away  in  the  direction  from  which  she  had  seen  the 
Indians  returning  to  camp  with  the  green  corn.  Un- 
der the  certain  guidance  of  the  sun  and  stars,  she 
was  enabled  to  pursue  a  direct  bearing;  and  after 
three  consecutive  days  of  rapid  riding,  anxiety,  fa- 
tigue, and  hunger,  she  arrived  upon  the  border  of  a 
large  river,  flowing  directly  across  her  track.  The 
stream  was  swollen  to  the  top  of  its  banks ;  the  wa- 
ter coursed  like  a  torrent  through  its  channel,  and 
she  feared  her  horse  might  not  be  able  to  stem  the 
powerful  current;  but,  after  surmounting  the  nu- 
merous perils  and  hardships  she  had  already  en- 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  289 

countered,  the  dauntless  woman  was  not  to  be  turned 
aside  from  her  inflexible  purpose  by  this  formidable 
obstacle,  and  she  instantly  dashed  into  the  foaming 
torrent,  and  by  dint  of  encouragement  and  punish- 
ment forced  her  horse  through  the  stream,  and 
landed  safely  upon  the  opposite  bank. 

After  giving  her  horse  a  few  moments'  rest,  she 
again  set  forward,  and  had  ridden  but  a  short  dis- 
tance, when,  to  her  inexpressible  astonishment  and 
delight,  she  struck  a  broad  and  well-beaten  wagon- 
road,  the  first  and  only  evidence  or  trace  of  civiliza- 
tion she  had  seen  since  leaving  her  home  in  Texas. 

Up  to  this  joyful  moment  the  indomitable  inflex- 
ibility of  purpose  of  our  heroine  had  not  faltered  for 
an  instant,  neither  had  she  suffered  the  slightest  de- 
spondency, in  view  of  the  terrible  array  of  disheart- 
ening circumstances  that  had  continually  confronted 
her ;  but  when  she  realized  the  hopeful  prospect  be- 
fore her  of  a  speedy  escape  from  the  reach  of  her 
barbarous  captors,  and  a  reasonable  certainty  of  an 
early  reunion  with  people  of  her  own  sympathizing 
race,  the  feminine  elements  of  her  nature  prepon- 
derated, her  stoical  fortitude  yielded  to  the  delight- 
ful anticipation,  and  her  joy  was  intensified  and 
confirmed  by  seeing  at  this  moment  a  long  train  of 
wagons  approaching  over  the  distant  prairie. 

N 


290  BOEDER   REMINISCENCES. 

The  spectacle  overwhelmed  her  with  ecstasy,  and 
she  wept  tears  of  joy  while  offering  up  sincere  and 
heartfelt  thanks  to  the  Almighty  for  delivering  her 
from  a  bondage  more  dreadful  than  death. 

She  then  proceeded  on  until  she  met  the  wagons 
in  charge  of  Mr.  Robert  Bent,  whom  she  entreated 
to  give  her  food  instantly,  as  she  was  in  a  state  bor- 
dering upon  absolute  starvation.  He  kindly  com- 
plied with  her  request,  and  after  the  cravings  of  her 
appetite  had  been  appeased  he  desired  to  gratify  his 
curiosity,  which  had  been  not  a  little  excited  at  the 
unusual  exhibition  of  a  beautiful  white  woman  ap- 
pearing alone  in  that  wild  country,  riding  upon  an 
Indian  saddle,  with  no  covering  on  her  head  save 
her  long  natural  hair,  which  was  hanging  loosely  and 
disorderedly  about  her  shoulders,  while  her  attire 
was  sadly  in  need  of  repairs.  Accordingly,  he  in- 
quired of  her  where  she  lived,  to  which  she  replied, 
"  In  Texas."  Mr.  B.  gave  an  incredulous  shake  of 
his  head  at  this  response,  remarking  at  the  same  time 
that  he  thought  she  must  be  mistaken,  as  Texas  hap 
pened  to  be  situated  some  five  or  six  hundred  miles 
distant.  She  reiterated  the  assurance  of  her  state- 
ment, and  described  to  him  briefly  the  leading  inci- 
dents attending  her  capture  and  escape ;  but  still  he 
was  inclined  to  doubt,  believing  that  she  might  pos- 
sibly be  insane. 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  291 

\ 

He  informed  her  that  the  river  she  had  just  cross- 
ed was  the  Arkansas,  and  that  she  was  then  on  the 
old  Santa  Fe  road,  about  fifteen  miles  west  of  Big 
Turkey  Creek,  where  she  would  find  the  most  re- 
mote frontier  house.  Then,  after  thanking  him  for 
his  kindness,  she  bade  him  adieu,  and  started  away 
in  a  walk  toward  the  settlements,  while  he  continued 
his  journey  in  the  opposite  direction;  but  he  still 
followed  the  exit  of  the  remarkable  apparition  with 
his  eyes  until  she  was  several  hundred  yards  distant, 
when  he  observed  her  throw  one  of  her  feet  over 
the  horse's  back  d  la  femme  sauvage,  and,  casting  a 
graceful  kiss  toward  him  with  her  hand,  she  set  off 
on  a  gallop,  and  soon  disappeared  over  the  crest  of 
the  prairies. 

On  the  arrival  of  Mr.  Bent  at  Fort  Zara,  he  called 
upon  the  Indian  agent,  and  reported  the  circum- 
stance of  meeting  Mrs.  L ,  and,  by  a  singular 

coincidence,  it  so  happened  that  the  agent  was  at 
that  very  time  holding  a  council  with  the  chiefs  of 
the  identical  band  of  Indians  from  whom  she  had 
last  escaped,  and  they  had  just  given  a  full  history 
of  the  entire  affair,  which  seemed  so  improbable  to 
the  agent  that  he  was  not  disposed  to  credit  it  until 
he  received  its  confirmation  through  Mr.  Bent.  He 
at  once  dispatched  a  man  to  follow  the  woman  and 


292  BORDEK   REMINISCENCES. 

conduct  her  to  Council  Grove,  where  she  was  kind- 
ly Deceived,  and  remained  for  some  time,  hoping 
through  the  efforts  of  the  agents  to  gain  intelligence 
of  the  two  children  she  had  left  with  the  Comaii- 
ches,  as  she  desired  to  take  them  back  to  their  father 
in  Texas;  but  no  tidings  were  gained  for  a  long 
while.  Meantime  she  formed  the  acquaintance  of 
a  man  at  Council  Grove  whom,  as  I  understood,  she 
married,  and,  for  aught  I  know,  may  be  there  yet. 
Wherever  she  is,  I  most  heartily  wish  her  all  possi- 
ble happiness. 

The  two  captive  children  were,  as  the  agent  in- 
formed me,  ransomed  at  a  subsequent  date,  and  sent 
home  to  their  father. 

It  will  readily  be  seen,  by  a  reference  to  the  map 

of  the  country  over  which  Mrs.  L passed,  that 

the  distance  from  the  place  of  her  capture  to  the 
point  where  she  struck  the  Arkansas  River  could 
not  have  been  short  of  about  five  hundred  miles, 
and  the  greater  part  of  this  immense  expanse  of 
desert  plain  she  traversed  alone,  without  seeing  a 
single  civilized  human  habitation. 

If  any  other  woman,  either  in  ancient  or  modern 
times,  has  performed  as  signal  an  equestrian  achieve- 
ment as  this,  I  have  yet  to  learn  it. 


BOEDER  REMINISCENCES.  293 


CHAPTEE  VIII. 

West  Point  Military  Academy. — Cadet  Brown's  Eccentricities.  — 
Decapitating  Professor  Z K . — A  Conflagration. — Court- 
martial.  —  Cadet  K .  —  Excused  from  Duty.  —  Shirt  Collars 

down. — Reporting  to  the  Superintendent. — Wearing  the  Uniform. 
— "  Touch  off  Thompson. " 

WEST  POINT  MILITARY  ACADEMY. 

THE  pupils  of  the  Military  Academy  at  West 
Point  are  appointed  from  every  congressional  dis- 
trict in  the  United  States,  and  from  widely  sepa- 
rated geographical  sections,  between  the  inhabitants 
of  which  there  was  rarely  any  intercourse  at  the 
time  I  was  a  member  of  the  corps  of  cadets,  which 
was  before  railroads  were  constructed,  and  when  it 
required  nearly  a  month  of  wearisome  traveling  to 
make  the  overland  journey  from  New  York  to  St. 
Louis  or  New  Orleans.  It  will  readily  be  under- 
stood that  a  new  class  arriving  at  the  Academy  dur- 
ing that  period,  with  all  their  diversities  of  garb,  di- 
alects, education,  and  other  local  peculiarities,  would 
present  a  most  heterogeneous  assemblage,  and  that 
it  would  require  a  vigorous  application  of  discipline, 
accompanied  by  a  good  deal  of  discordant  social  at- 


^94  BOKDEK   KEMINISCENCES. 

trition  and  some  hard  knocks,  before  the  asperities 
of  these  incongruous  elements  would  commingle, 
and  the  social  amalgamation  become  blended  and 
harmonized. 

Such  was  the  case  during  my  time,  and  spirited 
discussions  upon  the  relative  merits  and  peculiari- 
ties of  the  people  of  the  different  states  and  sections 
were,  of  frequent  occurrence  among  the  "  plebs,"  and 
these  sectional  controversies  were  at  times  so  acrimo- 
nious as  to  lead  to  pugilistic  encounters,  but  which,  I 
am  happy  to  say,  rarely  resulted  in  any  thing  more 
serious  than  a  black  eye  or  a  bloody  nose. 

It  must  be  admitted,  however,  that,  in  the  end, 
this  sectional  prejudice  almost  invariably  yielded  to 
more  just  and  harmonious  relations ;  and  I  question 
if  a  school  could  have  been  found  upon  the  face  of 
the  earth  wherein  the  pupils,  on  receiving  their  di- 
plomas, entertained  for  each  other  a  more  sincere 
friendship,  or  a  more  ardent  esprit  du  corps  than 
did  the  graduates  of  West  Point ;  and,  as  a  general 
rule,  they  manifested  a  high  regard  for  law  and  reg- 
ulations, as  well  as  a  most  exalted  sense  of  honor ; 
but  here,  as  every  where  else,  there  were,  of  course, 
some  exceptions  to  the  rule. 

The  familiar  old  adage  that  "  boys  will  be  boys" 
[and  sometimes  very  refractory  ones  too]  has  held 


BOKDEK   REMINISCENCES.  295 

good  ever  since  the  world  was  created ;  at  all  events, 
evidences  of  the  fact  may  be  traced  as  far  back  as 
the  primeval  days  of  that  incorrigible  youth  whom 
his  Maker  pronounced  a  "mendacious  vagabond" 
and  who  might  possibly  have  turned  out  better  had 
his  earthly  patriarchal  progenitor,  who  fixed  the  des- 
ignation of  "  Cain"  to  his  name,  made  timely  appli- 
cation to  his  back  of  that  salutary,  persuasive  instru- 
ment entitled  " cane"  Under  these  circumstances, 
the  opinion  is  hazarded  that,  unless  the  Millennium 
interposes  its  regenerating  influences  to  purify  the 
flagitious  nature  of  the  human  family,  there  is  every 
reason  to  believe  the  maxim  above  quoted  will  con- 
tinue "  apropos"  to  the  end  of  time. 

Seriously  speaking,  I  question  if  a  college  or  school 
of  magnitude  can  be  found  in  America  which  does 
not  contain  one  or  more  waggish  boys  whose  pro- 
clivities for  practical  joking  and  the  perpetration  of 
frolicsome  pranks  preponderate  over  all  other  wiser 
considerations. 

The  most  inflexible  rules  of  discipline,  even  when 
enforced  to  the  letter,  only  serve  to  augment  the  in- 
veterate proneness  of  these  "  mauvais  sujets"  to  in- 
dulge their  besetting  propensities;  and,  as  inscrut- 
able as  it  may  appear,  neither  the  apprehension  of 
punishment  and  disgrace,  nor  the  certainty  of  en- 


296  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

comiums  and  honors  resulting  from  meritorious  con- 
duct and  exalted  classical  attainments,  seem  to  have 
the  least  weight  in  deterring  them  from  the  exercise 
of  their  ruling  eccentricities. 

These  contumacious  spirits  unfortunately  are,  for 
the  most  part,  endowed  by  nature  with  the  brightest 
intellects,  and  might,  by  assiduous  application  to 
their  books,  attain  high  positions  in  their  classes,  as 
well  as  elevated  rank  in  society;  but,  instead  of 
choosing  this  wise  part,  they  are  prone  to  neglect 
their  studies,  set  at  defiance  all  rules  and  regulations, 
and  thereby  become  marked  objects  of  suspicion  to 
professors  and  tutors,  besides  inflicting  pain  and  sor- 
row upon  their  relatives  and  friends. 

The  Military  Academy  at  West  Point  has  prob- 
ably been  less  afflicted  with  unruly  pupils  than  al- 
most any  other  educational  institution  in  the  coun- 
try, and  for  the  manifest  reason  that  no  infraction 
of  the  regulations  is  permitted  to  pass  unnoticed,  so 
that  a  cadet  rarely  escapes  the  penalty  attached  to 
an  offense.  That  institution  has  not,  however,  been 
altogether  exempt  from  the  rule,  and  I  have  known 
several  wild  boys,  or  rather  men,  as  they  are  usually 
designated,  who  so  adroitly  covered  their  wayward 
tracks  that  they  were  not  discovered  for  some  time, 
but  they  were  invariably  detected  in  the  end,  brought 
to  trial,  and  punished. 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  297 

A  most  pernicious  hallucination  seems  to  pervade 
the  minds  of  many  of  the  cadets,  or,  rather,  such  was 
the  fact  when  I  was  with  them,  which  was,  that  but 
little,  if  any  opprobrium  should  attach  to  a  pupil 
who  is  expelled  for  improper  conduct,  provided  there 
was  nothing  dishonorable  connected  with  its  perpe- 
tration. Indeed,  some  went  so  far  in  those  days  as 
to  applaud  insubordination  as  rather  a  bold  and  cred- 
itable thing,  while,  on  the  other  hand,  they  enter- 
tained serious  fears  of  being  dismissed  for  deficien- 
cy in  scholastic  attainments. 

This  idea,  I  take  it,  was  based  upon  the  popular 
maxim  that "  it  is  better  to  be  a  knave  than  a  fool ;" 
but  I  can  assure  all  such  young  gentlemen  as  indorse 
this  fallacious  notion  that  the  public  look  upon  those 
who  have  been  expelled  for  demerit  resulting  from 
improper  conduct  with  less  favor  than  they  do  the 
other  class.  Besides,  I  have  my  doubts  if  a  man  is 
necessarily  a  dunce  because  he  happens  to  be  found 
deficient  in  one  special  branch  of  his  education,  when 
perhaps  he  may  excel  in  others.  He  may  not,  for 
example,  be  able  readily  to  grasp  the  more  abstruse 
problems  in  mathematics,  but  may  be  eminently  pro- 
ficient in  literary  achievements.  As  an  evidence  of 
this,  I  have  known  several  young  men  who,  after 
having  failed  to  pass  the  examinations  at  the  Mili- 
X  2 


298  BORDEK  .REMINISCENCES. 

tary  Academy,  have  subsequently  attained  high  hon- 
ors in  civil  professions. 

CADET  BROWS  ECCENTRICITIES. 

Nearly  half  a  century  has  elapsed  since  I  became 
a  member  of  the  corps  of  cadets,  and  numerous 
changes  have  taken  place  within  the  period,  but  es- 
sentially the  existing  admirable  regime  had  been  in- 
augurated previous  to  that  time  under  the  efficient 
superintendence  of  that  courteous  gentleman  and 
accomplished  officer,  Colonel  Thayer,  aided  by  the 
model  soldier,  Major  [afterward  General]  Worth, 
and  an  able  corps  of  professors  of  eminent  scien- 
tific attainments,  some  of  whom  may  still  be  found 
at  their  posts,  veterans  in  the  service  of  their  country. 

Of  all  the  events  that  transpired  during  the  pe- 
riod of  my  academic  term,  none  is  more  indelibly 
stamped  upon  my  memoiy  than  that  which  I  am 
about  to  relate  in  illustration  of  what  has  been  as- 
serted. 

It  was  the  arrival  at  the  institution  of  a  youth, 
whom  for  designation  I  will  call  Brown,  who  was 
appointed  in  the  class  of  182-,  and  who  hailed  from 
the  wilds  of  the  then  "  Far  West,"  where,  like  most 
other  pioneers,  he  had  become  imbued  with  the  pop- 
ular democratic  dogma  "  that  one  man  is  as  good 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  299 

as  another"  unless,  perchance,  he  had  been  "  raised" 
on  the  border,  when,  I  dare  say,  he  would  have  con- 
verted the  aphorism  into  a  Milesian  bovine  of  the 
male  gender  by  the  adjunct  of  the  words,  "if  not  a 
little  better" 

In  other  words,  if  any  appreciable  difference  ex- 
isted in  the  merits  of  individual  specimens  of  the 
"genus  homo,"  that  difference,  in  his  estimation,, 
might  probably  have  been  measured  by  the  relative 
spaces  intervening  between  the  locale  of  the  persons 
and  the  more  populous  districts. 

Possessing  a  pre-eminently  bright  and  vigorous 
intellect,  with  a  wonderfully  keen  appreciation  of 
the  ludicrous,  and  a  perfectly  self-reliant  individu- 
ality, all  his  associations  and  education  had  been 
such  as  to  render  him  thoroughly  antagonistic  to  ar- 
istocracy in  every  form,  and  especially  to  that  phase 
conferred  by  military  rank  and  titles. 

As  might  have  been  anticipated,  he  did  not  re- 
main long  at  the  institution  before  he  began  to 
evince  a  spirit  of  insubordination,  as  well  as  an  aver- 
sion for  the  close  application  and  confinement  nec- 
essary to  insure  a  respectable  standing  in  his  studies. 
The  consequence  *was,  he  neglected  his  books,  and 
passed  the  greater  part  of  his  time  in  concocting 
and  perpetrating  schemes  of  mischief  and  frolic.  I 


300  BOUDEK   REMINISCENCES. 

can  not,  of  course,  vouch  for  the  literal  authenticity 
of  all  the  rumors  that  were  current  in  regard  to  the 
young  man's  doings,  and  very  likely  many  things 
may  have  been  attributed  to  him  of  which  he  was 
absolutely  innocent;  but,  as  many  of  them  were  cred- 
ited among  his  associates,  it  is  presumed  that  those 
were  substantially  true.  I  merely  give  them  as  they 
were  circulated  among  the  cadets,  disclaiming  all 
other  responsibility. 

DECAPITATING  PROFESSOR  Z K . 

Among  the  escapades  of  least  turpitude  which 
marked  the  brief  career  of  this  froward  youth,  the 
following  may  be  mentioned  as  characteristic  ex- 
amples. 

An  excellent  officer  by  the  name  of  Z K , 

who,  by  the  conscientious  discharge  of  his  duties,  had 
often  been  obliged  to  notice  and  report  the  lawless 
vagaries  of  unruly  cadets,  and  thereby  had  rendered 
himself  especially  obnoxious  to  them,  was  generally 
known  under  the  familiar  but  not  very  euphonious 
soubriquet  of  "  Old  Zeb,"  and  his  recognition  of  a 
cadet  in  the  act  of  violating  any  regulation  was 
usually  regarded  as  equivalent  to'an  entry  upon  the 
conduct  roll  of  the  amount  of  demerit  involved  in 
the  infraction  of  the  regulation. 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  301 

His  appearance  was  therefore  invariably  looked 
for  by  refractory  boys  with  apprehension  and  alarm, 
and  his  name  was  a  terror  to  all  evil-doers. 

One  evening,  as  Brown  and  his  room-mate,  in  the 
old  "  South  Barracks,"  were  discussing  what  they 
conceived  to  be  the  unjustifiable  idiosyncrasies  in 
the  professor's  character,  they  became  considerably 
exercised,  and  many  epithets,  the  direct  antipodes  of 
blessings,  were  coupled  with  his  name. 

Brown  feigned  to  wax  furious  upon  the  occasion, 
and,  seizing  a  pillow-case  and  a  large  butcher-knife, 
put  on  his  cap,  and,  in  a  state  of  the  most  intense 
apparent  excitement,  rushed  out  of  the  door,  with 
the  emphatic  declaration  "  that  he'd  be  d — d  if  he 
did  not  bag  old  Zeb's  head  before  morning,  or  per- 
ish in  the  attempt." 

His  companion  was  certainly  a  little  surprised  at 
his  infuriated  manner,  but  did  not  for  a  moment 
entertain  the  thought  that  he  had  the  remotest  idea 
of  carrying  his  bloody  threat  into  execution,  conse- 
quently he  gave  but  little  heed  to  it. 

In  the  course  of  about  an  hour,  however,  the  door 
of  their  room  was  thrown  violently  open,  and  Brown, 
in  a  state  of  the  wildest  apparent  perturbation,  with 
the  butcher-knife  in  one  hand,  and  the  pillow-case 
containing  something  about  the  size  and  proportions 


302  BOKDEE   REMINISCENCES. 

of  a  man's  head  in  the  other,  and  both  covered  with 
blood,  rushed  into  the  room,  and,  throwing  them 
down  upon  the  floor,  exclaimed,  "I  told  you  I'd 
have  it  before  morning,  and  there  is  his  bloody  old 
head,  and  you'll  not  be  bothered  any  more  with  his 
reports,  I  reckon." 

At  this  startling  announcement  his  room-mate 
sprang  to  his  feet,  bounded  like  lightning  through 
the  door,  and,  in  the  utmost  consternation  and  ter- 
ror, hurried  to  the  room  of  some  of  his  friends,  and 

,* 

reported  the  horrible  intelligence. 

Of  course,  all  were  intensely  shocked  at  the  tid- 
ings of  the  assassination,  and  it  was  some  time  be- 
fore they  became  sufficiently  collected  to  reason  or 
deliberate  upon  the  proper  course  to  pursue.  They 
finally  resolved,  however,  to  go  in  mass  back  to  the 
apartment,  and  investigate  the  facts  more  fully  be- 
fore making  a  formal  report  of  the  murder  to  the 
authorities.  Accordingly,  they  cautiously  and  silent- 
ly approached  the  door  on  tiptoe,  and,  softly  turn- 
ing the  knob,  gently  opened  it,  and  ventured  a  tim- 
orous peep  into  the  apartment,  when,  to  their  great 
astonishment  and  delight,  instead  of  beholding  the 
ghastly  head  of  the  murdered  professor,  they  espied 
Brown  with  his  coat  off,  his  sleeves  turned  up,  and 
busily  occupied  in  basting  a  huge  goose  which  was 
suspended  by  a  string,  and  roasting  before  the  fire. 


BOKDEK   REMINISCENCES.  303 

The  sudden  transformation  of  what  they  conceived 
to  be  a  solemn  tragedy  into  the  most  superlatively 
ludicrous  farce  was  too  laughable  not  to  be  appre- 
ciated by  the  assembled  spectators,  and  they  all  par- 
ticipated in  the  savory  supper  which  followed  the 
young  man's  successful  but  not  very  sanguinary  raid. 

A  CONFLAGRATION. 

The  most  of  Brown's  pranks  were-  harmless  in 
their  character,  but  one  that  I  am  about  to  notice 
assumed  a  more  serious  type. 

As  the  sequel  of  his  last  misadventure  terminated 
his  brief  academical  career,  and  created  no  little  ex- 
citement at  the  time,  I  will  relate  it  as  a  warning  to 
those  young  gentlemen  whose  martial  aspirations 
may  hereafter  incline  them  to  embark  in  the  labo- 
rious undertaking  of  contending  for  a  diploma  at 
our  national  military  school. 

After  a  few  feeble  efforts  to  attain  a  respectable 
position  in  his  studies,  the  incorrigible  youth  at 
length  arrived  at  the  conclusion  that  his  friends  had 
made  a  mistake  in  his  calling,  as  his  prospects  for 
achieving  distinction  in  the  profession  of  arms  were 
becoming  every  day  more  and  more  precarious,  and, 
at  the  same  time,  his  whimsical  vagaries  multiplied 
in  a  corresponding  ratio. 


304  J3  o  K  D  E  it  REMINISCENCES. 

About  this  time  an  old  outbuilding  (an  appurte- 
nance to  the  barracks)  became  so  much  of  a  nuisance 
that  a  universal  desire  was  manifested  in  the  corps 
of  cadets  to  have  it  removed,  but  no  legitimate 
means  were  within  the  scope  of  their  powers  for 
accomplishing  the  result,  and  it  remained  an  eye- 
sore to  every  body  until,  upon  one  dark  and  stormy 
night,  the  alarm  of  fire  was  heard,  and  the  obnox- 
ious building  was  discovered  to  be  in  flames.  All 
available  means  were  put  in  requisition  to  extinguish 
it,  but  the  boys'  hearts  were  not  in  the  success  of  the 
effort,  and  the  structure  was  burned  to  the  ground. 
How  or  through  whose  agency  the  fire  originated 
was  at  first  a  mystery  to  the  authorities  as  well  as 
to  almost  every  body  else. 

It  was  perfectly  well  understood  that  some  one 
had  set  the  fire,  and  various  conjectures  were  afloat 
in  regard  to  the  identity  of  the  incendiary. 

Although  no  one,  excepting  those  directly  con- 
cerned, knew  positively  who  was  the  author  of  it, 
yet  many  believed  that  Brown  and  his  associates 
had  something  to  do  with  it. 

As  the  turpitude  of  the  offense  was  considered  so 
great,  and  its  effects  so  likely  to  prove  derogatory 
to  good  order  and  military  discipline,  the  authori- 
ties resolved  to  probe  the  matter  to  the  bottom,  and 


BOKDEH   REMINISCENCES.  305 

hold  the  guilty  parties  to  a  severe  account.  Accord- 
ingly, a  court  of  inquiry  was  convened,  with  Cap- 
tain -  —  as  president,  before  which  the  entire 
corps  of  cadets  were  summoned  to  appear,  and  their 
testimony  taken  under  oath. 

The  evidence  adduced  before  Brown  was  called 
elicited  facts  which  went  to  show  that  he  was  com- 
mitted in  the  matter.  He  was,  however,  put  upon 
the  stand,  and,  after  having  been  duly  sworn,  was 
asked  to  state  to  the  court  what  he  knew  concerning 
the  burning  of  the  building.  In  response  to  which 
he,  with  the  utmost  assumed  ingenuousness  and  grav- 
ity, after  considerable  deliberation,  said : 

"  I  do  not  know  that  I  shall  be  able  from  person- 
al knowledge  to  add  any  thing  to  the  information 
which  the  court  has  already  received  upon  the  sub- 
ject. There  are  numerous  random  rumors  circula- 
ting among  the  cadets ;  whether  they  are  true  or 
false,  I  take  it  that  no  persons,  excepting  those  di- 
rectly implicated,  can  determine.  Moreover,  I  pre- 
sume, the  court  do  not  care  about  listening  to '  hear- 
say' evidence." 

The  court,  at  the  suggestion  of  one  of  the  mem- 
bers, was  "  cleared,"  and  after  a  brief  consultation 
the  doors  were  reopened,  and  the  recorder  asked 
the  witness  if  he  would  please  inform  the  court  what 
some  of  the  rumors  were  that  he  had  heard. 


306  BOEDER   REMINISCENCES. 

He  replied,  "  I  can  not,  as  I  remarked  before, 
vouch  for  the  authenticity  of  these  irresponsible  re- 
ports, and,  indeed,  I  have  not  charged  my  memory 
with  many  of  them.  I  have,  however,  a  distinct  rec- 
ollection of  one,  which  implicates  some  of  the  lead- 
ing functionaries  of  the  institution,  and,  unless  the 
court  should  insist  upon  my  repeating  it,  I  would 
prefer  remaining  silent." 

He  was  informed  that  the  court  could  not  con- 
sume time  in  listening  to  irrelevant  remarks  regard- 
ing his  opinions  or  scruples,  and  he  was  directed  to 
give  a  prompt  categorical  answer  to  the  question; 
to  which,  with  apparent  reluctance  and  a  most  sol- 
emn cast  of  countenance,  he  responded, 

"  They  do  say,  may  it  please  the  gentlemen  of  the 

court — they  do  say  that  Colonel -  brought  the 

shavings,  and  that  Captain set  the  old  thing 

on  fire"  [the  superintendent  and  the  president  of  the 
court  being  the  officers  alluded  to]. 

At  this  most  astounding  announcement  a  smile 
was  observed  to  flit  over  the  face  of  every  member 
of  the  court  except  that  of  the  president,  who  main- 
tained his  customary  dignified  and  imperturbable 
gravity,  merely  remarking  that  he  was  decidedly  op- 
posed to  the  introduction  of  any  more  "  hearsay" 
testimonv. 


BOKDEK  REMINISCENCES.  307 

Abundant  evidence  was  evoked  during  the  prog- 
ress of  the  investigation  to  convict  Brown  of  the  of- 
fense ;  charges  were  at  once  preferred  against  him, 
a  court-martial  convened,  before  which  he  was  ar- 
raigned, and  an  emphatic  plea  of  "Not  guilty"  was 
placed  upon  the  record  of  proceedings. 

After  the  witnesses  for  the  prosecution  had  been 
examined,  the  prisoner,  in  accordance  with  the  usual 
formula,  was  asked  if  he  had  any  evidence  to  ad- 
duce o.r  defense  to  make.  The  evidence  at  this 
stage  of  the  proceedings  was  of  so  conclusive  a  char- 
acter that  he  felt  assured  there  was  no  prospect  of 
his  acquittal,  and,  his  waggish  propensities  predom- 
inating to  the  last,  he  resolved,  as  the  sporting  fra- 
ternity would  express  it,  "  to  die  game ;"  and,  as  a 
characteristic  prelude  to  a  graceful  drop  of  the  cur- 
tain upon  the  finale  of  the  last  act  in  the  ludicrous 
military  drama  wherein  he  had  played  so  conspicu- 
ous a  role,  he  responded  to  the  interrogatory  in  the 
following  words : 

"  I'm  not  altogether  satisfied  that  it  will  be  of 
much  service  to  my  cause  if  I  call  witnesses  in  be- 
half of  the  defense,  or  that  it  will  avail  much  for  me 
to  make  a  formal  defense,  provided  the  vote  upon 
the  verdict  is  to  be  taken  in  the  manner  I  have  un- 
derstood it  usually  has  been." 


308  BORDEK   REMINISCENCES. 

The  members  of  the  court  manifested  no  little 
surprise  at  this  mysterious  insinuation,  and  the  judge 
advocate  asked  him  "  in  what  way  he  supposed  the 
vote  would  be  taken." 

"  I  am  not  positive,"  replied  he,  "  that  my  infor- 
mation upon  the  subject  is  correct,  but  it  has  been 
quietly  whispered  around  among  the  boys  that  the 
practice  heretofore  has  been,  when  cadets  have  been 
tried  for  offenses  involving  the  penalty  of  dismissal, 
for  the  judge  advocate,  after  the  court  is  cleared, 
to  put  the  question  in  the  following  manner :  '  All 
those  in  favor  of  finding  the  accused  guilty  of  the 
charges  and  specifications  alleged  against  him  will 
keep  their  seats;  those  in  favor  of  acquittal  will 
forthwith  jump  out  of  the  window;'  and  as  a  man 
can  seldom  be  found  who  feels  inclined  to  break  his 
neck  by  leaping  out  of  a  window  three  stories  from 
the  ground,  the  verdict  is  generally  unanimous  for 
conviction,  and  the  unfortunate  victim  is  dismissed." 

It  is  hardly  necessary  to  add  that  this  young  gen- 
tleman took  up  the  line  of  march  for  his  border 
home  very  soon  after  this,  and  I  was  informed  that 
he  subsequently  figured  as  a  lawyer  of  very  consid- 
erable eminence  in  his  native  state. 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  309 


CADET  K . 

Another  contemporary  of  mine,  by  the  name  of 

K ,  from  one  of  the  New  England  States,  was 

fully  as  much  given  to  practical  joking  as  the  youth 
from  the  more  rural  districts  of  the  West. 

Upon  one  occasion,  when  he  was  upon  the  sick- 
list,  and  had  been  excused  from  duty  by  the  surgeon, 
lie  happened  to  pass  Major  Worth,  and  failed  to  raise 
his  cap  to  him  as  required  by  the  Regulations. 

The  major's  keen  eyes  detected  the  omission,  and, 
being  a  good  deal  of  a  martinet,  he  called  to  the 
young  man,  remarking,  in  his  habitually  prompt  and 
emphatic  manner,  "  You  did  not  salute  me,  sir ! 
Are  you  not  aware,  sir,  that  it's  your  duty  to  salute 
all  commissioned  officers  whom  you  pass,  sir-r-r  ?" 

"  Certainly,"  replied  K ,  "  certainly,  sir,  I'm 

fully  conscious  of  that  requirement,  but  I  am  ex- 
cused from  all  duty  to-day  by  Doctor  Wheatou." 

SHIRT  COLLARS  DOWN. 

At  one  time  an  order  was  issued  requiring  cadets 
at  dress-parades  to  have  their  shirt  collars  turned 
down.  The  evening  following  the  promulgation  of 
the  order,  the  corps  appeared  on  parade  with  their 
shirt  collars  neatly  turned  over  their  stocks,  the  sin- 


310  BORDER  REMINISCENCES. 

gle  exception  being  our  eccentric  hero,  who  exhib- 
ited a  superlatively  ridiculous  contrast  to  all  the 
others. 

His  interpretation  of  the  language  of  the  order, 
although  literal,  was  very  remote  from  the  significa- 
tion intended  to  be  conveyed  by  the  authority  from 
whence  it  emanated.  He  had  managed,  by  the  rip- 
ping of  seams  or  some  other  means,  to  get  his  shirt 
on  upside  down,  and  made  his  appearance  on  parade 
with  something  like  a  foot  of  the  skirt  turned  over 
his  coat  collar,  and  hanging  in  numerous  folds  loose- 
ly about  his  shoulders. 

Amid  the  universal  titter  that  passed  along  the 
entire  line  of  the  battalion  at  this  unique  spectacle, 
K remained  as  solemn  and  motionless  as  a  stat- 
ue ;  and  as  he  cast  an  inquiring  glance  around,  his 
countenance  seemed  to  indicate  a  total  unconscious- 
ness of  any  cause  for  the  unusual  merriment. 

He  was  at  once  ordered  to  his  quarters  in  arrest ; 
but  he  rendered  an  excuse  the  following  morning, 
wherein  he  professed  great  indignation  at  the  injus- 
tice of  the  treatment  he  had  received,  and  contend- 
ed that  he  had  complied  with  the  order  to  the  let- 
ter, his  collar  having  been  turned  down  more  than 
that  of  any  other  man  in  the  corps.  Whereupon  he 
was  released  from  arrest,  a  correct  interpretation  of 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  311 

the  order  given  to  him,  with  an  admonitory  caution 
against  a  repetition  of  the  offense.  But  in  a  short 
time  after  this  the  young  gentleman  retired  to  pri- 
vate life. 

REPORTING  TO  THE  SUPERINTENDENT. 

Among  the  pupils  at  the  Military  Academy  are 
frequently  seen  young  men  from  the  frontier  dis- 
tricts, who,  on  entering  the  institution,  are  exceed- 
ingly untutored  and  unsophisticated,  but  who  sub- 
sequently attain  high  scholastic  honors,  and  become 
accomplished  officers  and  gentlemen. 

A  characteristic  specimen  of  this  class  of  tyros  is 
alluded  to  in  a  book  of  mine  called  "Army  Life  on 
the  Border,"  but  as  many  may  not  have  seen  this  de- 
scription, I  take  the  liberty  of  repeating  the  sub- 
stance' of  it  in  this  connection. 

I  have  a  distinct  remembrance  of  the  arrival  at 
the  Academy  of  the  young  man  alluded  to,  as  his 
manners,  garb,  and  language  were  such  as  to  render 
unmistakable  his  remote  border  origin.  He  was 
from  one  of  the  frontier  states,  and  had  never  be- 
fore been  but  a  short  distance  from  home. 

Before  leaving  home  his  father  had  furnished  him 
with  a  horse,  saddle,  and  bridle,  and,  with  his  scanty 
wardrobe  packed  in  a  capacious  pair  of  saddle-bags, 
he  set  out  on  his  long  journey  for  West  Point. 


312  BORDER  REMINISCENCES. 

After  many  days'  hard  riding  he  at  length  ar- 
rived at  Jersey  City,  where,  after  selling  his  horse, 
he  took  his  saddle-bags  on  his  arm,  and,  crossing  the 
ferry,  entered  New  York,  with  the  intention  of  "  put- 
ting up"  at  the  first  respectable  tavern  he  could  find. 

He  passed  up  Courtlandt  Street  and  Broadway, 
with  his  eyes  continually  searching  for  the  sign-post 
and  swinging  sign  which  he  supposed  to  be  the  uni- 
versal evidence  of  a  tavern  throughout  the  civilized 
world,  but  his  search  was  in  vain.  He  found  noth- 
ing but  one  vast  conglomeration  of  stores,  shops, 
and  private  houses ;  not  a  single  inn  did  he  meet 
with.  Finally,  after  becoming  considerably  fatigued 
in  wandering  about  the  streets,  he  discovered  the 
sign  of  an  oyster  saloon ;  and  as  he  had  never  be- 
fore had  an  opportunity  of  testing  the  merits  of  the 
bivalves,  he  entered  the  establishment,  and,  putting 
down  his  saddle-bags,  informed  the  waiter  that "  he 
didn't  mind  ef  he  tuck  a  small  chance  of  them  thar 
oysteers  hisself ;"  and  in  answer  to  the  inquiry  of 
how  many  he  desired,  said, "  He  reckon'd  about  half 
a  peck."  Accordingly,  they  were  set  before  him 
raw,  "  on  the  half  shell." 

He  did  not  at  all  fancy  their  appearance ;  yet,  as 
he  observed  persons  all  around  him  devouring  them 
with  much  apparent  relish,  he  selected  one  of  the 


BOEDER  REMINISCENCES.  313 

largest,  raised  it  with  his  fork,  and,  after  scrutiniz- 
ing it  very  attentively  for  a  moment,  put  it  in  his 
mouth ;  but  no  sooner  had  it  come  in  contact  with 
his  palate  than  it  was  ejected,  with  intense  disgust, 
half  way  across  the  room ;  at  the  same  time  he 
called  out  to  the  waiter,  "Look  a  yere,  mister,  you 
jest  take  away  these,  yere  nasty  varmints,  and  bring 
me  some  bacon  and  eggs." 

Soon  after  this  he  delivered  a  letter  of  introduc- 
tion with  which  he  had  been  provided  to  a  gentle- 
man in  the  city,  who  kindly  showed  him  to  a  hotel, 
and  assisted  him  in  purchasing  a  trunk  with  a  suita- 
ble wardrobe.  On  the  following  morning  he  took 
the  steamer  for  his  destination,  and  in  due  time  land- 
ed upon  the  wharf  at  "West  Point. 

His  letter  of  appointment  required  him  to  report 
in  person  to  the  superintendent,  Colonel  Thayer, 
who,  although  a  very  refined,  courteous,  and  kind 
gentleman,  was  exceedingly  rigid  in  enforcing  the 
strictest  discipline  and  the  highest  respect  for  milita- 
ry authority. 

My  young  friend,  after  ascertaining  where  the  col- 
onel's quarters  were  situated,  shouldered  his  large 
trunk  (he  was  then  about  six  feet  high,  and  corre- 
spondingly developed),  and  staggered  under  its 
weight  up  the  steep  hill  to  the  superintendent's  quar- 

O 


314  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

ters,  put  down  his  trunk  upon  the  steps,  knocked  at 
the  door,  and  was  at  once  admitted  into  the  colo- 
nel's presence. 

Unlike  most  cadets  on  their  first  introduction  to 
this  dignitary,  he  was  not  in  the  slightest  degree 
abashed,  but  felt  entirely  self-possessed,  and,  without 
an  invitation,  taking  a  chair  close  to  the  colonel,  and 
looking  him  directly  in  the  eyes,  said, "  Ole  man,  are 
you  Colonel,  or  Captain,  or  What-you-call-um  Thay- 
er  ?"  To  which  the  old  gentleman  very  gravely  re- 
plied, "  I  am  Colonel  Thayer,  sir." 

"  Wa'al,  now,  look  a  yere,  kurn,"  said  the  youth, 
"  this  yere  hill  o'  yourn  am  a  breather ;  ef  it  ain't, 
d — n  me." 

The  colonel  comprehended  at  once  what  kind  of  a 
specimen  of  humanity  he  had  before  him,  and  direct- 
ed his  orderly  to  show  him  to  the  barracks,  where  he 
was  soon  inducted  into  the  mysteries  of  wholesome 
discipline. 

As  some  may  have  a  curiosity  to  know  what  suc- 
cess this  untutored  youth  of  the  forest  met  with  in 
his  academical  career,  I  add  for  their  information 
that  he  applied  himself  zealously  to  his  studies,  at- 
tained a  good  standing  in  his  class,  and,  on  gradua- 
ting, was  an  accomplished  gentleman  and  scholar, 
who  reflected  credit  upon  the  institution,  and  was 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  315 

afterward  favorably  known  as  the  author  of  a  His- 
tory of  Texas. 

WEARING  THE  UNIFORM. 

It  does  not  strike  me  as  at  all  wonderful  that  pu- 
pils of  the  West  Point  Military  Academy,  after  un- 
dergoing four  long  years  of  close  application  to  a 
rigid  course  of  study,  relentless  discipline,  and  total 
seclusion  from  society  (which  was  the  policy  in  my 
time),  should  have  been  rejoiced  when  their  academ- 
ic career  terminated,  and  they  were  permitted  to 
throw  off  the  dingy  gray  livery  of  their  initiatory 
martial  servitude,  and  put  on  the  uniforms  of  com- 
missioned officers. 

Whatever  may  have  been  the  experience  of  oth- 
ers, I,  for  one,  am  forced  to  acknowledge  that  I  have 
been  unable  to  detect  the  slightest  tint  of  the  rose 
in  my  recollections  of  school  life  at  West  Point. 

The  necessary  requirements  of  guard  and  police 
duties,  drills,  parades,  and  other  hard  work  incidental 
to  rudimental  training,  with  unremitting  study,  men- 
tal anxiety,  and  constant  apprehension  as  to  what 
might  have  been  the  result  of  our  annual  examina- 
tions, wherein  a  large  percentage  of  the  young  men 
were  invariably  dismissed  for  deficiency  in  acquire- 
ments, all  combined  to  render  this  the  least  happy 
period  of  my  existence. 


316  BORDER  REMINISCENCES. 

•  So  indelibly  were  the  impressions  of  these  school- 
days stamped  upon  my  mind,  that  for  twenty  years 
afterward,  whenever  I  was  tortured  with  a  visitation 
of  nightmare,  my  imagination  generally  carried  me 
back  into  that  dreaded  examination-hall,  where,  in 
presence  of  an  assembled  "  board  of  visitors,"  I  was 
forthwith  summoned  to  the  blackboard  by  some  pro- 
fessor ;  and  when  the  hallucination  assumed  its  worst 
type,  after  indulging  in  an  indigestible  supper,  it  was 
sure  to  be  that  one  who  was  considered  the  most  ex- 
acting and  uncompromising,  and  whom  I  have  never 
since  been  able  to  look  upon  without  a  retrospective 
sentiment  of  trepidation  and  horror ;  for  this  man, 
when  in  his  least  amiable  mood,  usually  assumed  a 
most  benignant  smile,  and  was  pre-eminently  polite 
and  courteous  in  his  demeanor,  but  was  regarded  then 
as  most  dangerous. 

So  well  was  this  peculiarity  of  the  professor  under- 
stood in  the  corps  of  cadets  that  the  boys  became 
terrified  just  in  proportion  to  the  politeness  and  ur- 
banity of  his  manner  toward  them  during  the  course 
of  their  examinations. 

I  never  for  a  moment  flattered  myself  that  the  old 
gentleman  entertained  any  special  regard  for  me 
while  I  was  at  school,  but  I  am  positive  that,  when- 
ever I  encountered  his  image  during  my  nocturnal 


BOKDEK   REMINISCENCES.  317 

visitations  subsequently,  I  was  so  unfortunate  as  to 
see  the  spectre  with  a  broad  and  eminently  diabolic 
smile  upon  his  countenance,  while  he  in  the  politest 
terms  desired  me  to  elucidate  some  very  abstruse 
and  knotty  problem  about  which  I  had  not  the  faint- 
est conception.  Of  course  I  was  obliged  to  acknowl- 
edge my  inability  to  perform  the  task,  or  to  "  [fess" 
as  the  cadets  have  it,  and  I  suffered  all  the  mental 
torture  that  I  would  if  the  circumstance  had  actually 
occurred. 

As  may  be  imagined,  I  found  but  little  romance  in 
cadet  life  at  the  Military  Academy,  and  I  can  give 
direct  and  unqualified  attestation  to  the  fact  that  the 
happiest  day  of  my  life  was  that  on  which,  with  sev- 
eral classmates,  I  made  my  entre'e  into  New  York 
City  after  graduating. 

We  were  at  that  time  dressed  in  full  spang-new 
uniforms  from  top  to  toe,  and,  as  we  promenaded 
up  and  down  Broadway,  we  probably  entertained 
about  as  elevated  notions  of  our  own  individual  con- 
sequence as  any  boys  ever  did.  I  distinctly  remem- 
ber that  I  was  fully  of  the  opinion  that  every  man, 
woman,  and  child  we  passed  regarded  us  with  ad- 
miration and  envy. 

The  truth  is,  we  felt  like  prisoners  just  released 
from  confinement,  and  we  certainly  enjoyed  our  free- 


318  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

dom  to  the  fullest  extent,  yet  I  dare  say  this  has  been 
the  experience  of  nearly  every  young  man  who  has 
passed  through  the  severe  ordeal  at  the  West  Point 
institution. 

Young  officers  are  generally  fond  of  appearing  in 
uniform  even  among  citizens,  which  is  all  right 
enough.  I  see  no  impropriety  in  it ;  nevertheless,  I 
have  observed,  after  an  officer  has  seen  a  few  years' 
service  with  troops,  where  he  is  obliged  to  wear  his 
uniform  constantly,  he  is  glad  of  the  opportunity, 
when  he  goes  into  the  cities,  to  put  on  the  garb  of  a 
citizen,  and  for  the  reason  that  he  does  not  care 
about  attracting  special  observation.  Besides,  there 
are,  at  the  present  time,  many  classes  of  people  in 
civil  occupations  whose  clothing  is  something  like, 
and  perhaps  may  have  been  copied  from  the  army 
uniform;  such,  for  instance,  as  railroad  employe's, 
policemen,  letter-carriers,  etc.,  so  that  an  army  offi- 
cer in  uniform  might  readily  be  mistaken  for  one  of 
those  useful  and  most  worthy  members  of  society. 
This  might  not,  however,  be  in  exact  accord  with 
what  the  former  conceived  to  be  due  to  the  impor- 
tance of  his  position,  and  this  is  another  reason  why 
old  officers  prefer  citizen's  attire  when  off  duty. 

General  S******  related  to  me  quite  a  ludicrous 
little  episode  which  occurred  to  him  shortly  after 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  319 

leaving  West  Point,  and  as  it  serves  to  illustrate  what 
I  have  said  above,  it  may  not  be  considered  out  of 
place  in  this  connection. 

During  the  general's  early  military  career,  while 
he  was  a  brevet  second  lieutenant,  stationed  at  Fort 
Morgan,  in  Mobile  Bay,  he  and  a  friend,  Lieutenant 
T*****,  obtained  leave  of  absence  for  the  purpose  of 
visiting  Mobile,  and  wishing  to  make  as  respectable 
an  appearance  as  possible,  they  dressed  in  full  uni- 
form, and,  embarking  upon  a  passing  steamer,  went 
up  to  the  city. 

While  waiting  upon  the  levee  for  their  luggage  to 
be  landed,  several  inquisitive  boys  were  attracted  by 
their  rather  flashy  uniforms,  and  especially  by  the 
broad  red  stripes  upon  their  pants,  and  the  general's 
capacious  military  cloak,  which  he  had, "  a  la  espa- 
gnol,"  arranged  in  graceful  folds  around  his  person, 
with  one  side  thrown  over  his  shoulder  something  in 
the  style  of  the  Roman  toga,  and  in  such  a  manner  as 
to  exhibit  to  the  best  advantage  the  bright  scarlet 
lining.  At  the  same  time  he  had  put  himself  into 
a  very  consequential  attitude,  with  his  arms  folded 
across  his  breast,  and  his  jaunty  little  forage-cap  rest- 
ing upon  the  front  of  his  head,  and  turned  saucily 
just  a  trifle  to  one  side.  While  in  this  dignified  and 
graceful  posture,  one  of  the  boys  timidly  approached 


320  BOKDEK   REMINISCENCES. 

him,  and  said, "  Please,  mister,  wheu  is  your  circus  a 
comin'  ?" 

They  were  most  essentially  disgusted  at  the  stu- 
pidity of  the  youth,  who  was  unable  to  perceive  the 
difference  between  a  commissioned  officer  of  the 
regular  army  (a  West  Pointer  at  that)  and  a  circus- 
rider,  and  of  course  they  scorned  to  answer  so  ab- 
surd a  question,  but  walked  away  np  the  street  to- 
ward the  Battle  House,  with  several  of  the  pertina- 
cious lads,  whose  curiosity  was  now  considerably  ex- 
cited, following  in  their  wake.  I  should  remark, 
however,  that  the  two  lieutenants  were  attached  to 
the  Third  Artillery,  each  having  the  designation  of 
that  regiment  (figure  3)  upon  the  front  of  his  cap. 

As  they  proceeded  on  the  crowd  of  boys  increased, 
and  various  random  conjectures  were  hazarded  as  to 
who  the  strangers  could  be,  but  no  satisfactory  con- 
clusion seemed  to  be  arrived  at  until  one  of  the  ur- 
chins exclaimed, "  I  have  it,  boys !  I  have  it !  Them 
fellars  belong  to  number  three  fire  -  engine  com- 
pany." And  he  at  once  ran  up  to  them,  saying, "  I 
say,  fellars,  when  is  your  machine  goin'  to  squirt  ?" 

The  general  says  they  hurried  on  to  the  hotel, 
changed  their  dress,  and  thenceforth  appeared  in 
citizen's  attire  while  in  the  unappreciative  city  of 
Mobile. 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  321 


"TOUCH  OFF  THOMPSON." 

Among  the  most  anomalous  specimens  of  juvenil- 
ity that  have  figured  in  the  annals  of  the  Military 
Academy  at  West  Point  was  one  whom,  for  desig- 
nation, I  will  call  Thompson,  which  will  serve  the 
purposes  of  our  legend  as  well  as  any  other,  and,  if 
his  vagaries  were  half  as  whimsical  as  they  have 
been  represented,  he  certainly  was  a  most  original 
character. 

As  near  as  I  remember,  this  youth  commenced  his 
military  career  somewhere  about  1840,  and  from  the 
date  of  his  first  appearance  at  West  Point  until  he 
left  he  evinced  the  most  eccentric  tendencies.  For 
example,  he  was  in  the  habit  of  wandering  about  the 
grounds  alone  at  a  rapid  pace,  with  his  eyes  turned 
up  toward  the  sky,  seemingly  absorbed  in  the  con- 
templation of  some  very  important  astronomical 
question,  and  manifested  no  disposition  to  enter  into 
conversation  or  associate  with  his  fellow  cadets ;  in- 
deed, when  directly  addressed,  he  often  failed  to  re- 
ply, and  would  generally  pass  his  most  intimate  ac- 
quaintances without  the  slightest  token  of  recogni- 
tion. 

In  a  word,  he  was  probably  one  of  the  most  \mso- 
,  distrait,  and  peculiar  individuals  that  ever  lived. 
O2 


322  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

When  his  name  was  called  upon  parade  he  was  gen- 
erally so  absorbed  in  a  "  brown  study"  that  he  paid 
no  heed-  to  it,  and  consequently  was  reported  absent 
when  he  was  actually  present  in  the  ranks. 

This  became  so  common  an  occurrence,  and  his 
demerit  marks  augmented  so  rapidly,  that  he  was  at 
length  obliged  to  request  the  file  adjoining  him  to 
jog  him  at  the  instant  his  name  was  called  by  the  or- 
derly sergeant ;  but  his  neighbor  usually  administer- 
ed this  jog  in  so  vigorous  a  manner  that  it  startled 
the  young  man  so  much  that  it  caused  him  to  leap 
several  feet  from  the  ground,  and  jerk  out  the  re- 
quired response  in  a  sudden  spasmodic  tone,  which 
sounded  more  like  hap  than  here.  It  was  not  unlike 
the  sound  produced  by  the  expulsion  of  a  close-fitting 
wad  from  a  pop-gun,  and  at  first  created  no  little 
merriment  in  the  company. 

So  long  as  Thompson  was  touched  at  the  proper 
instant  it  was  all  right,  and  he  escaped  being  report- 
ed absent ;  but  whenever  his  prompter  neglected  or 
forgot  to  administer  the  required  punch,  he  rarely 
answered  to  his  name ;  and,  as  singular  as  it  may 
appear,  he  never  failed  to  give  utterance  to  the  sharp 
monosyllable  hap  whenever  he  was  jogged  in  the 
ribs,  whether  his  name  was  called  or  not,  even  if  the 
admonitory  thrust  was  applied  several  times  during 


BOKDER   REMINISCENCES.  323 

one  roll-call.  The  response  followed  the  touch  of 
the  adjoining  file  with  as  much  certainty  and  celeri- 
ty as  the  report  of  a  gun  succeeds  the  explosion  of 
the  fulminating  powder. 

This  peculiarity  of  Thompson's  soon  became  so 
well  understood  throughout  the  corps  of  cadets  that 
unscrupulous  members  of  his  company,  who  were  de- 
sirous of  playing  truant,  would  sometimes  engage 
Thompson's  prompter  to  give  him  fche  signal  when 
their  names  were  called. 

They  would  say, "  I  wish  you  would  touch  Thomp- 
son for  me  at  tattoo  or  reVeille,"  and,  if  the  proposi- 
tion was  acceded  to,  the  innocent  victim  prevented 
them  from  being  reported  absent. 

The  application  of  the  finger  to  the  young  gentle- 
man's side,  with  the  consequent  explosive  ejacula- 
tion, was  so  similar  to  touching  a  lighted  port-fire  to 
the  fuse  of  a  cannon,  that  the  expression  "  Touch  off 
Thompson  for  me  at  parade,"  etc.,  soon  became  un- 
derstood by  all  except  the  most  prominent  actor 
in  the  farce,  who  soon  acquired  the  sobriquet  of 
"  Touch  off  Thompson,"  which  tenaciously  adhered 
to  him  until  he  left  the  school. 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES. 


CHAPTER  IX. 

PEAIRIE     INDIANS. 

Indians  as  Prisoners. — Winnebago  Dandy. — Push-met-te-haw. — 
Treatment  of  Prisoners.  —  Indian  Diplomacy.  —  A  Comanche's 
Opinion  of  the  Pale  Faces. — A  civilized  Indian's  Opinion  of  the 
Government. — Black  Beaver. — A  facetious  Indian. — Aboriginal 
Precocity. — Aborigines  as  they  are. 

THE  Prairie  Indians,  who  are  probably  as  expert 
equestrians  as  the  Bedouin  Arabs,  always  go  into 
battle  well  mounted,  and,  when  properly  armed,  are 
most  formidable  enemies.  Formerly,  when  these 
people  possessed  no  fire-arms,  but  were  solely  depend- 
ent on  the  bow  and  arrow,  which  has  a  very  limited 
effective  range,  they  were  far  inferior  to  the  white 
man  in  action ;  but,  now  that  they  are  well  provided 
with  rifles  and  revolvers,  this  difference  has  greatly 
diminished,  if  not  entirely  disappeared.  And  why 
should  not  this  be  the  case  ?  The  prairie  warrior  has 
sufficient  courage,  and  is  an  adept  in  the  art  of  war 
as  taught  and  practiced  in  the  school  of  his  ancestors. 
He  has  made  this  his  study  from  childhood,  and 
has  learned  all  the  arts,  manoauvres,  and  subterfuges 
necessary  to  prosecute  successful  partisan  warfare : 


BOEDER   REMINISCENCES.  325 

and  although  his  strategy  may  not  in  all  respects  co- 
incide with  the  teachings  of  Yauban  or  Mahan,  yet, 
when  we  are  forced  to  make  war  upon  him,  we  are 
compelled  to  adopt  a  portion  of  his  tactics  or  make 
failures. 

One  of  the  reasons  why  the  Indians  fight  so  despe- 
rately when  hard  pressed  may  be  attributed  to  the 
fact  that  they  have  the  utmost  horror  of  being  taken 
prisoners  and  held  in  captivity.  They  themselves 
make  slaves  of  their  captives,  and  they  have  no  other 
conception  of  the  condition  of  a  prisoner  of  war 
save  that  of  the  most  abject  and  degrading  bondage, 
which  to  them  is  more  repulsive  than  death. 

Some  years  ago  our  troops  in  Western  Texas  cap- 
tured a  party  of  Indians  belonging  to  a  band  that 
had  stolen  government  animals,  and  among  them  was 
a  chief,  who,  with  his  wife  and  two  children,  were 
detained  as  hostages,  while  the  others  were  sent  out 
and  required  to  bring  back  the  depredators  with  the 
stolen  stock. 

The  chief  and  his  family  were  put  into  a  tent 
guarded  by  two  sentinels,  who  were  instructed  to 
keep  a  vigilant  watch  over  them  and  prevent  their 
escape. 

One  dark  night,  after  every  thing  about  the  camp 
had  become  hushed  and  quiet,  and  the  squaw  and 


326  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

her  children  were  fast  asleep,  the  chief  took  his  knife, 
and,  noiselessly  crawling  to  their  bedside,  drove  it  to 
the  hilt  in  the  breast  of  each  in  rapid  succession ; 
after  which  he  jumped  to  his  feet  like  lightning, 
leaped  through  the  door,  lighting  upon  the  astound- 
ed sentinel,  whom  he  thrust  to  the  heart  with  his 
knife,  and,  giving  a  terrific  war-whoop,  bounded 
away  into  the  darkness ;  but,  before  he  was  out  of 
range,  the  other  sentinel  fired,  and  finished  the  bloody 
tragedy  by  dropping  the  murderer  dead  in  his  tracks. 

The  savage  instincts  of  the  Indian  of  the  Plains, 
and  the  wonderful  control  and  mastery  he  acquires 
over  the  horse,  were  strikingly  evinced  during  a 
bloody  engagement  between  our  troops  and  a  party 
of  Cheyennes,  near  Fort  Wallace,  in  1867. 

In  the  heat  of  the  battle  a  cavalry  soldier  was 
wounded,  and  fell  from  his  horse  out  of  reach  of  his 
comrades,  when  one  of  the  savages  rode  up  at  full 
speed,  reached  down  from  his  horse,  seized  the  sol- 
dier by  the  hair  of  the  head,  and,  without  slacking 
his  gait  in  the  least,  drew  him  up  to  his  saddle-bow, 
and  with  his  tomahawk  beat  out  his  brains ;  then 
tearing  all  the  clothing  from  the  mangled  body,  he 
dashed  it  upon  the  ground  again,  and  giving  a  fiend 
ish  howl  of  exultation,  rejoined  his  companions. 


BOKDER   REMINISCENCES.  327 

WISNEBAGO  DANDY. 

The  Indians,  as  a  general  rule,  are  eminently  an 
imitative  people,  and  when  thrown  in  contact  with 
white  men,  especially  those  high  in  rank  and  author- 
ity, they  are  prone  to  copy  their  manners  and  cus- 
toms. 

There  still  lives  among  the  Winnebagoes  an  old 
Indian  called  "  Dandy,"  who  was  a  member  of  the 
first  delegation  from  that  tribe  that  ever  visited 
Washington  City.  While  en  route  to  the  national 
capital,  the  party  was  detained  at  Galena  some  time 
waiting  for  a  steamer  to  descend  the  Mississippi,  and 
as  they  were  strolling  about  the  town  one  day,  they 
came  near  a  Methodist  church  where  service  was  be- 
ing held  during  the  season  of  a  revival.  Greatly  as- 
tonished at  the  first  glance  of  this  strange  novelty, 
they  hastily  drew  up  around  the  windows,  and  saw 
the  house  crowded  with  people,  many  of  them,  under 
the  influence  of  the  preaching,  becoming  intensely 
excited — some  clapping  their  hands,  others  stamping, 
jumping,  and  making  mysterious  gestures  and  con- 
tortions of  limbs  and  body,  while  at  the  same  time 
the  entire  congregation  were  shouting  at  the  highest 
pitch  of  their  voices,  all  of  which  was  perfectly  in- 
comprehensible to  the  Indians,  who  looked  on  the 


328  BOKDEK  REMINISCENCES. 

spectacle  with  wonder  and  amazement,  and  made 
various  random  conjectures  as  to  the  meaning  of 
these  unusual  proceedings. 

One  of  them  suggested  that  the  "  Big  Medicine 
man"  (the  preacher)  might  be  exerting  his  powers 
of  incantation  to  exorcise  and  drive  away  bad  spir- 
its which  had  got  possession  of  the  people.  Another 
one  surmised  that  possibly  this  was  a  big  pale-face 
war-dance.  And  one  even  went  so  far  as  to  pro- 
nounce the  whole  company  stark  raving  mad.  But 
none  of  their  opinions  seemed  to  meet  the  concur- 
rence of  the  majority  of  the  party  until  Dandy,  who 
had  looked  on  with  great  interest  for  some  time,  at 
length  assumed  an  air  of  importance,  and  exclaimed, 
"  I  have  it — I  have  it ;  I'll  tell  you  what's  the  mat- 
ter !"  Then,  pointing  his  finger  to  his  head,  he  add- 
ed, "  Whisky  too  much  !  whisky  too  much  /"  And 
they  all  walked  off  in  disgust,  verily  believing  that 
the  good  disciples  of  Wesley  were  on  a  terrible 
spree. 

On  their  return  home  after  visiting  their  "  Great 
Father,"  at  the  urgent  entreaty  of  the  people  of  Al- 
bany, they  were  prevailed  upon  to  give  an  exhibi- 
tion of  their  songs,  dances,  etc.  A  room  was  pro- 
cured, and  at  the  proper  hour  Dandy  stationed  him- 
self at  the  door,  and  received  twenty-five  cents  from 


BOKDEK   REMINISCENCES.  329 

each  person  admitted.  A  good  house  was  secured, 
and  the  performance  passed  off  to  the  satisfaction 
of  every  body,  until  the  appreciative  audience  was 
about  to  disperse,  when  Dandy  again  took  possession 
of  the  door,  and  demanded  another  quarter  from 
each  one  before  giving  them  egress,  and  it  was  with 
difficulty  that  the  interpreter  could  convince  him 
that  this  was  not  allowable. 

PUSH-MET-TE-HA  W. 

It  is  said  of  a  distinguished  former  chief  of  the 
Choctaws,  "Push -met- te- haw,"  who  was  probably 
one  of  the  most  talented  Indians  of  whose  history 
we  have  any  knowledge,  that  upon  an  occasion  after 
our  authorities  in  Washington  had  used  all  their  ef- 
forts to  induce  him  to  sign  the  "Dancing  Rabbit 
Creek"  treaty,  by  which  they  ceded  to  the  United 
States  all  their  lands  east  of  the  Mississippi  River, 
and  which  he  had  persistently  declined,  that  Gener- 
al Jackson,  then  President,  called  him  to  the  White 
House,  and,  after  exhausting  all  arguments  without 
avail,  placed  himself  before  the  chief,  and  in  a  high- 
ly excited  manner  thus  addressed  him : 

"I'll  have  you  to  know,  sir,  that  I  am  Andrew 
Jackson,  President  of  the  United  States,  sir;  and, 
by  the  Eternal,  you  shall  sign  that  treaty." 


330  BOKDEK   REMINISCENCES. 

Push-met-te-haw  was  not  in  the  least  intimidated, 
but  sprang  to  his  feet,  and,  in  imitation  of  the  Pres- 
ident's emphatic  manner,  replied, 

"  I  know  perfectly  well  who  you  are,  sir ;  and  I'll 
have  you  to  know,  sir,  that  I  am  Push-met-te-haw, 
head  chief  of  the  great  Choctaw  nation ;  and,  by 
the  Eternal,  I'll  not  sign  that  treaty,  sir." 

This  Indian  was  not  of  royal  parentage,  but  had 
risen  from  obscure  origin  to  his  lofty  position  in  the 
nation  solely  upon  his  own  merits;  and  being  a 
proud,  dignified  man,  he  was  somewhat  sensitive  on 
the  subject  of  his  lineage.  On  the  occasion  of  his 
first  visit  to  Washington  his  reputation  preceded 
him,  and  he  received  marked  attention  from  the  prin- 
cipal dignitaries,  and  was  even  invited  to  dine  at 
the  White  House.  He  accepted  the  invitation ;  and 
during  the  repast,  Mrs.  Madison,  the  mistress  of  the 
presidential  mansion  at  that  time,  manifested  a  live- 
ly interest  in  him,  making  particular  inquiries  about 
his  family ;  and  she  was  especially  desirous  of  know- 
ing whether  he  was  able  to  trace  back  his  ancestry 
for  many  generations  through  a  lineage  of  distin- 
guished chiefs.  His  countenance  clouded,  and  as- 
sumed a  stern  expression  of  displeasure  at  these  in- 
terrogatories, and  for  some  time  he  made  no  reply ; 
but  at  length  he  said, 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  331 

"  Push-met-te-liaw  was  not  born  like  common  mor- 
tals, and  lie  never  knew  father  or  mother ;  but  on 
one  bright  and  beautiful  summer's  night,  when  all 
nature  was  hushed  in  profound  and  silent  repose, 
suddenly  a  deep  sound  was  heard  approaching,  like 
the  rumbling  of  distant  thunder;  soon  the  sky  be- 
came dark  and  lowering ;  heavy  clouds,  driven  by  a 
furious  tempest,  piled 'upon  each  other  in  the  lofti- 
est vaults  of  the  heavens,  and  poured  down  rain  and 
hail  in  torrents;  ponderous  peals  of  thunder  ex- 
ploded and  reverberated,  like  continuous  salvos  of 
gigantic  artillery,  throughout  the  entire  canopy  of 
the  sky;  the  lightning  flashed  in  angular  scintilla- 
tions vivid  streaks  of  fire ;  and  every  element  of  na 
ture  seemed  in  a  mad  frenzy  to  contribute  toward 
the  sublime  and  fearful  chaos  —  in  the  midst  of 
which  a  huge  thunderbolt,  directed  by  the  hand  of 
the  Great  Spirit,  was  sent  down  from  heaven  and 
struck  a  gnarled  oak,  shivering  its  gigantic  trunk 
into  ten  thousand  atoms,  and  from  out  of  its  heart 
bounded  forth  a  full-grown  Indian  brave  in  com- 
plete war  costume,  with  his  rifle  upon  his  shoulder. 
Thus  entered  the  world,  and  such  is  the  pedigree, 
of  the  warrior  who  now  stands  before  the  Great 
Chief's  squaw." 


332  BOKDEK   REMINISCENCES. 


TREATMENT  OF  PRISONERS. 

During  the  existence  of  the  "  Lone-star"  republic 
of  Texas  a  white  man  was  captured  on  the  Brazos 
by  the  Comanches,  who  carried  him  away  to  their 
camp,  and,  in  accordance  with  their  custom,  sub- 
jected him  to  all  the  menial  offices  of  a  slave. 
While  in  camp  he  was  kicked  about  most  unmer- 
cifully, forced  to  cut  and  carry  wood,  herd  horses, 
pitch  lodges,  etc.,  etc.,  and  on  marches  they  com- 
pelled him  to  pack  enormous  loads  of  kettles,  fry- 
ing-pans, and  other  rubbish,  until  his  back  and  feet 
became  terribly  lacerated ;  and  he  was  so  much  worn 
out  by  hard  work,  starvation,  and  cruel  treatment, 
that  at  length  he  abandoned  all  hope  of  bettering 
his  condition,  and  in  agonizing  despair  wished  him- 
self dead. 

About  this  time  some  of  the  chiefs  of  the  band 
returned  from  a  visit  to  Austin,  where  they  had  been 
kindly  received  by  General  Houston,  the  president, 
and  were  shown  all  the  novelties  of  the  capital,  and, 
among  other  places,  they  were  taken  into  the  State- 
house  while  the  Congress  was  in  session,  and  the 
mysteries  of  legislation  explained  to  them.  They 
were  highly  delighted  with  what  they  saw,  and  took 
especial  pride  in  displaying  their  new  acquirements 


BOEDER  REMINISCENCES.  333 

to  their  people  at  home.  And  they  even  went  so  far 
as  to  propose  that,  in  future,  when  any  important 
tribal  business  was  pending  before  the  council  of  the 
nation,  they  should,  like  the  pale-faced  law-makers, 
put  it  to  vote  and  decide  it  by  the  majority. 

This  proposition  was  acceded  to  by  all ;  but  it  so 
happened  at  the  first  meeting  of  their  deliberative 
council  that  they  had  forgotten  some  of  the  details 
of  the  forms  they  had  witnessed  at  Austin,  and  they 
were  obliged  to  call  upon  the  white  captive  to  en- 
lighten them.  He  consented  to  instruct  them  pro- 
vided they  would  make  him  a  member  of  the  coun- 
cil, and  permit  him  to  introduce  the  first  resolution. 
The  request  was  acceded  to,  and  a  presiding  chief 
was  appointed,  who  informed  the  white  member  that 
his  resolution  was  then  in  order ;  whereupon  he  took 
the  floor,  or  rather  the  ground,  and  said, "  Mr.  Presi- 
dent, I  propose  to  the  great  council  of  the  Comanche 
nation — the  greatest  nation  on  earth — [cheers,  with 
prolonged  guttural  how's !  how's !  how's !  all  over  the 
lodge] — I  propose,  I  say,  Mr.  President,  that  hereaft- 
er every  gentleman  Indian,  in  accordance  with  the 
customs  of  the  pale  faces,  be  required,  on  march- 
es, to  pack  his  own  kettles  and  herd  his  own  horses." 

The  resolution  was  received  with  applause,  and 
carried  unanimously,  and  thenceforth  the  captive 
was  relieved  of  his  burdens. 


334  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 


DIPLOMACY. 

It  is  generally  believed  by  those  who  are  not  fa- 
miliar with  the  character  of  the  aborigines  of  the 
West,  that  they,  like  the  African  race,  are  inferior  in 
intellect  to  the  Caucasian,  and  that  their  powers  of 
mind  are  so  limited  that  crafty  and  designing  white 
men  can  cheat  and  cajole  them  without  their  being 
aware  of  the  fact.  This,  however,  is  very  far  from 
being  true,  as  can  easily  be  shown.  The  fact  is,  the 
intellectual  and  reasoning  powers  of  the  natives  are 
in  the  highest  degree  active  and  bright,  and  they  pos- 
sess as  correct  an  appreciation  of  right  and  justice, 
and  as  vivid  a  conception  of  wrong  and  fraud,  as  any 
other  people. 

Nearly  all  the  trouble  we  have  encountered,  in 
our  dealings  with  the  Indian  tribes  for  the  last  fifty 
years,  has  resulted  from  the  non-compliance  on  our 
part  with  treaty  stipulations,  together  with  the  injus- 
tice and  fraud  practiced  upon  them  by  dishonest 
agents ;  and  this  is  as  well  understood  and  appreci- 
ated by  them  as  it  would  be  by  white  men. 

A  few  apposite  examples  which  I  am  about  to  re- 
late will  illustrate  this  most  conclusively. 

A  chief  of  one  of  the  bands  of  Sioux  told  the 
commissioners  who  were  making  a  treaty  with  them 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  335 

that  his  people  did  not  want  any  more  agents  who 
had  fathers  and  brothers-in-law  to  support  from  their 
annuities.  That  the  one  present  (pointing  to  an  ex- 
agent)  came  among  them  with  all  his  worldly  effects 
contained  in  a  carpet  bag,  but  accompanied  by  a  con- 
siderable retinue  of  relatives,  all  of  whom  occupied 
positions  about  the  agency  for  four  years,  and  when 
they  went  away  it  took  several  wagons  to  carry  their 
effects.  They  were  all  rich. 

A  chief  of  another  prairie  tribe,  in  a  council  with 

General  H ,  told  him  that  their  agent,  who  was 

present,  had  stolen  half  their  goods,  and  buried  the 
balance. 

Along  the  western  slope  of  the  Rocky  Mountains, 
near  the  base  of  the  snow-clad  and  elevated  peaks 
of  the  Sierra  de  la  Plata,  upon  the  head  waters  of 
the  Colorado  of  California,  and  in  one  of  the  most 
picturesque,  but  remote  and  unfrequented  sections 
within  the  limits  of  our  entire  possessions,  are  found 
two  nomadic  bands  of  Indians,  called  "  Ca^po-ta"  and 
"Woman-o-che" — Utes — who  are  yet  uncontamina- 
ted  by  contact  with  the  Anglo-Saxon. 

That  ubiquitous  and  all -pervading  cosmopolite, 
the  gold-hunter,  who  has  "prospected"  almost  every 
other  "gulch"  and  crevice  in  our  vast  mountain 
ranges,  has  not  as  yet  penetrated  into  the  heart  of 


336  BOEDER   REMINISCENCES. 

this  particular  locality,  so  that  the  natives  of  this  sec- 
tion may  be  said  to  retain  to  this  day  very  nearly 
their  normal  condition. 

I  visited  the  country  alluded  to  but  a  short  time 
since,  and  came  in  contact  with  many  of  the  Indians 
who  roam  over  it,  and  upon  one  occasion  the  princi- 
pal chief  of  the  Woman-o-ches,  "  Pe-as-te-cho-pa," 
with  twenty  of  his  braves,  paid  a  visit  to  my  camp. 
The  chief  was  a  man  of  highly  dignified  bearing, 
about  sixty  years  of  age,  and  a  magnificent  specimen 
of  his  race.  Possessing  a  commanding  and  well-pro- 
portioned figure  of  the  "Apollo  Belvidere"  type, 
which  was  tall,  erect,  and  lithe,  with  an  open,  intelli- 
gent, and  kindly  expression  of  countenance,  all  his 
movements  and  gestures  were  eminently  dignified 
and  graceful. 

He  bore  the  reputation  of  being  a  great  warrior, 
and  had  performed  many  daring  and  signal  feats  of 
valor ;  but  it  was  said  of  him  that,  during  the  excite- 
ment of  battle,  the  lineaments  of  his  features  under- 
went such  an  entire  metamorphosis,  that  the  calm 
repose  of  his  usually  benignant  countenance  then  as- 
sumed an  expression  of  the  most  savage  and  diabol- 
ical ferocity. 

After  going  through  the  customary  Indian  greet- 
ing of  hugging  and  rubbing  faces  together,  they  seat- 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  337 

ed  themselves  upon  the  grass,  and  informed  their 
white  brothers  that -a  big  smoke  was  the  next  impor- 
tant feature  on  the  programme.  This  preliminary 
having  been  disposed  of  with  all  due  ceremony,  the 
chief  said  he  would  like  to  be  informed  as  to  the  ob- 
ject of  this  visit  of  the  pale  faces  into  his  country ; 
and  he  was  particularly  desirous  to  know  if  this  was 
a  prelude  to  the  advent  of  gold-hunters,  to  which  he 
and  his  people  were  firmly  opposed,  as  he  said  they 
were  fully  aware  of  the  fact  that  this  would  lead  to 
their  speedy  demoralization  and  extinction. 

He  was  assured  that  this  was  not  the  object  of 
the  visit,  but  that  it  was  one  merely  of  curiosity  and 
pleasure.  He  was  satisfied,  and  a  long  talk  ensued, 
during  which  the  chief  inquired  if  any  of  the  party 
ever  communicated,  either  orally  or  by  letter,  with 
their  "  great-grandfather,"  the  President  of  the  Unit- 
ed States ;  and  on  being  informed  that  my  chief, 
General  Sherman,  was  in  constant  communication 
with  his  venerable  relative,  he  said  it  would  be  agree- 
able to  him  if  the  general  would  make  known  to  the 
head  chief  of  the  whites  that  the  Utes,  from  time  to 
time,  had  had  a  number  of  agents  sent  to  them, 
some  of  whom  had  proved  good  and  others  bad. 
For  example,  he  was  of  opinion  that  Kit  Carson  and 
three  others  whom  he  named  were  honest  men,  and 

P 


338  BOBDEB  REMINISCENCES. 

that  when  presents  were  sent  out  for  his  people  by 
the  President  these  agents  had  always  brought  them 
directly  to  the  tribe,  where  they  fairly  distributed 
them;  but  he  was  sorry  to  say  that  he  had  not  so 
much  confidence  in  three  other  men  whose  names  he 
mentioned,  and  who  also  had  been  their  agents.  He 
added,  It  is  a  very  long  road  from  Washington  to 
our  hunting-grounds,  and  when  our  great-grandfa- 
ther starts  out  a  train  of  wagons  loaded  with  presents 
for  his  red  children  in  the  mountains,  under  charge 
of  such  agents  as  those  last  mentioned,  they  do  not, 
as  a  general  rule,  go  far  before  they  come  to  a  road 
leaving  the  main  trail  and  turning  to  the  right.  One 
wagon  takes  this  road,  and  gets  lost.  In  a  little 
while  another  wagon  takes  a  road  to  the  left,  and  is 
heard  of  no  more.  And  thus  they  continue  to  de- 
part from  the  train,  until  at  length,  when  its  destina- 
tion is  reached,  only  two  or  three  of  the  original  out- 
fit remain.  All  the  others  have  disappeared,  and  it 
was  impossible  to  tell  what  became  of  them ;  but  he 
had  been  informed  that  those  agents  suddenly  and 
mysteriously  became  rich. 

As  a  new  agent  had  just  been  appointed  for  these 
Indians,  it  was  suggested  to  the  chief  that  perhaps 
he  had  better  suspend  judgment  in  regard  to  him 
until  they  had  given  him  a  fair  trial,  and  that  possi- 


BOKDEK  REMINISCENCES.  330 

bly  he  might  prove  as  honest  and  true  a  friend  to 
them  as  Carson  had  been. 

He  did  not  seem  inclined  to  discuss  the  merits  of 
the  new  agent,  but  continued  to  detail  his  grievances, 
saying  that  his  people  were  very  destitute  of  all  the 
necessaries  of  life ;  that  they  had  put  on  their  very 
best  attire  to  pay  this  visit  of  ceremony,  and  that  it 
was  plain  to  be  seen  they  were  then  nearly  naked ; 
moreover,  he  said,  they  had  nothing  to  eat,  except  a 
few  wild  berries  that  grew  in  the  mountains.  That 
when  Kit  Carson  was  their  agent  he  often  gave  them 
provisions,  and  occasionally  he  even  presented  them 
with  sugar  and  coffee,  which  they  did  not  like  at 
first,  but  soon  became  very  fond  of,  and  now  they 
preferred  it  to  any  thing  else ;  so  that,  if  the  party 
had  any  thing  to  spare,  he  would  be  mighty  glad  to 
get  it. 

I  sympathized  with  them  most  sincerely,  gave 
them  some  provisions,  and  reiterated  the  expression 
of  earnest  hope  that  their  new  agent  would  do  more 
for  them  than  any  others  had  done ;  and  that,  when 
he  undertook  to  conduct  a  train  of  wagons  contain- 
ing presents  for  them  from  Washington,  he  would 
keep  them  in  the  broad,  straight  road,  and  allow 
none  to  wander  away  and  get  lost  on  side  trails. 

The  chief,  who  had  seemed  averse  to  saying  much 


34:0  BORDER  REMINISCENCES. 

about  their  new  agent,  when  pressed  in  this  manner, 
remarked  that  it  was  true  he  did  not  know  much 
about  the  man,  but  they  would  prefer  an  agent  like 
.Kit  Carson,  whom  they  knew  well. 

A  COMANCHE'S  OPINION  OF  THE  PALE  FACES. 

The  limited  intercourse  that  has  existed  between 
the  prairie  tribes  and  the  whites  does  not  appear  to 
have  prepossessed  the  former  much  in  our  favor,  as 
the  following  incident,  which  was  related  to  me  by 
Mr.  Israel  Folsom,  a  very  intelligent  and  educated 
Chickasaw,  goes  to  show.  Upon  a  certain  occasion, 
while  he  was  visiting  the  Comanches,  he  remarked 
to  a  chief  that  it  was  only  a  few  years  since  the  peo- 
ple of  his  own  nation  were  equally  as  uncivilized  as 
the  Comanches,  but  that,  through  the  instrumentality 
of  the  white  missionaries,  they  had  been  induced  to 
abandon  their  precarious  hunting  habits,  and  had 
learned  to  read  and  write,  and  cultivate  the  soil,  so 
that  they  were  at  that  time  enabled  to  live  in  the 
same  manner  as  the  white  people,  and  were  always 
supplied  with  abundance  of  food. 

The  chief  replied  that  he  had  no  doubt  there  were 
some  advantages  to  be  derived  from  education,  and 
that  he  had  often  given  the  subject  his  serious  con- 
sideration, but  that  the  pale  faces  were  all  such  ar- 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  341 

rant  rascals  that  he  was  afraid  to  let  them  take  up 
their  abode  with  his  people.  Whereupon  Mr.Fol- 
som  suggested  to  him  that  probably  he  had  met  with 
only  the  bad  specimens  of  the  white  race,  and  that 
he  himself  had  known  very  many  good  men  among 
them  who  had  conferred  important  benefits  upon  the 
Red  Man. 

The  Comanche  admitted  that  possibly  such  might 
be  the  case,  but  he  had  always  been  under  the  im- 
pression that  there  were  but  few,  if  any  honest  white 
men.  He  said  farther,  that  if  the  Chickasaws  would 
send  out  one  of  their  educated  men  to  teach  their 
children  to  read  and  write,  they  would  have  no  ob- 
jections. 


A  CIVILIZED  INDIAN'S  OPINION  OF  THE  UNITED  STATES 
GOVERNMENT. 

The  Prairie  and  Rocky  Mountain  tribes  are  by  no 
means  the  only  exponents  of  the  aboriginal  race 
who  have  exhibited  a  lack  of  faith  in  the  honor  and 
probity  of  the  pale  faces. 

The  facts  I  am  about  to  narrate  go  to  show  that 
instances  are  not  wanting  to  prove  that  their  more 
civilized  brethren  have  occasionally  evinced  equal 
caution  in  placing  implicit  reliance  upon  the  prom- 
ises of  our  authorities.  In  1849  I  received  orders 


342  BOEDER  REMINISCENCES. 

to  escort  a  large  number  of  emigrants  across  the 
Plains  en  route  for  California ;  and,  as  my  instruc- 
tions required  me  to  traverse  an  unexplored  section, 
I  was  desirous  of  securing  the  services  of  the  best 
guide  that  could  be  found.  Accordingly,  after  mak- 
ing diligent  inquiries  among  the  border  white  peo- 
ple near  the  point  of  my  departure,  I  came  to  the 
conclusion  that  a  Delaware  Indian,  called  Black 
Beaver,  was  probably  the  best  man  for  my  purposes, 
as,  in  addition  to  his  being  familiar  with  a  good  deal 
of  the  country  over  which  I  was  to  pass,  he  had  the 
reputation  of  being  an  honest,  reliable  man,  and  a 
good  interpreter  for  intercourse  with  the  Prairie  In- 
dians. 

Accordingly,  when  we  reached  his  cabin,  which 
happened  to  be  near  our  track,  I  called  upon  him, 
and  proposed  to  employ  him  for  the  expedition, 
which  I  supposed  would  occupy  several  months ;  at 
the  same  time  I  informed  him  that  I  was  a  govern- 
ment officer,  taking  it  for  granted  that  this  would 
give  him  confidence  in  the  truth  of  my  statements, 
and  be  regarded  by  him  as  a  guarantee  for  the  faith- 
ful performance  of  any  contract  I  might  make  with 
liim.  He  listened  attentively  to  all  I  had  to  say, 
and,  after  deliberating  for  a  while,  said  it  would  be 
impossible  for  him  to  go  with  me,  as  his  private  af- 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  343 

fairs  were  just  then  in  such  a  state  that  he  could 
not  possibly  leave  home  for  so  long  a  period. 

I  then  suggested  that  he  might  employ  some 
friend  to  transact  his  private  business  in  his  absence, 
and  that  I  would  reimburse  him  for  any  loss  or 
damage  he  might  sustain  by  accompanying  us. 

After  a  good  deal  of  hesitation,  and  with  consid- 
erable seeming  reluctance,  he  replied  that,  in  the 
event  of  his  determining  to  accept  my  proposition, 
he  did  not  think  it  at  all  likely  he  would  ever  re- 
ceive any  compensation,  as  he  was  firmly  impressed 
with  the  conviction  that  the  United  States  govern- 
ment was  not  honest,  and  rarely,  if  ever,  paid  its 
debts. 

I  was,  of  course,  greatly  astonished  at  such  an  af- 
firmation as  this,  and  desired  him  to  inform  me  what 
had  induced  him  to  arrive  at  so  unjust  a  conclusion. 

He  replied  that,  during  the  Mexican  War,  at  the 
earnest  solicitation  of  our  authorities,  he  had  levied 
a  company  of  Delawares,  and  that  they  served  as 
scouts  and  guides  under  General  Harney  while  Gen- 
eral Wool's  column  was  marching  into  Mexico  from 
San  Antonio,  and  that,  previous  to  their  being  call- 
ed out,  a  positive  assurance  was  given  them  that 
they  were  to  receive  the  same  pay  and  allowances 
as  the  white  volunteers.  After  having  served  faith- 


3M  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

fully  for  several  months,  they  were  disbanded  a  long 
distance  from  home,  and,  instead  of  being  paid  for 
their  services,  certain  discharge  papers  were  fur- 
nished them,  which  they  were  told  to  forward  to 
Washington,  when  the  money  would  at  once  be  re- 
mitted to  them. 

As  soon  as  they  reached  home  the  vouchers  were 
transmitted  according  to  directions,  but  in  a  short 
time  they  were  returned  with  a  statement  that  they 
were  irregular,  and  directions  given  for  the  substi- 
tution of  new  papers  in  a  different  form.  A  good 
deal  of  time  was  consumed  in  sending  to  the  proper 
officers  to  have  the  corrections  made.  At  length, 
however,  this  was  executed,  and  the  new  vouchers 
forwarded  to  "Washington,  where  they  remained  a 
good  while  before  they  were  reached  in  the  regu- 
lar order  of  succession ;  but  they  finally  came  back 
to  the  Delawares  with  the  indorsement  that  certain 
other  minor  irregularities  had  been  detected,  which 
required  correction  before  they  could  be  liquidated. 

At  this  stage  of  the  proceedings  the  Indians  began 
to  think  their  claim  was  a  hopeless  one,  but  still  they 
persevered,  and,  after  having  the  papers  corrected 
a  third  time  according  to  instructions,  sent  them  to 
Washington,  hoping  they  might  possibly  get  the 
money  this  time ;  but  they  were  doomed  to  disap- 


BOEDER  REMINISCENCES.  345 

pointment,  and,  after  waiting  month  after  month,  and 
hearing  nothing  further  from  them,  they  ultimately 
abandoned  all  hope  of  ever  receiving  their  pay. 

Beaver  very  naturally  felt  indignant  at  what  he 
conceived  to  be  a  direct  violation  of  good  faith  on 
the  part  of  the  government,  and  closed  his  comments 
upon  the  subject  with  this  emphatic  declaration :  "  I 
'spect,  captain,  that  government  he  tell  plenty  lies 
— maybe  so  cheat  um  heap.  I  no  want  go  with 
yon." 

As  I  could  not  well  dispense  with  his  services,  1 
assured  him  that  if  he  would  accompany  us  I  would 
myself  be  personally  responsible  that  he  should  re- 
ceive every  cent  of  his  dues,  and,  if  he  desired  it,  I 
would  give  him  his  money  every  night.  This  assur- 
ance quieted  his  apprehensions,  and  he  consented  to 
accept  my  proposition. 

We  were  absent  over  six  months,  during  which 
time  Beaver  rendered  very  important  services  as 
guide  and  interpreter,  and,  as  he  did  not  insist  on 
the  daily  payments,  there  was  due  him,  on  his  re- 
turn, something  like  four  hundred  dollars. 

I  discharged  him  at  Fort  Washita,  and  immediate- 
ly afterward  he  saddled  his  mule,  came  to  my  tent, 
and  said  he  was  about  starting  for  home,  and  was 
ready  to  receive  his  pay. 

P2 


346  BOKDEK   REMINISCENCES. 

The  money  had  been  counted  out  for  him,  but,  for 
the  purpose  of  seeing  how  it  would  affect  him,  I  said, 
"  All  ready,  are  you  ?  Yery  well,  Beaver,  you  have 
served  the  government  faithfully,  and  deserve  to  be 
well  paid,  so  I'll  just  sit  down  and  write  a  paper, 
which  you  can  send  to  Washington  when  you  get 
home,  and  no  doubt  they  will  forward  you  the  money 
in  a  few  months." 

His  countenance  fell  instantly,  and  he  indignantly 
replied, "  You  goin'  give  me  paper,  captain  ?  What 
for  you  give  me  that  paper?  'Spose  you  give  me 
one  d — d  paper  I  throw  him  in  the  fire." 

"Yery  well,  then,  Beaver,"  said  I,  "if  you  don't 
like  papers  I'll  pay  you  the  money,"  and  he  was  paid 
in  silver,  which  was  very  acceptable  to  him. 

A  few  weeks  afterward  I  met  Beaver  again,  and 
asked  him  if  he  had  appropriated  his  money  to  a 
good  purpose.  He  replied  yes ;  that  on  his  arrival 
at  home  he  had  given  his  friends  a  " big  feast" 
which  lasted  several  days,  and  consumed  all  his 
money.  He  added,  "  I'ze  big  Injun  now,  captain." 

Upon  my  asking  him  how  he  found  his  family  on 
his  return,  he  replied,  "  I'ze  had  mighty  bad  luck 
since  I  went  away." 

"  Indeed,"  said  I.     "What  has  happened,  pray?" 

"  Both  my  wife  he  make  dead  since  I  been  gone." 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  347 

I  expressed  sincere  condolence  for  him  in  his  du- 
plicate affliction.  "  Yes,"  he  said,  "  I  feel  mighty 
bad,  captain ;  I  like  better  lose  three  my  best  hosses." 
But  soon  he  seemed  to  recover  his  spirits,  and  ob- 
served, as  he  left  me, "  Maybe  so  ketch  um  nodder 
one  wife  some  time.'' 

A  FACETIOUS  INDIAN. 

The  Indian  warrior,  when  in  the  presence  of 
strangers,  never  allows  himself  to  relax  the  stern 
dignity  of  his  demeanor  by  a  smile  or  any  other  ex- 
hibition of  joy  or  hilarity,  neither  does  he  manifest 
the  least  curiosity  or  surprise  at  the  exhibition  of 
the  most  astounding  novelties,  but  prides  himself 
upon  his  power  of  maintaining  the  most  imperturb- 
able gravity  upon  all  occasions  and  under  all  cir- 
cumstances. 

This  marked  peculiarity  in  his  character  has  given 
rise  to  the  impression  that  the  Red  Man  is  a  cold, 
phlegmatic,  and  unimpressible  creature,  who  is  to- 
tally incapable  of  conceiving  or  appreciating  any 
thing  like  pleasantry  or  gayety ;  but  this  is  entirely 
fallacious,  as  there  are  no  more  gossiping  and  jocu- 
lar people  in  the  world  than  the  Prairie  Indians 
when  assembled  around  their  camp-fires  in  the  even- 
ing, after  a  successful  day's  hunt,  with  their  larders 


348  BORDER  REMINISCENCES. 

well  stocked  with  meat ;  and  the  continual  outbursts 
of  laughter  and  merriment  that  always  proceed  from 
these  social  gatherings  show  conclusively  that  they 
are  as  gay  and  mirthful  as  any  other  class  of  people. 
That  they  are  also  addicted  to  practical  jokes  will 
be  evident  after  reading  what  I  am  about  to  relate. 

In  the  summer  of  1866  a  marauding  party  of 
Apache  freebooters  came  into  the  vicinity  of  one  of 
our  military  posts  in  New  Mexico,  and,  after  recon- 
noitering  the  surrounding  country,  concealed  them- 
selves in  the  adjacent  mountains  overlooking  the 
fort,  and  laid  in  wait  for  several  days  watching  for 
a  favorable  opportunity  to  make  a  descent  upon  the 
government  animals. 

Selecting  an  occasion  when  the  guards  were  weak 
and  not  particularly  on  the  alert,  they  in  broad  day- 
light crawled  up  under  cover  of  a  hill,  and,  mount- 
ing their  horses,  dashed  out  with  the  most  unearthly 
yells,  and  swooped  down  upon  the  herd  of  horses 
that  were  quietly  grazing  in  close  proximity  to  the 
fort,  which  terrified  them  so  much  that  they  broke 
away  from  the  herders,  and  started  off  at  full  speed 
toward  the  mountains,  closely  pursued  by  the  sav- 
ages. 

The  astonished  soldiers  used  every  endeavor  to 
prevent  the  "stampede,"  and  numerous  shots  were 


BORDER   KEMINISCENCES.  M9 

exchanged  in  the  running  melee,  but  the  Indians 
were  too  strong  for  them,  and  they  were  forced  to 
abandon  the  pursuit. 

Among  the  herding  party  was  a  bugler-boy,  who 
was  conspicuous  for  his  bravery  in  the  fight,  and  for 
the  persistent  efforts  he  made  to  turn  the  animals 
back  toward  the  fort ;  but  all  was  without  avail ;  on 
they  went,  with  the  savages  close  to  their  heels,  giv- 
ing forth  vociferous  shouts  of  exultation,  and  direct- 
ing the  most  obscene  and  insulting  gesticulations  to 
the  pursuing  party. 

While  this  exciting  contest  for  the  animals  was 
going  on,  an  old  Apache  brave  dashed  up  in  rear  of 
the  bold  bugler-boy,  and  could,  without  doubt,  easily 
have  killed  him ;  but,  instead  of  doing  this,  his  pro- 
pensity for  a  joke  preponderated  over  his  blood- 
thirsty instincts,  and  with  his  hand  he  knocked  the 
boy's  hat  from  his  head,  and  at  the  same  time  en- 
couragingly patted  him  on  the  back,  as  much  as  to 
say  "  Good  boy !"  and  rode  away  without  doing  him 
any  harm. 

ABORIGINAL  PRECOCITY. 

Numerous  instances  have  come  under  the  obser- 
vation of  the  writer  going  to  show  that  the  early  de- 
velopment of  intellect  and  reasoning  power  is  more 


350  BOEDER  REMINISCENCES. 

premature  and  rapid  among  the  natives  than  with 
the  white  race. 

This  may  perhaps,  in  some  degree,  be  attributed 
to  the  fact  that  the  Indian  women  are  unable  to  be- 
stow much  time  or  care  upon  their  offspring,  and 
their  children  are  often  left  to  shift  for  themselves, 
which  must,  of  course,  make  them  more  independent 
and  self-reliant  than  they  otherwise  would  be. 

Any  one  who  has  visited  a  camp  of  wild  Indians, 
and  witnessed  the  sports  of  the  young  boys,  with 
their  bright,  speaking  countenances,  and  their  keen 
apprehension  of  every  thing  that  is  said  or  done,  will 
be  fully  convinced  of  the  fact.  The  following  inci- 
dent is  a  forcible  illustration  of  it : 

In  the  spring  of  1867  a  party  of  Apache  maraud- 
ers made  a  raid  upon  one  of  our  most  remote  mili- 
tary posts,  situated  near  the  summit  of  the  Sierra 
de  la  Madre,  and  succeeded  in  stampeding  and  driv- 
ing off  a  number  of  animals,  and  a  party  of  soldiers 
and  citizens  was  immediately  collected  and  started 
in  pursuit. 

The  trace  led  them  over  precipitous  and  lofty 
mountain  passes  and  through  deep  and  difficult  de- 
files for  many  long  miles,  extending  even  into  the 
heart  of  Arizona,  where  it  terminated  in  a  rancherio, 
or  village,  where  the  families  of  the  depredators 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  351 

were  located.  Here  the  pursuing  party  overtook 
the  Indians,  and  a  battle  ensued,  which  resulted  in 
several  of  the  savages  being  killed,  and  a  number 
wounded  and  captured. 

Among  the  latter  was  a  little  girl  about  nine 
years  old,  who  at  first  was  as  much  terrified  and  as 
wild  as  a  young  antelope  would  have  been ;  but,  by 
a  little  coaxing  and  kind  treatment,  she  soon  became 
reconciled  to  her  situation,  and  was  taken  back  to 
the  fort,  where  she  was  adopted  into  the  household 
of  the  Mexican  guide  who  accompanied  the  expedi- 
tion. She  was  very  kindly  received  by  the  family, 
and  new  clothing  and  blanket  substituted  for  the 
few  filthy  rags  that  hung  around  her  person ;  and, 
to  all  appearances,  the  young  savage  was  contented 
and  happy  in  her  new  home. 

After  a  few  weeks  had  elapsed,  as  the  officers  of 
the  fort  were  sitting  out  in  front  of  their  quarters 
one  evening,  they  heard  (as  was  supposed)  frequent 
howlings  of  wolves  near  the  guide's  house ;  but  this 
was  not  an  unusual  occurrence,  and  did  not  attract 
special  attention. 

On  the  following  morning,  however,  the  guide 
made  his  appearance  at  the  fort  with  a  most  dole- 
ful countenance,  and  informed  the  officers  that  his 
adopted  child  had  disappeared  during  the  night; 


352  BORDEK  REMINISCENCES. 

and  an  investigation  of  the  affair  disclosed  the  fact 
that  the  wolves  which  were  heard  the  evening  be- 
fore were  nothing  more  or  less  than  two  Apache 
braves,  who  had  followed  the  trail  of  the  soldiers  all 
the  way  in  from  their  remote  rancherio  in  the  moun- 
tains, and,  by  concealing  themselves  in  the  vicinity, 
had  ascertained  where  the  captive  child  was,  and  re- 
sorted to  this  novel  method  of  communicating  to  her 
a  knowledge  of  their  proximity ;  and  the  little  creat- 
ure, with  an  instinctive,  or,  rather,  with  an  acute 
reasoning  perception  which  seems  almost  marvelous 
in  so  young  a  child,  had  at  once  recognized  the  call 
of  her  friends,  and  set  about  making  preparations 
for  escape. 

The  guide's  house  was  built  of  boulder  rocks  laid 
up  in  mud  mortar,  not  very  tenacious,  and  the  girl 
very  adroitly  and  noiselessly  managed  to  loosen  and 
pull  out  one  of  these  rocks,  making  an  aperture  of 
sufficient  size  to  permit  her  egress,  with  her  new 
wardrobe,  into  the  open  air.  The  family  were  all 
asleep  while  this  was  going  on,  and  knew  nothing  of 
it  until  they  found  the  child  missing  in  the  morning, 
when  her  tracks  were  followed  to  where  she  met  two 
Indians,  from  whence  the  trace  of  the  three  led  into 
the  mountains,  where  it  was  lost  and  could  be  found 
no  more. 


BOKDEK   REMINISCENCES.  353 


ABORIGINES  AS  THEY  ARE. 

The  distinctive  ethnological  traits  which  mark 
the  character  of  the  aborigines  of  this  continent 
have  been  delineated  in  various  conflicting  aspects 
by  different  writers,  whose  observations  have  led 
them  upon  courses  widely  divergent,  and  their  con- 
clusions have  been  drawn  from  stand-points  very  re- 
mote. 

By  some  the  natives  have  been  invested  with  the 
liveliest  sentiments  of  generosity,  hospitality,  grati- 
tude, and  other  attributes  which  we  have  been  taught 
to  eulogize  as  moral  excellencies  adorning  the  human 
character ;  while  others,  unable  to  discover  any  such 
commendable  traits,  have  described  them  as  addict- 
ed to  all  the  crimes  and  vices  known  to  the  legal  and 
biblical  calendars,  and  as  utterly  devoid  of  every  at- 
tribute that  tends  to  elevate  humanity  in  the  scale  of 
civilization  and  moral  progress. 

Neither  of  these  conclusions  is,  in  my  judgment, 
absolutely  correct  or  incontrovertible;  but  one  fact 
which  affords  a  preponderating  bias  in  favor  of  the 
advocates  of  the  opinion  last  mentioned  is,  that  those 
persons  who  have  come  in  contact  with  the  Indians, 
and  thereby  had  the  most  favorable  opportunities 
for  studying  their  habits  and  character,  have,  almost 


354  BOEDER  REMINISCENCES. 

without  exception,  entertained  unfavorable  senti- 
ments toward  the  race. 

There  is  unquestionably  some  truth  on  both  sides 
of  the  controversy,  for  it  is  undeniable  that  the  na- 
tives have  occasionally  manifested  good  as  well  as 
evil  tendencies ;  but  of  one  fact,  I  imagine,  there  can 
be  no  dispute — namely,  that  the  history  of  the  colo- 
nization of  this  continent  affords  conclusive  proof 
that,  with  a  few  notable  exceptions,  whenever  the 
Indians  have  come  in  juxtaposition  with  the  "pale 
faces,"  from  that  moment  dates  their  moral  deterio- 
ration and  diminution  in  numbers.  There  seems  to 
be  a  radical  antagonism  in  the  characteristics  of  the 
two  races  which  renders  their  contiguous  coexistence 
impossible. 

Numerous  examples  might  be  adduced  where 
tribe  after  tribe,  through  the  baneful  influences  of 
"fire-water,"  and  the  vices  which  have  been  intro- 
duced and  inculcated  among  them  by  avaricious  and 
unscrupulous  white  men,  have  degenerated  into  the 
very  decrepitude  and  decay  of  barbarism,  and  rapid- 
ly wasted  away  and  ultimately  vanished  from  the 
face  of  the  earth. 

My  friend  Colonel  L**,  who  is  familiar  with  the 
Indian  character  in  all  its  phases,  does  not,  if  we 
may  judge  from  the  sentiments  so  feelingly  depict- 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  355 

ed  in  the  following  lines,  appear  to  be  in  exact  ac- 
cord with  Mr.  Fenimore  Cooper  in  his  exalted  esti- 
mate of  the  poetical  and  romantic  elements  in  the 
nature  of  the  savage. 

INDIANS   AS  THEY  AKE. 

Sanico  old  is  a  warrior  bold, 

And  his  head  has  grown  gray  from  years — 
You'd  swear  on  the  book,  at  the  very  first  look, 

That  it  never  grew  gray  from  fears. 

A  besom  of  wrath  o'er  the  wild  war-path 

He  swept  in  his  manhood's  prime; 
But  his  pace  is  now  slow,  for  he's  "crankie"  below, 

And  his  physique  has  served  out  its  time. 

He's  cousin  by  blood  of  Prince  "  Buffalo-cud," 

And  grandsire  of  "Buffalo-hump;" 
His  wife's  a  Tonk'way,  with  the  soft  sobriqiiet 

Of  "The  lizard  that  sleeps  on  the  stump." 

He  enjoys  the  free  air  when  the  weather  is  fair, 
And  creeps  into  his  lodge  when  it  rains ; 

He's  fond  of  dog-stew,  but  he  dotes  on  ragout 
Of  mule-meat,  garni  with  warrior's  brains. 

He'd  a  virtue  most  rare  in  the  dark  of  his  hair — 
That  is,  ere  his  locks  had  grown  white — 

For,  from  rag-tail  to  chief,  so  accomplished  a  thief 
Never  emptied  a  halter  at  night. 


356  BORDER  REMINISCENCES. 

Alas !  his  high  fame  and  his  heroic  name 

Are  eclipsed  in  these  heroic  times  : 
There  are  robbers  more  bold,  if  the  truth  were  but  told, 

But  their  names  must  be  nameless  in  rhymes. 


THE   WAR-CHIEF. 

He  leaned  against  a  prairie  oak, 

A  dark-browned  forest  child, 
As  tall  a  chief  as  ever  broke 
Hard-bread  beneath  a  wigwam's  smoke 

When  storms  without  blew  wild. 

Chief  of  his  tribe,  but  not  the  last  : 

He  had  six  dusky  boys 
From  six  feet  two  to  two  feet  six ; 
And  four  were  death  on  carrying  "bricks,' 

And  two  upon  a  noise. 

Besides,  he  had  two  loving  wives, 

And  might  have  had  a  score; 
Perhaps  with  one  he'd  been  content, 
As  many  a  far  more  loving  gent 

With  none  has  been  before. 

But  I'm  digressing— to  my  song; 

Where  was  I  ?  let  me  see — 
A  native  warrior,  tall  and  strong, 
I  left  him,  if  I  am  not  wrong, 

Leaning  against  a  tree. 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  357 

He  was  a  beauty  to  behold 

For  seekers  after  sights, 
With  moccasins  untied  and  old, 
And  bloodshot  eyes,  that  plainly  told 

He  had  been  drunk  for  nights. 

Since  then  I've  wandered  more  or  less 

'Mong  Indians  tame  and  wild, 
And  that's  about  as  fine  a  spec- 
imen of  nature's  nobleness 
As  I  have  found,  I  must  confess, 

In  any  "forest  child." 


358  BOBDEB  REMINISCENCES. 


CHAPTER  X. 

Rapid  Settlement  of  the  Northwest. — Enterprise  of  the  English  and 
American  People  contrasted. — Benefits  of  Co-operation. — The 
Sterile  Region. — Texas  Pacific  Railroad. — Route  of  the  Thirty- 
fifth  Parallel. — North  Pacific  Railroad. — Union  and  Central  Pa- 
cific Railroad. 

THE  wonderful  improvements  and  magical  trans- 
formations that  within  the  brief  period  of  four  de- 
cades have  been  evolved  from  the  rapid  settlement 
of  the  great  Northwest,  and  the  unprecedentedly 
speedy  and  expanded  development  of  the  varied  and 
limitless  resources  of  that  most  fertile  and  attractive 
section  of  our  magnificent  domain,  seem  marvelous 
indeed. 

A  glance  at  the  history  of  the  colonization  of  the 
Eastern  States  from  the  advent  of  the  Pilgrims  at 
Plymouth  two  hundred  and  fifty  years  ago  to  the 
beginning  of  the  present  century  exhibits  the  march 
of  civilization  struggling  tardily  but  manfully  on- 
ward from  the  shores  of  the  Atlantic  to  the  West. 

The  progress  of  the  heroic  little  band  of  pioneers 
through  the  wilderness  east  of  Lake  Erie  and  the 
Ohio  River,  which  was  infested  with  numerous  tribes 
of  hostile  savages,  who  interposed  a  stubborn  resist- 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  359 

ance  at  every  inch  of  their  advance,  was  difficult, 
slow,  and  sanguinary ;  nevertheless,  the  incipient 
wave  of  migration,  swelling  as  it  progressed,  rolled 
steadily  forward,  forcing  back,  step  by  step,  the  orig- 
inal occupants  of  the  land,  until  many  of  them  were 
dispersed  or  annihilated  in  the  futile  effort  to  sub- 
vert the  consummation  of  the  inevitable  destiny  of 
the  pale  faces  upon  this  continent. 

When  the  tidal  volume  of  inland  migration  ap- 
proached the  boundaries  of  Indiana  and  Michigan,  a 
sudden  and  vigorous  re-enforcement  of  power  was 
imparted  to  it.  Then  it  began  to  receive  that  great 
aggregation  of  numbers,  vitality,  and  strength  which 
carried  it  with  immense  velocity,  and  with  a  mo- 
mentum as  ponderous  and  irresistible  as  that  of  the 
Gulf  Stream,  entirely  over  the  continent,  destroying 
or  driving  before  it  the  hordes  of  opposing  natives 
who  stood  in  its  track,  and  disseminating  its  ele- 
ments of  human  enterprise  and  development  through- 
out every  habitable  fraction  of  the  country ;  and  sud- 
denly, as  if  by  the  wave  of  a  magician's  wand,  or 
by  the  fiat  of  the  Creator,  that  solitary  wilderness, 
throughout  all  its  vast  amplitude,  was  made  to  blos- 
som like  the  rose.  The  wild  but  fertile  virgin  prai- 
ries were  at  once  metamorphosed  into  beautiful  plan- 
tations, yielding  bountiful  returns  to  the  husband- 


360  BORDER  REMINISCENCES. 

man,  and  places  which,  from  the  creation  of  the 
world,  had  known  no  human  habitation  other  than 
the  Indian  lodge,  were  speedily  transformed  into 
populous  cities  and  towns,  where  abodes  of  industry, 
wealth,  and  luxury  abound.  The  aboriginal  tribes, 
like  snow  under  the  fervid  rays  of  a  meridian  sun, 
are  so  rapidly  vanishing  from  the  face  of  the  earth, 
that  the  time  is  not  far  distant  when,  the  hunting- 
grounds  of  their  forefathers  will  be  trodden  by  the 
race  no  more  forever.  In  short,  the  omnipotent 
power  of  American  civilization  has  possession  of  this 
continent,  and  under  its  colossal  domination  a  new 
world  of  culture,  refinement,  and  progression  has 
come  suddenly  into  existence  in  place  of  a  state  of 
absolute  barbarism. 

As  an  evidence  of  the  supremacy  and  progress  of 
this  transition,  it  is  necessary  to  mention  the  fact 
that  as  late  as  in  1832  it  required  a  month  of  toil- 
some traveling  to  make  the  overland  journey  from 
the  city  of  New  York  to  the  remote  hamlet  of  Chi- 
cago, which  then  contained  only  about  two  hundred 
inhabitants,  and  was  not  as  well  known  to  the  Amer- 
ican public  as  Sitka  in  Alaska  is  at  the  present  time. 

The  contrast  between  this  and  the  existing  condi- 
tion of  the  country  seems  almost  incredible.  The 
same  journey  can  be  accomplished  now  with  perfect 


BOEDER  REMINISCENCES.  363 

ease  and  comfort  in  thirty  hours ;  and  Chicago  to- 
day, claiming  a  population  of  over  three  hundred 
thousand  souls,  is  the  largest  grain  and  lumber  mart, 
besides  being  one  of  the  best  built  and  most  enter- 
prising and  flourishing  cities  of  its  magnitude  in  the 
world. 

Appreciation  in  the  value  of  real  estate  in  the 
Western  cities  has  been  commensurate  with  their 
rapidly  augmenting  populations.  For  example,  land 
in  the  suburbs  of  Chicago  which  in  1833  could  have 
been  bought  at  one  dollar  and  a  quarter  an  acre,  can 
readily  be  sold  now  at  five  thousand  dollars  per  acre. 
In  other  words,  this  property  has  doubled  in  value 
every  three  years  for  thirty-nine  years,  and  I  dare  say 
similar  results  might  be  cited  of  the  rise  of  property 
in  other  Western  towns. 

Wisconsin,  at  the  time  alluded  to,  was  a  wilder- 
ness, unpeopled  save  by  savages.  There  was  at  that 
time  but  one  house  between  Green  Bay  and  Chicago, 
that  of  my  friend  Solomon  Juneau,  an  Indian  trader, 
upon  the  spot  where  the  beautiful  city  of  Milwaukee 
now  stands,  and  only  one  log  cabin  upon  the  road 
leading  from  Chicago  to  Galena,  which  was  at 
Dixon's  Ferry,  on  Rock  River.  Not  a  single  white 
man  lived  at  Fond  du  lac  or  Madison,  and,  with  the 
exception  of  a  few  miners  and  half-breeds  in  the 

Q 


362  BORDER  REMINISCENCES. 

neighborhood  of  Mineral  Point,  Prairie  du  Chien 
and  Green  Bay,  I  believe,  there  was  not  then  a  farm- 
er in  "Wisconsin.  Even  as  late  as  1838  no  civilized 
tenement  had  been  erected  between  Madison  and 
Janesville,  and  but  three  upon  that  portion  of  the 
Mississippi  River  lying  between  Prairie  du  Chien 
and  Fort  Snelling. 

Minnesota  at  that  period  was  terra  incognita,  and 
was  looked  upon  by  the  army  of  officers  who  had 
been  stationed  there  as  possessing  too  cold  a  climate 
ever  to  become  available  for  agriculture. 

But  what  do  we  behold  now  ?  Almost  the  entire 
area  of  Wisconsin,  Illinois,  Iowa,  and  Minnesota  is 
absorbed,  and  a  great  part  of  it  cultivated  by  enter- 
prising, industrious,  and  thrifty  planters,  who  annu- 
ally derive  many  millions  of  dollars  from  the  prod- 
ucts of  their  labor,  and  the  numerous  railways  in- 
tersecting the  country  in  all  directions  afford  con- 
venient, rapid,  and  cheap  access  to  home  markets ; 
while  the  Creator,  in  his  benignant  economy,  has 
placed  at  our  disposal  that  continental  arterial  trunk, 
the  mighty  Mississippi,  with  its  numerous  confluents, 
issuing  from  the  heart  of  the  most  lovely  and  at- 
tractive region  beneath  the  canopy  of  heaven,  and 
embracing  an  aggregate  of  many  thousand  miles  of 
navigable  waters,  that  afford  a  gratuitous,  illimitable, 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  363 

and  ceaseless,  motive  power  for  transmitting  to  the 
ocean,  over  a  broad  and  accessible  highway,  the 
produce  of  half  our  possessions.  These  vast  advan- 
tages are  destined  ultimately  to  impart  an  immeas- 
urable increase  of  proportion,  vigor,  and  solidity  to 
the  commerce  of  the  world. 

In  a  word,  the  expansion  of  our  settlements  dur- 
ing the  last  half  century  is  without  a  parallel  in  the 
history  of  the  human  race ;  and,  in  my  humble 
judgment,  no  one,  whose  perceptions  have  not  been 
deflected  from  reason  by  prejudice  or  interest,  can 
fail  to  realize  the  logic  of  the  conclusion  that,  if  the 
government  and  people  of  Great  Britain  were  dis- 
posed to  co-operate  in  developing  and  combining 
the  resources  of  British  America  with  those  of  the 
United  States,  the  international  affinity  and  moral 
cohesion  that  would  follow  such  community  of  inter- 
est and  action  would  be  so  firmly  cemented  and 
consolidated  by  mutual  benefits  of  a  social,  commer- 
cial, and  political  character  as  to  exercise  a  control- 
ling influence  over  the  commercial  destinies  of  the 
world.  Moreover,  it  does  not  require  the  premoni- 
tion of  a  soothsayer  to  foretell  that  such  reciprocity 
of  purpose  and  execution  would  inevitably  prove  the 
harbinger  of  more  kind  and  neighborly  relations  than 
at  present  exist. 


364:  BOEDER  REMINISCENCES. 

But,  as  I  have  before  had  occasion  to  remark,  the 
sluggish  apathy  and  morbid  caution  of  our  venera- 
ble transatlantic  progenitors,  when  contrasted  with 
the  fearless,  dashing  spirit  of  enterprise  and  prompt 
execution  which  has  signalized  the  achievements  of 
their  descendants,  released  from  the  shackles  of  mo- 
narchical domination,  receives  a  forcible  illustration 
in  the  glaring  reality  that  for  two  centuries  the 
government  of  Great  Britain  has  possessed  a  tract 
of  territory  adjacent  to  our  own,  lying  upon  the  wa- 
ters that  flow  from  the  West  into  Lake  Winnipeg, 
and  equal  in  extent  to  four  times  the  area  of  the 
great  State  of  Ohio,  all  of  which  is  rich  and  pro- 
ductive, and  admirably  adapted  to  the  requirements 
of  the  husbandman,  and  wliioh  has  been  allowed  to 
remain  up  to  this  moment  an  undeveloped  wilder- 
ness. As  mysterious  as  it  may  appear  to  those  not 
familiar  with  the  facts,  although  there  is  a  differ- 
ence of  ten  degrees  in  the  latitude  of  this  section 
and  that  of  the  most  desirable  grain -growing  dis- 
tricts of  the  United  States,  yet  the  climatic  combi- 
nations in  the  more  northern  locality  are  of  such 
peculiar  character  as  to  carry  the  isothermal  belt  of 
Central  Illinois  directly  through  the  heart  of  the 
country  alluded  to. 

If  this  part  of  the  British  dominions  possesses  the 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  365 

great  natural  advantages  ascribed  to  it,  the  question 
arises  why  it  has  not  before  now  been  occupied  and 
developed. 

The  only  solution  of  this  mystery  that  occurs  to 
my  comprehension  lies  in  the  fact  that  it  has  been 
wanted  for  perpetuating  the  tenure  of  the  franchise 
of  a  powerful  oligarchical  monopoly  (the  Hudson's 
Bay  Company),  and  this  "penny  wise  and  pound 
foolish"  policy  has  set  the  authorities  to  bar  up 
against  immigrants  all  avenues  of  approach  to  this 
vast  tract  of  fertile  territory. 

That  the  drowsy  optics  of  our  cousin  John  Bull, 
after  his  protracted  slumber,  are  at  last  beginning 
slowly  to  open  upon  the  gravity  of  the  impending 
crisis,  the  following  quotation  from  a  sensible  pam- 
phlet, published  at  London  in  1866  by  Thomas  Eaw- 
lins,  F.R.G.S.,  author  of  "  America  from  the  Atlantic 
to  the  Pacific,"  most  pointedly  indicates.  He  says : 

"  To  the  directors  and  stockholders  of  the  Hud- 
son's Bay  Company  we  would  say  the  emigrant  is 
even  now  thundering  at  your  doors ;  he  demands  a 
passage;  he  asks  by  what  right  you  exclude  him. 
Why  have  you  not  borrowed  a  lesson  from  the  prog- 
ress of  the  country  adjoining?  Are  you  blind  to 
your  own  interest?  for  if  you  continue  to  pursue 
your  present  policy  you  assuredly  will  be. 


366  BORDER  REMINISCENCES. 

"Brother  Jonathan  possesses  a  capacious  maw. 
He  is  snuffing  the  savory  morsel  of  the  Fertile  Belt 
(the  Saskatchawan  country) ;  but  once  let  him  get  a 
few  squatter^  rights,  and  there  will  soon  be  no  ne- 
cessity for  any  action  on  the  part  of  the  board  of 
directors.  Their  power  will  have  slipped  from  their 
grasp,  and  the  road  to  the  Pacific  be  shut  out  to  us 
forever.  We  must  not,  we  can  not  permit  such  sui- 
cidal lethargy  to  continue.  We  are  all  interested 
that  unless  something  is  done  soon,  the  connection 
between  the  Atlantic  and  Pacific  coasts  in  English 
interests  is  irretrievably  severed,  and  the  supremacy 
of  British  power  in  North  America  will  be  greatly 
endangered." 

The  somewhat  equivocal  compliment  paid  us  in 
the  gastronomic  figure  above  quoted  is  eminently 
characteristic  of  the  nationality  of  the  writer,  and 
exhibits  the  true  measure  of  John  Bull  courtesy  and 
amenity ;  yet  it  contains  an  admission  regarding  the 
relative  enterprise  of  the  two  nations  which  I  should 
hardly  have  expected  from  an  Englishman. 

Verily,  it  must  be  conceded  that  the  dismal  pic- 
ture of  the  future  which  he  so  earnestly  exhibits  to 
the  serious  contemplation  of  his  countrymen  seems 
almost  prescient ;  indeed,  it  may  truly  be  added  that 
it  has  already  been  partially  verified,  for,  notwith- 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  367 

standing  the  "suicidal  lethargy"  of  our  English 
neighbors,  our  people,  with  the  alert,  wide-awake 
spirit  of  enterprise  and  elan  which  characterizes  all 
their  achievements,  have  been  expending  their  cap- 
ital and  labor,  their  bone  and  muscle,  in  the  very  di- 
rection foreshadowed  above,  and  they  have  already 
spanned  the  broad  continent  from  ocean  to  ocean 
with  one  grand  trunk  railway,  which  traverses  fifty- 
five  degrees  of  longitude,  uniting  the  most  easterly 
and  the  most  westerly  cities  of  our  territory,  besides 
having  several  other  transcontinental  trunk  roads  in 
rapid  progress  of  construction,  with  numerous  tribu- 
tary branches,  all  accompanied  by  the  universal  ad- 
junct of  the  magnetic  telegraph  (the  conception  and 
production  of  American  genius),  which,  by  the  con- 
tinual interchanges  of  thought  and  language  that 
flash  over  its  wires,  not  only  brings  our  remotest 
hamlets  into  hourly  communion  with  almost  every 
city  in  the  universe,  but  renders  man  throughout 
the  civilized  world  nearly  as  ubiquitous  as  his  Cre- 
ator. Moreover,  the  fact  is  indisputable  that  "Broth- 
er Jonathan,"  in  his  voracious  absorption  of  domain, 
has  proved  himself  to  be  something  of  a  gourmand. 
That  he  has  been  blessed  by  Providence  with  a 
"  maw"  of  respectable  proportions,  an  excellent  ap- 
petite, and  capital  powers  of  digestion,  is  beyond 


368  BOEDER  REMINISCENCES. 

question ;  besides,  his  keen  olfactories  certainly  do 
enable  him  to  "  snuff"  from  afar  the  savory  aroma 
of  a  choice  "  bonne  boucke"  in  the  form  of  rich  au- 
riferous or  agricultural  acquisitions;  and  although 
he  has  of  late  been  a  little  clogged  with  racy  viands 
of  this  description,  still  no  dyspeptic  symptoms  have 
as  yet  appeared,  and  I  have  not  the  slightest  doubt, 
if  the  piquant  "  morsel"  so  graphically  and  tempt- 
ingly depicted  above  were  properly  served  up  and 
placed  in  his  mouth,  he  would  manage  to  "  worry  it 
down." 

In  view  of  the  fact  that  many  thousands  of  our 
enterprising  and  intelligent  citizens  have,  within  the 
last  twenty  years,  made  the  toilsome  overland  jour- 
ney across  the  continent,  and  the  still  more  signifi- 
cant reality  that  the  Union  Pacific  Railroad  trans- 
ports daily  hundreds  of  passengers  from  ocean  to 
ocean,  it  seems  strange  that  the  great  mass  of  the 
inhabitants  of  the  United  States  should  at  this  late 
day  entertain  the  erroneous  idea  that  no  natural  ob- 
stacles interpose  to  the  settlement  and  development 
of  new  agricultural  states  like  Missouri,  Kansas,  and 
Nebraska,  entirely  over  the  continent  to  the  Pacific 
Ocean. 

But  this  is  a  fallacy  which  can  easily  be  dispelled 
by  any  one  familiar  with  the  physical  geography  of 


BOEDER   REMINISCENCES.  369 

the  country,  and  its  adaptation  to  the  requirements 
of  the  husbandman. 

As  there  is  every  reason  to  believe  that  the  North 
and  South  Pacific  Railroads  will  be  vigorously  push- 
ed forward  to  speedy  completion,  there  are,  doubt- 
less, many  of  our  citizens  who  are  desirous  of  invest- 
ing money  in  these  enterprises,  while  others,  influ- 
enced by  the  hope  of  improving  their  condition,  may 
be  induced,  by  the  alluring  prospects  held  out  to 
them,  to  migrate  West,  for  the  purpose  of  opening 
farms  and  making  new  homes  for  their  families  upon 
the  lines  of  the  roads,  and  these  people  will,  of 
course,  desire  accurate  information  regarding  the 
character  of  the  country  in  which  their  future  desti- 
nies may  become  involved ;  but,  as  the  chief  sources 
of  reliable  statistics  upon  the  greater  part  of  the  sec- 
tions through  which  these  roads  will  pass  are  con- 
tained in  the  voluminous  reports  of  different  explora- 
tions and  surveys  that  from  time  to  time  have  been 
made  across  the  continent,  there  are  but  few  who 
have  had  the  opportunity  or  time  to  wade  through 
them. 

The  task  I  propose  undertaking  in  the  following 
pages  of  this  chapter  is  to  give  a  succinct  and  accu- 
rate summary  of  the  agricultural  features  of  the 
country  in  such  a  plain  and  unmistakable  form  that 
Q2 


370  BORDEK   KEMINISCENCES. 

no  one  who  takes  the  trouble  to  read  it  with  a  map 
before  him  need  be  deluded  by  the  misrepresenta- 
tions of  interested  or  designing  parties. 

As  a  general  rule,  the  arable  belt  within  the  scope 
of  our  domain  upon  this  continent  extends  from  the 
Atlantic  coast  to  about  the  99th  meridian  of  west 
longitude,  when  a  sudden  transformation  takes  place. 
The  woodland  disappears,  and  the  great  plains  of  the 
West  commence,  wherein,  with  the  exception  of  the 
main  trunk  streams,  which  have  their  sources  in  the 
far  distant  mountains,  but  few  water -courses  are 
found,  and  these  not  unfrequently  contain  unpalata- 
ble water. 

It  is  true,  the  grass  upon  these  elevated  pampas  is 
generally  abundant  and  nutritious,  and,  where  water 
for  stock  can  be  found,  it  may  be  made  available  for 
pasturage ;  but,  in  consequence  of  the  almost  total 
absence  of  summer  rains,  and  the  extreme  aridity  of 
the  thirsty  soil,  it  is  only  along  the  immediate  bor- 
ders of  the  streams,  where  artificial  irrigation  may  be 
resorted  to,  that  crops  can  be  produced  with  any  cer- 
tainty. 

The  fertile  belt  varies  in  width  in  different  lati- 
tudes. Commencing  at  the  most  southerly  point  of 
our  territory,  where  agriculture  can  be  made  remun- 
erative, which  would  be  in  the  vicinity  of  Corpus 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  371 

Christi,  Texas  (as  nearly  all  the  country  south  and 
west  of  this  is  unproductive,  except  for  grass),  the 
southwestern  boundary  of  the  fertile  belt  runs  to  the 
northwest,  crossing  the  track  of  the  Southern  Pacific 
Railroad  near  the  101st  meridian  of  W.  longitude, 
and  follows  this  meridian  as  high  as  the  33d  parallel 
of  latitude,  embracing  the  beautiful  country  watered 
by  the  San  Antonio,  Gaudalupe,  Brazos,  and  Trinity 
Rivers,  which  is  eminently  adapted  to  agriculture. 

The  line  then  trends  to  the  northeast,  crossing  Red 
River  in  about  latitude  99£°,  and  the  Arkansas,  Kan- 
zas,  Platte,  and  Missouri  Rivers  somewhat  farther 
east.  Thence  it  runs  nearly  north  to  the  British 
possessions,  when  it  bears  west  to  the  head  of  the 
Saskatchawan  River,  in  longitude  about  115°,  and 
here  the  fertile  belt  extends  to  within  about  four 
hundred  miles  of  the  Pacific  coast. 

West  of  this  somewhat  meandering  line,  up  to  the 
foot-hills  of  the  Rocky  Mountains,  except  upon  the 
borders  of  the  streams,  farms  can  not  be  made. 

As  many  persons  are  desirous  of  knowing  what 
the  character  of  the  country  is  along  the  different 
lines  of  transcontinental  railroads,  and  as  this  will 
convey  a  tolerably  correct  general  idea  of  the  entire 
country,  I  propose,  in  this  paper,  to  describe  the 
features  of  the  country  upon  each  route  as  much  in 


372  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

detail  as  my  time  and  the  data  at  my  disposal  will 
permit. 

Before  commencing  nay  descriptions,  it  is  proper 
I  should  remark  that  my  conclusions  have,  for  the 
most  part,  been  drawn  from  my  own  personal  ob- 
servations, having  passed  over  the  summit  of  the 
Rocky  Mountains  at  five  different  points,  viz.,  in  lati- 
tude 32°  55',  and  longitude  108°  25',  near  Fort  Bay- 
ard ;  also  in  latitude  36°  20',  and  longitude  about 
107°,  near  the  head  of  the  Chama  River;  also  in 
about  latitude  38°  15',  and  longitude  107°  20',  through 
the  Cochetope  Pass ;  also  in  about  latitude  41°  30', 
and  longitude  107°  50',  near  where  the  Union  Pacific 
Railroad  passes ;  and  in  latitude  about  42°  20',  longi- 
tude 109°,  at  the  South  Pass. 

Having  also  crossed  the  Plains  from  the  Mississip- 
pi River  to  the  Rocky  Mountains  upon  six  different 
routes  within  the  same  latitudes,  a  glance  at  the  map 
of  the  country  will  show  that  I  have  seen  a  good 
deal  of  the  districts  under  consideration. 

My  remarks  upon  that  portion  of  the  country 
which  I  have  not  traversed  are  deduced  from  the  re- 
ports of  the  different  surveys  for  the  Pacific  Rail- 
roads, and  from  information  obtained  of  other  relia- 
ble men  who  are  familiar  with  it. 

It  is  possible  that  my  observations  and  conclusions 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  373 

may  not  entirely  coincide  with  the  opinions  of  some 
of  the  gentlemen  who  are  interested  in  the  Pacific 
Eailroads  or  the  new  territories,  but,  as  my  state- 
ments are  intended  to  be  strictly  veracious  and  un- 
prejudiced, I  am  persuaded  the  thanks  I  shall  receive 
from  disinterested  persons  who  desire  information 
will  more  than  counterbalance  the  effects  of  any  ob- 
loquy I  may  sustain  from  other  parties. 

I  will  commence  my  narrative  with  a  description 
of  the  country  through  which  the  "  Southern  Trans- 
continental or  Texas  Pacific  Railroad"  (which  has 
just  been  chartered  by  Congress  with  a  subsidiary 
land  provision)  is  designed  to  pass. 

The  general  course  of  this  road,  after  leaving  the 
border  settlements  of  Texas,  is  to  run  near  the  32d 
parallel  of  latitude,  and  strike  the  Rio  del  Norte  at 
or  near  El  Paso  del  Norte,  and  is  within  this  section 
confined  exclusively  to  the  domain  of  Texas,  all  title 
to  which  the  United  States  has  yielded  to  that  state. 

All  the  constructed  and  projected  eastern  tribu- 
tary branches  of  this  road  traverse  fertile  districts 
of  country,  abounding  in  excellent  timber,  grass,  and 
water,  and  admirably  adapted  to  agricultural  pur- 
poses, and  embracing,  besides  the  country  upon  the 
numerous  tributaries  of  the  Arkansas  and  Red  Riv- 
ers, the  confluents  of  the  Trinity,  Brazos,  and  Colo- 


374  BORDER    REMINISCENCES. 

rado  of  Texas,  upon  all  of  which  there  are  flourish- 
ing farming  settlements. 

This  favorable  character  of  country  extends  west 
to  the  eastern  border  of  the  Llano  Estacado,  or  Staked 
Plain,  that  great  North  American  desert  which,  in  its 
extreme  dimensions,  stretches  from  north  to  south 
about  400  miles,  and  from  east  to  west  some  250 
miles,  and  is  4000  feet  above  the  ocean  level.  Upon 
this  elevated  plateau  there  is  not  a  tree  or  bush,  and, 
with  rare  exceptions,  not  a  drop  of  water,  and  no 
man  inhabits  or  attempts  to  cross  it  without  trans- 
porting water  for  himself  and  his  animals. 

The  railroad  will  probably  cross  the  southern  spur 
of  this  plateau,  where  it  is  only  about  seventy  miles 
wide.  I  passed  over  this  spur  in  1849  where  it  was 
125  miles  in  width,  and  found  the  greater  part  of  it 
as  firm  as  a  Macadamized  highway,  and  as  level  and 
smooth  as  the  ocean  in  a  calm. 

The  road  will  descend  from  this  plain  to  the  Pe- 
cos  River,  a  narrow,  deep,  and  exceedingly  tortuous 
stream  issuing  from  the  Sacramento  and  Guadalupe 
Mountains,  which  have  a  considerable  amount  of 
pine  timber  on  their  slopes;  its  waters  bitter  and 
unpalatable,  with  no  wood  upon  its  banks  near  the 
crossing ;  and,  in  consequence  of  the  depression  of 
the  water  below  the  earth's  surface,  I  doubt  if  it 


BORDER    REMINISCENCES.  375 

can  be  made  available  for  irrigation  in  the  vicinity 
of  where  the  railroad  will  cross  it. 

From  thence  the  road  will  pass  over  an  elevated 
and  arid  section,  with  only  three  places  where  water 
is  found  after  passing  the  Guadalupe  Mountains  to 
the  Rio  Grande. 

From  El  Paso  the  track  will  probably  follow  up 
the  Rio  Grande  to  Fort  Selden,  sixty  miles,  passing 
through  the  Mesilla  Valley,  which  has  a  dense  farm- 
ing population,  and  is  the  most  productive  section  of 
New  Mexico,  growing  luxuriant  grain  and  delicious 
fruits,  but  the  area  of  arable  land  here  is  confined 
to  the  narrow  river  valley. 

Rich  silver  mines  have  been  worked  remunera- 
tively in  the  Organ  Mountains,  fifteen  miles  distant 
from  the  Mesilla  settlements. 

Passing  the  Rio  Grande  at  Fort  Selden,  the  road 
rises  to  a  high  plateau,  which  it  traverses  for  seventy- 
five  miles,  without  a  tree  or  a  drop  of  water  save  at 
Cook's  Spring,  which  furnishes  a  limited  supply. 
The  next  water  is  in  the  Mimbus  Creek,  a  small 
brook  about  ten  feet  wide,  which  is  absorbed  by  the 
sand  a  few  miles  below  the  crossing. 

Five  miles  beyond  this  is  an  immense  boiling 
spring,  as  hot  as  fire  can  make  it,  and  here  an  enter- 
prising Virginian  had  established  a  ranche,  with 


376  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

bathing-rooms  for  guests,  but  shortly  after  I  passed 
he  was  murdered  by  the  Apaches,  as  I  was  informed. 

From  the  Mimbus  to  the  summit  of  the  Sierra 
Madre,  5200  feet  above  the  sea,  the  ascent  is  so  gen- 
tle and  uniform  as  to  be  almost  imperceptible.  This 
•section  is  a  vast  undulating  plateau,  interrupted  by 
irregular,  bare,  rugged,  and  isolated  mountains,  or 
short  ranges  through  which  the  railroad  may  be  car- 
ried with  practicable  gradients. 

From  the  Pima  villages  the  road  will  probably 
follow  the  course  of  the  Gila  to  its  confluence  with 
the  Colorado,  223  miles.  Throughout  this  distance 
the  stream  flows  through  a  plain  interspersed  with 
ridges  and  mountain  peaks  all  denuded  of  vegeta- 
tion, and  extremely  arid  and  sterile. 

From  the  crossing  of  the  Colorado  to  the  San  Gor- 
gonio  Pass,  133  miles  in  a  direct  line  over  the  Colo- 
rado desert,  where  there  is  no  grass,  the  railroad  will 
have  to  pass.  From  the  summit  of  the  Pass  to  San 
Pedro,  on  the  Pacific  coast,  the  soil  is  good,  and  can 
be  irrigated. 

The  climate  throughout  this  entire  route,  from 
Red  River  to  the  Pacific  Ocean,  is  salubrious,  the 
heat  due  to  its  southern  latitude  being  tempered  and 
modified  by  its  great  altitude.  It  is  seldom  that 
snow  falls  more  than  three  or  four  inches  upon  any 


BOEDER   REMINISCENCES.  377 

part  of  the  route,  and  rarely  remains  long  upon  the 
ground. 

A  striking  feature  in  the  physical  geography  of 
this  section  is  the  great  elevation  of  the  table-lands, 
which  cover  1200  miles  upon  the  line  of  the  road. 

The  general  characteristic  of  extreme  sterility  per- 
taining to  the  section  lying  between  the  Bio  Grande 
and  the  western  border  of  the  Colorado  basin  is  con- 
firmed by  the  fact  that  the  constituent  elements  of 
the  greater  part  of  the  soil  in  this  region  are  not 
conducive  to  fertility;  and  the  most  of  that  part 
which  possesses  the  elements  of  fertility,  owing  to 
the  absence  of  rains,  is  equally  uncultivable  with  the 
other. 

The  entire  distance  from  where  this  road  leaves 
the  Red  River  to  the  Pacific  coast  at  San  Pedro  is 
1618  miles. 

From  Red  River  for  about  350  miles  west  the 
country  has  a  very  desirable  diversification  of  prai- 
ries and  timbered  lands,  which  are  bountifully  wa- 
tered with  pure  spring  branches.  The  soil  is  of  the 
richest  and  most  productive  character;  and  this  sec- 
tion is  doubtless  destined  to  contain  a  large  farming 
population.  But  from  thence  to  the  Pacific,  as  I 
have  mentioned  before,  with  the  exception  of  a  very 
insignificant  fraction  along  the  narrow  valleys  im- 


378  BOEDER   REMINISCENCES. 

mediately  bordering  the  few  streams  that  are  en- 
countered, the  country  can  not  be  made  available 
for  agriculture,  and  the  greater  part  of  the  land  I 
regard  as  valueless. 

The  small  portion  of  New  Mexico  susceptible  of 
irrigation  (and  this  is  the  only  part  that  can  be  cul- 
tivated) is  now,  and  has  been  for  more  than  a  cen- 
tury, occupied  and  cultivated  by  Spaniards  and  In- 
dians, and  it  has  augmented  its  population  but  little 
since  we  acquired  possession  of  it  in  1847.  More- 
over, it  is  thought  by  many  that  if  the  troops  and 
Indians  were  withdrawn  from  that  territory,  but 
few  of  our  people  would  think  of  remaining  there. 
As  it  is  now,  the  Army  and  Indian  contracts,  with 
other  government  patronage,  enables  many  of  them 
to  gain  a  livelihood,  and  some  to  make  fortunes. 

In  view  of  the  facts  I  have  adduced,  the  conclu- 
sion seems  to  my  mind  inevitable  that  New  Mexico 
can  never  become  an  agricultural  state  of  much  im- 
portance. 

There  are,  doubtless,  rich  mines  in  this  territory 
that  will  be  developed  and  worked  to  advantage  as 
soon  as  the  railroad  is  completed;  but  up  to  this 
time  the  inhabitants  of  New  Mexico,  with  a  few 
prominent  exceptions,  have  exhibited  a  feeble  spirit 
of  enterprise  in  developing  the  mineral  resources  of 
their  country. 


BORDER   KEMINISCENCES.  379 

If  the  traveler,  on  reaching  the  eastern  border  of 
Arizona,  could  close  his  eyes,  and  make  an  aerial 
leap  of  some  500  miles,  landing  upon  the  summit  of 
the  San  Gorgonio  Pass,  he  might  remain  in  happy 
ignorance  of  the  character  of  the  region  he  had 
passed  over ;  but,  unfortunately,  our  powers  of  loco- 
motion are  not  as  yet  equal  to  the  achievement  of 
such  gigantic  strides  as  this ;  and  as  it  is  necessary 
for  the  traveler  in  this  section  to  move  cautiously, 
and  keep  his  eyes  wide  open  to  guard  against  the 
attacks  of  those  ubiquitous  and  relentless  Bedouins 
of  the  desert,  the  Apaches,  he  can  not  avoid  behold- 
ing, and  he  must  admit  that  he  is  traversing  the 
most  unattractive,  barren,  desolate,  God -forsaken, 
and  (except  for  its  mines)  worthless  region  within 
the  limits  of  our  entire  possessions. 

The  face  of  the  country  here  is  characterized  by 
features  of  extreme  sterility  and  aridity,  and  with 
an  almost  total  absence  of  wood,  water,  and  grass ; 
and  it  is  only  here  and  there,  at  huge  intervals,  that 
a  few  small  spots  are  found  where  the  land  is  cul- 
tivable. 

As  a  significant  evidence  of  the  future  prospects 
of  this  territory,  it  is  only  necessary  to  advert  to 
the  fact  that  this  section  commenced  settling  more 
than  twenty  years  ago,  and,  with  all  the  patronage 


380  BOEDER   REMINISCENCES. 

of  the  government  in  carrying  on  the  territorial 
machinery,  and  in  purchasing  supplies  for  the  troops 
and  Indians,  as  well  as  employing  mechanics  and  la- 
borers, the  territory  is  said  to  contain  at  this  time 
less  than  seven  thousand  inhabitants,  many  of  whom, 
either  directly  or  indirectly,  receive  their  subsistence 
from  the  government;  and  unless  the  development 
of  the  mines  shall  augment  the  population,  Arizona 
is  not,  in  my  judgment,  destined  to  become  of  much 
more  significance  than  it  is  now. 

The  supplies  for  the  troops  in  Arizona  are  brought 
from  great  distances  out  of  the  territory,  and  cost 
enormous  prices. 

There  are,  however,  many  rich  silver  mines  here, 
which  have  not  been  worked  with  profit  on  account 
of  the  depredations  of  the  Indians,  and  the  diffi- 
culty of  procuring  supplies  and  labor  in  these  re- 
mote and  dangerous  localities.  The  railroad  would, 
without  doubt,  tend  to  bring  these  mines  into  no- 
tice, and  the  development  of  them  might  materially 
swell  the  aggregate  of  population,  but  this  territory 
can  never  be  of  the  slightest  significance  as  a  farm- 
ing locality. 

As  an  evidence  of  this,  there  is  between  the  Rio 
Grande  and  the  head  of  the  San  Pedro,  a  distance 
of  223  miles,  upon  this  route  but  one  spot  that  can 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  381 

be  cultivated,  and  that  is  a  narrow  strip  of  land 
along  the  Mimbus  Cree,k,.  where  about  a  dozen  farms 
might  be  made. 

ROUTE  NEAR  THE  3STH  PARALLEL  OF  LATITUDE. 

This  route  does  not  seem  to  have  met  with  favor- 
able consideration  from  Congress  or  capitalists,  yet 
it  possesses  some  advantages  over  the  route  upon  the 
32d  parallel.  Commencing  at  Fort  Smith,  Arkan* 
sas,  this  route  follows  up  the  Valley  of  the  Canadian 
River  for  about  600  miles,  passing  over  a  section 
which  I  explored  in  1849. 

For  the  first  350  miles  it  traverses  a  splendid  agri- 
cultural section,  lying  exclusively  within  the  Choctaw 
Reservation. 

At  about  the  99th  meridian  of  longitude  the  char- 
acter of  the  countiy,  except  along  the  banks  of  the 
streams,  at  once  changes  from  the  highest  degree  of 
fertility  to  that  of  absolute  sterility. 

The  only  points  upon  the  route  west  of  this  where 
cultivable  soil  is  found  are  on  the  Pecos,  Rio  Grande, 
Zuni,  Colorado  -  Chiquito,  San  Francisco  Rivers,  and 
upon  the  Colorado  of  the  West,  where  small  areas  of 
land,  with  the  aid  of  irrigation,  can  be  made  pro- 
ductive, but  the  greater  part  of  all  the  country  west 
of  the  meridian  of  99°  is  similar  to  that  upon  the 


382  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

32d  parallel  west  of  the  meridian  of  102°,  a  succes- 
sion of  elevated,  arid,  and  barren  plateaus. 

Generally  these  plains  are  covered  with  nutritious 
grasses,  but  there  are  extensive  tracts  where  none  is 
found. 

From  the  Rio  Grande  this  route  traverses  a  district 
of  country  where  the  mountains  are  more  wooded 
than  upon  the  other  route,  although  there  are  por- 
tions where  no  fuel  is  found.  The  greatest  distance 
over  which  there  is  a  total  absence  of  fuel  is  between 
the  Colorado  and  Mohave  Rivers,  115  miles. 

From  what  has  been  stated,  it  will  be  evident  that, 
with  the  exception  of  the  limited  areas  that  have 
been  specified  along  the  water-courses,  the  physical 
geography  of  the  country  in  the  vicinity  of  the  35th 
parallel  of  latitude  is  such  as  to  preclude  the  proba- 
bility of  its  ever  possessing  much  agricultural  im- 
portance. 

THE  NORTH  PACIFIC  RAILROAD. 

What  inducements  could  have  influenced  the  au- 
thorities controlling  the  road  in  locating  its  eastern 
terminus  at  Dulnth  was  a  mystery  to  me  on  visiting 
that  place  during  the  past  season. 

The  only  advantage  this  place  possesses  over  oth- 
ers upon  the  west  shore  of  Lake  Superior,  so  far  as  I 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  383 

could  learn  or  conjecture,  is  in  the  fact  that  it  is  the 
most  westerly  point  of  the  lake ;  but  this  advantage 
is,  in  my  judgment,  greatly  overbalanced  by  many 
other  adverse  considerations,  some  of  which  I  will 
proceed  to  mention. 

1st.  This  place  has  no  natural  harbor,  and  no  other 
protection  for  shipping  but  a  breakwater,  which  it  is 
not  believed  will  afford  secure  anchorage  against  the 
easterly  gales  which  occasional!}7  sweep  with  tre- 
mendous force  across  the  entire  length  of  the  lake. 

2d.  Situated  as  Duluth  is  at  the  bottom  of  a  deep 
bay,  into  which  the  ice,  in  immense  masses,  is  driven 
during  winter  storms,  and  does  not  melt  or  drift 
away  for  some  considerable  time  after  it  has  disap- 
peared from  other  portions  of  the  lake,  which  mate- 
rially retards  the  opening  of  navigation  at  this  point. 

3d.  The  outlet  of  the  large  River  St.  Louis  is  only 
seven  miles  below  here,  opposite  Superior  City,  where 
there  is  a  much  better  site  for  a  town  (as  Duluth  is  a 
very  bad  one).  Moreover,  large  expenditures  have 
already  been  made  by  the  government  in  throwing 
out  breakwaters  and  improving  the  entrance  to  this 
harbor. 

4th.  Bayfield,  which  has  incomparably  the  best 
natural  harbor  on  the  lake,  only  eighty  miles  below 
Duluth,  and  directly  on  the  transit  line  to  the  Sault 


384:  BORDER  REMINISCENCES. 

de  St.  Marie,  could  easily  have  been  reached  as  the 
eastern  terminus  of  this  road,  and  this,  without  a  dol- 
lar's expenditure  upon  the  harbor,  would  have  been 
an  excellent  shipping  point  for  all  time. 

Notwithstanding  the  improvements  which  have 
been  made  at  Duluth,  and  the  high  figures  at  which 
real  estate  is  held  there  at  the  present  time,  I,  at 
the  risk  of  incurring  the  displeasure  of  the  inhabit- 
ants of  the  place,  venture  the  prediction  that  the 
relative  advantages  of  the  two  places  will  ultimate- 
ly carry  the  terminus  of  the  road  to  Bayfield. 

On  departing  from  Duluth,  the  North  Pacific 
Railroad  runs  along  the  bank  of  the  St.  Lonis  Riv- 
er for  twenty-six  miles  to  the  junction  of  the  St. 
Paul  Road,  when  it  bears  to  the  right,  and  strikes 
the  Mississippi  above  Crow-wing  River.  I  passed 
over  a  portion  of  this  road  in  September  last,  and 
carefully  observed  the  character  of  the  adjacent 
country,  which,  from  the  junction,  consists  of  low 
sandy  ridges  and  tamarack  swamps,  with  a  consid- 
erable portion  covered  with  water.  Wherever  the 
surface  appears  above  the  water  the  soil  is  very 
thin,  cold,  and  unproductive ;  and  I  can  candidly  as- 
sert that  I  did  not,  in  the  whole  distance  I  passed 
over,  see  a  single  spot  where  a  tolerable  farm  could 
be  made.  My  observations  upon  the  country  bor- 


BORDER   REMINISCENCES.  385 

derilig  the  road  which  connects  Duluth  with  St. 
Paul,  and  which  is  similar  in  features  with  that 
along  the  North  Pacific  Road,  together  with  the 
information  I  obtained  from  others,  lead  to  the  be- 
lief that  the  same  character  of  country  continues 
upon  the  last-mentioned  road  to  near  the  Mississippi 
River. 

The  swamps  covering  a  great  part  of  this  section 
are  for  the  most  part  clothed  with  dense  thickets  of 
small  tamaracks,  and  the  remaining  surface  grows 
white  birch,  maple,  oak,  and  pine,  the  latter  not  in 
dimensions  or  quantity  sufficient  to  make  it  of  much 
value  for  lumbering  purposes.  My  own  opinion  of 
this  particular  section,  condensed  into  a  very  few 
words,  is,  that  any  person  purchasing  it  at  sixpence 
an  acre  would  have  a  huge  elephant  on  his  hands, 
for  I  can  imagine  no  possible  use  to  which  it  could 
be  applied.  From  the  Mississippi  River  to  near 
Otter-tail  Lake,  about  seventy-five  miles,  the  soil  is 
shallow  and  sandy,  but  from  thence  to  Red  River 
it  presents  a  more  favorable  aspect;  and  the  Red 
River  Valley,  having  a  belt  of  rich  bottom  land 
from  five  to  thirty  miles  wide,  with  an  abundance 
of  good  hard  timber  along  the  stream,  is  admirably 
adapted  to  agriculture.  The  soil  is  an  unctuous 
black  alluvium  four  feet  deep,  sustaining  a  most 

R 


386  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

exuberant  growth  of  natural  grasses,  and  the  same 
characteristics  continue  to  the  British  possessions. 

As  the  North  Pacific  Railroad  runs  directly  across 
Red  River,  comparatively  little  of  its  fertile  valley 
will  be  in  easy  access  with  it.  The  road  will  then 
ascend  the  eastern  border  of  the  "  Coteau  du  Mis- 
souri," which  is  a  vast  plateau  from  1000  to  2000 
feet  above  the  sea,  extending  entirely  across  the 
country  from  Red  to  the  Missouri  River  some  400 
miles,  and  containing  but  few  small  streams,  with 
occasional  shallow  ponds,  many  of  them  having  salt 
or  unpalatable  water,  and  with  only  a  few  stunted 
trees  at  wide  intervals  upon  it. 

This  plain  is  covered  with  short  grass,  but,  in  con- 
sequence of  the  scanty  supply  of  wood  and  water, 
but  a  small  fraction  could  be  made  available  for 
agriculture  or  pasturage. 

From  the  crossing  of  the  Missouri  along  the  Yel- 
lowstone River  (should  the  road  take  that  track)  to 
Bozeman's  Pass,  estimated  at  something  like  400 
miles,  but  little  is  known  of  the  country ;  but  the 
general  features  of  the  adjacent  sections  justify  the 
inference  that,  with  the  exception  of  that  portion 
which  can  be  irrigated,  it  is  uncultivable. 

The  soil  upon  the  head  waters  of  the  Yellowstone, 
as  well  as  that  in  the  bottom  lands  of  the  three  prin- 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  387 

cipal  forks  of  the  Missouri,  the  Gallatin,  Madison, 
and  Jefferson,  receiving  the  wash  from  the  surround- 
ing mountains,  is  fertile,  and,  with  artificial  irriga- 
tion, produces  good  crops,  as  the  flourishing  farming 
settlements  already  established  in  the  last-named 
valleys  fully  attest. 

Admitting  that  this  region  is  capable  of  sustaining 
an  extensive  farming  community,  I  doubt,  in  view  of 
the  fact  that  it  is  over  a  thousand  miles  from  Duluth, 
if  its  products  would  bear  transportation  to  Eastern 
markets,  passing,  as  they  will,  directly  through  the 
much  more  favored  agricultural  section  of  Minneso- 
ta, so  that  the  producers  would  be  compelled  to  de- 
pend solely  upon  home  consumption,  and  this  would 
be  confined  to  the  limited  wants  of  the  miners. 

From  "  Jefferson  Fork,"  the  road,  as  I  understand, 
will  probably  cross  the  summit  of  the  Rocky  Moun- 
tains through  "  Deer  Lodge  Pass,"  and  thence  down 
Clarke's  Fork  to  the  Columbia,  descending  that  river 
to  the  ocean,  or  to  Puget's  Sound. 

The  space  between  the  Rocky  Mountains  and  the 
Cascade  range,  the  western  slopes  of  which  approach 
near  the  borders  of  Puget's  Sound,  within  the  lati- 
tudes of  45°  and  49°,  is  an  alpine  region,  mainly  oc- 
cupied by  mountain  masses,  and  the  elevated  basaltic 
plain  of  the  Columbia,  which  is  150  by  200  miles  in 
extent. 


388  BOEDER  REMINISCENCES. 

The  upper  valleys  of  the  tributaries  of  the  Colum- 
bia along  this  section  of  the  route,  such  as  Clarke's 
Fork,  Bitter  Root,  Hell  Gate  Rivers,  etc.,  are  pro- 
ductive, but  their  lower  valleys  are  for  the  most 
part  uncultivable.  The  fertile  areas  are  exception- 
al to  the  general  conditions  of  the  soil  between  the 
two  ranges  of  mountains  mentioned. 

The  greater  part  of  this  section  is  mountainous, 
and  a  large  portion  of  it  covered  with  pine  timber, 
growing  upon  a  thin  and  sandy  soil. 

The  Secretary  of  War,  in  his  summary  upon  the 
reports  of  the  surveys  of  this  route  for  a  railroad  in 
1855,  says :  "  The  country  west  of  the  Rocky  Moun- 
tains may  likewise  be  described  as  one  of  general 
sterility.  The  sum  of  the  areas  of  cultivable  soil  in 
the  Rocky  Mountain  region  does  not  exceed,  if  it 
equals,  1000  square  miles.  West  of  the  Cascade 
Mountains  there  are  rich  river  bottoms,  clay  forma- 
tions that  are  arable,  and  prairies,  affording  good 
grazing,"  etc. 

The  tertiary  and  cretaceous  formations  extend 
over  that  portion  of  this  route  included  within  the 
97th  meridian  of  longitude  and  the  eastern  base  of 
the  Rocky  Mountains,  which  formations  are  unfavor- 
able for  successful  agriculture,  even  if  rains  were 
abundant.  But  very  few  summer  rains  fall  over  this 
section. 


BORDER  REMINISCENCE  389 

A  good  deal  has  been  said  by  the  champions  of 
this  route  about  the  small  amount  of  snow  that  falls 
upon  it.  Nevertheless,  I  was  assured  by  the  army 
officers  at  Forts  Totten  and  Stevenson,  which  are  di- 
rectly upon  the  line  of  the  road,  that  during  the  win- 
ter of  1867-8  it  was  impossible,  in  consequence  of 
the  drifting  snow-storms  upon  the  "  Coteau  de  Mis- 
souri," to  transport  the  mails  with  horses  or  mules. 
They  were  transmitted  exclusively  by  means  of  dog- 
trains  under  charge  of  half-breeds,  and  several  of 
these  hardy  and  experienced  voyage  urs  perished  dur- 
ing that  winter. 

My  own  guide,  Joe  Roulette,  informed  me  that  he 
was  obliged,  during  the  preceding  winter,  in  one  of 
those  terrific  snow-storms  which  sweep  with  great 
violence  over  the  Coteau,  to  crawl  into  a  snow-bank, 
and  remain  for  three  days,  with  his  dogs,  one  of 
which  he  was  compelled  to  kill  for  subsistence  dur- 
ing the  time. 

Such  storms  as  these  would,  it  strikes  me,  offer  se- 
rious obstacles  to  the  passage  of  railway  trains. 

The  Secretary  of  War,  in  the  report  before  alluded 
to,  gives  his  opinion  in  regard  to  the  character  of  the 
country  along  the  route  from  St.  Paul  to  Puget's 
Sound  in  the  following  summary,  viz. : 

"From  St. Paul  to  Red  River,  275  miles, the  soil 
is  fertile. 


390  BORDER   REMINISCENCES. 

"  From  thence  to  the  99th  meridian,  66  miles,  the 
change  from  fertility  to  an  uncultivable  condition 
takes  place. 

"  Thence  to  the  crossing  of  Sun  River,  752  miles, 
the  prairie  is  uncultivable ;  the  river  bottom  of  the 
Missouri  in  part,  those  of  Jacques  River,  Mouse  Riv- 
er, and  of  other  streams  possessing  a  cultivable  soil. 

"  We  then  have  mountain  region  of  404  miles,  a 
well-wooded  district  to  the  Spokane  River,  with 
mountain  valleys  of  partly  cultivable  soil,  and  prai- 
ries of  the  same  character. 

"  From  the  Spokane  River  to  the  crossing  of  the 
Columbia,  10  miles  above  Fort  Walla -Walla,  over 
the  barren  plain  of  the  Columbia,  142  miles. 

"  Thence  to  the  Cascades,  an  uncultivable  though 
grazing  district,  about  192  miles. 

"  Thence  over  cultivable  land,  about  192  miles,  to 
Puget's  Sound." 

From  the  foregoing  it  will  be  seen  that  of  the 
2025  miles  of  country  extending  from  St.  Paul  to 
Puget's  Sound,  1086  is  regarded  by  the  secretary  as 
uncultivable  excepting  in  the  river  bottoms. 

If  the  North  Pacific  Railroad,  instead  of  passing 
over  the  Coteau  in  Missouri,  was  turned  down  the 
valley  of  the  Red  River  to  Fort  Garry,  at  the  mouth 
of  the  Assinniboin  River,  and  thence  up  that  stream 


BORDER  REMINISCENCES.  391 

about  seventy-five  miles,  and  across  to  the  Saskatch- 
awan  River,  following  this  valley  to  where  it  de- 
bouches from  the  Rocky  Mountains,  the  road  to  this 
point  would  traverse  a  continuous  highly  productive 
section,  which  is  eminently  adapted  to  agriculture 
and  pasturage. 

The  Saskatchawan  River,  flowing  into  Lake  Win- 
nipeg, is  said  to  have  1000  miles  of  steam-boat  navi- 
gation upon  its  waters ;  and  although  this  locality  is 
considerably  north  of  the  arable  portion  of  the  At- 
lantic region,  yet  the  climatic  combinations  of  this 
section  are  such  that  the  isothermal  belt  of  Northern 
Illinois  and  Ohio  passes  directly  through  it.  Indeed, 
good  wheat  has  been  grown  at  the  Hudson  Bay 
Company's  factories  upon  Liard  and  Pearl  Rivers, 
tributaries  of  the  Arctic  Ocean,  in  the  high  latitude 
of  58°. 

The  road  over  this  route  would,  after  leaving 
Pembina,  be  entirely  within  British  territory,  but  the 
arable  country  upon  it  extends  much  nearer  the  Pa- 
cific than  upon  any  of  the  more  southerly  roads. 

UNION  AND  CENTRAL  PACIFIC  RAILROAD. 

This  road,  throughout  the  greater  part  of  its  course, 
runs  between  the  40th  and  42d  parallels  of  latitude. 
From  Omaha  it  follows  the  Platte  River  Valley  for 


392  BOKDEK   KKMINISCENCES. 

about  250  miles  to  the  forks,  and  for  this  distance 
the  wide  and  level  strip  of  bottom  land  along  the 
river  is  productive,  and  much  of  it  already  occupied 
and  cultivated;  but  there  is  no  woodland  to  speak 
of  save  a  narrow  fringe  of  cettonwood  bordering 
the  stream. 

From  the  forks  the  road  runs  along  the  valley  of 
the  South  Platte  for  about  seventy  miles,  where  there 
is  no  wood.  Thence  it  bears  to  the  right  up  Lodge- 
pole  Creek,  striking  into  an  elevated  arid  plain,  and 
for  five  hundred  miles  traverses  a  district  of  coun- 
try where  but  very  few  small  cultivable  patches  of 
ground  occur,  until  entering  the  Great  Salt  Lake 
Basin,  within  the  limits  of  which  there  is  a  con- 
siderable area  of  land  that  by  the  aid  of  irrigation 
is  arable. 

But  as  the  water  in  most  parts  has  to  be  brought 
from  sources  several  miles  distant,  the  irrigating  ca- 
nals require  unremitting  care  and  labor  to  keep  them 
in  repair,  which  augments  the  expense  of  producing 
crops  very  materially.  I  was  told  by  some  of  the 
Mormon  farmers  in  Salt  Lake  Valley  that  it  requires 
the  constant  labor  of  one  hand  to  cultivate  four  acres 
of  wheat  in  that  locality.  If  this  is  correct,  I  doubt 
if  our  Eastern  farmers  could  be  induced  to  migrate 
to  that  section  from  a  region  where  the  rains  of 


BOBBER   REMINISCENCES.  393 

heaven  irrigate  the  soil,  and  where  one  man  can  cul- 
tivate five  times  as  much  ground. 

The  truth  is,  the  Mormons,  men,  women,  and  chil- 
dren, labor  hard,  and  up  to  this  time  they  have  found 
a  ready  market,  with  high  prices,  for  all  their  surplus 
produce  among  the  emigrants  and  miners  who  trav- 
erse the  country.  Notwithstanding  this,  I  have  sel- 
dom seen  more  abject  destitution  and  poverty  than  I 
encountered  in  some  of  the  Mormon  settlements  in 
1858. 

Nearly  all  the  arable  land  in  the  Salt  Lake  Valley 
is  occupied. 

From  the  head  of  Salt  Lake  the  road  crosses  the 
Humboldt  divide  or  pass,  and  enters  the  Humboldt 
(sometimes  called  St.  Mary's)  River  Valley,  which  it 
traverses  for  190  miles,  to  its  terminus  in  a  marshy 
lake  called  the  "  Sink  of  the  Humboldt." 

The  River  Valley  varies  in  width  from  two  to 
twenty  miles,  but,  except  immediately  along  the 
stream,  it  is  a  sandy  plain,  without  grass,  wood,  or 
cultivable  soil. 

From  the  lake  the  road  passes  over  the  desert  for 
about  a  hundred  miles,  and,  crossing  the  Sierra  Ne- 
vada, finds  its  way  through  the  mountains  to  Sacra- 
mento and  San  Francisco. 

The  Secretary  of  War,  in  his  summary  of  the  sur- 
R2 


394  BOBBER   KEMINISCENCES. 

veys  upon  this  route  in  1855,  says, "  From  the  98th 
or  99th  meridian  to  the  western  slopes  of  the  Sierra 
Nevada,  a  distance  of  about  1400  miles,  the  soil  is 
uncultivable,  excepting  the  comparatively  limited 
area  of  the  Mormon  settlements,  and  an  occasional 
river-bottom  and  mountain  valley  of  small  extent." 

In  this  opinion  I  fully  concur. 

From  what  has  been  stated  in  regard  to  the  feat- 
ures of  the  country  upon  the  different  lines  of  Pacific 
Railroads,  with  a  careful  and  intelligent  reading  of 
the  map  of  the  United  States,  it  will  be  seen  that  the 
central  and  western  portions  of  our  domain  upon  this 
broad  continent  are  traversed  from  nearly  north  to 
south  by  an  undulating  belt  of  elevated  table-land, 
the  greater  part  of  which  is  arid,  sterile,  and  treeless. 

This  plateau,  with  its  summit  level  nearly  midway 
between  the  Mississippi  River  and  the  Pacific  coast, 
forms  the  great  watershed  that  drains  our  entire 
possessions  west  of  the  Mississippi  Valley. 

The  crest  of  this  vast  extent  of  table-land  is,  in  lat- 
itude 32°,  5200  feet ;  in  latitude  42°,  7490  feet ;  and 
in  latitude  47°,  5100  feet  above  the  ocean  level. 

Its  greatest  elevation,  so  far  as  determined,  is  near 
latitude  38°,  where  it  rises  to  10,000  feet  above  the 
sea. 

It  is  intersected  by  the  Missouri,  Platte,  Arkansas, 


B  o  R  D  E  K    REMINISCENCES.  395 

Red,  Brazos,  Colorado,  and  Del  Norte  Rivers  on  the 
eastern  slope,  by  the  Colorado  and  Columbia  Rivers 
on  the  western  slope,  and  by  Mackenzie's  and  the 
Saskatchawan  Rivers  on  the  northern  slope,  all  tak- 
ing their  rise  near  the  summit  of  the  plateau,  and 
flowing  off  in  deep  channels  to  almost  every  point  of 
the  compass,  into  the  Gulf  of  Mexico,  the  Pacific 
and  Arctic  Oceans,  and  into  Hudson's  Bay. 

The  facts  herein  adduced  will,  in  my  judgment, 
fully  establish  what  I  proposed  to  show,  namely, 
that  the  greater  part  of  this  continent,  lying  between 
latitudes  32°  and  47°,  and  between  longitude  99° 
and  the  Sierra  Nevada  chain  of  mountains,  is  desti- 
tute of  arable  soil,  wood,  and  water,  and  does  not, 
therefore,  possess  the  essential  requisites  for  the  es- 
tablishment and  development  of  agricultural  states. 
But  if  the  character  of  this  section  was  different,  and 
it  possessed  equally  favorable  conditions  of  soil,  tim- 
ber, and  water  with  the  most  attractive  lands  in  Illi- 
nois, would  our  farmers,  as  a  general  rule,  be  willing 
to  pass  over  the  vast  areas  of  excellent  unoccupied 
lands  in  the  more  easterly  districts,  where  they  are 
in  close  proximity  to  navigable  rivers  and  railroads, 
affording  easy  and  cheap  access  to  markets,  and  mi- 
grate far  back  into  the  interior,  entirely  out  of  reach 
of  markets,  and  where  a  bushel  of  wheat  might  not, 


396  BOKDEK    REMINISCENCES. 

perhaps,  serve  to  purchase  an  ounce  of  tea  or  sug- 
ar? 

As  it  is  now,  I  am  informed  that  the  f armers  in 
some  of  the  remote  populated  districts  of  Kansas 
find  it  difficult  to  sell  their  corn  for  fifteen  cents  a 
bushel. 

Up  to  this  time,  the  number  of  farmers  in  the 
mining  districts  of  Utah  and  our  other  new  territo- 
ries has  been  so  small,  compared  with  the  entire  pop- 
ulations, that  they  have  realized  remunerative  prices 
for  their  products;  but,  should  the  preponderance 
of  population  become  largely  the  other  way,  I  think 
they  would  find  agriculture  not  very  profitable. 


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Unpublished  Discourses,  and  Revised  by  their  Author.  With  Steel 
Portrait.  Complete  in  Two  Vols.,  8vo,  Cloth,  $5  00. 

LYMAN  BEECHER'S  AUTOBIOGRAPHY,  &o.  Autobiography,  Corre- 
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BELLOWS'S  OLD  WORLD.  The  Old  World  in  its  New  Face :  Impressions 
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BOSWELL'S  JOHNSON.  The  Life  of  Samuel  Johnson,  LL.D.  Including 
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with  numerous  Additions  and  Notes.  By  JOHN  WILSON  CBOKEB,  LL.D., 
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BRODHEAD'S  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  History  of  the  State  of  New 
York.  By  JOHN  ROMEYN  BRODHEAD.  1609-1691.  2  vols.  8vo,  Cloth, 
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BULWER'S  HORACE.  The  Odes  and  Epodes  of  Horace.  A  Metrical 
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and  Yonge.  12mo,  Cloth,  $1  75. 

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REINDEER,  DOGS,  AND  SNOW-SHOES.  A  Journal  of  Siberian  Travel 
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CARLYLE'S  FREDERICK  THE  GREAT.  History  of  Friedrich  II.,  called 
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CURTIS'S  HISTORY  OF  THE  CONSTITUTION.  History  of  the  Origin, 
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GEORGE  TIOKNOB  CUETIS.  2  vols.,  8vo,  Cloth,  $6  00. 

DRAPER'S  CIVIL  WAR.  History  of  the  American  Civil  War.  By  JOHN 
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University  of  New  York.  In  Three  Vols.  8vo,  Cloth,  $3  60  per  vol. 

DRAPER'S  INTELLECTUAL  DEVELOPMENT  OF  EUROPE.  A  History 
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LL.D.,  Professor  of  Chemistry  and  Physiology  in  the  University  of  New 
York.  8vo,  Cloth,  $5  00. 

DRAPER'S  AMERICAN  CIVIL  POLICY.  Thoughts  on  the  Future  Civil 
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Chemistry  and  Physiology  in  the  University  of  New  York.  Crown  8vo, 
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DA  VIS'S  CARTHAGE.  Carthage  and  her  Remains :  being  an  Account  of 
the  Excavations  and  Researches  on  the  Site  of  the  Phoenician  Metropolis 
in  Africa  and  other  adjacent  Places.  Conducted  under  the  Auspices  of 
Her  Majesty's  Government.  By  Dr.  DAVIS,  F.R.G.S.  Profusely  Illus- 
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DOOLITTLE'S  CHINA.  Social  Life  of  the  Chinese :  with  some  Account  of 
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Opinions.  With  special  but  not  exclusive  Reference  to  Fuhchau.  By 
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of  the  American  Board.  Illustrated  with  more  than  150  characteristic 
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of  the  Chase  of  the  Gorilla,  the  Crocodile,  Leopard,  Elephant,  Hippo- 
potamus, and  other  Animals.  By  PAUL  B.  DD  CHAILLU.  Numerous 
Illustrations.  8vo,  Cloth,  $5  00. 

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New  Edition.  Handsomely  Illustrated.  8vo,  Cloth,  $5  00. 

EDGEWORTH'S  (Miss)  NOVELS.   With  Engravings.    10  vols.,  12mo,  Cloth, 

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Work,  and  a  Portrait  of  the  Author.    6  vols.,  12mo,  Cloth,  $9  00. 
GROTE'S  HISTORY  OF  GREECE.    12  vols.,  12mo,  Cloth,  $18  00. 

BALE'S  (MRS.)  WOMAN'S  RECORD.  Woman's  Record ;  or,  Biographical 
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Time.  Arranged  in  Four  Eras,  with  Selections  from  Female  Writers  of 
each  Era.  By  Mrs.  SARAH  JOBEPHA  HALE.  Illustrated  with  more  than  200 
Portraits.  8vo,  Cloth,  $5  00. 

HALL'S  ARCTIC  RESEARCHES.  Arctic  Researches  and  Life  among  the 
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Franklin,  in  the  Years  1860, 1861,  and  1862.  By  CHARLES  FRANCIS  HALL. 
With  Maps  and  100  Illustrations.  The  Illustrations  are  from  Original 
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HALLAM'S    LITERATURE.     Introduction  to  the  Literature  of  Europe 
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HALLAM'S  MIDDLE  AGES.    State  of  Europe  during  the  Middle  Ages. 

By  HENRY  HALLAM.     8vo,  Cloth,  $2  00. 

HILDRETH'S  HISTORY  OF  THE  UNITED  STATES.    FIRST  SERIES  :  From 
the  First  Settlement  of  the  Country  to  the  Adoption  of  the  Federal  Con- 
stitution.   SECOND  SERIES:  From  the  Adoption  of  the  Federal  Constitu- 
tion to  the  End  of  the  Sixteenth  Congress.    6  vols.,  8vo,  Cloth,  $18  00. 
HARPER'S  NEW  CLASSICAL  LIBRARY.    Literal  Translations. 

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each. 

C.KS A r.. — VIRGIL. — SALLUST. — HORACE.—  CICERO'S  ORATIONS. — CICERO'S 
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— TERENCE. — SOPHOCLES. — JUVENAL. — XENOPHON. — HOMER'S  ILIAD. — 
HOMER'S  ODYSSEY.  —  HERODOTUS.  —  DEMOSTHENES.  —  THUOYDIDES.  — 
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HUME'S  HISTORY  OF  ENGLAND.  History  of  England,  from  the  Invasion 
of  Julius  Caesar  to  the  Abdication  of  James  II.,  16S8.  By  DAVID  HUME. 
A  new  Edition,  with  the  Author's  last  Corrections  and  Improvements. 
To  which  is  prefixed  a  short  Account  of  his  Life,  written  by  Himself. 
With  a  Portrait  of  the  Author.  6  vols.,  12mo,  Cloth,  $9  00. 

HELPS'S  SPANISH  CONQUEST.  The  Spanish  Conquest  in  America,  and 
its  Relation  to  the  History  of  Slavery  and  to  the  Government  of  Colonies. 
By  ARTHUR  HELPS.  4  vols.,  12mo,  Cloth,  $6  00. 

JAY'S  WORKS.  Complete  Works  of  Rev.  William  Jay :  comprising  his 
Sermons,  Family  Discourses,  Morning  and  Evening  Exercises  for  every 
Day  in  the  Year,  Family  Prayers,  &c.  Author's  Enlarged  Edition,  re- 
vised. 3  vols.,  Svo,  Cloth,  $6  00. 

JEFFERSON'S  DOMESTIC  LIFE.  The  Domestic  Life  of  Thomas  Jefferson : 
compiled  from  Family  Letters  and  Reminiscences  by  his  Great-Grand- 
daughter, SARAH  N.  RANDOLPH.  With  Illustrations.  Crown  Svo,  Illu- 
minated Cloth,  Beveled  Edges,  $2  50. 

JOHNSON'S  COMPLETE  WORKS.  The  Works  of  Samuel  Johnson,  LL.D. 
With  an  Essay  on  his  Life  and  Genius,  by  ARTHUR  MURPHY,  Esq.  Por- 
trait of  Johnson.  2  vols.,  Svo,  Cloth,  $4  00. 

KINGLAKE'S  CRIMEAN  WAR.    The  Invasion  of  the  Crimea,  and  an  Ac- 
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WILLIAM  KINQLAKE.    With  Maps  and  Plans.    Two  Vols.  ready.    12mo, 
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KINGSLEY'S  WEST  INDIES.    At  Last :  A  Christmas  in  the  West  Indies. 

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KRUMMACHER'S  DAVID,  KING  OF  ISRAEL.    David,  the  King  of  Israel : 
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BRICK  WILLIAM  KRUMMACHEH,  D.D.,  Author  of  "Elijah  the  Tishbite, 
&c.    Translated  under  the  express  Sanction  of  the  Author  by  the  Kev.  M. 
G  EASTON,  M.A.    With  a  Letter  from  Dr.  Krnmmacher  to  his  American 
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TALFOURK.  Portrait.  2  vols.,  12mo,  Cloth,  $3  00. 
LIVINGSTONE'S  SOUTH  AFRICA.  Missionary  Travels  and  Researches 
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Interior  of  Africa,  and  a  Journey  from  the  Cape  of  Good  Hope  to  Loando 
on  the  West  Coast;  thence  across  the  Continent,  down  the  RiverZam- 
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LIVINGSTONE'S  ZAMBESI.  Narrative  of  an  Expedition  to  the  Zambesi 
and  its  Tributaries,  and  of  the  Discovery  of  the  Lakes  Shirwa  and  Nyassa. 
1858-1864.  By  DAVID  and  CIIAKLES  LIVINGSTONE.  With  Map  and  Illus- 
trations. 8vo,  Cloth,  $6  00. 

MARCY'S  ARMY  LIFE  ON  THE  BORDER.  Thirty  Years  of  Army  Life 
on  the  Border.  Comprising  Descriptions  of  the  Indian  Nomads  of  the 
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ous  Illustrations.    8vo,  Cloth,  Beveled  Edges,  $3  00, 

M'CLINTOCK  &  STRONG'S  CYCLOPAEDIA.  Cyclopaedia  of  Biblical, 
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M'CLINTOOK,  D.D.,  and  JAMES  STRONG,  S.T.D.  3  vol*.  now  ready.  Royal 
8vo.  Price  per  vol.,  Cloth,  $5  00  ;  Sheep,  $6  00 ;  Half  Morocco,  $8  00. 

MOSHEIM'S  ECCLESIASTICAL  HISTORY,  Ancient  and  Modern;  in  which 
the  Rise,  Progress,  and  Variation  of  Church  Power  are  considered  in 
their  Connection  with  the  State  of  Learning  and  Philosophy,  and  the 
Political  History  of  Europe  during  that  Period.  Translated,  with  Notes, 
Ac ,  by  A.  MACLAINE,  D.D.  A  New  Edition,  continued  to  1826,  by  C. 
COOTB,  LL.D.  2  vols.,  8vo,  Cloth,  $4  00. 

MAC AULAY*S  HISTORY  OP  ENGLAND.  The  History  of  England  from 
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NEVIUS'S  CHINA.  China  and  the  Chinese :  a  General  Description  of  the 
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its  Religious  and  Social  Institutions;  its  Intercourse  with  other  Nations ; 
and  its  Present  Condition  and  Prospects.  By  the  Rev.  JOHN  L.  NEVIUB, 
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OLIN'S  (DR.)  LIFE  AND  LETTERS.    2  vols.,  12mo,  Cloth,  $3  00. 

OLIN'S  (DR.)  TRAVELS.  Travels  in  Egypt,  Arabia  Petrsea,  and  the  Holy 
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OLIPHANT'S  CHINA  AND  JAPAN.  Narrative  of  the  Earl  of  Elgin's  Mis 
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OLIPHANT.  Private  Secretary  to  Lord  Elgin.  Illustrations.  8vo,  Cloth, 
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OLIPHANT'S  (MRS.)  LIFE  OF  EDWARD  IRVING.  The  Life  of  Edward 
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his  Journals  and  Correspondence.  By  Mrs.  OLIPIIANT.  Portrait.  8vo, 
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POETS  OF  THE  NINETEENTH  CENTURY.  The  Poets  of  the  Nineteenth 
Century.  Selected  and  Edited  by  the  Rev.  ROBERT  ARIB  WILLMOTT. 
With  English  and  American  Additions,  arranged  by  EVERT  A.  DPYCKINCK, 
Editor  of  "  Cyclopaedia  of  American  Literature."  Comprising  Selections 
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Comprising  the  History  of  Chaldaea,  Assyria,  Media,  Babylonia,  Lydia, 
Phoenicia,  Syria,  Judaea,  Egypt,  Carthage,  Persia,  Greece,  Macedonia, 
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and  Illustrations,  and  23  Page  Maps  printed  in  Colors.  8vo,  Cloth,  $5  00. 

SMILES'S  LIFE  OF  THE  STEPHENSONS.  The  Life  of  George  Stephen- 
son,  and  of  his  Son,  Robert  Stepheuson ;  comprising,  also,  a  History  of 
the  Invention  and  Introduction  of  the  Railway  Locomotive.  By  SAMUEL 
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Illustrations.  8vo,  Cloth,  $3  00. 

SMILES'S  HISTORY  OF  THE  HUGUENOTS.  The  Huguenots:  their  Set- 
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SMILES.  With  an  Appendix  relating  to  the  Huguenots  in  America. 
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SHAKSPEARE.  The  Dramatic  Works  of  William  Shakspeare,  with  the 
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SPEKE'S  AFRICA.  Journal  of  the  Discovery  of  the  Source  of  the  Nile. 
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SPRING'S  SERMONS.  Pulpit  Ministrations ;  or,  Sabbath  Readings.  A 
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New  York.  Portrait  on  Steel.  2  vols.,  Svo,  Cloth,  $6  00. 

STRICKLAND'S  (Miss)  QUEENS  OF  SCOTLAND.  Lives  of  the  Queens 
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TENNYSON'S  COMPLETE  POEMS.  The  Complete  Poems  of  Alfred  Ten- 
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THOMSON'S  LAND  AND  THE  BOOK.  The  Land  and  the  Book ;  or,  Bibli- 
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the  Scenery  of  the  Holy  Land.  By  W.  M.  THOMSON,  D.D.,  Twenty-five 
Years  a  Missionary  of  the  A.B.C.F.M.  in  Syria  and  Palestine.  With  two 
elaborate  Maps  of  Palestine,  an  accurate  Plan  of  Jerusalem,  and  several 
hundred  Engravings,  representing  the  Scenery,  Topography,  and  Pro- 
ductions of  the  Holy  Land,  and  the  Costumes,  Manners,  and  Habits  of 
the  People.  2  large  12mo  vols.,  Cloth,  $5  00. 

TICKNOR'S  HISTORY  OF  SPANISH  LITERATURE.  With  Criticisms 
on  the  particular  Works,  and  Biographical  Notices  of  Prominent  Writers. 
3  vols.,  Svo,  Cloth,  $5  00. 

TYERMAN'S  WESLEY.  The  Life  and  Times  of  the  Rev.  John  Wesley, 
M.A.,  Founder  of  the  Methodists.  By  the  Rev.  LTTKE  TYEBMAN,  Author 
of  "The  Life  of  Rev.  Samuel  Wesley."  Portraits.  3  vols.,  Crown  Svo. 


8       Harper  d*  Brothers'  Valuable  Standard  Works. 

VAMBERY'S  CENTRAL  ASIA.  Travels  in  Central  Asia.  Being  the  Ac- 
count of  a  Journey  from  Teheran  across  the  Turkoman  Desert,  on  the 
Eastern  Shore  of  the  Caspian,  to  Khiva,  Bokhara,  and  Samarcand,  per- 
formed in  the  Year  18C3.  By  ARMINIIJB  VAMBEBY,  Member  of  the  Hun- 
garian Academy  of  Pesth,  by  whom  he  was  sent  on  this  Scientific  Mis- 
sion. With  Map  and  Woodcuts.  8vo,  Cloth,  $4  50. 

WOOD'S  HOMES  WITHOUT  HANDS.  Homes  Without  Hands:  being  a 
Description  of  the  Habitations  of  Animals,  classed  according  to  their 
Principle  of  Construction.  By  J.  G.  WOOD,  M.A.,  F.L.S.  With  about 
140  Illustrations.  8vo,  Cloth,  Beveled  Edges,  $4  60. 

WILKINSON'S  ANCIENT  EGYPTIANS.  A  Popular  Account  of  their 
Manners  and  Customs,  condensed  from  his  larger  Work,  with  some  New 
Matter.  Illustrated  with  600  Woodcuts.  2  vols.,  12mo,  Cloth,  $3  60. 

ANTHON'S  SMITH'S  DICTIONARY  OF  ANTIQUITIES.  A  Dictionary 
of  Greek  and  Roman  Antiquities.  Edited  by  WILLIAM  SMITH,  LL.D., 
and  Illustrated  by  numerous  Engravings  on  Wood.  Third  American 
Edition,  carefully  Revised,  and  containing,  also,  numerous  additional 
Articles  relative  to  the  Botany,  Mineralogy,  and  Zoology  of  the  An- 
cients. By  CUABLES  ANTHON,  LL.D.  Royal  Svo,  Sheep  extra,  $6  00. 

ANTHON'S  CLASSICAL  DICTIONARY.  Containing  an  Account  of  the 
principal  Proper  Names  mentioned  in  Ancient  Authors,  and  intended  to 
elucidate  all  the  important  PoinU  connected'with  the  Geography,  His- 
tory, Biography,  Mythology,  and  Fine  Arts  of  the  Greeks  and  Romans ; 
together  with  an  Account  of  the  Coins,  Weights,  and  Measures  of  the 
Ancients,  with  Tabular  Values  of  the  same.  Royal  Svo,  Sheep  extra, 
$600. 

DWIGHT'S  (Rev.  DK.)  THEOLOGY.  Theology  Explained  and  Defended, 
in  a  Series  of  Sermons.  Bv  TIMOTHY  DWIGHT,  S.T.D.,  LL.D.  With  a 
Memoir  and  Portrait.  4  vols.,  Svo,  Cloth,  $8  00. 

ENGLISHMAN'S  GREEK  CONCORDANCE.  The  Englishman's  Greek 
Concordance  of  the  New  Testament:  being  an  Attempt  at  a  Verbal  Con- 
nection between  the  Greek  and  the  English  Texts :  me  hiding  a  Concord- 
ance to  the  Proper  Names,  with  Indexes,  Greek-English  and  EugliBh- 
Greek.  Svo,  Cloth,  $5  00. 

FOWLER'S  ENGLISH  LANGUAGE.  The  English  Language  in  its  Ele- 
ments and  Forms.  With  a  History  of  its  Origin  and  Development,  and 
a  full  Grammar.  Designed  for  Use  in  Colleges  and  Schools.  Revised 
and  Enlarged.  By  WILLIAM  C.  FOWLIB,  LL.D.,  late  Professor  in  Am- 
herst  College.  Svo,  Cloth,  $2  80. 

GIESELER'S  ECCLESIASTICAL  HISTORY.  A  Text-Book  of  Church 
History.  By  Dr.  JOHN  C.  L.  GIESELEB.  Translated  from  the  Fourth 
Revised  German  Edition  by  SAMUEL  DAVIDSON,  LL.D.,  and  Rev  JOHN 
WtNBTANLEY  Hn.L,  M.  A.  A  New  American  Edition,  Revised  and  Edited 
by  Rev.  HENRY  B.  SMITH,  D.D.,  Professor  in  the  UnionTheological  Sem- 
inary, New  York.  Four  Volumes  ready.  ( FoL  V.  in  Press.)  Svo,  Cloth, 
$2  26  per  vol. 

HALL'S  (ROBERT)  WORKS.  The  Complete  Works  of  Robert  Hall ;  with 
a  brief  Memoir  of  his  Life  by  Dr.  GEEOOKY,  and  Observations  on  his 
Character  as  a  Preacher  by  ftev.  JOHN  FOSTKB  Edited  by  OLWTIIUB 
GBEOOBY,  LL.D.,  and  Rev.  JOSEPH  BKLOHSK.  Portrait.  4  vols.,  Svo, 
Cloth,  $8  00. 

HAMILTON'S  (8n  WILLIAM)  WORKS  Discussions  on  ™"<»ophy and 
Literature,  Education  and  University  Reform.  Chiefly  from  the  Edvn- 
burnh  Reriew.  Corrected,  Vindicated,  and  Enlarged,  in  Notes  and  Ap- 
pendices By  Sir  WILLIAM  HAMILTON,  Bart.  With  an  Introductory  Eesay 
by  Rev.  ROBKBT  TUBNBDLL,  D.D.  Svo,  Cloth,  $3  00. 

HUMBOLDT'S  COSMOS.  Cosmos:  a  Sketch  of  a  Physical  Description ^of 
the  Universe.  By  ALUXANPEB  VON  HCMBOLDT.  Translated  from  the 
German  by  E.  C.  OTTE.  6  vols.,  12mo,  Cloth,  $«  25. 


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